Thoughts?? Troubled Youth

[Velky]

I coach a competitive youth basketball team here in Canada, grade 7 & 8 boys.

There may be one kid trying out who lately has been going down the wrong path.

He is going into grade 8, and last year quit the team half way through (for a variety of reasons). I've had a parent who knows of him say it would be a bad idea to take him on my team.

So far, he's gotten into drugs (buying and selling), has been in trouble with the police and ran away from home for a week. He skips school, has been suspended multiple times and even expelled.

I've already coached the boy for 2 years (grades 5 & 6) and I think he's a good kid but is misguided due to family problems.

Come October when I go to pick my team, I pick the kids who will make the best team possible, but also keep in mind attitudes as to not cause any problems with the group. If I were picking solely on skill, he would make my team.

I am quite strict when it comes to my teams and he knows that. Not only do I expect the most of my players when it comes to practices/games, I expect them to be respectful of each other, other players from different teams and to be successful outside of sports (family, school, life in general). I wouldn't put up with much from him; I can deal with an attitude however any trouble with drugs/school would be an automatic removal from my team.

My understanding is he wants to play for me (he didn't play for me last year, played for another coach) which is a good sign. My thoughts are I would be doing him a huge disservice in life by saying no to him simply because of some bad decisions he's made. On the other hand, I can see how parents wouldn't want their kids around him.

Thoughts?

[soulzek]

Tell him you'll deny him if he keeps up with his current irresponsible lifestyle. If he changes his attitude, you will take him on the team.

You know, the same thing you'd tell an adult. Sort of. (Except as an adult it wouldn't offer the redeeming second option)

[Velky]

Tell him you'll deny him if he keeps up with his current irresponsible lifestyle. If he changes his attitude, you will take him on the team.

You know, the same thing you'd tell an adult. Sort of. (Except as an adult it wouldn't offer the redeeming second option)

I talk to his father a bit (who isn't exactly a responsible adult) and he tells me his son is doing better as of late. I'd like to avoid the whole "finger pointing" because that would start us of on the wrong foot (I dont want him thinking I don't trust him or will be keeping an eye on him).

[unbound]

You have to consider the whole team. While we all have a soft spot for helping someone in a bad spot, you have to consider the rest of the team and the impact this person will have on them.

I watched my daughter play her sport in high school with a team with a trouble-maker that the coach felt she could make better. The actual result was a team that never really acted as a team, split into a couple of different cliques (one centered around the trouble maker who thought she was cool, and another group that wanted to really play the game), and ended up with coming in dead last against inferior teams in their division despite having players that ended up playing in college (1 D1, 1 D2, and 1 D3 level players) which was more than any other team could field. I have strong suspicions that we had other talented players that could have excelled, but the coach was too busy dealing with the trouble-maker to develop any of the players...the ones that got to college level play did it on their own.

And despite the talent that the trouble-maker demonstrated, she never did play in college (although she did lie about getting on her college team just to impress her clique). I saw no evidence that our coach was able to turn her around at all. Furthermore, the impacts to the team (she was a year older than my daughter) continued after she left because of the cliques that formed.

[the game]

Tell him to get his life together or he's off the team. Simple as that. If he really wants to stay on the team he'll work at it. He'll stop getting in trouble.

[Pull My Finger]

I think he should know and understand that he's a shaky candidate, and why. That way, the message would be: the door is open, but you gotta get your shit together, and now you have a reason to. Simply pushing away youngsters like him usually sends them further down the shit road. They need to realize that acceptance and appreciation can be earned - but that it can't be taken for granted or expected undeservingly.

[Xar226]

Unless you're legitimately concerned for the safety or well-being of the rest of your kids, then I say take him. It may be that your teams are the one good thing going in his life. It's not unusual at all for kids like this to need somebody outside of their everyday life to help them turn things around.

[Mrbleedinggums]

Talk to him one-on-one and say that you want to give him a chance; the poor kid just needs one good mentor in his life to hopefully plant the seed that will change his life for the better. Be like a father figure to him as well as a friend; tell him that he has the potential to be great, but he also has the potential to throw it away by going down the path he is, and you don't want that to happen to a good kid like him.

