[Shadow] Poetry competition

[LeGin Tufnel]

I would like to initiate a poetry competition, the subject of which must be your feelings re. the current state of Shadow Priests. Sonnets/ballads/haikus; classical/romantic/modernist - whatever. All forms are permitted and encouraged.

I will start with some limericks.

The following is dedicated to my much-loved shadow priest, now un-subbed after just a couple of depressing weeks.

Ahem...

I first took the shadowy way
in BC (healz were not my forté).
VT was a boon,
the mages did swoon.
Oh, happy was I to purvey.

Come dawn of the Wrath of the Lich King
I found to my shock I could kill things.
But 3.2 was a bore,
the Trial a dull chore,
I found myself spending time sexting.

In Cata - the ensuing instalment -
my baby: a source of enthrallment.
In short: by mistake
I took a long break
and missed out on poor Raggie's torment.

In Mists I was in for a shock:
I kept losing on Recount to locks.
Our damage was shit
but Blizz didn't admit.
"Goodbye!" to rerollers, we mocked.

Despite my frustration in Mists,
I thought Warlords did not take the piss.
Mind Spike was de rigueur,
our dots just a filler:
"It could have been worse" was the jist.

But Legion has rendered me speechless.
The flaws, they fill me with bleakness.
Mind Sear should not be
as weak as green tea.
The lead dev is a complete penis.

Now, here is the critical nub:
Blizz are treating us all like total scrubs.
Our spec is quite broken,
sad priests are outspoken,
and vexed players will swiftly unsub.

[Biomega]

Dungeons are my life
Shadow will never compete
Now I am a Mage.




There once was a shadowy Priest
whose damage in dungeons was least
though she DoT-ed and Crash'd
she got utterly thrashed
and her hate for the class was increased.




Happy I was in olden days of yore
when DoTs and Blasts and Shadowfiends alike
would raise my damage higher than before
with just infrequent casting of a Spike.
I had high hopes that though the world would burn
in Legion's fire, every class redone
would promise Priests a glorious return
to damage numbers that were long since gone.
Alas, despite an ardent Beta's plea,
the only end result of all the change
was that I saw myself compelled to flee
and roll a class that had a better range.
Now shadow has become the brightest fire
and Mage the class fulfilling my desire.

[LeGin Tufnel]

Dungeons are my life
Shadow will never compete
Now I am a Mage.




There once was a shadowy Priest
whose damage in dungeons was least
though she DoT-ed and Crash'd
she got utterly thrashed
and her hate for the class was increased.




Happy I was in olden days of yore
when DoTs and Blasts and Shadowfiends alike
would raise my damage higher than before
with just infrequent casting of a Spike.
I had high hopes that though the world would burn
in Legion's fire, every class redone
would promise Priests a glorious return
to damage numbers that were long since gone.
Alas, despite an ardent Beta's plea,
the only end result of all the change
was that I saw myself compelled to flee
and roll a class that had a better range.
Now shadow has become the brightest fire
and Mage the class fulfilling my desire.

A+

Excellent limerick and some proper prose - this contributor (though now a mage - /spit) knows their shiz.

[Phram]

Though our AoE may suck,
I don't give a single f***
I've beaten mages, beaten warrs,
More fun than it ever was.

The Void is my weapon,
Dispersion is my shield,
And while your face is melting,
Insanity I build.

The spec is not in manacles,
It's spawning freaking tentacles.
Now stop swallowing sadness
And Surrender to the Madness.

[Relapses]

My Artifact Weapon could tear Azeroth asunder,
So I've been researching Dark Magic for years
At long last, I developed a perpetual energy machine
...it runs on whining Shadow Priest tears
And with it, I've set out to end world hunger.

[SirreASDF]

Though our AoE may suck,
I don't give a single f***
I've beaten mages, beaten warrs,
More fun than it ever was.

The Void is my weapon,
Dispersion is my shield,
And while your face is melting,
Insanity I build.

