How To Find a Female Friend

[Rukentuts]

*high five* Amen, brother. Me too.

The worst part about being a shy and quiet chap is it makes you completely invisible to women, even those who might actually like you.

What's even worse is the Aspergers that makes you unable to discern an advance when one actually occurs as well.

[Annoying]

Lose the filter. Really, that little part in your brain that says "Oh man, I should watch what I say. I don't want to offend this person, because she might be interested in me." What' you're doing is: Needlessly making yourself unavailable. In half the people, this filter is what stops you from even talking to someone. The shy people. In the other half, this filter might get you a date or two, but sets you up for a painful break-up later. If you have to withhold your actual thoughts from someone to get them to like you, then they don't actually like you anyway.

Go out and do things. You don't meet people when you don't go out and do things. Beyond that, ditch the filter and be yourself. If someone doesn't like it, too bad, that's who you are. But when you find someone who does like it, you've got no filter to keep you from talking to them.

It's harder than I make it sound. It's a battle you have to internally solve.

tl;dr:
1) Go out and do things. Meeting people requires being where people are.
2) Lose the filter. Say and do what you want to do. Lots of people are interested in everything you are. You just have to be yourself when you meet those people.

[Trunksee]

What's even worse is the Aspergers that makes you unable to discern an advance when one actually occurs as well.

I met my wife at work while i was just starting college at 18. Wasnt that serious a job just a retail position so if we broke up no skin off my back due to work. Dont ever trust anyone when they say wait till you have your life all set till you date. People fear being hurt but its part of life. Ive.been married for 8 years now. Id suggest noticing it if it comes not chasing it. It can happen when you least expect it. I dont care where you are in life. Id just suggest holding off on kids until you life is set. Love can come at any point in your life usually when you least expect it.

[Spectral]

What's even worse is the Aspergers that makes you unable to discern an advance when one actually occurs as well.

Online dating, maybe? I mean, then you can safely assume that everyone's looking for someone. Not that everyone has to want a relationship, but if you do, it shouldn't be an insoluble problem.

[Shoridayo]

This is pure, unadulterated bullshit.

Not really. I've met every girl I've ever dated just going through my day to day life and eventually getting introduced by another or making small talk.
As is the same for literally every guy I know.

However, that isn't to say that if you find someone interesting doing the same things you do that you shouldn't ask them out. It'd be a good thing to do.

And dating sites do work for some people. I would suggest OkCupid, since it's the best organized and most used.
You'd be surprised at the level of hotness some chicks are on there, who are just as shy or socially awkward as you.

[Deleted]

def forever alone, can't really blame anyone but myself though, slightly overweight, well I'm down almost 26kg(at 80 atm), really not good looking lol, not much in the way of an education (slightly dumb so studying aint my strong suit, more of a manual labor kind of guy), living at home etc etc..
did I mention I'm terribly shy and have no real interest in anything(so meeting people that way aint going to work)

Oh well, there are more men than women in the world anyway, I guess some of us have to be alone lol

[Seirith]

Dont ever trust anyone when they say wait till you have your life all set till you date.

I agree! If I had followed that I would still be single! At 29, I am still not set in life. I was set for exactly 6 months after my first two years of college and then I got hurt. I then spent 3 year having surgeries to try and fix my wrist injury. I was then told I could not return to work and all my experience went down the drain (I was a cook in an upscale restaurant). The next two year I spent getting doing two more years of school to get a BA. I found a job after that which I stayed at for 2 year before deciding I would never be able to move up there and needed to go for a masters. Now I am back in school again.

My husband has been there for me through the entire thing to support me and pick me up when I had no idea what to do and our money was running out. We have both supported each other. Things are better money wise but I am still not settled and either is he.

[Rukentuts]

Online dating, maybe? I mean, then you can safely assume that everyone's looking for someone. Not that everyone has to want a relationship, but if you do, it shouldn't be an insoluble problem.

Not for me

There are too many psycho-chicks online.

[Seirith]

def forever alone, can't really blame anyone but myself though, slightly overweight, well I'm down almost 26kg(at 80 atm), really not good looking lol, not much in the way of an education (slightly dumb so studying aint my strong suit, more of a manual labor kind of guy), living at home etc etc..
did I mention I'm terribly shy and have no real interest in anything(so meeting people that way aint going to work)

Oh well, there are more men than women in the world anyway, I guess some of us have to be alone lol

My father only has a HS diploma, is a little over weight and has done manual labor for 45 years. He is also happily married to my mother and has been for 40 years. Those are not things that will stop you from getting someone if you wish to do so.

[Toffie]

Disc.

I did for quite some time, teenage girls are very immature. Atleast the ones i meet.

[nameuser]

So people consider themselves forever ALONE just because they don't have a girlfirend...

[Rukentuts]

So people consider themselves forever ALONE just because they don't have a girlfirend...

No, I consider myself forever alone because I'm too peculiar.

[Atrea]

There are a few people who are posting in this thread, something along the lines of "I want to wait until X happens in my life to find a partner" (where X represents a 'milestone', of sorts).

Do yourselves a favour, and scrap this mode of thinking.

Most of your contemporaries are dating throughout their lives - through high school, through post-secondary, and beyond. Life is full of ups and downs, and the realization that what seems like forever when you're 16 isn't really, is an important one.

