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  1. #1

    Its completely normal to look for others while going on dates with some1 right?

    I mean, youd never get anything done if you just stick to 1 person exclusiively for a minor probability of something (ie just like youd never give 1 job application then wait patiently until it gets declined THEN you send a different one and repeat).

    i was in an emotional breakdown the whole night and he was so sweet and talked to me and made me feel happy till the morning anyway he was so sweet and we both really like japanese stuff.

    anyway he didnt finish halfway through the conversation and didndt text me till like 7 hrs, and didnt evne reply to my question. he mellowed out a bit anyway and we was talking about our date but it wasnt as intimate as the night before.

    I'm guessing hes also doing other stuff right? he didnt seem to mind me looking for other things at the time.

  2. #2
    If I found out someone is looking for others to date while dating me I'd just stop dating them.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Jinro View Post
    If I found out someone is looking for others to date while dating me I'd just stop dating them.
    As someone half asian, yes I legitimately think that way(back when i still lived there). but im in the UK now and i am shocked it doesnt seem to be the case in the west.

  4. #4
    Void Lord Doctor Amadeus's Avatar
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    Nope unless you and the person you are with have an agreement otherwise I think the person looking is pretty much a fucking scumbag. If the person I am with is worthy of sharing myself, then they are also worth all of my attention the moment I am not sure, I would let them know, and want the same in return.
    Milli Vanilli, Bigger than Elvis

  5. #5
    I would say it depends on how far you are into dating each other.

    Like you said, its natural that people juggle multiple commitments today, including multiple dating partners at the same time. In my own experience, every time it went past a certain point, me and the other person would discuss it with each other and agree to exclusivity or part ways.

  6. #6
    I think it's good to have conversations about this as soon as you feel comfortable, I personally date one person at a time because it's hard to figure out if a relationship feels good and is right for you if you have a bunch of other people in your life floating around. There are some people who are the opposite of me and don't feel comfortable unless they're seeing three people at once, which is why it is good to talk about how you like to date and how you feel and where you see things going, in order to avoid hurt feelings.

  7. #7
    Herald of the Titans Synros's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jinro View Post
    If I found out someone is looking for others to date while dating me I'd just stop dating them.
    I second this.
    ON WEDNESDAYS WE WEAR PINK

  8. #8
    A application for a job and going out with some are two different things. If I found out my date was going out with others, then it would be over. You don't play around with other peoples' hearts and you don't let them play with yours.

  9. #9
    I always pop on Tinder every time my date goes to the bathroom!

    In all seriousness, I think it depends on the people involved. For me I don't find it easy to balance work/personal life at times so I don't like dating more than one person as it makes scheduling things a pain. But unless both people decide to take things seriously I don't think either can be faulted for talking/seeing other people. And obviously if you want something more committed and the other person doesn't then it's probably not going to work out so why worry?

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Celista View Post
    I think it's good to have conversations about this as soon as you feel comfortable, I personally date one person at a time because it's hard to figure out if a relationship feels good and is right for you if you have a bunch of other people in your life floating around. There are some people who are the opposite of me and don't feel comfortable unless they're seeing three people at once, which is why it is good to talk about how you like to date and how you feel and where you see things going, in order to avoid hurt feelings.
    its just that, hes in such ab etter position than me. hes 19 and im 29 and for starters hes not an emotional trainwreck full of baggages, got tons of friends and has everything well put together. he just cold approached me on an episode and was all lovey dovey. later on in the morning hes not as responsive but still taking me out on a date.

    i was just mostly shocked cause i playfully said that im such a clingy boyfriend nad he was like "were not boyfriends?" which is 100% valid but the way it was typed, really put me in a panic attack.
    im afraid hes just gonna get someone better.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Fluttershy View Post
    its just that, hes in such ab etter position than me. hes 19 and im 29 and for starters hes not an emotional trainwreck full of baggages, got tons of friends and has everything well put together. he just cold approached me on an episode and was all lovey dovey. later on in the morning hes not as responsive but still taking me out on a date.

    i was just mostly shocked cause i playfully said that im such a clingy boyfriend nad he was like "were not boyfriends?" which is 100% valid but the way it was typed, really put me in a panic attack.
    im afraid hes just gonna get someone better.
    I don't know many 19 year olds that have their shit together, to be honest. I think you're downgrading yourself, if you want a good and healthy relationship you're going to need to learn to love yourself and accept that most people have some baggage (whether or not they talk about it) and it's ok to have it.

    I think what he said is a red flag, you're not on the same page emotionally which is affecting your mental health. Also a 10 year age difference, most 19 year olds are pretty immature...I do not recommend dating in that age range, unless you are also in that age range...

    I'd drop him, sounds like it's not going to go where you want it to go. Remember that you deserve someone who loves you back.

