Cheating in a relationship, story-questions-answers

[Aspect of Death]

Inc story (il try and keep it short).
I met this girl in a party on friday, a girl i was in a studygroup with at the university last year. We had alot of fun on friday, so i asked her to come over to my place and watch a movie/eat on saturday (call it a date if you will), she accepted.

She came over yesterday, we had a great time, we ate, watched move, talked etc.
Inc the (the wierd part). So we started to make out, then she backed away and asked "Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend in a relationship?". I had no idea why she asked, and i didnt know what to answer. But i decided to tell her the truth. (That i had), incase she had heard it from my ex, a friend of a friend etc. After i did, she became all defensive, short answers and "have to leave". Hah..
Still dont understand why she would ask that, if she was going to decide if i was an "asshole" or not, could she not have asked me before?

So i suppose since i cheated once, im always a cheater in her eyes, and maybe many of you think the same thing. But that is not really correct tho.(Imo) We are humans, and humans make mistakes. Is it not silly to say "that mistake will never be fixed/forgiven?"

I have seen over many threads here on MMO-C aswell that "hate" towards someone who have cheated, as in comments like "fuck that cheating whore" etc.

And question is.

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

I guess i will start answer the questions.

1: Yes
2: I slept with someone else.
3: I told her, because i knew what i had done was wrong. I dont think she forgave me truly, but she wanted to continue the relationship. (We broke up).
4: I accept that i did a mistake, and regret hurting her the way i did. My excuse.. We didnt really work, and i should have broken up with her, but i didnt because i hoped it could still be a way for us to work, i was wrong.
5: No, and no i wouldnt forgive that.
6: I wouldnt break up over that. And it depends on what kind of woman it was, if i really liked her, it wouldnt matter if she had or not.
7: Like i said ^. Humans make mistakes, and sometimes we do stupid things. Dont think we should be haunted by one mistake for the rest of our lives tho.

[Deleted]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1. Yes.
2. We fooled around, no sex though.
3. Nope, didn't tell.
4. Nope, was lonely, she was hot, I wanted to do it.
5. No, and that depends. If we were on the same level mentally and she could motivate why she did it I might forgive it.
6. Hell no, I wouldn't break up. That crap's in the past, it's a brand new relationship, I'm confident she won't need to cheat on me.
7. I don't see a cheater as a cheater the rest of his/her life. People grow, people learn, we adapt. And I also like to see the good in people rather than bad.

[Deleted]

Sounds like she had a bad experience and doesn't want to risk getting hurt a second time.

On to the Questions:

1. No
2. -
3. -
4. Wouldn't need to. I don't want to get hurt by Women, so i don't want to hurt them either.
5. Yes - no, i didn't
6. Yes. You do it once, you do it twice.
7. Yes - simply because i think its wrong. Humans are Humans, but we always say "its our free minds and our free will that makes us special!" So, once it gets to cheating were "just humans and we make mistakes"? It's not called Mistake without a reason. If you know it's hard for you to stay loyal once you are drunk, drink less.

Side Fact: Humans aren't made for monogamous Relationships. It's an Invention of Human Society.

[theWocky]

If you're getting all hot and steamy and if someone asks that... "deny deny deny... DENY"

So, yeah... I will say the following to all your questions:

1. NOPE. Nothing Happened
2. Nothing Happened
3. Nothing Happened
4. Nothing Happened.
5. Probably - Look at it this way - I see sex as a recreational thing - nothing sacred. If my G/F slept with guys before meeting me - why would it matter if she slipped up about it and slept with someone during a relationship? Long as she has a shower and doesn't shove it in my face, I'm cool. If she falls pregnant - she's his problem then. Some of you honestly think you've never dated a girl who was with a guy the night before you? If someone uses sex to hurt you or as a weapon - different story - would dump them.
6. Nope
7. Can't really judge, can I?

It's not I fall out of love. I just like variety. Heck, I can't even keep a car two years and I ride that every damn day. A woman holds my physical interest maybe 2 weeks ~ 6 months. Then they want to slack off, make excuses. Screw that. And before you judge - I know a lot of women that feel the same.

