Should I go for this girl:

[Uncle Julian]

*May contain explicit material* (I'll do my best to keep it clean, but get my point across)

As some may or may not know, my ex fiance broke us up 2 weeks before the wedding last summer and it was quite a low point in my life in the following months. I've been going on quite a few dates and trying to put my self out there to meet someone whose really compatible with me and my lifestyle.

I've been hanging around this new girl for a few weeks now and I think she has a good personality. I live in Utah with a lot of judgmental LDS peers (I'm also LDS, but don't live by the "standards" as most would put it). This girl has a bit of a past, like me, which is awesome cause she's way more open to the real world, real problems, and not just living in a happy-bubble-life (girls here will pass up dating someone because they don't go to church, had a drink, a smoke, sex, or if the guy came home early from one of those 2 year church mission things. Any monday-detail could be a deal breaker).

We're to the point where we are getting very physical and will continue on that path, and she is really someone I could be with. Earlier today however, I learned she's had a 3-some with 2 guys, 3 separate times a few years ago. 1 of the guys was the same all 3 times and would just invite a different buddy each time.

Now I don't want to jump to conclusions, otherwise I'm no better off than anyone else and honestly it's not my place to judge what she's been through. The thought of me dating or even marrying someone who's sucked down multiple dicks at the same time is just a little unsettling. I don't want to use the term "cum-bucket", but I trust you get my point. I also may not even care come due time and it won't matter at all...but hearing about it so recently makes it pretty fresh on my mind.

If you were in my same position, what would you do? Would you be ok if your spouse had multiple orgys with the opposite sex before you met? I could either stop our relationship from continuing that direction, have casual and meaningless sex with her, or try to actually date and court her...get to know her family and vice versa, all that jazz.

[raechuul]

I think you need to chat with her about it a little more. For me, it would only bug me if my significant other HAD to have multiple people in the bedroom to be able to... ya know?
If she was just trying it out a few times, or it was more of a spur of the moment thing, doesn't sound like much of a problem.

[Lightfist]

This is not a question anyone can answer for you.

[Itisamuh]

You've only been around this girl for a few weeks and you're getting very physical, so you can't be too standardized. Casual sex is casual sex. What difference does it make if she's been with multiple guys at once, or multiple guys over a long period? It's the same number either way. Just make it clear you don't intend to do something like that, and if she's cool with that then there's no problem.

[Gandrake]

big whoop

unless you're afraid she's still doing it with other guys

i'd ask her if she was interested in having another go at it

Just wondering, but why would it be a problem if she performed coitus several times before meeting you?

because the village bicycle isn't as fun to ride as your own bicycle

[Dimsumlol]

If I were in the same position I would have never had that conversation to begin with. I have never understood why people want to know that stuff. Does it make you feel better imagining someone else poking a girl you care about and might fall in love with? Crazy.

Anyway. Ya'll discussed it. She didn't lie to you so you can't hold that against her. She was honest enough to tell you about her devil's threesomes so she's definitely a keeper.

[Jordaen]

Is it really any of your business to judge her past? If you don't like doing 3 somes with another guy, just tell her that you're not interested in it, and if she's fine with that, move on. And either way, it's just sex. As long as everyone was a consenting adult, and none of them have STDs, what is the issue?

[breadisfunny]

okay as your already stated if may not matter.....so why are you making such a big deal out of it if you've already determined you love her?

[Chirri]

Is it that she's had threesomes at all, or that she did it more than once?

I'd say a mere 3 times, years ago, isn't enough to imply that threesomes is the only way she'll consider having sex. Which means it's a non-issue.

Is it that she's had sex with at least 3 or 4 other guys? Maybe she's a little further along in the "real life experiences" than you're willing to go.

That it bothers you enough to post in an online forum sort of triggers my alarm bells. Don't lie and claim you're totally cool with it, unless you come down off of this short term concern about it and realize you actually are totally cool with it. It's your call, but it will have consequences for both of you if you lie just for the chance to get in her pants.

[Silhouette of Seraphim]

*May contain explicit material* (I'll do my best to keep it clean, but get my point across)

As some may or may not know, my ex fiance broke us up 2 weeks before the wedding last summer and it was quite a low point in my life in the following months. I've been going on quite a few dates and trying to put my self out there to meet someone whose really compatible with me and my lifestyle.

I've been hanging around this new girl for a few weeks now and I think she has a good personality. I live in Utah with a lot of judgmental LDS peers (I'm also LDS, but don't live by the "standards" as most would put it). This girl has a bit of a past, like me, which is awesome cause she's way more open to the real world, real problems, and not just living in a happy-bubble-life (girls here will pass up dating someone because they don't go to church, had a drink, a smoke, sex, or if the guy came home early from one of those 2 year church mission things. Any monday-detail could be a deal breaker).