Tell him that you will accept him on the team if he keeps out of trouble and stays a model citizen. If he messes up, don't be mad at him. Be disappointed. Disappointment from someone that we look up to is one of the sharpest pains that can ever happen, and it will resonate much deeper than anger ever could. Offer to be a confidant and let him vent out his frustrations and issues from home or his personal life, or advise him to talk to his school counselor.

If he wants to play for you, that means he already looks up to you. You don't want to let him down like the other people in his life. It seems just like my older brother; If i were able to, I would have helped him when he needed it the most (wasn't born then) because all he needed was some guidance from someone that he could look up to. He's changed now, thankfully, but it could have gone alot worse. Constant DUIs, fights, imprisonment, vandalism, etc. Broke all the windows in our house at age 15 or so because he was upset, and would get whipped every day by my dad. (Hispanic upbringing) I strongly feel that having someone to help guide him would have changed his path, and that it will for this kid.

[Kathandira]

I coach a competitive youth basketball team here in Canada, grade 7 & 8 boys.

There may be one kid trying out who lately has been going down the wrong path.

He is going into grade 8, and last year quit the team half way through (for a variety of reasons). I've had a parent who knows of him say it would be a bad idea to take him on my team.

So far, he's gotten into drugs (buying and selling), has been in trouble with the police and ran away from home for a week. He skips school, has been suspended multiple times and even expelled.

I've already coached the boy for 2 years (grades 5 & 6) and I think he's a good kid but is misguided due to family problems.

Come October when I go to pick my team, I pick the kids who will make the best team possible, but also keep in mind attitudes as to not cause any problems with the group. If I were picking solely on skill, he would make my team.

I am quite strict when it comes to my teams and he knows that. Not only do I expect the most of my players when it comes to practices/games, I expect them to be respectful of each other, other players from different teams and to be successful outside of sports (family, school, life in general). I wouldn't put up with much from him; I can deal with an attitude however any trouble with drugs/school would be an automatic removal from my team.

My understanding is he wants to play for me (he didn't play for me last year, played for another coach) which is a good sign. My thoughts are I would be doing him a huge disservice in life by saying no to him simply because of some bad decisions he's made. On the other hand, I can see how parents wouldn't want their kids around him.

Thoughts?

Not sure if it is overstepping boundaries, but are you allowed to reach out to his parents? Perhaps getting the guidance councilor involved?

nvm, I see you reached out to his father.

[soulzek]

I talk to his father a bit (who isn't exactly a responsible adult) and he tells me his son is doing better as of late. I'd like to avoid the whole "finger pointing" because that would start us of on the wrong foot (I dont want him thinking I don't trust him or will be keeping an eye on him).

You can tell him his life is shit (in a nice way) without introducing blame or finger pointing. They have nothing to do with each other, don't make them so. An opportunity he wants (to get on the team) will make him make an adult decision for the first time in his life (give up what he's used to doing) to get what he really wants. It's quite healthy.

He may just be too stupid (because he's a kid) to see that this is the situation. Your role is to tell him this is the situation and what his (obvious) options are.

[drwelfare]

Kick him off, tell him he needs to decide if he wants to be a crackhead or a crack dealer while he waits for a prison bed to open up.

See if he straightens up and comes back after that.

[dextersmith]

I coach a competitive youth basketball team here in Canada, grade 7 & 8 boys.

There may be one kid trying out who lately has been going down the wrong path.

He is going into grade 8, and last year quit the team half way through (for a variety of reasons). I've had a parent who knows of him say it would be a bad idea to take him on my team.

So far, he's gotten into drugs (buying and selling), has been in trouble with the police and ran away from home for a week. He skips school, has been suspended multiple times and even expelled.

I've already coached the boy for 2 years (grades 5 & 6) and I think he's a good kid but is misguided due to family problems.

Come October when I go to pick my team, I pick the kids who will make the best team possible, but also keep in mind attitudes as to not cause any problems with the group. If I were picking solely on skill, he would make my team.

I am quite strict when it comes to my teams and he knows that. Not only do I expect the most of my players when it comes to practices/games, I expect them to be respectful of each other, other players from different teams and to be successful outside of sports (family, school, life in general). I wouldn't put up with much from him; I can deal with an attitude however any trouble with drugs/school would be an automatic removal from my team.

My understanding is he wants to play for me (he didn't play for me last year, played for another coach) which is a good sign. My thoughts are I would be doing him a huge disservice in life by saying no to him simply because of some bad decisions he's made. On the other hand, I can see how parents wouldn't want their kids around him.

