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  1. #1
    The Patient talann's Avatar
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    Can you ask for a phone number in any situation?

    I was having a conversation with my sister-in-law and the topic came up about asking a girl for her phone number while she is at work. She thinks that this is a completely uncomfortable thing to do and should not happen ever. My question is how many of you think that this is okay to do? If I saw a cute girl working at starbucks and I asked for her phone number, I would think the logical response would be for her to deny me or take me up on my offer. Unfortunately, I should be ashamed of myself for ever asking her because she is working according to my sister-in-law.

    What are acceptable places to ask a girl out on a date?
    Tables turned, would it be okay for a girl to ask a guy out on a date if the guy is working?
    Is it acceptable to ask a girl out if they are at a gym?
    If I was working, is it acceptable for me to ask a Customer for there number?
    Is it acceptable for a manager to ask an employee for a date? also employee to ask a manager?

    I just wanted to know your thoughts. I have had the experience as a manager of asking an employee (who didn't work under me) out on a date. We did successfully start a relationship and it did not impact our jobs. I also asked them out while we were both working. I know of a lot of friends who have asked people out when the other is working. I don't feel like this is a big issue but maybe I'm wrong.

  2. #2
    Right at the counter while she's working seems kinda rude and forced. Like, she's trying to be polite to customers and may just say yes to seem nice.

    Come in a few more times and talk a little with her, then ask her if she wants to grab a quick bite to eat together during her lunch break. If she agrees, ask for her number while you're out.
    Last edited by Winter Blossom; 2015-03-11 at 05:30 AM.
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  3. #3
    The Forgettable Forgettable's Avatar
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    I would be flattered if a girl asked for my # anywhere :P

  4. #4
    I asked for some girls number while she was at work. Complimented her, introduced myself, and then bam just asked. This is the only time I've ever done this and she said yes. We went out a few times, didn't really work out but yeah I got it. It's hard to tell if they're just being nice since they're at work or if theres something more.

    She worked at a bowling alley and she kept on looking over at me and friends while we were playing and making some eye contact with me, so after my friends coaxed me into it I fucking walked over there and did it.

    So I'm not sure if its weird but so far I'm 1 for 1. Need some more people to comment to really get a good sample size so we can judge.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Winter Blossom View Post
    Right at the counter while she's working seems kinda rude and forced. Like, she's trying to be polite to customers and may just say yes to seem nice.

    Come in a few more times and talk a little with her, then ask her if she wants to grab a quick bite to eat together during her lunch break. If she agrees, ask for her number while you're out.
    This is pretty much the best advice you'd get.

    Don't put a girl on the spot when she's required to be polite and accomodating, that's skeezy. But if you drop by a few times, build a rapport up with her, asking her during a break or down time is the best way to go.
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  6. #6
    Scarab Lord DEATHETERNAL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by talann View Post
    What are acceptable places to ask a girl out on a date?
    Tables turned, would it be okay for a girl to ask a guy out on a date if the guy is working?
    Is it acceptable to ask a girl out if they are at a gym?
    If I was working, is it acceptable for me to ask a Customer for there number?
    Is it acceptable for a manager to ask an employee for a date?
    also employee to ask a manager?
    Not at work unless she is showing clear interest in you as more than a customer.
    Never acceptable.
    I would say no as I doubt woman go to the gym to put themselves out there, but I don't know.
    Absofreakinglutely not. That is a great way to get yourself fired immediately with cause.
    Not if the manager is managing the employee or has any influence at all over the employee’s employment status.
    Not if the manager is managing the employee or has any influence at all over the employee’s employment status.
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  7. #7
    The Patient talann's Avatar
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    I don't see a problem with it in general and, just like any situation there are right ways to do it. I think the real question here is how everyone feels about the situation as a whole. All of the other circumstances as well I think should be covered. I Don't think there should be any situation that you should not ask someone out on a date. Also, it should not matter what gender they are. Maybe the girl that is working wonders why she never gets asked out? Maybe the guy thinks that no setting is acceptable. I think it's wrong to assume that there is a time and place to ask for a date. I also think its wrong that its acceptable for one gender to be able to do something and another to not. my sister-in-law is a definitive feminist and its very odd to hear something like this coming from her mouth when I know she knows exactly what feminism is.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by talann View Post
    I don't see a problem with it in general and, just like any situation there are right ways to do it. I think the real question here is how everyone feels about the situation as a whole. All of the other circumstances as well I think should be covered. I Don't think there should be any situation that you should not ask someone out on a date. Also, it should not matter what gender they are. Maybe the girl that is working wonders why she never gets asked out? Maybe the guy thinks that no setting is acceptable. I think it's wrong to assume that there is a time and place to ask for a date. I also think its wrong that its acceptable for one gender to be able to do something and another to not. my sister-in-law is a definitive feminist and its very odd to hear something like this coming from her mouth when I know she knows exactly what feminism is.
    You can think however you like about anything, that won't stop a good number of women from thinking it's creepy/pressuring to ask them out when they're on the clock.
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    Quote Originally Posted by kidkilla View Post
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  9. #9
    The Patient talann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DEATHETERNAL View Post
    Not at work unless she is showing clear interest in you as more than a customer.
    Never acceptable.
    I would say no as I doubt woman go to the gym to put themselves out there, but I don't know.
    Absofreakinglutely not. That is a great way to get yourself fired immediately with cause.
    Not if the manager is managing the employee or has any influence at all over the employee’s employment status.
    Not if the manager is managing the employee or has any influence at all over the employee’s employment status.
    I feel like this is situational. Not everyone is privy to someone showing interest. I don't see the harm in asking for a date and that person saying no or yes. There are creeps who will either persist or get revenge but in general I would think the act of denying or accepting would be fine in those settings.