The spec is not in manacles,
It's spawning freaking tentacles.
Now stop swallowing sadness
And Surrender to the Madness.

Love it! /10 chars

[Deleted]

A Haiku;

Oh, another rogue
And ten demon hunters
Hi Spirit Healer.

[Zephire]

A Haiku;

Oh, another rogue
And ten demon hunters
Hi Spirit Healer.

Very good! Me like!

[Deja Thoris]

Roses are red, violets are blue.
Shadow sucks in dungeons
Woe is you!

[dictainabox]

LET us go then, you and I,
When the void is spread out beneath the sky
Like a Hellscream upon a table;
Let us mount, through abandoned districts,
Unless the devs restrict it
Of restless nights in Lion Pride's Inn
And hopefully forgotten deeprun tram:
A train that moves like a tedious argument
Of people too dumb to give a damn
To lead you to an overwhelming question….
Oh, do not ask, “Is shadow gone?”
Let us go; let us log on.

In the room the women rise and fall
While Morhaime morphs into Thrall.

And indeed there will be time
For the insanity that slides along the street,
Scratching its claws upon the window panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To surrender to madness and melt the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works of lay on hands
That rescues those who wear the plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And damage time to make miniature incisions,
And for a hundred adds and indecisions,
Before the taking of a pots and flasks.

Ramp up in dungeons have you itching,
but shadow’s fine so quit your bitching.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I move?” or, “Do I cast?”
Time to turn back and blast the mind,
Which explains why I have less hair on my head than my ass—
(They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”)
My cloak, my neck mounting firmly to the chin,
My rings are rich and modest, but such power lies within—
(They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”)
Do I dare
Call upon the void?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions for a result yet undefined.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the rogue fanned the knives, killed the spree,
After the backstabbing, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worthwhile,
To left the dungeons with a smile,
To have squeezed the entire spec into a ball
That dungeon trash really mattered,
To say: “I am Benedictus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
We don’t want surrender to madness,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all;
That is not it, at all.”

I grow tired … I grow tired …
One more can of monster’ll have me rewired.

Do I leave the spec behind? Do I dare to arcane blast?
I shall remember shadow orbs, lo how halcyon the past.
I have heard the aspects singing, first to last.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

We have lingered in the world of azeroth
The forums by our QQs paid
Till week 4 hits, and then we raid.

[LeGin Tufnel]

LET us go then, you and I,
When the void is spread out beneath the sky
Like a Hellscream upon a table;
Let us mount, through abandoned districts,
Unless the devs restrict it
Of restless nights in Lion Pride's Inn
And hopefully forgotten deeprun tram:
A train that moves like a tedious argument
Of people too dumb to give a damn
To lead you to an overwhelming question….
Oh, do not ask, “Is shadow gone?”
Let us go; let us log on.

In the room the women rise and fall
While Morhaime morphs into Thrall.

And indeed there will be time
For the insanity that slides along the street,
Scratching its claws upon the window panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To surrender to madness and melt the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works of lay on hands
That rescues those who wear the plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And damage time to make miniature incisions,
And for a hundred adds and indecisions,
Before the taking of a pots and flasks.

Ramp up in dungeons have you itching,
but shadow’s fine so quit your bitching.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I move?” or, “Do I cast?”
Time to turn back and blast the mind,
Which explains why I have less hair on my head than my ass—
(They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”)
My cloak, my neck mounting firmly to the chin,
My rings are rich and modest, but such power lies within—
(They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”)
Do I dare
Call upon the void?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions for a result yet undefined.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the rogue fanned the knives, killed the spree,
After the backstabbing, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worthwhile,
To left the dungeons with a smile,
To have squeezed the entire spec into a ball
That dungeon trash really mattered,
To say: “I am Benedictus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
We don’t want surrender to madness,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all;
That is not it, at all.”

I grow tired … I grow tired …
One more can of monster’ll have me rewired.