You put yourself at a tremendous disadvantage, because you will not have learned how to be in a relationship (it's not as easy as people think!) by the time you've reached these milestones; but anyone close to your age group (and thus, available to you) probably already has. So you will come off as immature, and will be ill-equipped at being a good partner.
You'll have a lot of catching up to do, and this will be after your life has 'reached that point'. So you're really shooting yourself in the foot.

Life is meant to be experienced, not catalogued and documented. It's not a checklist, and there is no particular order.

Take it from someone whose teenage years were over before most of yours began.

[Trunksee]

There are a few people who are posting in this thread, something along the lines of "I want to wait until X happens in my life to find a partner" (where X represents a 'milestone', of sorts).

Do yourselves a favour, and scrap this mode of thinking.

Most of your contemporaries are dating throughout their lives - through high school, through post-secondary, and beyond. Life is full of ups and downs, and the realization that what seems like forever when you're 16 isn't really, is an important one.

You put yourself at a tremendous disadvantage, because you will not have learned how to be in a relationship (it's not as easy as people think!) by the time you've reached these milestones; but anyone close to your age group (and thus, available to you) probably already has. So you will come off as immature, and will be ill-equipped at being a good partner.
You'll have a lot of catching up to do, and this will be after your life has 'reached that point'. So you're really shooting yourself in the foot.

Life is meant to be experienced, not catalogued and documented. It's not a checklist, and there is no particular order.

Take it from someone whose teenage years were over before most of yours began.

This. With no experience you will fall on your face later in life trying to be in a relationship. If you dont date you dont know how to date nothing good will come out of it. Who knows you could pass up on your best chance at a long term meaningful relationship trying to get a job that in the end from experience means far less than... Well love.

[Anjerith]

Advise from someone who was VERY introverted when I was young; believe it or not, you will eventually meet someone you like, who likes you. Just let it happen.

The other option is to unhappily troll around town looking for girls, which is going to make you look and feel like a bigger loser than you might already. Just go about your life and eventually you will meet someone.

[Deleted]

Been engaged for 2 years now so picked i'm married as closest to.

[Deleted]

*high five* Amen, brother. Me too.

The worst part about being a shy and quiet chap is it makes you completely invisible to women, even those who might actually like you.

Then be more outgoing.
19 and never had a girlfriend here, yet you don't see me giving up.

[SvetlanaSvetlana]

I can't necessarily say it's difficult for me to find female friends, in fact, the amount of female friends I have severely outnumber my male ones, but I'm also gay, so us hooking up is not something they suspect will happen. It's one of things that since I'm FAR more likely to go shopping and pick them out clothes to try on than most guys, they feel more comfortable. I'm not saying that I'm one of those stereotypical gay guys, but it's easier to hang out with women as friends, because there's ZERO sexual tension.

As for guys, I have no issue hanging out with 'straight' people, usually they have problems with me. Not saying everyone does, I have plenty of straight friends, who acknowledge there's nothing in our relationship but friendship, but for other people, it's one of those vanity things, where they're like "oh he wants my dick I should steer clear" I could think they're ugly as all hell, and I could say that to their face, but they'll still think it. It's usually more common with people who aren't confident in their sexuality. I'm not saying they're in the closet, but society has a way of making homosexuality a thing of dread: "Don't do girl things you f*g!" and people who aren't confident in themselves, will try to prove to their peers they aren't that way.

As for building a relationship, and not just dating? My advice is don't go for something that isn't there. When you find the right person, you will instantly click. Being with the right person is easy, and anyone in a happy relationship will tell you that it was very easy to be around their S.O. It wasn't EVER a 'friendzone' issue, and the love was never one-sided. I'm not saying that there weren't struggles. Hell, I know someone who fell in love with a married woman, and she went through a nasty divorce to be with him, but the issue was never "I don't want spend every waking second with this person"

Another key note is confidence. You need to love yourself as much, if not more than you want someone to love you. That doesn't mean be a conceited prick, but you can't be like "OH IM WORTHLESS NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME". If you don't have confidence, you will either be clingy and thirst for attention, giving them no room to breathe, or you will drive them away with your pessimism. If you have them devote all their energy trying to boost your confidence, they will feel neglected, and the relationship will be one-sided.

Also, keep in mind that the friendzone is not just a tool for women to garner affection without the sex. There's also the possibility that they know you want more, and secretly they want more, but they know a relationship is a bad idea, or know it was never meant to be. Hell, I've done that before. I friendzoned a girl who desperately wanted to be with me, because I knew I didn't want it (though I didn't know why at the time) and finally, she pushed the issue enough so I caved. Needless to say, I am no longer on speaking terms with her, but if I went back and spoke with her now, I'm sure she'd understand.

TL;DR Relax, most of you are young. Society puts too much of a strain on being in a relationship, and you feel outcasted if you aren't with someone. You should never pursue something based on other people. As for the loneliness? Surround yourself with people who are genuinely interested in you (not love) and it won't feel as bad. Every person in your life should be a positive enjoyable influence on you. Pick and choose carefully.

[Deleted]

I am married... to wow, forever alone!

[Blueobelisk]

Women are $$money eaters at this stage of the game for me, and I need that money for college and I need my free time without distractions to study and get a scholarship to graduate school and work my internship.