We're to the point where we are getting very physical and will continue on that path, and she is really someone I could be with. Earlier today however, I learned she's had a 3-some with 2 guys, 3 separate times a few years ago. 1 of the guys was the same all 3 times and would just invite a different buddy each time.

Now I don't want to jump to conclusions, otherwise I'm no better off than anyone else and honestly it's not my place to judge what she's been through. The thought of me dating or even marrying someone who's sucked down multiple dicks at the same time is just a little unsettling. I don't want to use the term "cum-bucket", but I trust you get my point. I also may not even care come due time and it won't matter at all...but hearing about it so recently makes it pretty fresh on my mind.

If you were in my same position, what would you do? Would you be ok if your spouse had multiple orgys with the opposite sex before you met? I could either stop our relationship from continuing that direction, have casual and meaningless sex with her, or try to actually date and court her...get to know her family and vice versa, all that jazz.

Live with it or move on, take your pick. You can either try to make something work and not worry about something that has absolutely no relevance to you, or every time you look at her you can imagine her making like a Chinese finger cuff.

Up to you.

[Uncle Julian]

okay as your already stated if may not matter.....so why are you making such a big deal out of it if you've already determined you love her?

I never said I loved her...not to that point yet

[breadisfunny]

I never said I loved her...not to that point yet

so then your just looking for a girl to fool around with? then why does that matter? i mean if your at this point and you dont love her....

[Silhouette of Seraphim]

The thought of me dating or even marrying someone who's sucked down multiple dicks at the same time is just a little unsettling.

Furthermore, who said they were anywhere near her mouth?

[Eraclito]

I think Silent Bob has some words for you.



It's the best suggestion that comes to mind.

[superstargoddess]

It was a few years ago, let it go, maybe she isn't like that anymore and wants to settle down.

[Lilfrier]

I couldn't deal with that myself. I'm pretty socially conservative in my actions, VERY conservative, actually. I don't necessarily throw those things out at people, but I personally don't like the idea of sex before marriage, as I (unpopularly) think of it as a legitimate commitment to a person, not a casual activity to pass the time.

So, I guess I'm the worst person here to give advice that you would accept, because I wouldn't have gotten into the type of relationship you're describing in the first place, but I'll say this: there is almost always a chance that something someone did in the past could be done again. Not saying she's all about 3-ways or anything, but there's a chance she'll want to do it again. I wouldn't want to be with someone who I would think would want to treat sex so casually.

[Chirri]

So, I guess I'm the worst person here to give advice that you would accept, because I wouldn't have gotten into the type of relationship you're describing in the first place, but I'll say this: there is almost always a chance that something someone did in the past could be done again. Not saying she's all about 3-ways or anything, but there's a chance she'll want to do it again. I wouldn't want to be with someone who I would think would want to treat sex so casually.

I'd actually think, from the fact that each of those threesomes always involved one particular guy, that it was likely the threesomes were his idea rather than hers, and it was something she did at that one guy's urging.

[Liagala]

You're upset with the girls in your area for disqualifying a guy based on things from their past that are over and done with (like coming home early from some 2 year church thing), and then you disqualify this girl based on a thing from her past that is over and done with? Yeah... not making a whole lot of sense to me. Definitely let her know that's something you're not interested in doing, but let the past stay in the past. It can't be changed, and brooding over it is not going to do you or her any favors at all. Put it out of your mind and move on. What she's doing now, with you, is what matters.

[nachoo]

My advice, just keep fucking her and see where it goes from there. If you start having special feeling for her, go for it. If you realize shes just a slut and wants some dick, well... give her some, just dont give her your heart too if thats the case.

[mercutiouk]

I think a fairly honest chat with her's going to get you further.

"Look, you come over as really ?????? (something nice and none slutty) and I obviously think a lot of you but since you mentioned the 3-somes it's been on my mind a lot, mind if we talk about it a bit?"

and take it from there, it's not hard. If she's well adjusted she'll see the underlying problem that's caused the question and be quite quick to dissolve your fears/issues. If she gets a bit pissed/upset you have chance to steer it to a better point yourself. "I'm not saying it's hurt my opinion of you but it's a bit... too... liberal? Compared to what I'm used to in a girl." explain your fears etc and expect a decent bit of comfort and re-assurance in return. I'd be kinda shocked if not to be honest.


You don't have to be on the verge of wanting to settle down with the girl to ask it, it's kinda cool even when it's casual to ask questions that relate to your own sexual well being "are you seeing anyone else" is a perfectly decent question regardless of casual or serious. As are follow ups about their other partners. Expect some to be a bit cagey and give the "well, if you don't like it" type response but... it's quite right. Your choice in the end what you stick it in, it's fair to be at least an informed choice tho or they aren't worth your time.

Also: very male reply - ask her if she'd be interested in picking up another chick with you and helping you do her