Is good behaviour and kindness old fashioned?

[RH92]

Before I start excuse me for any grammatical errors or bad using of words, English is not my first language. Thank you.

Hi everybody.

Over the last few years I noticed the behaviour of people is getting worse. I am not talking about "big stuff" as corruption in politics, what I mean is those little gestures of kindness in everyday life. Everybody seems to be grumpy and selfish... It really troubles me, I feel like the world is much more hostile now. Because when I try to exhibit good behaviour or kindness, it is me who loses in the end. And I don't consider it a generation matter, because older people are acting the same as anybody else now.

Here is a example, story that my friend told me. He was traveling by bus to a different town (A two hour ride), bus was full. Then a older woman walked in, so he let her sit in his former seat (He was the only one who let her sit). After forty minutes she leaves and he sit back while another older woman entered the bus. She sees him to sit on "free seat" and she start to scream on him about good behaviour. He tries to politely explain to her his situation. As if it wasn't enough, ALL other old people in bus start to shout at him. Nobody tries defend him nor let the angry woman sit. So he had to stand for over a hour and a half in the bus.

Another example. I was going to a shop, I see a man leaving. His bag suddenly breaks and all his "stuff" falls on ground. I immediately try to help him to pick it up, yet he start to yell at me to not touch his things. I try to explain to him that I just wanted to help. He ignores my explanation, give me a strange look and leaves. No "thank you" or "sorry"... Don't get me wrong, I don't do it for a praise. I genuinely wanted to help, but it pains me when it is misunderstood.

Also everybody nervously want to get ahead of you in a row while shopping and so on... It is hard to describe, I hope you got the idea.

Here are some questions I would like to ask:
What do you think may be the cause of it?
Why does it persist?
Are you afraid to show kindness as you fear it will be perceived as "weird" or simply misunderstood?

[Deleted]

Last week at a supermarket I saw an older woman (60s) struggle to bring a large bag of dog food 15kgs + to her car boot. I as a 30somthing male offered to lift it into her car for her. I said this with a smile while wearing a suit (so I hardly look like a thief or homeless person) and she screams at me to get away and other people to help! People came up to me demanding to know what I was doing.

Few days ago I walked through a door, and saw there was a youngish (20s) woman coming through the door after me within 3 seconds, so I held the door open for her. Immediately I was confronted with *what? do you think im fucking helpless? go fuck yourself...* Classy...

I stood there stunned. People do not want kindness or help nowadays it seems.

[Deleted]

seriously OP, why cant you just leave other people alone!

[Bolson13]

I don't have this experience at all to be honest. And certainly not that it is getting worse then it was in the past.

[Deleted]

Big town thing is my guess, you dont bother to help anyone who you will never meet again and wont be able to "repay" you in any way. Atleast this is the feeling i have about it, iv never lived outside of a large city for a longer period of time but whenever i am in a smaller place - people just seem to be nicer to eachother. Probably due to the fact that they see eachother all the time.


Edit: Iv never been yelled at for helping anyone as people above though, whenever i help someone im met with joy.

[Thorim]

Last week at a supermarket I saw an older woman (60s) struggle to bring a large bag of dog food 15kgs + to her car boot. I as a 30somthing male offered to lift it into her car for her. I said this with a smile while wearing a suit (so I hardly look like a thief or homeless person) and she screams at me to get away and other people to help! People came up to me demanding to know what I was doing.

Few days ago I walked through a door, and saw there was a youngish (20s) woman coming through the door after me within 3 seconds, so I held the door open for her. Immediately I was confronted with *what? do you think im fucking helpless? go fuck yourself...* Classy...

I stood there stunned. People do not want kindness or help nowadays it seems.

I guess by the fact you used the word "boot" you live in the UK? Was this in the North or South by any chance, because up North I've never ever EVER had any other reaction other than either a smile, or a 'thank you' for holding open doors or helping people carry things. This is from a guy with long hair, piercings, big New Rock boots so no suit here and still not those reactions.

Either way, what kind of a social-retard (can't think of a more PC word) would berate a stranger for holding open a door for them xD I am sure this is not the norm.

[Deleted]

A lot of people are useless, worthless and plenty of other kinds of "less". Most people are dogshit people, simple as that. Did I also mention that people are worthless? Next time someone lashes out on you when you offer help simply ask them to go kill themselves.

[Deleted]

I guess by the fact you used the word "boot" you live in the UK? Was this in the North or South by any chance, because up North I've never ever EVER had any other reaction other than either a smile, or a 'thank you' for holding open doors or helping people carry things. This is from a guy with long hair, piercings, big New Rock boots so no suit here and still not those reactions.

