Guild drama hit me on personal level. What now?

[darkpower]

So here's the deal. MoP hit, and things were okay. My guild, who didn't want to do heroics (and I don't mind that to a degree), had downed DS numerous times. However, during the course of us leveling, we weren't doing any bit of retro stuff to keep our appetite for raiding wet, and thus, when it was time for us to raid, we couldn't stay united. We kept making mistake after mistake, and we knew the weak links. There were about three of us who were doing everything right in both MV and HoF, but it kept coming down to wipe after wipe, and we found that we couldn't down a single boss because of a few people not being able to dodge simple mechanics.

My patience is really good. I've stayed with the same guild despite this all this time because it wasn't all their faults. They knew the issues and were willing to deal with them. But we also had people who needed to down something, and in a raid in which their leader just picked trusted people from various bosses, I was FINALLY "allowed" (only term I know to use for it since I knew how to survive all the mechanics several times) to down the first HoF boss. That was a few weeks ago. Should tell you how long it's been since any of us have downed something.

Anyway, we came to a conclusion a few weeks before that: that we would take a few weeks off of raiding to get more ready (our raid leader at the time was insisting that we needed to do the dailies when I told them countless times they shouldn't need those and that the drops from raids are better if we can get our heads out of our asses and just be better raid aware). We would get more gear, learn the mechanics better, and then get back in there and down something. I felt like we were actually doing well.

That was, until the night where it counted. Again, same people died to the Attenuation (simple mechanic that I'm not sure how people keep dying to it). However, I had noticed something during this: not only was the raid leader not able to tell anyone to GTFO if they cannot handle the mechanics (one of those "you should know to remove yourself" type of deals), but it seemed as though the reason for the raid night (to see who was good enough to make up our core so we know who to PUG out and whatever) wasn't the reason anymore. It was instead a "do we want to stay with these losers" night. An hour and a half into things, our tank left (he seemed somewhat squishy for being a monk tank since...I have one of those and know that they are OP right now), and the mass gquits began. I was able to persuade a couple to come back, and another for at least a week.

The problems were now that they all went to this bigger guild that had four raid groups and were wanting to make a fifth one. It was led by someone who used to be in my guild and his wife/gf/fiancee (can't remember which she is). They are pretty good on the server (Alleria), but they don't have as good of a rep when it comes to attitude (they can be elitists and pricks to anyone who dares to fail at the slightest thing, I was told). We decide to instead do what we should've done to begin with: go to the retros and shoot out the achievements to give us some lessons on cooperation and raid awareness.

Well, the one that stayed for a week left for the other guild. This person had a problem with someone in our guild, and this is where things go sour. This "problem child" was someone that I had considered a friend, more like a sister. I had defended her despite her probably not deserving it at times in the minds of some in the guild. Thing is that I wouldn't be doing so if I didn't think it was deserved. She was one of those that kept dying to things, yet she was willing to be replaced. This is why I thought our problems were higher up.

Anyway, when the next one left, I have the brash idea that led to the thread's title. I go to the GM of the bigger guild. The woman who left the guild? She's friends with someone else that left the night things went to shit in the raid, so that might've been the reason. However, I was rather suspicious given her enthusiasm for our idea earlier that week. So I ask the GM what gave, and if he would or would know of anyone that would be trying to "guild bust", meaning that they would try to, out of spite, persuade people to leave a guild for another one. Almost immediately, I begin getting told to not talk to him by people in my guild, and a huge mess happened. I got an in-game mail by the latest quitter saying I was very out of line and that I should "grow up".

I make my apologies to those that I had done damage to, but the problem was with recruiting. Alleria is a server that is pretty much dead on the Horde side. I made a jump from Ally to Horde when I found these people, and they actually gave me my first raiding chance since the guilds I were in before didn't seem to either be able to raid or didn't care to, and Horde seemed like a better fit for me. But now I'm at a disadvantage because the AH is fucked over there, no one is able to be pugged in, and there is nearly no one who can be recruited because they already are. I had apologized to the GM and eventually the person who told me to grow up (she's not the type of person to hold grudges, I found out, and she was with me in that successful, pot luck group).

But our GM had came up with an idea: move the guild to Kilrogg, where the Horde population is much better. The guild my newly rolled DK is in right now had 20+ people online at once (got to suggest Mumble to them, though...WAY better than Vent). It seems like the fit for us, and the GM laid out her reasons crystal clear.

