Got dumped totally unexpecting

[Deleted]

Hey,

first thing... I'm not a newb when it comes to women, I had my fair share of GFs in the past (although no one lasted longer than a year), but Im no womanizer either.
Anyway, I met this great girl on the net on a dating website a few weeks ago. Good looks (1 year older than me but I don't care at all) and great character. We met 4 times so far, 2 times on a christmas fair, 1 time we went to the movies (Cloud Atlas) and the 4th time I went to her home and she made dinner + we watched Forrest Gump afterwards.

We really had fun all those dates, talked all the time about various RL stuff and on the 4th date at her home made out for almost 2 hours straight on her couch (slight petting included but she stopped me when I tried to do more hehe, but I was fine with that). "No need to rush things", is what I thought. But I felt like there was a connection and it was a really good atmosphere.
The morning after she wrote me that she really enjoyed the evening and wanted to meet again, I proposed another date at my home this time to return the favour (dinner wise and all).
But 1 day before the date she wrote me another message, saying that she noticed she doesn't have those feelings for me to take it to the next level. She enjoyed spending time with me but it wasn't enough for more. I was like because I thought it was going really well so far, observing her behaviour when we were together.

So either she was being a very good actress when we were making out or she changed her mind in the days after?!

I know that nobody can help me with this and I will move on, but still I just had to share, maybe that will make me feel better.

[Kisho]

Sounds like you've got exactly the right answer. She was able to have fun with you, no problems, but doesn't feel you're the right person to make an emotional commitment to. So instead of lead you along she's decided to end it before it gets too serious. Good call on her part. Nothing about 'acting' or anything. As said, she's able to have fun with you, but doesn't want anything more serious so isn't bothering to continue.

That's probably the best way to handle it. She could've just let it carry on and ultimately hurt you far more, but she's taken the more mature way out. Sucks for you, but as you say: you'll move on and find someone new, no problems.

[Deleted]

I find it weird you associate making out with having feelings..
I think it's a simple of case of her not feeling you and that's it. She dipped her toe in the water and decided it wasn't a pool she'd like to swim in.

[Deleted]

I know that it was a good decision on her part, telling me early. Better early than late when I bonded even more.

But what's bothering me is not her telling me, but her change of mind. When we were kissing she really seemed to enjoy it and the goodbye on that evening was like she was really looking forward to the next date (why would she have written me that message the morning after then?). But maybe that was just a faulty observation of me and she was happy that I was leaving lol.

I'm already pretty much over her, I was just curious to what I could have done to prevent "my surprise". As in noticing her behaviour by being a bit distant or something like that (which was not the case).

[Kerath]

I know that it was a good decision on her part, telling me early. Better early than late when I bonded even more.

But what's bothering me is not her telling me, but her change of mind. When we were kissing she really seemed to enjoy it and the goodbye on that evening was like she was really looking forward to the next date (why would she have written me that message the morning after then?). But maybe that was just a faulty observation of me and she was happy that I was leaving lol.

I'm already pretty much over her, I was just curious to what I could have done to prevent "my surprise". As in noticing her behaviour by being a bit distant or something like that (which was not the case).

Enjoying someone's company and enjoying kissing them, does not mean she thinks they are compatible relationship material.
I doubt her enjoyment was feigned or otherwise not genuine, but that doesn't mean she was forming an emotional attachment, or believed your personalities were suited to a relationship with each other.

[Deleted]

dem bitches be crazy.

[Deleted]

dude she did you a favour. rather then lead you on to see if feelings developed and then crushing you a few months down the line she gave it a shot then cut the cord. All ye can do is thank her for the fun times and tell her to get in touch if she ever wants to hang out. Then move on.

Good luck with the next one.

As a side note be warey of relationship sites. Not to steriotype but theres usually a reason people end up on those and its not that their great at relationships.

[Deleted]

dude she did you a favour. rather then lead you on to see if feelings developed and then crushing you a few months down the line she gave it a shot then cut the cord. All ye can do is thank her for the fun times and tell her to get in touch if she ever wants to hang out. Then move on.

Good luck with the next one.

As a side note be warey of relationship sites. Not to steriotype but theres usually a reason people end up on those and its not that their great at relationships.

You're right. With both arguments.
I've been on dating sites for a few months now, and this one was the best so far out of many. Most chicks on those sites are either (exaggerated) fat, ugly or a wreck psychologically.

