"game relationship" and moral dilemma.

[anya85]

Hey guys, I need to ask some advice or thoughts on a situation I've gotten myself into. I am posting this here on a gaming forum because I feel like some of you may understand this situation better than say, a typical relationship forum. I am a married female gamer in my twenties. My husband also is a gamer, but plays a different game. However, he doesn't have a problem with how much I play, which is a lot and I have a lot of friends in game. Our guild uses a voice program and we use it every day socially, as well as for raids/stuff. Obviously as a woman, sometimes I get extra attention.

Any way, so a little over a month ago, I became friends with someone in the game. A guy, younger than me. He was a really positive, helpful player and fun to hang out with. We became facebook friends, which I never thought much about because I have lots of people who I've played games with over the years as friends on facebook. We started doing a lot of stuff together, some days being in a group for 6-8 hours a day, occasionally with other people or sometimes just us. Over time, we shared a lot of details about our lives and became quite close. He was flirty and fun to talk too and I got a definite vibe from him that he liked me, but I made it really clear from the start that I was married and whatever we had going on was limited to within the game, a "game relationship" only I guess. He would say he understood, but he still would make lots of lovey-dovey comments. I'll be honest. I like the attention. I like him a lot. I hate to admit it, but I do have some conflicted feelings for him and I would be absolutely crushed to lose him as a friend. But again, I am married, so... this puts me in a bad spot. I know this is a grey area, but I'm not interested in leaving my husband or starting anything irl. We had so many conversations with me telling him how it would not work between us: I'm not available, distance, age, life situation, how he needs to find someone single near him instead, etc...

My dilemma is that I feel he's developed some pretty hardcore feelings for me. He has pet names for me. He's jealous of my husband. He sometimes talks about stuff we should do in real life or makes comments about what a good couple we'd be(in rl). I know if I told him that I wanted to meet him, he'd fly here in a heartbeat(which would be a terrible idea and not something I'd ever suggest btw). I don't know what to do. I am really attached to him(obviously not as much as he is), and if I were single, maybe I'd consider it but I'm not and I don't want to mess with this guys head. How can I fix this?

[Catta]

Just tell him his behavior is inappropriate and that you're in a relationship, with no chance for a relationship with him. While you wish to remain friends if at all possible, if he can't control himself and act appropriately, you'll be forced to stop interacting with him.

The straightforward solution is often simple and effective.

Pretty much this. You will lose much of the attention you seem to like though.

[Brydie]

I've been the "husband" in a similar situation (but they actually did act on it). I would cut off contact tbh before it gets any more out of hand.

[Hooked]

Tell him you have hepatitis.

[cncrules45]

Just tell him his behavior is inappropriate and that you're in a relationship, with no chance for a relationship with him. While you wish to remain friends if at all possible, if he can't control himself and act appropriately, you'll be forced to stop interacting with him.

The straightforward solution is often simple and effective.

This. This is what is best for you, despite hurting the friendship, possibly even killing it. This is ultimately what is best for him, since he shouldn't be pursuing something that isn't going to happen. This is definitely what is best for your husband.

Best-case scenario, he understands and you can work on just being friends together. Worst-case, you aren't friends any longer. Both are better than the current path.

[glo]

How can I fix this?

By not being an asshole to your husband and marriage. Want attention? Hang out with your significant other instead of seeking romance from others. Don't get enough attention from your husband? End it and do whatever you want.

[Hooked]

By not being an asshole to your husband and marriage. Want attention? Hang out with your significant other instead of seeking romance from others. Don't get enough attention from your husband? End it and do whatever you want.

Maybe the husband is ok with it?.

[Deleted]

You've stated you'd perhaps give the guy a go if you were single, it's obvious you've developed feelings to a degree for him; And that isn't bad per say, it depends on how extensive these feelings are however.

I mean, you're most likely confiding day to day shit to him right?

Not marriage issues, or what you and your husband are doing in bed.

In this situation, i'd end it immediately and cut off any contact with him, or tell the dude to back off; And reevaluate your relationships online, they should never trump the person you're committed to in a monogamous relationship.

