Christian Anti-Masturbation’s Mascot “Fappy” Arrested For Public Masturbation

[Kontinuum]

San Diego, CA — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested today for masturbating in public. The mascot, along with his organization, Stop Masturbation Now, recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which they claim focused on educating children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation.
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 37-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested at Sea World after employees notified police about a man swimming in the dolphin tank with nothing on except a dolphin mascot head.

Tom Downey with the San Diego Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with local news station KNSD about the arrest.

“We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was at the park with a Christian organization speaking to children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick and ringing the Devil’s doorbell’, we thought he was insane,” Downey said. “Turns out he actually was with this anti-masturbation organization who were accompanying a group of 3rd graders around the park when Horner left the children to swim with the dolphins and masturbate. We further learned that Mr. Horner has three previous arrests for public masturbation, all while employed by this Christian organization who goes by the name of Stop Masturbation Now.”

http://cbsnews.com.co/christian-anti...scot-arrested/
How typical

[zorkuus]

This is the best title all week.

[Deleted]

How typical

Dear police, even if he is in an organization he's still completely fucking insane.

Sounds like Mr Horner was in a lot of denial about his own needs. Very typical.

[Kontinuum]

Oh well, it's a fake, should have investigated more before posting. You can delete this thread.

[RaoBurning]

Don't know that catching the self appointed arbiters of morality being hypocrites even counts as irony anymore. Still, always fascinating.

Now, using the animal that rapes and murders for fun as their mascot is a bit ironic still. Love that. I'm appalled that their tour was federally funded, though. Not one to hop on the "bigger fish to fry" train, but shit. Consequences of kids masturbating: kids will learn to masturbate and have orgasms. Woo. Wouldn't mind a proper link, too.

Edit: confirmed fake, I guess. Oh well.

[tehealadin]

This is glorious lol. Can't stop chuckling.

[xskarma]

Oh well, it's a fake, should have investigated more before posting. You can delete this thread.

When things seem like they're too good to be true...they usually are. Closing this, since it's indeed fake, from some other Onion-like organization.


CLOSED.