"game relationship" and moral dilemma.

[Seegtease]

Consider how your husband would feel if he read every conversation you had with this guy. Do you hide the conversations if your husband walks by or looks over at your screen? How would he feel to see it all? If the answer is hurt and betrayed, even slightly, you need to end this friendship. Obviously he will not respect your boundaries. However, if you cannot cut off this "friendship" because you value it too much, then perhaps marriage is not for you. This is parasitic and it will only worsen.

You have to make a choice, like it or not. Do you value the friendship here, or your marriage? Which is more important? One of them is more important to you, and I really hope it's the marriage you committed to. If it is, then you need to stop talking to him. Don't try to tone it down - it's already way past that phase. It will never tone down. It can only be cut off completely. I've seen this before. So make a decision and understand the consequences of a wrong decision here WILL be huge.

[melkesjokolade]

Id say wait things out. This has happened to me a couple of times, one time it went on for 2 years though I didnt get alot of response back, he was just friendly, but it turned out he liked me too so I moved to his city because of school and we met irl and became bf gf. We've been together for over 1 year but recently broke up sadly... You have only known this guy a month right? So wait it out, see what happens. Several times I have met guys I have really good contact with but it turns out negative most of the times..

[Racthoh]

get really fat and one of them will leave you. problem solved.

[Ayarea]

Be straight with the guy, that´s the only thing you can do. Also spend more time with your husband. Feels your attention-loving from the game might be an indication for your current attention getting.

[Seegtease]

Id say wait things out. This has happened to me a couple of times, one time it went on for 2 years though I didnt get alot of response back, he was just friendly, but it turned out he liked me too so I moved to his city because of school and we met irl and became bf gf. We've been together for over 1 year but recently broke up sadly... You have only known this guy a month right? So wait it out, see what happens. Several times I have met guys I have really good contact with but it turns out negative most of the times..

I don't think you understand that her marriage is on the line here, this isn't about online dating advice.

[Gsara]

By not saying anything to curb the situation, you are only leading him on more and more. Maybe hang out with your husband for a few hours a day instead of eating up the attention some random dude on the internet is giving you. Letting something like this get this far is a sign of having no respect for your marriage or your husband.

[kritisk]

Lots of good advice already given here. I'll reinforce one thought. To many, you are already cheating in a manner. Now is the time to end it unless you're considering leaving your husband in the future. A little harmless flirting and attention seeking is normal for anyone in a long-term relationship. We like to feel special. But when you get too close to the other person, even virtually, you risk changing your behavior with your spouse as a result. Perhaps you start to resent things because the third person treats you differently. Perhaps you're a bit less tolerant of the quirks your husband has as a result. It can affect your relationship in many ways you may not have considered.

My vote is you tell the guy honestly you think he's going to have to back off as he isn't respecting your relationship. That's going to be hard to say; because, based on the way you're posted you aren't respecting it either. You may want to consider having a long heart-to-heart with your husband as well. Share the conversations. ALL of the deep moments should she shared and tell him why you like this attention. Perhaps he has issues with you as well. This would be a great way to get that out in the open and work on it.

For some couples, once discussed, this kind of thing is no big deal. That's great if it works for you but BOTH of you have to agree to it before you do it. I have no issues with poly marriages or relationships, even if they're only on the emotional level. But it simply isn't fair or right in any way for your husband to be left out of the loop in something like this.

Summary: Change the relationship with the gaming friend or end. OR Be honest with the husband about what's happening, what has been said, and how you feel about it while explaining why.

[Deleted]

I have no issues with poly marriages or relationships, even if they're only on the emotional level.

Off-topic:
A couple of people have mentioned this polyamory (greek and latin? surely we can come up with a less bastardised name?) business. An old school friend of mine is in one of these relationships, having to get divorced from his wife (whom he met on WoW and moved over to the USA to be with 10 years ago) so the other guy cold marry her (visa reasons). They all share a house but God only knows that the arrangement is... does she choose each night which bedroom she'll go to? I've not plucked up the courage to ask him.

Long term though, how can this three-way possibly play out without someone getting screwed over? What if she decides she wants kids? Does the one who isn't married to anyone have less legal standing than the other two in terms of property rights? What happens when, inevitably, she favours one of them more than the other? I'm a relatively liberal fella but I can't possibly see how it can end well. I feel my friend has made a terrible mistake in letting this happen to him.

On topic:
My advice is still the same, sever all ties with this other guy now. Do it quickly, don't over think it and don't put yourself in a position where he can talk you out of it.

[Grummgug]

You are in an emotional affair.

You ultimately have two choices. Cut off contact with this friend or get a divorce.

If you do not cut off contact, something physical will eventually happen between you and this friend and it will lead to a divorce.

I cannot tell you what is the right decision for you.