Do I leave the spec behind? Do I dare to arcane blast?
I shall remember shadow orbs, lo how halcyon the past.
I have heard the aspects singing, first to last.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

We have lingered in the world of azeroth
The forums by our QQs paid
Till week 4 hits, and then we raid.

The muse runs deep in this Priest. An epic effort. /bows

To be honest, as you can probably guess, I know absolutely fuck all about poetry. But I think my favourite is still Biomega's sonnet.

[Deleted]

I picked shadow for legion because it looked really fun,
And even after all the complaints I still decided not to pull the gun,
But come legion, with all the AOE burst,
While my mind seer still hits like the worst,
Oh mind seer must you be a wet noodle,
Literally I find more happiness when I watch my dying poodle

[Yvaelle]

I do enjoy a spot of poetry

Is it madness?
To ask for decent damage,
and here only in reply,
the smirking whispers of a dagger gone awry,

She asks for sweet surrender,
And sucks her silent answer,
From each forsaken sigh,
Off supple breathless lips,
And faint lamenting cry,

She asks again,
Why do we sing?
Of hymns and elegies,
While songs of such saccharine sadness,
Are all too sweet to please,

And she responds with curling tongues,
And tentacles clung to priestly knees,
She who thirsts on joys and sorrows,
She whose lust we never please.

I consider it as much an ode to the vampiric relationship we have with Xal'atath this expansion, as I do with our community tendency to never be sated by anything less than unattainable perfection.

Xal'atath's lust here is representative of our own lust for great damage and gameplay, which - being our obsession - far exceeds the devs desire to please us. If anything, I think we frighten them - a cautionary tale of the Faustian bargain made by those who care too much.

[Ashmiel]

Whispering in my head.
A thousand broken voices.
A thousand little needles.
Stabbing into me.

Screaming in my mind.
A million lives is lost.
A million thougths of doubt.
Ripping me asunder.

Shadows all around.
Insanity beckons me closer.
Shadows bathe my soul.
Insanity in the void.

Whispering in their heads.
With a thousand broken voices.
And a thousand little needles.
Stabbing into all.

Screaming in their minds.
A million lives I've taken.
A million thoughts of death.
Ripping them asunder.

Shadows all around.
Insanity beckons all.
Shadows bathe my world.
Insanity I am!

[LeGin Tufnel]

There are some hugely talented people in this thread.

at Yvaelle... Excellent. And really helpful analysis. I'd argue that I'd be sated if Mind Sear's effectiveness couldn't be compared, accurately, to a diseased mackerel's attempt to ride a Penny Farthing, rather than by Blizz achieving unattainable perfection. But there are lots of other threads that cover this topic (!) so I won't stray.

at Ashmiel... that's really fucking disturbing. Very good job.

[Yvaelle]

at Yvaelle... Excellent. And really helpful analysis. I'd argue that I'd be sated if Mind Sear's effectiveness couldn't be compared, accurately, to a diseased mackerel's attempt to ride a Penny Farthing, rather than by Blizz achieving unattainable perfection. But there are lots of other threads that cover this topic (!) so I won't stray.

For clarity - I don't think the devs are anywhere close to unattainable perfection for Shadow, but they know that even if they were - the Spriest community would lament and call for more. We have a hunger that can never be sated - it is our power, and our curse

[LeGin Tufnel]

For clarity - I don't think the devs are anywhere close to unattainable perfection for Shadow, but they know that even if they were - the Spriest community would lament and call for more. We have a hunger that can never be sated - it is our power, and our curse

Yep - sorry. Completely agreed. I was straying a bit...

A new limerick dedicated to all who have taken the time to post.

Ahem...

The priests from the MMO forum
write poetry with much decorum.
Their feelings do differ,
some happy, some bitter:
but clear they are all first-rate quorum.

[l33t]

The dagger is cool
But class mechanics are shit
Rerolled to better class.

[Deleted]

Xal'atath whispers
Maddening words to my ears
"I BROKE YOUR CLASS, LOL!"

[Deleted]

I think it's time to bring this back.