Dating, Life, Children.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Ok this is going to be a few questions in lump together, but the idea is really about family and your over all view on that and particulars. The purpose is to get your take. Feel free to give your reasons for your answers as you like.


What is the oldest age anyone should start a family?

I would say Male 30, Female I would say 30

What is the oldest age anyone should stop having children?

For males i would say 50, Female 40


How what is the largest age difference you feel is appropriate when considering marriage, making a family or adoption?

Provided either is over 21, I don't think it makes any difference even a little bit.

Should there be a limit on how many children people should have (including adoption), if so based on what criteria?

Yes, based on how many financially and psychologically one or more parent can handle. I think it should be objective based on prudent research.


Ok last question the big one what are the 3 things you think are most important for Dating, Life, and Children?


Dating:

1. Finding someone you love and loves you.
2. Finding someone you enjoy being around.
3. Finding someone in good and bad will be there for you and vice verse.


Life:

1. Fill your life with love
2. Treat everyone decently and fair
3. Take time to enjoy life (Details matter)

Children:

1. Make sure they always feel safe.
2. Make sure they always feel loved.
3. Make sure they are secured and taken care of Physically, Mentally, Emotionally.

[Weeps]

I see this being a cool thread, genuinely.

I am commenting so that I may come back and put in my 2 cents. It warrants better attention than I am able to give atm

[Doctor Amadeus]

I think everyone should do what they want. Date when you want, have kids when you want, marry when you want, date who you want. If you don’t want those things, don’t do them. Live your life how you want, not what you think is expected out of you.

I agree a little bit, but a lot of this sounds like chaos

[Stardrift]

No one should start a family. Already have more than enough of those. It should be who gets to start a family.

Because as of right now, the only reason children are getting pumped out is because of the phat cheques the government gives these drug addicted, alcoholic NEETs for child "benefits".

Those that are in a better place won't dare to have children because they know that'll drag their situation down under.

[Doctor Amadeus]

I'm too egoistic to have children or even stable relationships. I'm fine with that. All long term relationships I've been into always limited my capacity to do things I wanted to do.

That sounds like a very reasonable and logical conclusion. I am guessing if you met the right one you'll likely feel different. Plenty of time unless you have a cut off point you feel you are approaching also.

[Lurker1]

I started at the age of 19 being married that is no regrets!In my 30s now best decision ever!

[Doctor Amadeus]

No one should start a family. Already have more than enough of those. It should be who gets to start a family.

Because as of right now, the only reason children are getting pumped out is because of the phat cheques the government gives these drug addicted, alcoholic NEETs for child "benefits".

Those that are in a better place won't dare to have children because they know that'll drag their situation down under.

Without children to replenish the supply who is going to help you as you get older and keep society going.

[Abbeel]

If you want to start a family, that's fine. Go for it. Do everything you can to make sure your children are well equipped for life and kind to others.

However, children aren't a resource to maintain society. They're people. And creating a person is not something anyone should consider so lightly. Don't have kids because you think you're supposed to, or because you feel like you're running out of time. Have kids because you(and your partner) feel like you're entirely prepared and ready to devote 20 or so years of your life.

It's also worth noting, adopting is even more beneficial to society than having a child of your own.

[Aggrophobic]

So if you're over 30 and single you should just roll over and die? What an odd idea.

[Stardrift]

Without children to replenish the supply who is going to help you as you get older and keep society going.

The obsessions of "keeping society going" and "the cycle of life and death" is a disgusting and unhealthy one. It's what got us to where we are today.
Have one or two kids. Fine. But families that shit out any more than that are just irresponsible cunts and should be published accordingly.

There are jobs specifically for caring for old people. But I think I'd rather die before I become someone else's liability. Regardless if they're my child or a worker.

[Mamut]

I always wanted to get married and have childrens but I have not met yet anyone with whom I would like to spend the rest of my life and Im well over 30 now. Does this mean its too late for me?

[Mitters]

Wait so in 6 years I would be too old to start a family? At 24 i've never even dated or anything, guess I need to act fast

[d00mGuArD]

Everyone should do whatever they feel like.
There are however some very very good advises from those that have already done the things, I will mention some here, for anyone interested to listen

Family:
1) If you depend on grandparent to help you raise kids, then have kids young. They will genuinely not be able to help you if you decide to have kids when they are 65!
2) If you don't own one, then marry someone that owns a home. No need to be rich or wealthy or anything. But having a place to live greatly increases family stability.
3) Choose mate with the right head. Not the lower head, but the top head! Look for qualities that make a good family.
4) The road is always bumpy. Work things out as a team, don't give up easily!

