Am I psychopat or sick?

[Deleted]

I don't remember my actual Grandmother apart from photos as she died when I was 3 years old or so, but my 2nd Grandmother when my Grandfather remarried died 2 years ago, I helped carry her coffin. I didn't cry but didn't feel weird for not doing as I knew people cope in different ways, I actually felt proud to have known her.

[Sorrior]

Hah! that's nothin...when I was 15, I slept with this girl in the bushes on the way to my friend's house, afterward I went to my friend's and found he'd shot himself in the face in the night. Yah, I found em....anyways, I felt terrible, but I couldn't cry. And everyone was worried b/c I had a slight smile on my face though I felt terrible that my bestie had died and I found him slumped over the barrel.
Anyways, bad time for the 'just got laid face', everyone thought I was really fucked up.

Could also be your coping mechanism. Some cry some joke and laugh while feeling horrible. I've had stupid grins while feeling bad and i make jokes about ALOT of things i probably shouldn't. But i can't help it it's just how i cooe ya know.

[Grimfrost]

Don't worry mate i've had that before too : it might just be that the reality didn't hit you yet or maybe you just felt bad without tears.

[Deleted]

When I was 7 my grandfather died. So my friends came over and told me jokes... and I started laughing. This was at the neighbours house, so right outside my own house so to say, right over the fence. Obviously my relatives saw it, I wonder what they thought of it. That said, I was 7. And it's not like I didn't feel bad for my grandfather dieing, I loved him, it's just that I don't know, I was small and the jokes were funny. And so I laughed.

That said, about your story, no, you're not anything, you felt bad but just couldn't cry, maybe you just didn't feel like showing it or something. It's normal. You would have had a problem if you would have felt nothing.

[Deleted]

Am I some kind of psychopat or sick person?

I had the exact same thing happen to me when my grandmother died. Talking to a friend who studies psychology later got me the answer that I was already prepared for it. She didn't die suddenly, it was bound to happen (she was sick), so my subconcious simply already came to terms with her dying. So when it happened.. I simply.. didn't really had any emotions. I just accepted it.

[Deleted]

We all deal with loss one way or another, you could just react later on, after something else triggers the memory. I tend to go sort of bipolar between grief and extreme rage, but cried just 2 times over the loss of someone I truly cherished. My maternal grandma has ~6 months to live and it hit me a like a TGV going at full speed. One of my friends called me a bitch, selfish, sensitive twat and what-not, but he's a bit of a sociopath/psychopath, plus a deathmetal&grindcore fan >_<

Never had much contact with my paternal grandparents, so I didn't express much emotion at their funerals, I had some sense of grief, but got over it quickly. My maternal grandparents on the other side ... My grandpa died when I was 6 and he was pretty much my surrogate dad (divorced parents), but I was too perplexed at the idea of death at 6, however the vivid image of his jaundice (result of skin cancer and leukemia spreading) imprinted on me very badly.

The more relevant part comes here - my grandma has been sick for a while, landed in a hospital a week before Christmas due to malnourishment and aggravated heart condition, which led to a spike in insulin levels. She basically couldn't eat more than few bits of something and being the stereotypical grandparent - she wouldn't risk worrying her family, because she thought it was her stomach acting up and only a temporary malady.

Fast forward to last friday, me and my mom visited her and the first thing I saw was her face in the worst yellowish shade that triggered a familiar memory. Anyone who had a relative/friend with pancreatic cancer probably guessed that was it, but I was too shocked and overcome by sudden realization of the seriousness of her illness.
Either way, I couldn't bear more than 15 mins of brooding over how shit human biology is and why can't something be done (it's in it's last stages and now it's mostly just pain medication and food supplements) and walked to the nearest toilet and punched a wall repeatedly or I'd hit the first asshole that ticked me off.

I still have no clue how I managed to drive back home (~50 kms distance), I was crying and almost caused some serious road rage because some jerk tailgated me at 110-120 km/h (in a 90km/h area with some 70km/h sections), if I didn't have an exam this week and needed the car I would brake just to fuck up his day - I hate tailgating asshats with a passion - not like I cared about anything that day.