She's Like the Little Sister I Never Had

[NatePsy]

We had a little get together one night a couple weeks ago, she got a little drunk, and she started coming on to me. She started kissing me, and I went with it, but soon, she tried to escalate things.

I simply couldn't get into. I've grown too attached to her to think of her in a sexual manner. So I put a stopper on the whole situation.

Needless to say, she got a bit too drunk to drive home, so she stayed at my place, and we ended up passing out on my bed watching Netflix.

You Sir are quite the guy if you stopped that situation from happening, big respect to you Sir.

Anyways, I haven't felt something like that before but I'd like to someday. I've always wanted a sister figure because my real sisters aren't the kind of sisters I want, they're selfish individuals and I have no desire to protect them.

[Kurioxan]

Dont let a good situation pass you by as it will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Reverse is also very true... sometimes you regret the things you do more than the ones you didnt.
Depends on the type of person you are I guess, im more future oriented, the past doesnt concern me at all aside from the mistakes i did that still affect me today.

If OP doesn't feel anything for her, he should back off imho, one thing is having a feeling but not going for it out of fear or so and later regreting, another is having no feeling at all so would end up in a relationship where she has feelings, and he doesnt, meaning he will hurt her more and more and more and that is something you will regret even more than not "trying it out", one is knowing you hurt someone, another is just curiosity (usually comes when you are dissatisfied with your current situation).

Its always complicated, but depends on what type of person OP is and how he actually feels.

[Trunksee]

Reverse is also very true... sometimes you regret the things you do more than the ones you didnt.
Depends on the type of person you are I guess, im more future oriented, the past doesnt concern me at all aside from the mistakes i did that still affect me today.

If OP doesn't feel anything for her, he should back off imho, one thing is having a feeling but not going for it out of fear or so and later regreting, another is having no feeling at all so would end up in a relationship where she has feelings, and he doesnt, meaning he will hurt her more and more and more and that is something you will regret even more than not "trying it out", one is knowing you hurt someone, another is just curiosity (usually comes when you are dissatisfied with your current situation).

Its always complicated, but depends on what type of person OP is and how he actually feels.

Very true, but I looked at it as he had feelings for her. Why they went away is what i dont get. Was there a situation that caused him to lose a desire to be with her or did he repress them because he thought she wouldnt reciprocate?

[shise]

Oh ye. There was a girl once, a long ago.. she was plain perfect for me... sexy, pretty, nice, etc

For some reason I still don't understand, I can't feel any sexual attraction for that girl, it's like an unknown feeling stops it, like it considers her my family or something.. (she's not, was a random girl I meet).

Weird stuff, never happened to me with any other girl. Maybe she wasn't human lol, I can't find any other option wahaha

[Kurioxan]

Very true, but I looked at it as he had feelings for her. Why they went away is what i dont get. Was there a situation that caused him to lose a desire to be with her or did he repress them because he thought she wouldnt reciprocate?

Hmm maybe he didnt have feelings, sometimes you just click with someone but doesnt mean it is more than friendship, you click with other dudes as well but you have no interest in them, this one just happens to be a girl :P
She starts to kiss him, i guess he went along with it for a bit due to being confused, refusing right away would hurt her as well depending on how he handles it, its... complicated :P

it happens, i had a time where i was kissing back and wondering wtf am i doing, so stopped right away, we arent really in "full control" sometimes and take a few seconds to catch ourselves :P

---------- Post added 2012-12-31 at 03:48 PM ----------

Oh ye. There was a girl once, a long ago.. she was plain perfect for me... sexy, pretty, nice, etc

For some reason I still don't understand, I can't feel any sexual attraction for that girl, it's like an unknown feeling stops it, like it considers her my family or something.. (she's not, was a random girl I meet).

Weird stuff, never happened to me with any other girl. Maybe she wasn't human lol, I can't find any other option wahaha

hahahaha :P
Naaah its very normal... we might find someone attractive but not want to do anything with them, there are people who just hit everything that moves but meh, most people dont, attraction works in mysterious ways and sometimes she just isnt it.

then again, some people also feel attracted to certain types, i mean, some people only like girls who are flawed and feel the need to fix them (with their penses ofc lol) same is true for girls, a LOT of girls are attracted to "damaged" guys, a guy who is "perfect" is a turnoff.

Depends on what you are attracted to, i notice im attracted to delusional tomboys the most, and total turnoff are people who are too serious or afraid of physical contact.

[Trunksee]

Hmm maybe he didnt have feelings, sometimes you just click with someone but doesnt mean it is more than friendship, you click with other dudes as well but you have no interest in them, this one just happens to be a girl :P
She starts to kiss him, i guess he went along with it for a bit due to being confused, refusing right away would hurt her as well depending on how he handles it, its... complicated :P

it happens, i had a time where i was kissing back and wondering wtf am i doing, so stopped right away, we arent really in "full control" sometimes and take a few seconds to catch ourselves :P

True, i just have a hard time just being friends with someone whos good looking. I have a strong sex drive i guess and if im physically attracted to someone i have a hard time getting past it. Im also socially inept though so it makes my situation a bit different. I repressed my feelings out of fear of being rejected and by the time she made the initial move i was in another relationship with someone and felt committed not to cheat rather than go with my gut. Thats why i regret not going forward with someone who i had a real connection with.

