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  1. #21
    Scarab Lord bungeebungee's Avatar
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    @Doctor Amadeus Not intending to show a lack of respect for your personal ideas, but isn't this phrased in pretty ageist terms? Advanced age is shown as a limit, youth isn't addressed at all. Why focus on age as a negative? Not everyone is in the same state financially, in terms of the stability of their relationship, or even as far as health at the same age. While I understand age gets used as a rule of thumb for all of those, why not look directly at a person's circumstances?

    What is the oldest age anyone should start a family?
    I would have considered myself too old from 40-50. Why? I'd been told that I would probably die by age 50. Rough on the kid to have me kick off when they're maybe 6-9 years old and that's without even considering financial issues.

    After 50, those were concerns that I raised with the various fiancees, but I became willing to consider starting a family. I passed 50 in good health and seemed likely to keep ticking into my 70s. Getting hit by a bus will get you whether you're 21 or 81, but the women I might have started a family with would have had good support from their families if something like that happened (a point 2.1 made).

    Would I now, as I approach 60 next year? It's a choice for both people to consider carefully. It wouldn't be my preferred choice but I wouldn't completely rule it out just on my age, particularly since if I end up getting married the odds are good that she would be in her mid thirties with a daughter that would probably be around five years old.

    What is the oldest age anyone should stop having children?
    @Coolthulhu will be mortified to know that I agree with him on this point, as well as many of the others he made in his post. Before having kids, check with your (and her) doctors. I would have been doing that even in my 20s, having worked with radioactive materials and been downwind from Chernobyl.

    Should there be a limit on how many children people should have (including adoption), if so based on what criteria?
    I'm just going to second what Coolthulhu wrote.

    Ok last question the big one what are the 3 things you think are most important for Dating, Life, and Children?

    Dating

    1) Enjoy the moments for what they are, but if you're considering a long term relationship you should also pay attention to how life is apt to be when the chemicals in your blood go back to normal.
    2) They are who they are. If something is a problem, don't count on changing them (and changing yourself is bucking the odds) and control problems in general may get worse with time.
    3) Personal limits are just that, if gingers don't float your boat I'm not suggesting you need to broaden your horizons by dating gingers. With that said, don't be too quick to limit yourself -- go with how you feel to be with someone.

    Life
    1) Luck happens, but don't let that stop you from making plans.
    2) Make plans, but remain flexible. Don't just chuck plans out the window randomly, but reevaluate them regularly so you're taking current (and upcoming) conditions into consideration.
    3) Learn to recognize luck (both good and bad) but pay attention to the factors that came into play. Finding a pearl when you open an oyster is good luck; however, it can't happen if you never open an oyster.

    Children

    1) Set a good example, talk about life with your kids, give them opportunities to share your interests and values; however, be prepared that they may not share those interests and values.

    2) Warning! Incoming personal rant! <bungee leaves keyboard, makes tea, repeatedly swears, and utters the phrase "fu er dai" a lot> The polite explanation of fu er dai: http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/opinion...t_16395339.htm
    If you aren't going to be a parent, no, throwing money and possessions to your kids isn't going to make up for it. If you aren't able or willing to do the job right, don't even adopt. No, the excuse of paying for private tutoring in everything doesn't wash -- see point one above and throw in item 2 from Coolthulhu's list. The schools cannot clean up your damned mess.

    3) Communicate. Kids are not Mini-You, nor are they raw clay to shape to do what you did not. Lead by example, share your thoughts, *communicate with them*, but understand that the world has moved on since your youth. It could be that they don't approach dating the way you did, they might have a different take on religion, or perhaps they don't share your view on guns. Whatever it might be, try to keep respect on both sides. See 3b below.
    3b) You probably remember kids who gamed their parents and other adults when you were a kid yourself. You probably, either consciously or unconsciously, played off of the dynamics within your family. Don't forget that. Your kid isn't Mini-You, but that doesn't mean s/he's the boss either. Try to understand their positions, explain your own, and teach responsibility. Point 2 is a two edged sword, my point about responsible parents can be spun to "and don't let your friends turn you into a jackass, spoiled brat" and be equally important.
    "No one -- however smart, however well-educated, however experienced -- is the suppository of all wisdom"

    Quote Originally Posted by Katie N
    Wtf? No weapons? xD What is this? Restricted training environment?
    Commenting on "anything goes" for martial arts and self defense