Only...the one person that I considered my friend since I got onto the Horde side (a year and a half now) is convinced that my talk with the GM seemed to sabotage any chances my guild had of ever getting any more recruits. She pulled me into a different Mumble channel, took up the entire time of conversation to the point where I couldn't get a word in edgewise let alone defend myself, left channel right after she said the last syllable, and didn't want to talk about it anymore. Thing is, she was convinced that she was correct and that the GM was just keeping things from me. So I pull the GM aside to let her know what I was just told, with specific instructions to tell me the truth, and not be afraid to tell me if it was me discussing things with the GM of the other guild that led to the decision.

According to everyone else, it was far from it. The minds were beginning to be made up far before the thought crossed my mind to talk to that person. Hell, they were talking about it when shit began to hit the fan during the raid night.

But right now, the "friend" isn't listening to any of it. She removed me from RealID, and threatened to ignore me if I said anything more about it. The thing about this is that she has a knack for being...well, annoying to many in the guild. She can be known as rather lazy. She does good DPS and is mostly a good person, but she can rub people the wrong way. However, there are many people I know that can be that, and some I have to put up with because they are in my own family. The issue is that she has a condition in which she can react to things with more emotion than necessary (asbergers, I think it's called). Our GM has the same condition, but she can control it better.

That and she is engaged to someone who I have also befriended, and who is a LOT more level headed than she is. He has been comfortable talking to me many times (though he's not scared of anything...he's a member of the armed forces, after all), and thus, I sent the guy a Facebook message explaining the situation.

The raid leader that I had mentioned earlier? He's also RealID with her, and I told him the situation, too. I also asked another friend who went to the bigger guild if they thought I had helped "burn bridges". His answer? "Doubt it".

We knew Alleria's horde side was fucked because another guild was advertising with their numbers of what they cleared (didn't bother to check if they were telling the truth about that), and they couldn't get anyone, and yet another person I knew was also mentioning how dead Alleria was. I doubt that four or five different people would tell me the exact same thing and lie to me, and I know for a fact that if our GM was that pissed, and if I was to be THAT much of a liablitiy, then she would've not wasted any time in either gkicking me or not inviting me to the new server.

So I concluded that this friend is just overreacting, choosing to not care about the facts of the situation, or is upset that the people she usually talked to about things were moving on, and since she didn't have anyone else to blame, she took things out on me. Or she wants me to stay on Alleria and is using this as a way to make me feel guilty enough to stick around.

Either way, and now that you read all THAT (thank you, by the way), I'm at a bit of a crossroads. I need to at least set things straight with this friend (her fiancee is someone I'd want to keep as a friend if at all possible, and he doesn't know anything went down yet that I'm aware of), and I need to be able to clear my name. I know some things are impossible given the circumstances (and we invited the two to join us), but I was the one that said anything to the other GM, and as such, I was the one that created a sort of issue, though it's far and away from what she was trying to say it was (I also thought something was up when no one responded to me advertising the guild, but the thing about the server just being dead trumped everything else).

What should I do? Just go with the guild without trying to clear things up (I'm staying with the guild regardless), or do I keep some toons on Alleria in the hopes that I can set things right?

[Deleted]

Things like this is what WoW should be all about in my opinion. When I read this kind of post I start thinking that maybe the game hasn't changed that much from Vanilla after all. Thanks for sharing!

[yurano]

Long posts like this need to follow the 5-paragraph structure we learned about in school. Most importantly, it needs an intro and a conclusion. Short of that, a small TL;DR paragraph would do wonders.

[Sarthan]

The problems were now that they all went to this bigger guild that had four raid groups and were wanting to make a fifth one. It was led by someone who used to be in my guild and his wife/gf/fiancee (can't remember which she is). They are pretty good on the server (Alleria), but they don't have as good of a rep when it comes to attitude (they can be elitists and pricks to anyone who dares to fail at the slightest thing, I was told). We decide to instead do what we should've done to begin with: go to the retros and shoot out the achievements to give us some lessons on cooperation and raid awareness.

You can be elitist being in normal modes and not killing the first boss?

[Lolhammy]

Finding a new and better guild takes no time at all. DK's (tanks or dps) are in high demand. If you're worried about friends then put them on real i.d. and move on with your WoW career.

