Looking for some guidance on this situation

[Poppincaps]

First and foremost, I want to apologize if this post gets a little ranty. I could summarize it but I feel doing so would make the nuance of the situation get lost. I'm gonna cut it down as much as possible.

So, started dating this girl recently. She's pretty cool. Our chemistry isn't amazing but it's not bad and I've been out of the dating game for about 8 months so I thought I'd give it a shot since I knew for a while that she had a crush on me. Recently though I feel like we're on the verge of breaking up and I kinda want some insight on how to proceed.

So, Wednesday I decided to surprise her at work (we work together but I wasn't working that night) because I hadn't seen her since Sunday and I wouldn't see her until next Sunday otherwise. She was super excited to see me and we went out for ice cream afterwards and had a pretty good time. I kissed her good night and left. She texts me later talking about how amazing it was and all that jazz. Now, she's enlisting into the air force so that Thursday and Friday she's gone to MEPS to enlist. She makes it in and I congratulate her. She doesn't text me back that day but I figured she's busy with the whole thing so I don't think much of it.

I text her the next day and she seems kinda subdued. She's no longer calling me pet names and her texts are pretty matter of fact. She says she's cranky so I just write it off and figure that I'll let her do her thing and we'll talk tomorrow since we work together on Sunday. Sunday comes and it's pretty cool. At least as far as work goes. We get off at the same time and I walk her to her car and we talk for a bit. We had made plans to hang out on Monday but she tells me that she's now going to the movies with her sister on Monday and that she can't hang. So, I say we can just chill on Tuesday. She agrees but doesn't seem too excited about the idea. She says that she's just tired so I tell her good night and I leave.

I text her on Monday and once again she's very subdued with her texts. I was busy on Monday so I just left it be until that night when I tried to call her to confirm our plans for Tuesday. She doesn't answer, so I text her and she now says that she has to meet with her recruiter the next day. I'm starting to think that she is just losing interest, but I ask her if she wants to grab a bite to eat afterwards instead. She says "Yeah probably" which is once again pretty unenthusiastic. I text her to give me a ballpark estimate of when she'll be free so I could get my work done beforehand and she doesn't text back.

At this point I'm pretty annoyed because I feel like she doesn't care and I now am acting like I care too much even though I don't so I plan on dumping her today. She texts me this morning about how she feels super sick and she can't hang out at all. From all the reluctance I've gotten from her I feel like this is bullshit but I can't really call her on it so I tell her to feel better. I tell my mom about all this because she knows the girl and she gives me a different perspective and proposes that perhaps it's all coincidences and she does care.

So, I am now conflicted. I work with this girl and she's already told everyone at work that we're dating so I can't get a clean break. I kinda like her but the chemistry has been a little off lately and I don't want to waste anymore time on her if she's not interested, but now I'm not entirely sure that she isn't interested anymore. I was planning on texting her tomorrow and seeing if she's feeling better and if she is, if she's working tomorrow. Then, I'd ask her in person how she feels, but I wonder if its even worth it.

So, I have three questions for you guys. 1. Do you guys feel like she's actually lost interest or she's actually just been really busy? 2. If you do think she's lost interest should I just text her tomorrow and end it or approach her in person and see what's really up? 3. If we do break up, how do you propose I keep it so that we can maintain a healthy work relationship?

[Berndorf]

Its always hard to tell what women are thinking. I would give her some room for a while. If you stop hearing from her then she's prob lost interest. If she starts texting you again in a week then maybe go from there.

[Wikko]

How about you ask her in person what's been going on lately and explain your feelings. It's quite easy to see from her answers if the relationship is worth keep working on.

[Azadina]

It sounds like you don't really care about her, but about your own needs concerning her. Few coincidences and you are wanting to throw a tantrum about it already?

[Forgettable]

I had a similar thing happen recently. She's probably interested in some other guy now. Best to just call her on her BS and see how she reacts.

[Independent voter]

Give her some space and tell her you are giving her some space. Wait a week or two and see how things go.

[Gamdwelf]

First if all what is the dating game

[Kalis]

She's probably shagging someone she met at the air force recruiting place.

[Milchshake]

First if all what is the dating game

**spoiler alert**

Its a creepy show with a creepy host..

[Reachie10]

1. Do you guys feel like she's actually lost interest or she's actually just been really busy?

This doesn't matter, do you like her or not? If you like her, you go after her.

2. If you do think she's lost interest should I just text her tomorrow and end it or approach her in person and see what's really up?

If you're going to break up with her, be a man and tell her in person, texting her a break up is cowardice.

3. If we do break up, how do you propose I keep it so that we can maintain a healthy work relationship?

If you don't like her, then it shouldn't be a problem.

[Crissi]

Id give it more than a week to determine if she atually lost itnerest. People do tend to have bad weeks.

I've been the gal that went hot then super cold as I lost interest. its pretty obvious after 2+ weeks of iffyness that the interest has been lost and you should cut it off.