  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by bungeebungee View Post

    What is the oldest age anyone should stop having children?
    @Coolthulhu will be mortified to know that I agree with him on this point, as well as many of the others he made in his post.
    Why? I mean sure, if you were one who regularly spouted unimaginably stupid nonsense I'd have reason to be mortified or, more importantly, question my sanity. And while I do vaguely remember disagreeing on some topics with that bunny avatar of yours, I'm rather sure your positions were civil and reasonable, because as I said, they are vague memories, as opposed to the dreadfully vivid kind of memories I get from interactions with the minus habentes. Which is a category you clearly don't belong to, given this post, and some others about China that I remember of, aside from my memories of our interactions being faint and all.
    As a useless piece of trivia, my closest real life friends are people I disagree with on most of the stuff that's typically discussed on this very board.
    Last edited by Coolthulhu; 2019-03-31 at 03:35 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Adolecent View Post
    I'm getting infracted by an American moderator on an American topic promoting/advocating weapons on a childrens forum, what else to expect on an American forum. I'm done here and i'm going to leave you one thing to remember:
    [extremely graphic picture of dead children]
    Hope you sleep well. With the lack of empathy the majority of you show i guess that won't be a problem. BB

  3. #23
    Scarab Lord bungeebungee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coolthulhu
    As a useless piece of trivia, my closest real life friends are people I disagree with on most of the stuff that's typically discussed on this very board.
    That's OK then. I mentioned my opinion that communication is important, and if everything is overly harmonious then the communication is probably superficial. You make some good points and some good posts, if we have a clash every now and then that's just part of doing more than exchanging small talk. Cheers!
    "No one -- however smart, however well-educated, however experienced -- is the suppository of all wisdom"

    Quote Originally Posted by Katie N
    Wtf? No weapons? xD What is this? Restricted training environment?
    Commenting on "anything goes" for martial arts and self defense

  4. #24
    The Undying Doctor Amadeus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bungeebungee View Post
    @Doctor Amadeus Not intending to show a lack of respect for your personal ideas, but isn't this phrased in pretty ageist terms? Advanced age is shown as a limit, youth isn't addressed at all. Why focus on age as a negative? Not everyone is in the same state financially, in terms of the stability of their relationship, or even as far as health at the same age. While I understand age gets used as a rule of thumb for all of those, why not look directly at a person's circumstances?
    You're right, and make very valid points. Age here is meant to be a biological outline, it isn't my intention to suggest precisely any age anyone should be, but to simply ask about a consensus. However you are right, it is ageist. I apologize that wasn't my intention.

    My personal answer is more of a personal reflection for myself. and my opinion
    "Intellect alone is useless in a fight...you can't even break a rule, how can you be expected to break bone" Khan Singh

  5. #25
    Scarab Lord bungeebungee's Avatar
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    @Doctor Amadeus No problem. No offense taken and none intended, there just aren't a lot of guys my age and older on the forums so I wanted to throw out another view.
    "No one -- however smart, however well-educated, however experienced -- is the suppository of all wisdom"

    Quote Originally Posted by Katie N
    Wtf? No weapons? xD What is this? Restricted training environment?
    Commenting on "anything goes" for martial arts and self defense

  6. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by Winter Blossom View Post
    I think everyone should do what they want. Date when you want, have kids when you want, marry when you want, date who you want. If you don’t want those things, don’t do them. Live your life how you want, not what you think is expected out of you.
    Eh to a degree I would agree with you, but I don't think you should be having children at the age of 50+. Your actions are dictating the life of another at that point and so you should take considerations as such before you act. I remember having a friend in grade school and his mom was like 60 something in the 3rd grade. I always felt so sad for him because his mom was already close to dying and he was still so young.
    Quote Originally Posted by Elba View Post
    Klling a new born is not much morally different than a late term abortion. Should be avoided, but it's not like it is an actual person yet.

  7. #27
    The Undying Doctor Amadeus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bungeebungee View Post
    @Doctor Amadeus No problem. No offense taken and none intended, there just aren't a lot of guys my age and older on the forums so I wanted to throw out another view.
    Thank you, and I appreciate you saying something, I sure didn't want to open the door to that kind of bigotry. I do not support that kind of ignorance or stupidity. It for sure is circumstances not age that should determine when it's healthy and perfectly capable for human beings have kids.
    "Intellect alone is useless in a fight...you can't even break a rule, how can you be expected to break bone" Khan Singh

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by Aggrophobic View Post
    So if you're over 30 and single you should just roll over and die? What an odd idea.
    yeah that's what i was thinking, should all singles over 30 report to the sleepshop before they send a sandman?

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