    As for the gym situation. you really are sharing a common interest of trying to better your bodies. If you were to talk to that person and get to know them, what would be the harm of asking for a date after you were both done working out?

    Asking a customer for there number is probably the only situation I agree is not acceptable but it has happened and I wonder why this was a thought to consider. I agree that there are many things that could go wrong but at the same time, tables turned, would a guy really get pissed that a cute girl working would ask him for a date?

  10. #10
    You don't want to put her in a position where she either gives you her number or has to be rude to a customer, some women will feel unduly pressured in such a situation. Also a decent chance you're misinterpreting her friendliness in the first place.

    If you'd already developed some kind of rapport with her aside from a strictly customer angle then maybe. Still, it would be better to ask her outside of work.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by atsawin26 View Post
    This is pretty much the best advice you'd get.

    Don't put a girl on the spot when she's required to be polite and accomodating, that's skeezy. But if you drop by a few times, build a rapport up with her, asking her during a break or down time is the best way to go.
    Yeah.

    How about this as a rule of thumb: do you know anything about this girl outside of a work context? Shared interests of some kind? That might be a sign you've established enough of a connection to ask her out. If you just think of her as the cute girl behind the counter, probably not.
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  11. #11
    Scarab Lord DEATHETERNAL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by talann View Post
    I feel like this is situational. Not everyone is privy to someone showing interest. I don't see the harm in asking for a date and that person saying no or yes. There are creeps who will either persist or get revenge but in general I would think the act of denying or accepting would be fine in those settings.

    As for the gym situation. you really are sharing a common interest of trying to better your bodies. If you were to talk to that person and get to know them, what would be the harm of asking for a date after you were both done working out?
    The harm is in putting her in a situation of having to make a decision not related to work involving someone that she is required to be nice to while working. It just isn't right. It might be alright to ask what time she gets off and come back around that time and ask her while she is still inside the store but has stopped working (do not approach her in the parking lot unless you want to get rightfully pepper sprayed as a creep), but that is still sort of questionable.

    There isn't any real harm that I can see, it just doesn't feel right to me for some reason. Like I said, I don't know for sure on that one.

    Quote Originally Posted by talann View Post
    Asking a customer for there number is probably the only situation I agree is not acceptable but it has happened and I wonder why this was a thought to consider. I agree that there are many things that could go wrong but at the same time, tables turned, would a guy really get pissed that a cute girl working would ask him for a date?
    Guys, at least the non total wusses, are generally less sensetive and more easily pleased with themselves than gals instead of upset over stuff like this. 99.9% of the time a good looking woman asking a guy for his number probably won't end with being fired (if your avoiding the married guys that is, and even if not it still probably isn't likely), but a guy asking a gal is just asking for a pink slip.

    Quote Originally Posted by talann View Post
    Also, it should not matter what gender they are. Maybe the girl that is working wonders why she never gets asked out? Maybe the guy thinks that no setting is acceptable. I think it's wrong to assume that there is a time and place to ask for a date. I also think its wrong that its acceptable for one gender to be able to do something and another to not.
    Men and women are different. They are ridiculously freaking different. They should be treated differently out of respect for those differences.
    Last edited by DEATHETERNAL; 2015-03-11 at 06:07 AM.
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  12. #12
    The Patient talann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mormolyce View Post
    You don't want to put her in a position where she either gives you her number or has to be rude to a customer, some women will feel unduly pressured in such a situation. Also a decent chance you're misinterpreting her friendliness in the first place.