[Somebodyelse]

I simply couldn't get into. I've grown too attached to her to think of her in a sexual manner. So I put a stopper on the whole situation.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT DUMBASS SHIT MAN ??????????????????? This is a GIRL'S excuse to tell a man he's too much of a pussy for her.....NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND...

Infracted.

[Deleted]

I have to question some of the praise being given out in this thread. I mean no offence to you, OP, with what I type beow. But hopefully you'll see that from what I type.

You have a friend, which is great, but hardly deserving of the plaudits some people seem to be lavishing upon you. I don't see how avoiding a sexual encounter with someone you don't think of sexually should garner a response other than "ok". It's just obvious that is how most mature people would respond to that situation regardless of how attrative or drunk the other person is.

I understand you probably weren't fishing for compliments and just wanted to share your anecdote and find common ground, which I do appreciate. It is certainly nice to find a thread on the forums that isn't designed to inflame a portion of society or a particular way of thinking for a change.

As for me I have had 2 such friends. The first friendship ended due to me not being clear I just wanted friendship. She got upset, embarrassed and angry at the rejection, then cut contact with me. The advice I'd offer from my experience is be explicitly clear of your intentions.

The second I have been friends with for 12 years. Learning from my initial failure I was very clear from the first hint of interest on her behalf that I didn't feel attracted to her in that way. While I still regret the mistake I made with the first friend I realise it helped me preempt any issue in the second.

[madokbro]

I have a real sister, and two lady friends I grew up with whom I consider as my sisters as much as the real one. So I hear you brah.

However, my friends and I were never attracted to each other; on the contrary, they help me get laid. They call me, ask me to come over and introduce me to my new long-term "girlfriend" without me knowing about it, usually one of their endless buddies I've never met, it's like arranged marriage with benefits.

They forbid me stuff, get angry when I smoke too much, call me in the morning to ensure I get to work, it's like I have three mothers man.

Hope stuff stops being awkward between you two.

[Kurioxan]

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT DUMBASS SHIT MAN ??????????????????? This is a GIRL'S excuse to tell a man he's too much of a pussy for her.....NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND...

Infracted.

Lol, as i was saying :P this is a perfect example.

[koodledrum]

I think at some point you need to sit down with your friend & pretty much tell her everything you put in that post, she'll probably thank you for it to be honest and well, I think most women would agree that it would be a very noble & honest thing to do as you wouldn't be leading her on anywhere.

[-aiko-]

The world needs more men like you, OP. Big time. I'd buy you a beer if I could.

Yes, yes it does. Are you available OP?

[Veyne]

I've adopted one of my little brother's best friends as the little sister I never had (she's such a sweetheart), and adopted most of his other close friends as my league of little brothers

Kind of reminds me of how I am with my older sister's friends. As kids, we went to a 6-12 grade school, and I was just starting sixth grade as my older sister was a junior in high school, so we had a couple of years of being in close proximity to each ohters' friends before she went off to college. She never got to know most of my friends, but all of her friends thought I was "adorable" and thought of me a lot like a little brother.

Funny part is, yeeeeaaaaars later, my older sister started doing some stupid shit and cutting communications with her friends, and I've since become really good friends with most of her old good friends.

I understand you probably weren't fishing for compliments and just wanted to share your anecdote and find common ground, which I do appreciate. It is certainly nice to find a thread on the forums that isn't designed to inflame a portion of society or a particular way of thinking for a change.

Oh, not at all. I wasn't expecting that to be the part a lot of people focused on. Though some of those responses did make my chuckle a bit, heh.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT DUMBASS SHIT MAN ??????????????????? This is a GIRL'S excuse to tell a man he's too much of a pussy for her.....NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND...

I don't make decision based on whether or not I have a hardon?

[Deleted]

It takes emotional maturity from both parties not to ruin a relationship of any kind and the geniuses writing brash comments are just showing off their lack of reason.
You've really got to be a bit daft to implicate you can't be friends with someone who's hit on you and/or made a move on you despite your appearent disinterest in going up a level with the relationship.
I am/was in a similar situation or better said, 2 situations, and can relate to similar issues, hell, it can be really messy.

First revolves around a girl that is a very distant relative (like 3 generations of cousins) whom I've known since I was 11. We've been good friends ever since we've met and she's one of my best friends. Anyways, last year's autumn we were drinking with a mutual friend and she got a bit too drunk, which eventually lead to a bit mixed signals from her (e.g. groping in places where you usually won't expect from a friend and some playful bites - yes, I said bites, she does that to her current boyfriend when drunk, quite a hilarious sight), which I honestly couldn't describe with any other word than baffling. Obviously I didn't go for it, because I'm not one of those morons who will do anything to get laid, even if it means losing a friend.