Short of you practicing polyamory (Which i gather you don't) the only way forward, to save lots of hurt feelings and him following you like a desperate puppy, is to end it.

Sucks for the dude, as he sounds pretty fucking lonely and starved of friendship; But he's overstepped a lot of lines, and many people would view this as emotional cheating.

[Speaknoevil]

It is emotional cheating, but emotional cheating is typically done to fill a void in a relationship.

The kind of devotion that should be the core of monogamous relationships isn't present for most people.

[Ratboy]

Tell him outright how you feel, that you want nothing more than friendship with him. Also tell him that if he can't respect that, then the 2 of you can't be friend anymore. If he is really a friend he will listen to what you tell him.

[vindicatorx]

Just tell him his behavior is inappropriate and that you're in a relationship, with no chance for a relationship with him. While you wish to remain friends if at all possible, if he can't control himself and act appropriately, you'll be forced to stop interacting with him.

The straightforward solution is often simple and effective.

Once again I agree with Nixx. Often women try not to hurt a guys feelings and they do not give a clear enough response. Do not leave room for him to misinterpret your meanings be very clear that you will never be together and that he needs to stop the bs or you will no longer be able to hang out with him at all.

[Felya]

I changed my OG server (main was named Ike with my gf Tina, our guild was 'Proud Mary', I was on the second servers opened) partially because a dude was way too happy to see me every time I signed on. It wasn't the only or even one of the main reasons I switched, but it definitely played a role. He wasn't even bad, was overly nice even. But, it struck me as creepy, so I severed all contact. He probably didn't mean any harm, but I can change servers to not deal with it... If I could do that it real life, I'd abuse it...

[TEHPALLYTANK]

You've known the dude for a month. Why the hell is this a dilemma? Tell him to act appropriately or you're going to ignore him.

[Gandrake]

Just stop responding to his advances. You know, the same way that people who aren't interested in you at all don't respond to your advances.

You've already told him you aren't interested, but he won't accept it. Sooner or later, he will have to. In all likelihood the relationship will probably end that way anyway. If you have to say anything, just be like "We can't be friends anymore if you keep saying things like that".

[Deleted]

Difficult for you to be objective but what would you do and how would you feel if it was your husband flirting with some random you didn't know over a long period of time? To some gamers I know this is as bad as irl cheating. It's no different than your husband finding a text message on your phone from some mystery guy. It's a betrayal of trust, and long term will only do you harm when your husband finds out...and he will find out eventually, if you carry on. Trust is easy to lose and sometimes you'll never earn it back - is this other guy really worth that risk?

If you're serious about ending it I wouldn't bother saying goodbye and giving this other guy a chance to plead. Just delete and block him from all your social stuff. Move guilds/server and put him on ignore. Better still take a long break from the game and do something else until you're not thinking about him as much as you are now. Temptation is a bitch so the more you can do to put barriers between you the better.

Lastly, you should be counting your lucky stars that your husband knows nothing about this and praying it stays that way.

[Rushro]

stop trying to let him down easily about it if thats what you're doing. this sounds like the type of guy with attachment issues, no matter how kind he can act towards you the ultimate disrespect he can do is not respect your wishes. give him a chance to quit it. if he doesn't start blocking/ignoring him

this part shouldn't be overlooked either, but if you are so susceptible to attention from other men then you need to take a look at your marriage. I can't offer much experience there, but something about this makes me think if everything was fine between you two then this wouldn't be a problem in the first place

[dacoolist]

Just do what feels right. Nobody can give you advice on this-and expect you to take action. Personally, I would slowly ease out of the situation. Stay Friends, but just slowly back away. They will get the hint, and either understand, or stay away.

[Deleted]

have a threesome

[cuafpr]

A) don't even "innocently" flirt back, B) give him clear limits and tell him his pet names / flirting is not appropriate c) take a serious look at your marriage as if this game relationship is enough to cause conflicting feelings something isn't right with the marriage.

[Tulune]

Spend less time with your online "friend" and more time with your husband. Honestly, why get married if you're just going to game alone all the damn time?