[skrump]

Go o kilrogg and if the friend in question is not a real life friend forget about her.
I spent the first 5 years of my wow career on kilrogg and it is a decent server on both alliance and horde.

But after 8 years of wow I've learned that friends within the game come and go, even the close ones will eventually move on for something else and you shouldn't waste your time trying to keep them around.

[Megraam]

tr;dr
>she
>she
>SHE
Gender problems, OP. Find yourself a girl and stop being so obsessed over them.

[Deleted]

I must say , that for a person, who want to avoid drama you seem to run with whispers to awful amount of people... If something bugs you- go straight about it, say what you need/want to say and stop, dont do "whisper marathon" on random countless people cause it will just stir the situation more.

[Deleted]

I think you make a big fuss out of nothing and should stop discussing everything with everyone. Just move if you want to move, stay if you want to stay and play the damned game.

[Deleted]

Uhm, I must admit I lost track somewhere 60% in your post.

I want to say two things that stood out:
1: People change, friends don't stay friends. I know this is harsh, but for no apparent (or fair) reason they can turn against you, and they know how to hurt you most. I have had this happen to me twice now. Please, don't feel the need to defend yourself, you can give them a last message (Sorry you feel this way, if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me) and forget about it. Stop trying to defend yourself, in their eyes it justifies their thoughts of you having done something wrong.
2: Move on.

((And 3, out of personal experience only, not generalising, but oftentimes women don't like arguments and facts why they are right. They feel they have been wronged, and that's how it is. Good luck fighting that with rationality. I lost. Often.))

[Deleted]

tr;dr
>she
>she
>SHE
Gender problems, OP. Find yourself a girl and stop being so obsessed over them.

What even makes you assume he doesn't have a girl? The fact that he plays together with a couple of females is coincidental and doesn't change a thing. He's friends with these people, and wants to stay friends.

You didn't even read the OP, so WHY do you even bother commenting? You just read "She" a couple of times.

[Deleted]

How in the world can this "shit" so close to you ... it´s just a game? I played also in a top raid (wowprogress 1st pager) and if you´re not able to make a difference between this "GAME" and the real world you need to visit a doctor. And no, i´m not kiddin ...

[Gande]

You can be elitist being in normal modes and not killing the first boss?

His guild can't kill the first boss. The rival bigger guild is the ones seen as elitist.

It seems your friend is lashing in an attempt to get you to not leave her.

[Sykol]

No offense to any female gamers, but reading through the entire post, all I kept seeing is "she did this" and "she said that" and it really doesn't surprise me. Guys can be just as bad, but pure unadulterated drama like you're describing is usually a staple of harboring more than one regular girl in a guild. It sounds like you're dealing with backstabbing and high school gossip that really, really isn't worth putting up with when you should be worrying about downing bosses. I'd just say fuck it and ditch the whole thing, find a new server for yourself, and start over somewhere without all that bullshit.

[HardCoder]

Play WoW with people you enjoy being with and your problem is solved.

[Gandrake]

as much as i hate to be a tl;dr guy

could we get a summary of the situation

because i read the entire post and i still do not understand the problem

something about your guild sucking, standing in lots of fire, your guild falling apart, alleria sucks, some friend being angry at you, them thinking someone is keeping something from you, moving a guild to kilrogg, nerdraging in voice channels, and talking to someones boyfriend on facebook. That's about all that I got.

[Blueobelisk]

You should leave and move on to a better guild. Don't even leave characters behind.

[TEHPALLYTANK]

Asperger's does not excuse you from the consequences of your choices when dealing with social relations. The problem between you and her (From what I can tell of your somewhat convoluted post) appears to be something she is creating by perceiving the situation with emotion rather than logic. As for the rest I can't make heads or tails of who is who even, use clear labels; Person A, Guild A, etc...you needn't name anyone beyond giving them a definite label so we know who you are speaking about.

[Bryntrollian]

How in the world can this "shit" so close to you ... it´s just a game? I played also in a top raid (wowprogress 1st pager) and if you´re not able to make a difference between this "GAME" and the real world you need to visit a doctor. And no, i´m not kiddin ...

Game or not these are real people with real feelings

[eggs]

Didn't even think this sort of realm drama still existed

ditch everyone and find a better realm/guild is what i'd do, personally i couldn't be bothered to log into nagging drama every single day. It kind of defeats the object of playing a game for fun when there's an underlying problem stopping you from doing so.