[Deleted]

Two scenarios:
1. She is affraid (emotional) or just not interested anymore to continue and form a relationship.
2. She found another guy or connected with an ex of hers.

In either case there is nothing you could do to change her mind. Been almost in the same situation but she at least gave me the explanation that I wrote in 1) but then she proceed to be with another guy in like 2 weeks after the "dump", hence point no. 2.

[Deleted]

I find it very strange that you mention that she's one year older than you and that you don't care. Why would that be out of the ordinary?

[Terridon]

A couple of the more normal reasons could be:
She might like to talk to you, but not being interrested in sex with you, which is pretty essential in the end for most. Might have given your some more tries, because she enjoyed your company, but eventually given up on it.
She was looking for a boyfriend, and found another, and ended your dating.

Better luck next time

[Spectral]

I wouldn't really call it "dumped" when it's just four dates. My default assumption when I was meeting people from online is that we weren't exclusive, but were seeing other people. If someone says they're not interested in that circumstance, by far the most likely explanation is that they're seeing someone else that they decided they're more interested in.

[Peso]

I read somewhere that girls need drama in their lives and if they can't get it they create it and stimulate the emotions of the brain. I'm trying to find that damn article it's really hard to find again.

[Spectral]

I read somewhere that girls need drama in their lives and if they can't get it they create it and stimulate the emotions of the brain. I'm trying to find that damn article it's really hard to find again.

Sounds like spectacular bullshit predicated on raw misogyny.

[Anjerith]

Being too forward with a girl is one of the easiest ways to screw your chances. I suggest not immediately jumping on her like a Rabbit in heat. Better luck next time.

[jbhasban]

It is also possible she reevaluated your job prospects and how you could provide for her future children and decided that even if she liked you and enjoyed your company you would not be able to provide her with the life she wants.

It is also possible she was acting in that she wanted to give the relationship a chance. I have written txts and told girls I really wanted to see them again even when I didn't. I even may act like I enjoy making out with them, though I won't have sex with them because I think sex should be for committed relationships. Why? Partially because I have yet to meet a girl that I actually like so I figure maybe I just need to give things a chance and I will eventually like them. Partially because I do not know what I am looking for so I use each girl as an experiment to see what I want. After awhile it reaches a critical mass where it is clear that the relationship isn't going to exist and I feel bad stringing the girl along so I call it off. I am 28 and have dated around 100 girls and have yet to have an emotional connection with one. Shrug.

[theWocky]

She met someone else, or lost interest for whatever reason. Just walk away. Break all contact. Crawling / begging / Asking why? never works. Heck, doing this, sometimes they even come back when you show them you don't need them... Sometimes not.

Four dates isn't "dumped", by the way. It means it "didn't work"

[Spectral]

She met someone else, or lost interest for whatever reason. Just walk away. Break all contact. Crawling / begging / Asking why? never works. Heck, doing this, sometimes they even come back when you show them you don't need them... Sometimes not.

Four dates isn't "dumped", by the way. It means it "didn't work"

While I generally agree, the "break all contact" seems potentially too steep. It really depends whether he's interested in friendship at all. There's nothing wrong with dropping a quick E-mail or text saying something to the effect of, "hey, just wanted to let you know I'd still like to hang out some time, hit me up if you ever want to grab dinner".

[jbhasban]

While I generally agree, the "break all contact" seems potentially too steep. It really depends whether he's interested in friendship at all. There's nothing wrong with dropping a quick E-mail or text saying something to the effect of, "hey, just wanted to let you know I'd still like to hang out some time, hit me up if you ever want to grab dinner".

Maybe after a month or so. I personally think that if you are dating someone for a romantic reason it is best to make some space and move on to another prospect before you try and reconnect as friends. Otherwise she will be on guard thinking you're looking for more and you may wonder if you can convince her she was wrong.

[Deleted]

Maybe after a month or so. I personally think that if you are dating someone for a romantic reason it is best to make some space and move on to another prospect before you try and reconnect as friends. Otherwise she will be on guard thinking you're looking for more and you may wonder if you can convince her she was wrong.

Well to be fair if she did what OP stated then in no way should the OP reconnect (unless OP knew the girl before that, not this case). I mean OP needs to have his own pride also, at least that's my logic or course of action. You give it your best shoot, she didn't wanted to, just move on.

Did a few of this in my life, meeting the girl afterwards (at mutual friends party) when she had another boyfriend (he wasn't present there) but I mostly ignored her. Must have burned but it was she that ended things up.