Also, if only dating a few weeks, I cant imagine already being legit grumpy while its still during the infatuation phase unless something super bad happened IRL.

[Dug]

So, I have three questions for you guys. 1. Do you guys feel like she's actually lost interest or she's actually just been really busy? 2. If you do think she's lost interest should I just text her tomorrow and end it or approach her in person and see what's really up? 3. If we do break up, how do you propose I keep it so that we can maintain a healthy work relationship?

1. It's a possibility but I'd say you need to give it some more time, a week is not long enough to determine this she really could just be feeling sick/down whatever.

2. If you want to get to the bottom of it you need to do it in person, not through text. People can easily just ignore texts and say they didn't receive it etc if they're actually trying to be difficult and passive aggressive about stuff. In person is the best.

3. There's not much you can do but try and make any breakups as civil as possible. Keep your distance at work but be civil and courteous to one another. If it's bad one of you will have to go, just how it is.


Personally, I think you need to stop texting her, stop trying to make plans work and just sit back and see what she does. Let her reach out to you. If after a week she's not reaching out to you then you have your answer. If something is wrong the more you keep trying to make things happen then the worse it gets. Just chill out and let the pieces fall where they may. Unless she's one of those types that says "Nothings wrong" when something actually is wrong but those gals aren't worth your time and I'd move on to someone more mature.

[Poppincaps]

It sounds like you don't really care about her, but about your own needs concerning her. Few coincidences and you are wanting to throw a tantrum about it already?

The problem is that I don't know if they actually are coincidences or she's losing interest.


So right now it seems like this can go down on one of two days. I could meet up with her at work on Wednesday and hash this out immediately or I could give her some space until Sunday and see how it goes then. Wednesday has the benefit of getting this all out of the way more quickly, but Sunday has the opportunity of giving her a chance to show that she's still interested by initiating a conversation. What do you guys think?

[soulzek]

It's not hard to see that she's no longer interested. You're obsessing with why she isn't instead of just accepting it. Be an adult and tell her the very next time you see her that it isn't working out and that you should both move on.

she's already told everyone at work that we're dating so I can't get a clean break

Also, many luls. If you think that's binding, wait until you encounter a real problem.

[Berengil]

The problem is that I don't know if they actually are coincidences or she's losing interest.


So right now it seems like this can go down on one of two days. I could meet up with her at work on Wednesday and hash this out immediately or I could give her some space until Sunday and see how it goes then. Wednesday has the benefit of getting this all out of the way more quickly, but Sunday has the opportunity of giving her a chance to show that she's still interested by initiating a conversation. What do you guys think?

Poppincaps, please don't ever let anyone treat you this way ever again. It's sad.

Multiple instances of super-subdued, multiple instances of breaking plans = you're done with her ( or you should be)

Speculating about her motives is an endless spiral. Don't do it.

Here's the text you should send her: " Sorry things haven't been working out. Good luck with what's going on in your life."

And then go on about your business. The next time she texts you, take 24 hours before you reply.

[Azadina]

The problem is that I don't know if they actually are coincidences or she's losing interest.


So right now it seems like this can go down on one of two days. I could meet up with her at work on Wednesday and hash this out immediately or I could give her some space until Sunday and see how it goes then. Wednesday has the benefit of getting this all out of the way more quickly, but Sunday has the opportunity of giving her a chance to show that she's still interested by initiating a conversation. What do you guys think?

Yes, you don't know. But you right away assumed she's lying, and now want to dump her based on your guess? If you cared about her, you wouldn't suspect her of lying straight up, you'd listen to the reasons she gave. You didn't listen, so ask yourself; do you care about her, or just yourself?

[Berengil]

Yes, you don't know. But you right away assumed she's lying, and now want to dump her based on your guess? If you cared about her, you wouldn't suspect her of lying straight up, you'd listen to the reasons she gave. You didn't listen, so ask yourself; do you care about her, or just yourself?

Alternatively, he could man up, and dump her for these mind games and breaking plans.

Anyone who allows themselves to be teased and led on is hard to sympathize with.

[Azadina]

Alternatively, he could man up, and dump her for these mind games and breaking plans.

Anyone who allows themselves to be teased and led on is hard to sympathize with.

He's the only one doing mind games, and breaking plans. Did you read the OP?

[Crissi]

He's the only one doing mind games, and breaking plans. Did you read the OP?

I dunno. Being cold so early on, when this is the time of most infatuation, is kinda giving alarm bells...

[Berengil]

He's the only one doing mind games, and breaking plans. Did you read the OP?

You can't be serious. By his OP, she has broken plans multiple times and been super-subdued emotionally when talking to him. It's obvious she's stringing him along. Unless she looks like Carrie Underwood and there's a chance he'll get her into bed, she's not worth one more minute of effort. There's plenty of easier women to be had.

@Poppincaps : You can get a clean break. Just stop calling or texting her, and be polite and professional at work. If anybody asks, tell them it just kind of fizzled out with no hard feelings. If she bothers you at work, complain to HR.