Well, she's gone.

[Stelio Kontos]

What my history teacher used to say: Never run after a tram or a girl. There will always come another one.

That is just brilliant. I need to remember that.

Very true.

[Mojibake]

Please forgive my boldness, but from your OP, I suspect your neediness is probably a big cause of why she left. I suspect the sexual pressure came in the form of begging and pleading. I suspect that asking her how she felt and why those feelings made her leave you will only reinforce the qualities she doesn't like.

I should have clarified a bit, but I wanted to remain somewhat discreet. It wasn't so much as begging and pleading, as it was me trying to set the mood and apparently trying too hard. I'd give her massages and we would kiss and it would slowly lead to lovemaking. Sometimes we would play-fight (She is somewhat "kinky" so its kind of normal). Like I said, I never wanted to hurt her in this way. She never said anything about it until after said presentation.

[Thetruth1400]

Young love is a fickle thing.

This mostly.

In addition to that, it sounds like you also have some insecurities to work through before you can commit to a serious relationship. The main one I see is your sexual issue. Weather you want to admit it or not, you committed what is known as marital rape. You kept pressuring her to the point where she just accepted it to prevent, in her eyes, a problem from escalating further. No matter if she did it to get you to shut up or because she was afraid you'd get violent, she did it to stop the harassment. Learn to deal with this before getting into any further relationships.

[Mojibake]

That is not that much really.

It's possible she has problems with physical intimacy. Or maybe you're more forceful than you realise. Without knowing either of you extremely well it's impossible for others to say. My advice would be to give her space and have some experiences with other women so you can get a more objective assessment of how much of a part you played in it. When you're young and in a relationship with the one person for a long time you can lose perspective.

I might do that. We had broken up once before, for a short time, and it was the synthesis of all our general thoughts into a more cohesive understanding that lead us to get back together again happily.

[Deleted]

Have heard that quote many times. It's always never run after a "Tram/Bus" or [the subject matter being discussed] ...and it's always true.

Yeah I guess he adapted it to the situation.. I was late at his class and when I entered that's what he told me.

And OP.. you are 19. You have all your life ahead. Well most of it.

[Celista]

That is not that much really.

It's possible she has problems with physical intimacy. Or maybe you're more forceful than you realise. Without knowing either of you extremely well it's impossible for others to say. My advice would be to give her space and have some experiences with other women so you can get a more objective assessment of how much of a part you played in it. When you're young and in a relationship with the one person for a long time you can lose perspective.

I agree with all of this.

What my history teacher used to say: Never run after a tram or a girl. There will always come another one.

True but the wait for another compatible bf/gf is usually much longer than the wait for the next bus...

imo, cherish the relationships you are in at the time (if it is a relatively good one), but don't be so devastated when it ends that you can not forsee ever being with another person, there is always someone else out there somewhere.

[Ragedaug]

I should have clarified a bit, but I wanted to remain somewhat discreet. It wasn't so much as begging and pleading, as it was me trying to set the mood and apparently trying too hard. I'd give her massages and we would kiss and it would slowly lead to lovemaking. Sometimes we would play-fight (She is somewhat "kinky" so its kind of normal). Like I said, I never wanted to hurt her in this way. She never said anything about it until after said presentation.

So she was one of those girls that doesn't care for romance?? Now I'm completely lost and have no idea how your tenderness and affection would "hurt" her. With that response I suspect you're doing and saying what you can to entice people to keep responding.

[Stelio Kontos]

I might do that. We had broken up once before, for a short time, and it was the synthesis of all our general thoughts into a more cohesive understanding that lead us to get back together again happily.

A woman who treats you like a yo-yo will continue to treat you like a yo-yo. By that I mean breaking up and reconciling. It's a dumb, sick cycle that gives her entirely too much power over you. She'll just hint at leaving and off you'll go conceding whatever she wants.

Don't do it, I'm telling you this from experience. My ex-gf did that to me numerous times over the seven years we were together. She'd break up or talk about breaking up whenever she got upset and here I'd go like the big idiot dropping my (sometimes legitimate) complaints or problems with her in an effort to appease her.

[Mojibake]

This mostly.

In addition to that, it sounds like you also have some insecurities to work through before you can commit to a serious relationship. The main one I see is your sexual issue. Weather you want to admit it or not, you committed what is known as marital rape. You kept pressuring her to the point where she just accepted it to prevent, in her eyes, a problem from escalating further. No matter if she did it to get you to shut up or because she was afraid you'd get violent, she did it to stop the harassment. Learn to deal with this before getting into any further relationships.

This is why I think the presentation caused her to, slightly, exaggerate her feelings out of fear of "Maybe this is what happened" versus rationality. I always went out of my way to ask her if she was okay, if I did anything that bothered her and I never incited any sort of violence that would cause her to fear me. What she said came as an incredible shock to me.

---------- Post added 2013-05-07 at 05:52 AM ----------

So she was one of those girls that doesn't care for romance?? Now I'm completely lost and have no idea how your tenderness and affection would "hurt" her. With that response I suspect you're doing and saying what you can to entice people to keep responding.

You can suspect what you like and I wont reprimand you for it. Lying gets me nowhere in this situation. It may just be the amount of times I tried to initiate (I said earlier 3-5 time in a weekend of three days/two nights).

[Ragedaug]

Yeah I guess he adapted it to the situation.. I was late at his class and when I entered that's what he told me.

And OP.. you are 19. You have all your life ahead. Well most of it.

=) I learned that one the hard way as one buddy kept yelling at me and another buddy to stop running after a bus - He later told me his Dad had told him the quote you gave. I think we gave up after 9-10 blocks of running the bus down and within a few minutes after we stopped chasing the bus, got on the next one along =)

I think I was 21 at the time. With those 2 extra years under my belt you would have thought I knew better!

