Real talk; how do you figure out what you're doing wrong when asking someone out?

[Claymore]

I've really been trying to work on improving myself the past few months -- and I'm sure one or two people here may remember me from last year, when I was in really rough shape (physically too, but mostly mentally). I feel like I've been making strides towards being a more positive person, and certainly been focusing more on taking care of myself, but... Well, frankly, I still find myself unable to score a date.

I dunno, it's kinda been weighing on me the past few days, and tonight in particular it's kinda gotten to me (cliche, I know). I seem to be great with people, when it comes to casually interacting with everyone. For whatever reason, people generally *seem* to like me, I've been told that people seem to warm up to me really quickly. Hell, the other day, some guy I was waiting in-line with at the supermarket was even saying I need to get a real estate license and come work for him, purely because I was really sociable. Yet, I cannot for the life of me seem to go from "getting along with someone" to "agreeing to go out on a date".

I've tried asking women out on "non-dates", like coffee or to the park. I've tried asking on *actual* dates, and even directly saying "I'd really like to take you out sometime". Nothing seems to work. My friends have tried assuring me that I'm not doing anything wrong, but clearly I am. I've not even been putting much pressure on it; at least, not until a few nights ago, when I started mulling things over again.

As I said, clearly I'm doing *something* wrong. But really, how do you know what it is? I mean, it's not like when a girl rejects you, you can just ask "Well, why not?".

I guess it's just got me thinking, if I'm 27 and can't even score a date, how on earth am I ever going to find someone to form a stable relationship with?

[Shelly]

You're not doing anything wrong.

The ladies you are asking just aren't that into you for whatever reason.

Highly advise you look at online dating, whether it be just swiping right on tinder or setting up an OKcupid profile.

Also don't look to a partner to complete you, look for one to compliment you.

[Silverlock]

Where are you going?

At a bar I want someone to be forward. Really strike up a conversation and well be entertaining.

During a arranged date either though online or friends I want to hear about you. What you do and what it is you are looking for.

Beyond that it really depends on interests and hobbies for how the conversation goes.

[hakujinbakasama]

Stop sucking and suck it up.

What is it with this "youth." Want to know why you're not having success? Because you aren't sexually appealing to the women you're targeting.

[drwelfare]

My last few rejections have been upfront, one won't date a dumbass man that works (her BF gets section 8). I would not buy her drugs, different one I would not buy her pseudoephedrine. One of my favorites was being told her man's bond costs more than my car.

If you go looking expect to pay, either for company or being bled for money while given the illusion that you have a chance.

[Aeula]

Well usually when they start screaming you know you've done something wrong.

[May90]

I doubt there are "wrong" and "right" ways to do things like that. If you didn't manage to score a date with someone, there might be tons of reasons for that, and, honestly, I doubt the issue is on your side: if the other person likes you, they will generally be willing to overlook something you are doing wrong, and if they don't like you, or, to be more precise, not interested in a relationship with you - well, then there is nothing you can do, and attempting to trick them will only harm both of you.

Rejections are fine. It usually takes some time before you find someone special for you and who finds you special for them. Luck-based, unfortunately. But keep at it, and you will get there eventually!

[Celista]

You know you're doing something right when you get their number, "something wrong" tends to be anything that falls into the category of cheesy one-liners. Yes they work on some people, if they're hella stupid/superficial and you happen to be extremely good looking, but for me personally that is not enough to overcome that nonsense.

Example: Last night, some kid pulled the whole "don't I know you? Jenny's friend?" bullshit (in a coffee shop) which just serves to piss me off. Just say hello, strike up a conversation, ask how my night is going. Usually that's enough.

If you want to play it safe, asking someone questions about themselves and seeming genuinely interested is enough to get the ball rolling.

- - - Updated - - -

As I said, clearly I'm doing *something* wrong. But really, how do you know what it is? I mean, it's not like when a girl rejects you, you can just ask "Well, why not?".

I guess it's just got me thinking, if I'm 27 and can't even score a date, how on earth am I ever going to find someone to form a stable relationship with?

Dating is a numbers game. I assure you, if you keep at it you will find someone worthwhile. Continue on your path, it will happen.

[Templar 331]

I guess it's just got me thinking, if I'm 27 and can't even score a date, how on earth am I ever going to find someone to form a stable relationship with?

I'm 30 and sadly I know what my problems are. It's a lot of things that I can't change about myself. It really hit me Thursday when I remembered Valentines Day was today and I was still single. That really made me feel low.

Seeing as how you're doing everything right it must be the women you're hitting on. Either they aren't ready for a relationship with you or they just don't plan on having one with you at all. Nothing you can do about that either way.

I guess just hang in there.

[Dread Pirate Phayde]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong, you just can't get discouraged, you may get a dozen rejections, but that one that accepts a date will make you forget all about the others. You're already farther along than I would be, I'm an extremely shy person, not very forward so being as forward as you've been is better than I would be able to do.

[Thrif]

There's literally thousands of different reasons women might turn you down when you ask them out. Trying to figure them all out is just an unecessary pain. As long as it's not something obvious like coming off needy or desperate, just keep having at it.

[Silverlock]

There's literally thousands of different reasons women might turn you down when you ask them out. Trying to figure them all out is just an unecessary pain. As long as it's not something obvious like coming off needy or desperate, just keep having at it.

Pretty much everyone wants something different... found my man at a bondage convention. Just try not to be shy would be my advice and have some fun.

[May90]

There's literally thousands of different reasons women might turn you down when you ask them out. Trying to figure them all out is just an unecessary pain. As long as it's not something obvious like coming off needy or desperate, just keep having at it.

I'd say figuring out reasons might be beneficial in the future, since you might take them into account when planning potential dates and make corrections. Whenever I get rejected, I always try, at least, to get a hint on what went wrong: even it is not something about me, but about them, it is still a valuable learning experience.

[Independent voter]

Any chance these women were out of your league?

[Xargoth6634]

I dunno, I've never just walked up to someone and hit on them based on their appearance; I've always dated people I've gotten to know first, and then ended up finding out there was a mutual attraction there. (Not that there's anything wrong with thinking someone's cute and hitting on them) To me it's just easier once you KNOW you have commonalities, but I'm single atm so clearly that method hasn't been 100% successful for me. I'd agree with people who encourage online dating, that's what I'm going to do after I move for my next stage of schooling. You both know why you're there, you can see what you have in common, and you go from there.

[Celista]

There is something like "your league"?

Yes...I could post images to illustrate my point but there is indeed a point where someone is below or above your league...

[May90]

Yes...I could post images to illustrate my point but there is indeed a point where someone is below or above your league...

But what exactly does this mean? I don't quite understand... Are you talking about looks, or something else?

[Silverlock]

But what exactly does this mean? I don't quite understand... Are you talking about looks, or something else?

Looks and money.

Come now even people without game know that.

[Celista]

But what exactly does this mean? I don't quite understand... Are you talking about looks, or something else?

No, it's really the overall package. Looks are just a part of that.

Intelligence is an automatic +3 on the attractiveness scale for me.

- - - Updated - - -

Looks and money.

Come now even people without game know that.

Most women don't care THAT much about money unless you're broke (by "broke" I mean bankruptcy broke, or 35 and living in your mom's basement broke). And even then, I don't think we care that much.

[LiiLoSNK]

Ask uglier chicks.