Thoughts?

Why is he an exception? You'd deny mediocre players over him, who buys and sells? It wasn't a huge disservice in life to those kids rejected? He can play when he gets clean. You're a hypocrite and your standards for him is so much lower than for other kids.

[Velky]

Why is he an exception? You'd deny mediocre players over him, who buys and sells? It wasn't a huge disservice in life to those kids rejected? He can play when he gets clean. You're a hypocrite and your standards for him is so much lower than for other kids.

Um what? The kids who get cut would get cut regardless if he sells drugs or not.

- - - Updated - - -

Kick him off, tell him he needs to decide if he wants to be a crackhead or a crack dealer while he waits for a prison bed to open up.

See if he straightens up and comes back after that.

The season hasn't started, it only starts in October.

[Deleted]

Give him a chance and make it clear he only has that one chance. If he blows it it's game over and he can walk.

Nothing more needs to be set, everyone deserves a chance.

[dextersmith]

Um what? I literally have no idea what your post is supposed to mean.

-Why is he an exception?
You said "any trouble with drugs/school would be an automatic removal from my team." You don't let other druggies play yet you're considering letting him play. Why?

- You'd deny mediocre players over him, who buys and sells? It wasn't a huge disservice in life to those kids rejected?
You've rejected other players but rejecting him (in particular) is a huge disservice in life. Why?

-You're a hypocrite and your standards for him is so much lower than for other kids.
Your drug free and behavioural requirements applies to everyone except him.

[Velky]

-Why is he an exception?
You said "any trouble with drugs/school would be an automatic removal from my team." You don't let other druggies play yet you're considering letting him play. Why?

- You'd deny mediocre players over him, who buys and sells? It wasn't a huge disservice in life to those kids rejected?
You've rejected other players but rejecting him (in particular) i a huge disservice in life. Why?

-You're a hypocrite and your standards for him is so much lower than for other kids.
Your drug free and behavioural requirements applies to everyone except him.

1) Any trouble with drugs/school while he's on my team would be removal from my team.

2) You must not have ever played sports while you were growing up, kids get cut from teams, that's how competitive sports work. Whether he is involved with drugs or not wouldn't magically make them better.

3) Go back and read what I said. I Said "Any trouble with drugs/school would be an automatic removal from my team". That line was SPECIFIC to him. I know every kid who will be trying out, none are into drugs.


I love how you're so judgemental of someone you don't know, especially of someone who volunteers his time to youth. You must be a real pleasure in person.

[Ayla]

I dont really have enough information

Is this an official high school team? If not, Id say his school life should not really play much of a part.
Why was he suspended or expelled? if it's because he skipped/drugs, that too shouldnt matter. If its fights then that should matter,
Other than when he quit the team, did he miss a lot of practice/show up high? If he showed up, and put forth his A game, then he should be invited.

if you are going to kick him because you heard through the grapevine that he got suspended from school because he skipped or did drugs (Im assuming you are not affiliated with the school), then do the boy a favor and say no now, it will just hurt more later.

[Vago]

But you really have no proof of what these other parents are saying? What if they just don't like him?

I would probably take the kid to dinner one night, alone if possible so he isn't influenced by his parents or afraid to talk to you because they may hear him. And have a heart to heart with him. Everyone makes mistakes in life and sometimes all it takes is a good mentor to change someones path.

[Velky]

I dont really have enough information

Is this an official high school team? If not, Id say his school life should not really play much of a part.
Why was he suspended or expelled? if it's because he skipped/drugs, that too shouldnt matter. If its fights then that should matter,
Other than when he quit the team, did he miss a lot of practice/show up high? If he showed up, and put forth his A game, then he should be invited.

if you are going to kick him because you heard through the grapevine that he got suspended from school because he skipped or did drugs (Im assuming you are not affiliated with the school), then do the boy a favor and say no now, it will just hurt more later.

It's a team that represents our town and basketball association. I've heard directly from him and his father about his suspensions. I dont' think any were for drugs, just misbehaving, attitude, other stuff.

[Invid]

It's a team that represents our town and basketball association. I've heard directly from him and his father about his suspensions. I dont' think any were for drugs, just misbehaving, attitude, other stuff.

Id let him play until some thing happens that may cause for his removal. Keep an eye on him and let him know.