Either way, what kind of a social-retard (can't think of a more PC word) would berate a stranger for holding open a door for them xD I am sure this is not the norm.

its in Wales

[Kokolums]

I take the bus a lot. You will never see a ruder group of surly people on a regular basis then the group of people trying to board a bus. They are ruthless. They have NO qualms about cutting in front of you in line, hoarding seats, or blocking traffic. What is hilarious is these SAME people, when they deboard the bus, will wish the bus driver a hearty "have a nice day!" or "thank you!" as if they are suddenly courteous sweethearts.

[Stelio Kontos]

People rarely if ever behave that way where I grew up, people still help each other, respect the elderly, and give a hand when it's needed. Is it a western European/North American thing? Or just a city/rural divide in your areas?

[RH92]

I don't have this experience at all to be honest. And certainly not that it is getting worse then it was in the past.

I've been acting the same since I remember. I was always like this, it is only the last 5 years or so that it became "weird". And I honestly can't say I was unlucky with people. I see this trend everywhere around me... Maybe it is just local matter, who knows. But I read a lot about worse behaviour in other countries too.

People rarely if ever behave that way where I grew up. Is it a western European/North American thing? Or just a city/rural divide in your areas?

I am from Slovakia, eastern Europe. And my hometown, the Banská Bystrica is relatively small town in global view. But in Slovakia it is actually one of the largest towns. So my area isn't exactly example of spoiled city folk.

[Stelio Kontos]

I am from Slovakia, eastern Europe. And my hometown, the Banská Bystrica is relatively small town in global view. But in Slovakia it is actually one of the largest towns. So my area isn't exactly example of spoiled city folk.

I'm from Ioannina, in Epirus, Greece, so NW Greece, bordering Albania. I'm sure there are rotten folks in Athens, since it's a huge city, but I honestly can't say that's behavior I saw a lot growing up. Could it be a religion thing in some cases? Slovakia doesn't have very high religiosity, does it?

I dunno, just shooting out ideas. Might not be a religiosity issue.

[RH92]

I'm from Ioannina, in Epirus, Greece, so NW Greece, bordering Albania. I'm sure there are rotten folks in Athens, since it's a huge city, but I honestly can't say that's behavior I saw a lot growing up. Could it be a religion thing in some cases? Slovakia doesn't have very high religiosity, does it?

I dunno, just shooting out ideas. Might not be a religiosity issue.

No, no... Slovakia is quite religious country, but it is diminishing. It is Czechs who aren't religious. And to be honest I am not exactly convinced that believing in god makes you a better person. I don't believe in god and I still try to help when I can, but I still understand the importance of religion.

[Stelio Kontos]

No, no... Slovakia is quite religious country, but it is diminishing. It is Czechs who aren't religious. And to be honest I am not exactly convinced that believing in god makes you a better person. I don't believe in god and I still try to help when I can, but I still understand the importance of religion.

It's not so much the belief in a God I'd wager. But a person who's religious is more likely to also follow traditional social norms. And at least where I come from that meant more civil behavior. That might not apply to every region though. I moved to the US, and honestly, I've found that southerners and minorities tend to be socially kind in the traditional sense.

Who knows, people are weird creatures.

[RH92]

It's not so much the belief in a God I'd wager. But a person who's religious is more likely to also follow traditional social norms. And at least where I come from that meant more civil behavior. That might not apply to every region though. I moved to the US, and honestly, I've found that southerners and minorities tend to be socially kind in the traditional sense.

Who knows, people are weird creatures.

Yeah, I can see your point. I guess religion makes people more connected in a certain way, so they are generally more attuned to be kind to each other.

But let's not turn this into a religious debate.

[Morbownz]

You should never be kind of thoughtful to strangers unless you can benefit from it.

[Deleted]

I was in Tesco the other day (A supermarket) and one of the ladies working there dropping an item whilst stacking some shelves, I picked it up for her and she said "thank you, thank you, thank you". So I think it can go either way, she seemed pretty happy for something I did which required literally no effort on my part as I was standing next to the dropped item anyway.

[Deleted]

You should never be kind of thoughtful to strangers unless you can benefit from it.

Classy guy right here.


Always be kind to people, one day you'll be the old guy trying to carry his shopping to the car.

[Levatio]

Classy guy right here.


Always be kind to people, one day you'll be the old guy trying to carry his shopping to the car.

That's also not the best way to look at things.
Just be kind for the sake of being kind.

[Vizardlorde]

I haven't experienced any of this. I have helped old ladies carry stuff or reach upper shelves in the super market, I've held the door for people behind me, I do stuff that other people would charge a good amount of money for free and I've always gotten thanks. Now on the other end I rarely receive similar treatment except people holding the elevator for me which I'm really grateful for, but that's probably because this air of being unapproachable around me so I understand.