Funny thing is she said she mildly remembers the nibbling/biting while everything else is a blank, besides, we've established that it's a totally platonic relationship, she's like the closest thing to a sister I never had.

Second is a psychologically and socially very awkward situation, which can be reasoned with a few facts, namely the first being that I never had much contact with either of my grandfathers, the granddad from my dad's side wasn't exactly child-friendly and I met him maybe 5-10 times total before he died when I was 18 and the grandpa from my mom's side died when I was 6, however he was the closest thing I had to a father (divorced parents and dad's an asshole), so, secondly, I get a bit awkward around men that remind me of either of my deceased grandfathers.

All of this leads up to the encounter I had a month ago. I was at a library, bored out of my mind and wanted to find something to raise my British Literature grade, since I can re-take the exam in a month. Anyways, just when I was checking out some stuff that elaborated on Paradise Lost, this older man, who appearently worked there, comes up to me and it was obvious that he was observing what I was doing for the past 15 minutes there and asks me whether I need assistance or not. As I said, I was bored and Milton's work doesn't exactly get anyone but the biggest Anglophiles excited, so I thought what the heck, can't hurt. We instantly hit it off with chitchat about professors/lectures/study material/etc. and I ended up with a book that could potentially impress my British society&culture professor (albeit that wasn't exactly what I wanted, but hey, if the book is at least semi-interesting and can raise my grade, why not), Merlin and Wales (in case anyone wants a fun read) and an invitation for tea/coffee.
Needless to say I was shocked and had stuff like OMG YOU'RE GONNA GET ROOFIED AND HAVE OLD MANHANDS ON YOUR JUNK and OMG WHY AM I IN A LIBRARY WHEN I COULD BE PLAYING SKYRIM racing inside my head and told him I'll consider it. So he gave me his number and me being a exceptionally thick sometimes told a few friends about it, expecting some advice or support. Yeah, from guy friends that are playing games more than I am.
Right.

Either way, I went with it, we met at a bar, had a really long chat, found out that he's one of the leading experts for handwriting and has done some amazing stuff for our cultural heritage (not that almost any of my fellow citizens gives a shit) and I was actually content, having almost gotten over my subconcious fear of men that resemble my granddads and actually considering if I'm actually on the way to make friends with someone who I can talk with about culture, literature and most of the stuff I'll do for my paycheck, seeing my friends were considerate enough to tell me they won't listen if I talk about anything having to deal with linguistics or culture.

That was until 2 weeks ago and third or fourth time we've met for our "man date" as my friends called it and he made a move on me. Yes, you've read that right. I'm talking hands on thigh in a crowded bar, sitting at a small table.

I still can not comprehend how big of a mindfuck this is for me. I brushed his hand away, gasped (very manly of me so far) and asked him what the fuck did he think he was doing. To my surprise he apologized and said that he wasn't intending to scare me off, however he found me attractive on a physical and intellectual level.

I was flabbergasted, shocked, astonished, bewildered, you name it. Mindfuck^infinity.

Despite all this, after 2 minutes combined of probably changing colours faster than a malfunctioning traffic light and dead silence, I managed to adamantly say I'm neither gay or bi nor flattered (okay, lying there, I have grandpa issues on a platonic level and I'm pretty sure I blushed for a moment, not exactly used to getting compliments about my ass and legs from men, /facedeskinshame).
After that I paid for my tea and left, still utterly confused and feeling like certain parts of my psyche got mauled by a grizzly bear with a knack for bringing up stuff that has been lying in your subconciousness since I was a kid.

It's been a week and a bit since that and after a few days I've actually called him, apologized for making a scene (crowded bar, raised voice about him fondling my leg, I guess I can call that a scene when half the bar looked in my direction) and asked if he could stick to being just friends, no groping under the table (made him laugh and made me shiver), because I've started to realize that as I'm getting into my 20s, I'm beginning to really appreciate mature, yet relaxed chitchat (it's just not the same with parents and/or relatives).
So, yeah, we've met this saturday, this time no action under the table or anything in that manner, albeit with me looking like I'm ready to run a 400m sprint according to him.
Seriously, a psychologist would earn a fortune with me after this, but I'm willing to be a bit edgy and jumpy for a while, if I can have an honest and mature talk from time to time.

Damn (grand)daddy issues and my luck running into one who's had(hopefully not as much as before at least) the hots for me.
Fuck.


Think that's elaborate enough, so yeah, props to you OP for not being the jerk most of our bros are and giving me an oppurtunity to get something very heavy off my chest, God knows I needed it and I'd take MMO-Champ ridicule over RL friends teasing me for 50 years any day

Fuck, better get going now, 22:45, I contemplate too much even when writing.

[drwelfare]

This thread made me break down and contact the one I liked, she was still nice to me. It did not help. I think it is on the list of good ideas right next to touching the orange thing in the oven.