[Mojibake]

A woman who treats you like a yo-yo will continue to treat you like a yo-yo. By that I mean breaking up and reconciling. It's a dumb, sick cycle that gives her entirely too much power over you. She'll just hint at leaving and off you'll go conceding whatever she wants.

Don't do it, I'm telling you this from experience. My ex-gf did that to me numerous times over the seven years we were together. She'd break up or talk about breaking up whenever she got upset and here I'd go like the big idiot dropping my (sometimes legitimate) complaints or problems with her in an effort to appease her.

I figured it would be somewhat misleading. It was only once before and we had a few problems (Unrelated to these) that caused some issues and we both understood that we couldn't be together if we didn't fix them. I had a yo-yo girlfriend once, so I know how that feels. I think she left me and came back 4-5 times before I said gave up

[Nekrosislol]

Sorry to hear man, keep your chin up though. Your young, you still have a lot of time to find someone else that will appriciate you for you and not what she wants you to be.

If this was your first serious relationship, then yes it sucks and it hurts but time mends everything. Don't brood to much on it, get out with some friends. Don't lock yourself in a dark place with sad thoughts. You will get over this faster when you go out and enjoy life with some mates. What I did over my first heartache (i think i was 15/16ish at the time) I was in a bad spot, but i did some volunteer work and it really helped a lot. Maybe to help yourself you can help others? Just keep your chin up.

[Deleted]

Maybe she just wants to try some new things, alone, with no strings. Just move on.

[Ragedaug]

You can suspect what you like and I wont reprimand you for it. Lying gets me nowhere in this situation. It may just be the amount of times I tried to initiate (I said earlier 3-5 time in a weekend of three days/two nights).

Lying gets you extra attention.

Most ladies would love a man to show tenderness and affection that gets them in the mood and slowly builds up to lovemaking - - especially if it lead to multiple opportunities over the course of a weekend. The normal objection is when the guy wants sex multiple times with no build up. So if your story is true, chin up, there's plenty of women you'll please with your "forceful" tenderness.

[Mojibake]

Sorry to hear man, keep your chin up though. Your young, you still have a lot of time to find someone else that will appriciate you for you and not what she wants you to be.

If this was your first serious relationship, then yes it sucks and it hurts but time mends everything. Don't brood to much on it, get out with some friends. Don't lock yourself in a dark place with sad thoughts. You will get over this faster when you go out and enjoy life with some mates. What I did over my first heartache (i think i was 15/16ish at the time) I was in a bad spot, but i did some volunteer work and it really helped a lot. Maybe to help yourself you can help others? Just keep your chin up.

Thank you. I'll most likely spend most of my time with the few friends I have as well as my video games. World of Warcraft has always been good at taking my mind off things.

[Stelio Kontos]

It really depends on the woman though. And her mood at the time. The same woman could want an hour of romance and foreplay one day, and to just get to the deed the next.

It's about compatibility and learning to read cues. And knowing your limits. One ex had rape fantasies. I never even considered indulging her ideas on that. It was just beyond what I was willing to do. One girl I dated always wanted me to be gentle, doting, and never forceful. Then the next one really liked when I'd pin her down or pull her hair. She liked me being aggressive more often than not.

[Psilar]

I'm also not your average 19 year old. I'm young and dumb, yes, but my philosophy is more complex than anything most of the YOLO-ites of my age group can comprehend.

You're 19, you can't possibly have that much life experience.

I would get over it and find someone else.

[Mojibake]

Lying gets you extra attention.

Most ladies would love a man to show tenderness and affection that gets them in the mood and slowly builds up to lovemaking - - especially if it lead to multiple opportunities over the course of a weekend. The normal objection is when the guy wants sex multiple times with no build up. So if your story is true, chin up, there's plenty of women you'll please with your "forceful" tenderness.

I don't need attention. I actually am surprised I got so many responses. I want to generate a discussion mostly because I'm at a loss for what I should do now that such a big part of my life has left me. Maybe sometimes I tried too much or too hard, maybe sometimes I didn't quite do it right and it was unpleasant for her. She never said anything and I always made an effort to ask her whether or I did anything she didn't want so that I could try to avoid this.

---------- Post added 2013-05-07 at 06:02 AM ----------

It really depends on the woman though. And her mood at the time. The same woman could want an hour of romance and foreplay one day, and to just get to the deed the next.

It's about compatibility and learning to read cues. And knowing your limits. One ex had rape fantasies. I never even considered indulging her ideas on that. It was just beyond what I was willing to do. One girl I dated always wanted me to be gentle, doting, and never forceful. Then the next one really liked when I'd pin her down or pull her hair. She liked me being aggressive more often than not.

It is something I definitely need to work on. I'm a pretty open-minded guy, but your rape fantasy girl seems way out of my comfort zone as well haha. Its funny that all my work on philosophy is lost in the bedroom.

[Psilar]

This is why I think the presentation caused her to, slightly, exaggerate her feelings out of fear of "Maybe this is what happened" versus rationality. I always went out of my way to ask her if she was okay, if I did anything that bothered her and I never incited any sort of violence that would cause her to fear me. What she said came as an incredible shock to me.

---------- Post added 2013-05-07 at 05:52 AM ----------



You can suspect what you like and I wont reprimand you for it. Lying gets me nowhere in this situation. It may just be the amount of times I tried to initiate (I said earlier 3-5 time in a weekend of three days/two nights).

You can't just ask a woman how she feels and get a straight answer...never happens - gotta read the clues.

[Yuyn]

I'm also not your average 19 year old. I'm young and dumb, yes, but my philosophy is more complex than anything most of the YOLO-ites of my age group can comprehend.

It's not nearly as complex or deep or incomprehensible as you think. Trust me on this.