  12. #12
    Deleted
    If I am online dating I will date multiple people and expect them doing the same. I would however stop if I had met one a second time.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashnazg View Post
    I would say it depends on how far you are into dating each other.

    Like you said, its natural that people juggle multiple commitments today, including multiple dating partners at the same time. In my own experience, every time it went past a certain point, me and the other person would discuss it with each other and agree to exclusivity or part ways.
    This, pretty much.

  14. #14
    Deleted
    Quote Originally Posted by Celista View Post
    I don't know many 19 year olds that have their shit together, to be honest. I think you're downgrading yourself, if you want a good and healthy relationship you're going to need to learn to love yourself and accept that most people have some baggage (whether or not they talk about it) and it's ok to have it.

    I think what he said is a red flag, you're not on the same page emotionally which is affecting your mental health. Also a 10 year age difference, most 19 year olds are pretty immature...I do not recommend dating in that age range, unless you are also in that age range...

    I'd drop him, sounds like it's not going to go where you want it to go. Remember that you deserve someone who loves you back.
    I see nothing wrong in saying "Were not boyfriends" because a date isn't a relationship. I can have multiple dates before even considering taking it to relationship status

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Fluttershy View Post
    its just that, hes in such ab etter position than me. hes 19 and im 29 and for starters hes not an emotional trainwreck full of baggages, got tons of friends and has everything well put together. he just cold approached me on an episode and was all lovey dovey. later on in the morning hes not as responsive but still taking me out on a date.

    i was just mostly shocked cause i playfully said that im such a clingy boyfriend nad he was like "were not boyfriends?" which is 100% valid but the way it was typed, really put me in a panic attack.
    im afraid hes just gonna get someone better.
    I think you have some self-confidence issues you need to sort out, and/or set boundaries more clearly when dating someone. Sorry to butt in, but, yeah...

  16. #16
    Seems to depend on the area and background etc. My wifes parents are super British traditional about everything and when/where they grew up it was totally normal. Go on a date with one person Friday and Saturday with someone else. It didn't mean anything and was considered normal early in a relationship. If you didn't agree with the other person to make it monogamous, it was fair game until that point.

    Needless to say it's not quite as normal in modern times and not in the UK so they found their daughters lack of seeing other people at the same time odd.

    Edit: It's still kind of that way now but I think the line where it's considered normal has moved back a little back.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by adam86shadow View Post
    I see nothing wrong in saying "Were not boyfriends" because a date isn't a relationship. I can have multiple dates before even considering taking it to relationship status
    There's nothing wrong with saying it, there's something wrong with the OP being distressed about it to the point of having a panic attack. That indicates that the OP cares more than the guy does, when there's that much of a mismatch in feelings/expectations then that is not a good sign. People aren't going to 100% match each other's feelings and expectations for a relationship but they should be relatively close. If they don't, it tends to cause ongoing distress in one person or the other.

    Also OP is showing some signs of low self-esteem and devaluing of self in conversation (even if joking), OP has stuff to work on. The unfortunate thing about self-deprecating behavior is that some people interpret that literally and when they do (like the OP's dude did) than that is another indication of a mismatch, sounds like the guy really thinks he is clingy.

  18. #18
    Deleted
    Whenever I am dating men there's always red flags I avoid such as texting too much, talking about a relationship too soon and wanting my attention 24/7. If either of these occur I cut ties. I do not want a needy co-dependent boyfriend. Being there, done that, fuck it happening again.

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by adam86shadow View Post
    Whenever I am dating men there's always red flags I avoid such as texting too much, talking about a relationship too soon and wanting my attention 24/7. If either of these occur I cut ties. I do not want a needy co-dependent boyfriend. Being there, done that, fuck it happening again.
    Texting too much? What? Like sending you like 200 messages in a day?

  20. #20
    Deleted
    Quote Originally Posted by Celista View Post
    There's nothing wrong with saying it, there's something wrong with the OP being distressed about it to the point of having a panic attack. That indicates that the OP cares more than the guy does, when there's that much of a mismatch in feelings/expectations then that is not a good sign. People aren't going to 100% match each other's feelings and expectations for a relationship but they should be relatively close. If they don't, it tends to cause ongoing distress in one person or the other.

    Also OP is showing some signs of low self-esteem and devaluing of self in conversation (even if joking), OP has stuff to work on. The unfortunate thing about self-deprecating behavior is that some people interpret that literally and when they do (like the OP's dude did) than that is another indication of a mismatch, sounds like the guy really thinks he is clingy.
    I mean you're right. You need to love yourself and not expect others to do it for you. Something unfortunately too many don't understand. I know people in their 40s that cannot find a boyfriend because of this.

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