Love Triangle: Advice Needed

[Nario64]

Ok it's not a typical love triangle but here's the situation:

A close friend of mine had feelings for this girl but she didn't feel the same about him. Instead of telling him outright I the beginning that she didn't feel romantically attracted to him she gave him excuses like "I don't date friends" and other similar things. Now, he accepted these reasons and still maintained a very close relationship with her for a few years while keeping himself in denial about his romantic feelings.

Within the last month, I started to help her buy a new car (friend A knows nothing about cars). During this time I had a lot of fun with her, we flirted a lot and she began having romantic feelings for me. I didn't feel the same at first, but we grew close. Eventually we hooked up and we've been great.

The problem: once the girl and I decided to actively date, we had to let our friend know. He didn't take it well. I should reiterate that they were the emotional support systems for each other even though they never became romantically involved. He had a conversation with her and both of them were very emotional and he decided he needed to stop seeing her indefinitely. He mentioned shortly after that he didn't have an issue with me, it was issues between the two of them. However, we haven't spoken since (2 weeks now) and when making plans with mutual friends he doesn't want me along. I tried texting him to see if we can hang out and try to be normal but he hasn't said anything back (that was on Sunday morning).

Here's where I need advice and I know a gaming forum probably isn't the best place but I feel comfortable here. What should I do? Just leave him for now and hope he comes around? Be aggressive and confront him about the situation and force him to talk about it? Or keep casually texting him hoping one day he'll bite the bullet?


UPDATE: View my post on page 7 for updates.

[Spectral]

He can suck it up and be friends with you or fuck right off. That's his call. I don't really see any great benefit to confronting him though, he can either sort it out in his own head or not at all.

[muto]

Hope he comes around. Don't act differently. Just be yourself.

If you feel like you have to force a friendship then it's a friendship not worth having.

[Bladeface]

just so ya know technically it isnt a love triangle unless you and the other guy also have something going on between you :P

[Cthulhu 2020]

Choose one, your friend or the girl.

---------- Post added 2013-02-20 at 12:03 AM ----------

just so ya know technically it isnt a love triangle unless you and the other guy also have something going on between you :P

Love triangles don't have to be geometrically connected on all sides. In fact, I can't think of a single time this has ever happened in a love triangle.

[Tapzer]

If your friend is gonna get mad because the girl he liked for years on end started to get into you then hes not a friend at all. Its not one of those situations where he dated her and its the bro code "Dont date bros ex's" he never dated her, and from what im hearing he never had any sexual intercourse with her. He shouldnt get mad if they have been close friends for years. If your friend is coming between you and happiness then i say ditch the friend, if he cant come around screw him. You shouldnt have to sacrifice YOUR happiness to make your friends "Friend Zone" relationship stay where it is. Lets say you do leave the girl because of your buddy, the girl wouldnt talk to him anymore because she would know why you broke things off with her, so in reality it is a lose lose for him.
Do what makes you happy, dont let anybody come between that.

[Sandrox]

Have sex with your girl on his bed, and make sure he sees it.

[Razorice]

Have sex with your girl on his bed, and make sure he sees it.

Because that will sure help.... >.>

OT: Just give your friend some time, maybe he will calm down, settle his thoughts and come around.

[Sivick]

he needs space dude. let him cool off for a bit. in the end he'll probably pick one of you to blame for this, and it'll probably be her since she turned him down with such an obvious lie.

[Doylez]

Just leave him alone for now, if he doesn't come around then he is probably not a friend worth having.
Bro Code does not apply.

[raechuul]

Yeah, seems like he's mostly irritated at her... which is understandable because she didn't actually confront him honestly. Give him space for a while, and if he doesn't come around, it's not your fault so don't worry about it.

[Stir]

The only advice is hindsight:
Always be honest with your friends.

Seriously; if you do not feel romantically attracted to someone, then you don't. Not your fault, not their fault; romance isn't something you can just fake and/or force. It either happens or it doesn't, through no fault of either party involved.

So... Yeah...

Anyway: He's hurt, he's not thinking straight, so he puts the blame on her for being rejected. I can understand because of the lies, of course, but if he were to stop and think, he might understand that she tried not to hurt his feelings. She was merely being incredibly stupid about it. However, it reads as if none of the participants of this scenario are past the age of 21... Things can escalate quickly with the whole raging hormones thing. (Again; hindsight. We've all been there, after all.)

I'd say you need to talk to him. If he flat-out refuses to have any connections with her, then you're all going to have a problem. Basically, his behaviour is causing you to have to choose between your girlfriend and him. You have to hang out with either her or him. If only for that reason, you're probably best off trying to explain to him how she tried her hand at white lies rather than just turning him down and hurting his feelings. Sure; you can agree with him that lying isn't the right thing, but her motives for doing so were well-intended, and that's got to count for something.

[Nario64]

I appreciate the feedback and for the most part agree with all of you. I simply needed to see more perspective on the issue and it looks like I'm seeing it clearly. If he doesn't cool off then it'll be unfortunate that I'll lose a friend but I guess it's what it is. I'll leave the ball in his court and wait for him to confront me.

For now I'll just enjoy the sex and see what happens.


And just for disclosure, I'm 27, the girl is 30 and my friend is 30. It's an odd situation to be in at this age but it is what it is.

[Druid cookie]

I had something similar occur a few years ago. Just be sure you don't go and say anything stupid. You did the right thing by talking to him and explaining the situation (I wish that conversation had happened when I went through this).

Also, be understanding and forgive him if he says something stupid, if he was a very good friend before you don't want to lose that just because you can't forgive a guy for saying some mean words purely meant to be hurtful because he's jealous he couldn't have that same connection with her.

If he never comes back around that's his choice and he obviously isn't one of those friends you could rely on to be there anyways.

[Deleted]

tell him to grow up and stop acting like a child.

[Stir]

And just for disclosure, I'm 27, the girl is 30 and my friend is 30. It's an odd situation to be in at this age but it is what it is.

In this case: I'm sorry, but your friend needs to grow up.

[The Small Hours]

The most obvious advice... bro's before ho's.

[Cthulhu 2020]

In this case: I'm sorry, but your friend needs to grow up.

Or he could become an internet warrior and complain incessantly about "the friend zone", because we don't have enough of those.

[Toffie]

For now I'll just enjoy the sex and see what happens.

Doesn't stike me as someone who is 27.

Your friend should move on.
Why couldn't you find someone else to have sex with?
Isn't it pretty understable that he should be angry at you? Imagine having a crush on someone and you get rejected and your friend ends up banging her.

Also I'm getting tired of all these dating advice threads coming into these forums, isn't there any teenage websites you could ask this?

[jbombard]

If you knew he had strong feelings for her it was kind of a dckmove to go after her. Even if he was friend zoned by her, it is fairly easy to see this coming. Of course he is uncomfortable he has strong feelings for her, so he obviously doesn't want to see here with another guy especially not his friend. It doesn't matter if he is being immature, it is what it is, and it was very easy to foresee it coming to this. I think we all have friends that are immature or kinda whacked out in one way or another, but we stand by them anyway because that is what friends do.

Unfortunately where you are now, all of that is pretty moot. Talk to your friend, so you can understand where he is coming from and try to tell him where you are coming from WITHOUT attacking him for being immature. Even still chances are very good that you are stuck with a choice between him and her. Do you lover her and want to marry her, if so then all else be damned you gotta go with your heart. However if you aren't really sure where it is going with her, and your friend is a good friend I would do what it takes to support my friend, even if he is being a dumbass.