[Taygete]

The fact that you already recognize this as a moral dilemma should tell you something. Chances are, if you are doing something that you wouldn't want your husband to read/find out about, then you probably are crossing the line. If you are unhappy in your relationship, then deal with it directly without getting this other person THAT YOU BARELY KNOW involved. Why complicate your life? Instead of taking the dramatic route, why not just be open and truthful. As soon as you find yourself in a position where you can't be, then seriously just put a stop to it. If you have to ask these questions, that should tell you that what's going on isn't appropriate.

Keep in mind, the people you meet on the internet... while it can be a great way to meet people... there exists the ability to reinvent yourself and to present yourself as someone completely different than you really are. I cannot tell you how upsetting it is to emotionally invest yourself in someone who turns out to be a total fake. (google catfish) I would not risk your marriage over someone you know over a game/facebook. Online relationships can be risky, even without there being moral issues to deal with. If anything, maybe it is bringing issues you have in your marriage that need to be addressed to light.

Seriously, as nice as the attention may be, don't knowingly walk in to making your life MORE complicated. Which it WILL BE if you continue down that road.

[Issalice]

Doesn't sound like a grey area to me. Sounds like you led the guy on and even encouraged his behavior. I would be livid if my boyfriend did what you are doing. This isn't at all appropriate and the guy you are talking to in game isn't the only one to blame. It is completely 50/50. Maybe your marriage isn't as solid as you think if you are having conflicting feelings. Either way it is really not fair to your husband. You need to sort this out and asap.

[Deleted]

have a threesome

Hello my name is Taftvalue and I approve of this message.

[Deleted]

Ask him for an IRL picture. All will be fixed.

they're facebook friends already, doesn't that imply she knows what he looks like?

[k8e]

stop cheating on your husband (that's what you're doing.)

[Immitis]

its pretty clear that he actually has a crush on your husband and is just using you to get to know him better

[Immitis]

also hes probably just trying to sleep with your parents

[Beat5beat]

I'll be honest. I like the attention. I like him a lot. I hate to admit it, but I do have some conflicted feelings for him and I would be absolutely crushed to lose him as a friend. But again, I am married, so... this puts me in a bad spot. I know this is a grey area, but I'm not interested in leaving my husband or starting anything irl. We had so many conversations with me telling him how it would not work between us: I'm not available, distance, age, life situation, how he needs to find someone single near him instead, etc...

I don't know what to do. I am really attached to him(obviously not as much as he is), and if I were single, maybe I'd consider it but I'm not and I don't want to mess with this guys head. How can I fix this?

You are currently in an emotional affair. You are cheating on your husband, as much as you don't want to admit it. You need to end the relationship with the other man as soon as possible and break all contact. You have already stated you like this guy a lot, you spend lots of time together, he likes you a lot (probably has even said he loves you) You even stated if you were single you would go out with the guy. What happens when your current relationship hits a rough patch? Which it will, as they all do at some point or another.

You are putting your relationship at serious risk, you are also emotionally unfaithful and disrespectful to your husband. If he knew every detail about the relationship you have with this other man, would he still approve? I highly doubt it. You need to respect yourself, respect your husband, respect your relationship and break all contact with other man, transfer servers or quit the game if need be.

You will probably ignore my advice, but don't say I didn't warn you, you are heading for a train wreck and fast.

Edit. Wow, I just realized you barely know this guy for over a month and you are already this far attached to him. If you want any hope for your real relationship END IT NOW, your feelings will only deepen for the other man as you spend more time together making it a more and more difficult situation and a deeper betrayal of your husband.

[Deleted]

So you basically want an online fling? You're unsure what to do about him, yet YOU encourage this behaviour.
You are stringing him along, you're married but clearly somethign is lacking in your relationship otherwise you wouldn't really walk the path you're on now.
Suck it up that he'll flirt with you and is in love with you or cut all contact with him.

You're also cheating, even if you might not see it this way, you're looking for an emotional relationship with someone other than your husband, and i'm sure your husband isn't even aware of it.

[Revi]

Sorry, but this is not a "gray area". It's cheating.

Cheating isn't purely a physical thing, and being emotionally involved with someone else is (imo) much more hurtful to your partner than a one-time fling.
If I was your partner and found out you'd been doing this, I'd be absolutely devastated and leave in a heartbeat.

The fact that you're involved with someone other than your partner like this is a pretty clear sign that you're not satisfied with your relationship, and it's a cruel thing to do to someone. Break it off and never do it again, or end your relationship so he can move on.

The only solid advise you need is this:

You need to grow the fuck up.

This. Doing this because "you like the attention" is like your husband sleeping around because "he likes the sex". Don't excuse your unfaithfulness .

[Gandrake]

man people think my wifes hot and enjoy her company

how da fuck could that ever happen, that's just crazy