[Ifeanychukwu]

1: No.
2: If I ever had thoughts of cheating on someone I would just break up with them rather than risk hurting them even more.
3: Would tell them if I was ever stupid enough to do it.
4: I would tell them honestly what the reason was.
5: No. If someone ever does I would forgive them but would probably never trust them again.
6: Depends on how their view of what they did. If they're like "he/she deserved it!" then no, probably not. If they genuinely regretted it I would because people make mistakes and oftentimes people cheat because they're in an unhappy relationship on both ends but neither is willing to end the relationship.
7: Some people yes, others no. Just depends on the type of person and their values.

Edit: Voted that cheaters are always cheaters on accident. Meant to vote otherwise, my bad!

[0mnipotent]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1.) Yes
2.) Slept with another woman.
3.) First GF I did, she didn't forgive me. Second GF I told her about first time not second, She forgave for first one.
4.) I made the decision to cheat. My excuse is poor, I suck at breaking up so if the woman doesn't leave nicely the first time I try and end things I usually end up cheating.
5.) Yes, no.
6.) I wouldn't date a woman I knew has cheated before, I already have trust issues.
7.) Cheaters cheat. Simple.

[Deleted]

Before I answer the questions, I don't believe she left on the fact you cheated, but merely because you cheated once there is the option it could happen again. True, people do make mistakes, but once a mistake has been made that mistake can be made again.

1. No
2. Can't answer that question
3. Can't answer that question
4. Can't answer that question
5. Yes and yes, but I always had a shadow of doubt hanging over my head.
6. I would give the person a chance.
7. I would forgive the person, but as I mentioned, the mistake happened and I know that the person can revert back to the "same state of mind" and possibly do that mistake again.

-Raketee

[Kisho]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?

No. I have, however, wanted to; but I didn't.

2-4 are N/A.

5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?

Nobody has cheated on me. As for forgiving someone? I potentially could, depending on the circumstances.

6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?

I'd ask for the full story then make my decision.

7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

If they didn't cheat on me, it's none of my concern. That said, related to 6, knowing the full circumstances can tell you a lot about their character. If they clearly regret their decision, then it's ok.



For your particular story OP, I'm willing to bet that girl has had issues in the past with cheating, so she's super cautious about it now. If that's true, I can't really blame her for the way she acted... At the end of the day, it's her choice about who to date. If she's willing to give up a potentially great relationship just because that person cheated once in the past, then that's her choice to live with.

Anyhoo, to explain my answer to the first question, where I said I wanted to cheat? I was in a boring relationship that wasn't satisfying any of my needs (emotional, mental, sexual, etc.), and as such I wanted to make my life more exciting. Cheating is exactly that: exciting. Interesting. So I wanted to do it.

That said, I didn't, because I knew the regret and guilt would far outweigh any pleasure I got from it. So I broke up with her instead.

[Ifeanychukwu]

Before I answer the questions, I don't believe she left on the fact you cheated, but merely because you cheated once there is the option it could happen again. True, people do make mistakes, but once a mistake has been made that mistake can be made again.

I think you're right about the reason that she left but just because someone makes a mistake once doesn't mean that they're more likely to make the same mistake again. It all depends on the people and situations involved, but I see what you're saying =3

[xtiiina]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? yes
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more? i slept with someone else
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you? yes, i told him right after, and he never forgave me. we ended the relationship then and there mutually.
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it? i realize i made a big mistake and i do regret it often, but its done and over with.
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? yes, ive been cheated on many times... knowing how it feels i don't know why i did it to someone else. one person i forgave because he changed, the other one not so much.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them? no, shit happens.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain) no, i wouldn't. i do believe people can learn from their mistakes and change. i mean even i did, i know in my heart i will never cheat on someone ever again because it was the worst mistake i've ever made. still miss the guy.

[Razorice]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? Yes. Cheated on my girlfriend at the time.
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more? More.
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you? No, I didn't.
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it? I don't regret it.
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? Not that I know off.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them? I wouldn't care and would go out with that person.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain) I would forgive a "cheater", we all make mistakes. (Don't really see cheating as a mistake to be honest, I think it's just what happens because we want to. blaming it on alcohol or something else is wrong, but that is my opinion.)

