A question for the guys

[Gaios]

I once walked in on my best friend sleeping with my ex-boyfriend. We had been broken up for 7 months and it still hurt like hell, because he was my first love. That's why you don't sleep with your bros ex boy-/girlfriend. It's been 12 years since then and if today one of my friends would sleep with him, I wouldn't care.

So the inherent theme of the bro code is: Don't hurt the feelings of your friends. You might have put your mutual friends in a bit of an akward situation, but you didn't break the "bro code".

[Valedus]

Why does it matter? Regardless of whether or not you're still carrying a torch, she ain't "yours" anymore, so it's not like you have any sort of claim.

Nah Pizza, I'm not sayin the old friend owns her, its just a little considerate of the guy, not her, to not bang his buddies ex. Unless the ex has no problem with it. But I've definitely seen/heard of guys who do shit liek go for their buddies girl as soon as shes single, even if their buddy still has feelings.

Edit: Besides, is getting laid really THAT important that you'd potentially ruin a friendship with a close buddy?

[Wildtree]

1. No one is to tell you what to do and what not to do. There is no such thing as an obligation, or even a law.

2. It is not uncommon tho (but usually that's more valid for women, than for men) to not start or get into anything with the friend from your lover, even after the relationship ended. Many people have some kind of a codex, which they would not cross. I actually wouldn't either. I wouldn't want to start something with my ex's gf's.
But then I don't really judge anyone for not having that viewpoint.

[Letmesleep]

It's kind of a grey area. You and your boyfriend had not been an item for a significant amount of time, and you were pretty much free to date anyone else at that point. However, your relationship with your ex was in no way, shape, or form just a fling that most people would dismiss offhand; that was a legitimate relationship.

While you're certainly free to date whomever you want, I can see why it might cause problems between those friends. Your ex was most likely in love with you, and the end of that relationship is something he's going to take seriously. Having his friend knock you up is not something I would anticipate going over well between them. I think the "bro code", which basically just means your friends don't turn around and date someone who you just dumped or just left you, was adhered to based on the amount of time that had elapsed since your first relationship. Nevertheless, the seriousness of your previous relationship could still be something your ex has on his mind.

TLDR: You can date whomever you want, but I'm not totally surprised it became an issue between the friends.

[Belisarius565]

Things would be better and much simpler, if people just had sex when they got married. All these things about "brocode," having sex with "exs" would become irrelevant. There is a reason for "lingering feelings" and confusion, because you are physically becoming one flesh with another person. Man have one woman for himself and the woman have her man for herself, and not for anyone else.

[Deleted]

never heard of anything as stupid as this brocode sounds like something 15-18 year olds would be doing.

[Deleted]

Well this kind of happened to me once. My ex hooked up with a friend at a party for a one-night thing. The circumstances were a bit worse but that scenario got me real bad.

I mean feelings still linger. Like, when an ex hooks ep with someone after you broke up you do feel kind of uncomfortable about it don't you? When that someone is one of your friends you do feel betrayed, you start questioning whether there were feelings between them before you even broke up, your precious memories become not-so-precious anymore.

:/

[PizzaSHARK]

Nah Pizza, I'm not sayin the old friend owns her, its just a little considerate of the guy, not her, to not bang his buddies ex. Unless the ex has no problem with it. But I've definitely seen/heard of guys who do shit liek go for their buddies girl as soon as shes single, even if their buddy still has feelings.

Edit: Besides, is getting laid really THAT important that you'd potentially ruin a friendship with a close buddy?

If I care about the girl, I don't care who she dated before or when.

[breadisfunny]

Wasn't sure before but pretty obvious you're trolling now or desperate to prove how "hardcore" you are. Either way, not impressed, back to conversation with actual adults.

ok because i have a different set of ethics than you im trolling...........ok. i'd usually wait a couple months to give him time to sort out his feelings.

[Gandrake]

While I agree that she didn't violate the bro-code (not being a bro and all), I wouldn't be surprised if said bro found himself broless (i believe what some people refer to as a "brovorce") for being unable to let sleeping dogs lie because he can't control a raging boner.

People break up all the time, that's a fact. Another fact, is that people don't always move on. Sometimes they are hung up on what could have been and what they did wrong. Your ex may or may not be over what happened. Things may or may not work out. But in general, sleeping with your ex's friends is just reprehensible.

People break up for a reason. And that reason isn't so that you can gravitate to someone else that is close to them and make your way back into their life.

Either way, how things turn out all depend on the person in question. As you can see, some people would be fine with it. Some people may have a big problem with it.

(seriously what level of maturity and intellect could these people possibly be at that they have a "brocode").

Some guys, are so close, that it's like they are brothers. They mean a lot to each other and are practically like family. So they are bros. And so a code of ethics was formed, out of the brotherly love they have for each other, which is referred to as the "brocode".