    If you'd already developed some kind of rapport with her aside from a strictly customer angle then maybe. Still, it would be better to ask her outside of work.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Yeah.

    How about this as a rule of thumb: do you know anything about this girl outside of a work context? Shared interests of some kind? That might be a sign you've established enough of a connection to ask her out. If you just think of her as the cute girl behind the counter, probably not.
    I don't think it was conveyed that this situation is not about me, it was just a discussion. My experience has been a positive one and in my original post, I talked about my own experiences.

  13. #13
    It is never appropriate for coworkers of differing power levels to ask each other out......and is likely grounds for dismissal at most employers. With regards to asking someone for their number while they are working......I would not. I would instead ask if they would like to meet for drinks and then move from there. They are not there to hand out numbers, they are there to work. Asking someone out at a gym is perfectly fine.....it is a social gathering place. Never appropriate to ask a customer for their number.

  14. #14
    While I don't think much of asking out people in service industries, who have to be nice to their customers, if you absolutley have to (depending on the store, you can't wait forever have a bit of time with her, without looking liek a stalker..) I'd at least offer her an immediate way out, like, "It's absolutley okay if you don't want to/say no/have no interest/etc., I won't hold it against you" or something like that.

  15. #15
    The Lightbringer diddle's Avatar
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    You can ask for a phone number anywhere, results will vary though.
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  16. #16
    The Patient talann's Avatar
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    Thank you guys for the feedback. I guess I am in the wrong and it's not okay to ask. I have always felt leery about the subject but I can tell its just not a good situation.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Kulanae View Post
    It is never appropriate for coworkers of differing power levels to ask each other out......and is likely grounds for dismissal at most employers. With regards to asking someone for their number while they are working......I would not. I would instead ask if they would like to meet for drinks and then move from there. They are not there to hand out numbers, they are there to work. Asking someone out at a gym is perfectly fine.....it is a social gathering place. Never appropriate to ask a customer for their number.
    That is only the case in 'murica. In europe it is usually perfectly fine if you can live with working with someone who rejected you and stop once you were told not to. As well as not offending the other party with the flirt (eg. being exceptionally inept/blunt) in the first place.

  18. #18
    The Lightbringer Kerath's Avatar
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    Having been on the receiving end on more than a few occasions when I was working in a pub, I can say I would prefer it if guys had not asked me out or for my number while I was on the clock. It always made me uncomfortable - not like, ew, you creeper uncomfortable, but kind of... Oh. This is awkward, I'm at work, you're a customer, it's my job to be friendly and make you feel welcome in the pub and now I have to reject you which which is not particularly welcoming or friendly.
    It wasn't that I never thought the guy doing the asking was attractive (some of them were rather good looking), but I thought it would have been totally unprofessional.

    As an aside, it never ceases to amaze me how many people misinterpret friendly politeness with flirting or interest. Don't forget that with someone in the hospitality or service industries, being attentive and nice to customers is part of the job.

    As for managers dating employees... eeeh, that depends quite a bit on the situation. If the employee is not working under that manager and they can be professional and discreet at work, then I think it's ok. If the manager has any influence over the employee's working life, then I think it's inappropriate for them to be involved romantically. Personally I prefer to not mix work and romantic/personal life.
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  19. #19
    Depends on where you are in the world.
    In the US it wouldn't be ok.
    In Germany for example Wal-Mart got major bad opposition for trying to forbid their workers from flirting (and lost the case in court) - ironically at the same time they required their workers to smile at customers, which in Germany is commonly interpreted as flirting. (You do not normally smile at strangers without cause unless you want to chat them up - which would be a cause and totally permissible on that level.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Kerath View Post
    I have to reject you which which is not particularly welcoming or friendly.
    This also depends on culture, in some places it would be perfectly alright to just smile and say 'no, sorry', those are incidentially those places where flirting is allowed at work.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Kerath View Post
    As an aside, it never ceases to amaze me how many people misinterpret friendly politeness with flirting or interest. Don't forget that with someone in the hospitality or service industries, being attentive and nice to customers is part of the job.
    The subtle signals differ, thus sometimes you will confuse others.
    Last edited by Noradin; 2015-03-11 at 08:56 AM.

  20. #20
    The only way I can see it could be acceptable to ask someone their phone number while they are working is if you built up a rapport with that person before hand. Depending on the work environment that might take several visits to accomplish.

    General Rule of Thumb: Never ask for a phone number if you feel even a little bit doubtful about it being appropriate.
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