[Boogums]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
No
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
n/a
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
n/a
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
n/a
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
No, n/a
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
Depends, did they cheat on this person for me, or was the cheating part of their distant pass. If the former, then no, "If she'll cheat for you, she'll cheat on you." If the latter, then maybe.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)
No, yes. We are humans, and all humans are susceptible to weakness and moments of self doubt. Furthermore, willpower is a finite resource. It's not up to me to judge those who have committed adultery. Chances are I won't think too highly of that person, but it won't act as a mark that causes me to hate them.

[theWocky]

Heh, well it did go throu my mind to lie, but then... If she already knew about it, and wanted to see if i lied, then she might have done the same thing.

Who cares if she knew? Which part of DENY, DENY, DENY did you not get? ^^

[Daerio]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? Nope, never cheated.
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? Never been cheated on.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?

I would not enter into a relationship with someone who had ever cheated on their significant other. Once a cheater, always a cheater is gospel - perhaps over a long period of time, people can change/mature, but for example - if I started 'sleeping around' with a girl who was already in a relationship, it would be entirely ridiculous for me to think that she would not cheat on me as well. People should really keep that in mind.

I would also point out that I don't think you are very old OP, (a guess) and I don't think that your 'cheating incident' was really so long ago that you really learned from it, or wouldn't do it again. I think most of the population would cheat, have cheated, given the right circumstances. It's certainly not easy to find a partner you can trust to be faithful these days.

[Deleted]

Why would anyone want to answer questions such as these, especially if you're not anonymous on this forum..

[Deleted]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
No, never have never will
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
N/A
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
N/A
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
N/A
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
Yes they did. No I didn't. I broke up with them instantly and never looked back.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
I wouldn't give them a chance. If they were willing to cheat before there would be nothing stopping them doing it again.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why?
Yes. The saying a Leopard doesn't change its spots is popular for a reason. I have never forgave the person who cheated on me 6 years ago and not surprisingly she cheated on her next partner too.

Answers for mine in Bold.
As for you. You were stupid. You should have broken up with her instead of cheating and now it wouldn't surprise me that some girls will find you untrustworthy.
If you feel it isn't working out with them...even just for a day or because you had a fight with them...what is stopping you going out and cheating on them again?

[Windfury]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - No
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more? n/a
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you? n/a
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it? n/a
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? Yes and no I didn't forgive. I tired to but never was able to really forgive and let it go.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them? I doubt I would stay with them/get involved if I knew about it. There'd have to be some special reason. I have to respect and trust someone to be with them.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain) It's not really any of my business unless it's a personal issue between the two of us. It's not something I hold against friends or anything.

[wolphe]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1: No, However I do have the occasional "urge" for someone when I meet some I truly find special, yet I manage to leave it at that.
2:
3:
4:
5: Yes, but never found out of it until after we had broken up. At that point, I didn't really care tbh.
6:I sort of what in a "somewhat" relationship like this, I actually was "the other guy" once. I never wanted to be, yet I couldn't stop either. I knew she had been cheating before, and it actually did bother me more then I'd like to admit.
7: Like I said before, I do know someone, I always try to tell myself that people always deserves a chance to change themselfs, yet I find myself worrying about trust all the time as long as I had something to do with her.

[whathump]

1. No.
5. Yes. I forgave them and I should not have.
6. Depends on how old they were and what it entailed. If it entailed sex, then I would just break up with them or not go out with them. I just view it as speaking to someone's character, that they're selfish or lack sufficient impulse control. Either way, not a person I would get along with.
7. I probably would think of them as that.

[Deleted]

1: No. When there's a girl I want more than the one I have already I break up, usually after a couple of holiday fling-like months, they know that's what they're getting before they go out with me because I tell them clearly. I don't like settling or "trying" to make something work, it's not worth it to me, I like a string of relaxed relationships without the bad stuff.
2: N/A
3: N/A
4: N/A
5: It's never happened but I wouldn't forgive them.
6: I'd still go out with them unless they cheated on me personally, like I said before my relationships are short and primarily about light hearted physical and emotional fun.
7: It doesn't personally bother me that other people do it, I might look down on them a little bit but there's nothing done to impact me that I would need to forgive, unless it was my sister or something.