But hey, I guess you just had some difficulty wrapping your brain around that concept

[breadisfunny]

While I agree that she didn't violate the bro-code (not being a bro and all), I wouldn't be surprised if said bro found himself broless (i believe what some people refer to as a "brovorce") for being unable to let sleeping dogs lie because he can't control a raging boner.

People break up all the time, that's a fact. Another fact, is that people don't always move on. Sometimes they are hung up on what could have been and what they did wrong. Your ex may or may not be over what happened. Things may or may not work out. But in general, sleeping with your ex's friends is just reprehensible.

People break up for a reason. And that reason isn't so that you can gravitate to someone else that is close to them and make your way back into their life.

Either way, how things turn out all depend on the person in question. As you can see, some people would be fine with it. Some people may have a big problem with it.



Some guys, are so close, that it's like they are brothers. They mean a lot to each other and are practically like family. So they are bros. And so a code of ethics was formed, out of the brotherly love they have for each other, which is referred to as the "brocode".

But hey, I guess you just had some difficulty wrapping your brain around that concept

if one was truly my friend or brother they would want me to be happy. if i happen to find happiness in their ex and they get upset about it and don't want to be my friend or bro anymore then they obviously never were a good fit for me as a friend in the first place. im not sure whats so hard to understand about this. a true friend will stay your friend through thick and thin and not bail because you didnt ask his permission to date a chick. last i checked i am allowed to date whoever i please as long as they are not married.

[Gandrake]

if i happen to find happiness in their ex and they get upset about it and don't want to be my friend or bro anymore then they obviously never were a good fit for me

And that's where we reach the impasse, because I would say the exact same thing. If you would do something to piss me off, you're no friend of mine.

[KOMO1211]

Things would be better and much simpler, if people just had sex when they got married. All these things about "brocode," having sex with "exs" would become irrelevant. There is a reason for "lingering feelings" and confusion, because you are physically becoming one flesh with another person. Man have one woman for himself and the woman have her man for herself, and not for anyone else.

snap back to 2013, this just in people procreate for more then just procreation sakes. what about people that have no intention of ever getting married, or married later in life. they should have to live life devoid of something great as physical manifestation of love, passion, ecstasy and excitement. what if that person is the person of your dreams and you don't seize the opportunity to go after it just because your friend. also friends, even good friends and 'lifetime' friends come and go. a good women does not. you see the chance to swoop one up you do it.

[Deleted]

if one was truly my friend or brother they would want me to be happy. if i happen to find happiness in their ex and they get upset about it and don't want to be my friend or bro anymore then they obviously never were a good fit for me as a friend in the first place. im not sure whats so hard to understand about this. a true friend will stay your friend through thick and thin and not bail because you didnt ask his permission to date a chick. last i checked i am allowed to date whoever i please as long as they are not married.

So you're saying you wouldn't mind the least if you had a gf for years, you broke up then your ex and your best/a close friend had a fling? If so then I would truly question whether you actually had strong feelings for that girl in the first place. Either that or I envy your ability to disconnect yourself from old feelings.

[Iamanerd]

Who really cares? It's been 6 months so, big deal I guess? I mean personally I think people make a big deal out of jack shit for no reason, I mean it's only sex. I've never done the one-night stand but that's my choice but I have nothing against people that do.

Also what's with people and all these silly emotions over something this dumb? Shit people are very sensitive when it's over something this dumb.

[breadisfunny]

So you're saying you wouldn't mind the least if you had a gf for years, you broke up then your ex and your best/a close friend had a fling? If so then I would truly question whether you actually had strong feelings for that girl in the first place. Either that or I envy your ability to disconnect yourself from old feelings.

i wouldnt mind it in the least. not everyone has the same values/ethics. assuming i dont care for her because i dont have the same value system as you do is silly.

[PizzaSHARK]

So you're saying you wouldn't mind the least if you had a gf for years, you broke up then your ex and your best/a close friend had a fling? If so then I would truly question whether you actually had strong feelings for that girl in the first place. Either that or I envy your ability to disconnect yourself from old feelings.

There's such a thing as "letting go."

[Deleted]

i wouldnt mind it in the least. not everyone has the same values/ethics. assuming i dont care for her because i dont have the same value system as you do is silly.

I did say "Either that or...", you know.

Naturally it comes down to how you value things. In fact I'd say it's about what you consider as betrayal.

I mean, I'd probably break down completely if my gf cheated on me, while there are guys who get turned on by watching their partners sleep with others. :S

[Deleted]

A close friend of mine went through this, but with the girl flirting with him. His friend faked being nice for some period, and then he stole some objects from his house the last time he visited him.

I am now calling on all who do things like this: If she's your ex, why do you care? Do you still care about her "deep inside"? Are you that retarded? Your "brocode" is meaningless garbage, and you should grow the fuck up.

[KOMO1211]

There's such a thing as "letting go."

just like the people of old did it, drown yourself in a bottle for a week and move the hell on. plenty of fish in the sea and all