Dating: The three golden rules of dating always apply (plus one extra from me):
1) 1st rule of dating: If she talks ABOUT an ex, you disappear
2) 2nd rule of dating: If she talks WITH an ex, you disappear
3) 3rd rule of dating: If she BECOMES an ex, you disappear
4) She must have a hobby. (shopping and holidays and eating are not hobbies. It is what people do. TV counts as minus hobby)

That's all folks!

[Weeps]

What is the oldest age anyone should start a family?

After 30, for men, the chances increase tremendously for having an autistic child. When you are 55, you're 4x more likely to have an autistic child than a 30 year old man. That's something to think about.
After 40, the same goes for women.

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/li...ism-explained/

For reproductive purposes, there should be a society-accepted cut-off age. That would upset a lot of people who "bloom" later in life. Instead of passing legislation or whatever, there should be a public health campaign warning about the potential problems of having children later in life.

On the positive side, it is not wildly common for 40+ year olds having babies.

In short, do what you want but don't wait too long.


What is the oldest age anyone should stop having children?

40. Anything later, you're going to miss out a lot on the adult age of your children's life. That's when the rewards pay off five fold.

How what is the largest age difference you feel is appropriate when considering marriage, making a family or adoption?

I'm not an ageist. I've seen documentaries about these couples with huge disparities in age. They're fine. They're eclectic, sure, but they aren't hurting anybody.

I'd suggest people keep it within 10 years.

Should there be a limit on how many children people should have (including adoption), if so based on what criteria?

Absolutely, yes. A limit of 2.

I have 2 friends. One is a mother of 3 children and the other is a mother of 7 children.
They make $90,000 a year. They work the same job (interpreting).

They. are. trashed. They try to look nice but you can see the exhaustion in their eyes. Today's world is not parent-friendly. There's so much shit to do. After 2 kids it goes down hill. Sure a big family is nice but the sacrifices get larger and larger.

Not recommended to go past 2. This is entirely my opinion, it's not a matter of wrong or right.


What are the 3 things you think are most important for Dating, Life, and Children?


Dating:

1. Finding someone you can tolerate being around for long periods of time.
2. Finding someone you are sexually compatible with.
3. Finding someone who is faithful with out a doubt, a monogamist.


Life:

1. Attain self-actualization and try to attain it again, repeatedly.
2. Don't be a problem to other people. This means park perfectly, walk on the right side of the walkway, open doors for people, throw trash away in appropriate places, driving responsibly, etc. You get it. Don't be a problem, it pisses other people off and the ripple effect magnifies from there.
3. Enjoy time with family, they're the most important people in your life.

Children:

1. Make sure they grow up to be well-adapted responsible members of society.
2. Make sure they always feel secure and loved.
3. Make sure they are able to pursue their interests.

[Coolthulhu]

What is the oldest age anyone should start a family?
40-50. It's a lot, but I know people whose parents had them when they were in they late 40s and they're all doing fine.

What is the oldest age anyone should stop having children?
Not for me to say or know. Ask doctors.

How what is the largest age difference you feel is appropriate when considering marriage, making a family or adoption?
Appropriate? Again, not for me to say. Whatever people feel like doing, I don't care. However having kids or adopting some past a certain age (40-50) is fairly irresponsible. Of course these numbers are to be adjusted for lower life expectancy if we're talking outside of the North of the World.

Should there be a limit on how many children people should have (including adoption), if so based on what criteria?
Absolutely yes, based on a plethora of criteria, but mostly income, psychological status, presence of severely life-impacting birth-transmissible diseases or genetic defects. People who can't birth healthy children and provide them with the means to avoid hardships should simply refrain from reproducing, especially considering that even among the best of conditions, life comes with plenty of hardships already.


Ok last question the big one what are the 3 things you think are most important for Dating, Life, and Children?

Dating:
1) Luck - your perfect match could cross your way on the tube every day and you wouldn't know unless for ridiculous fortuitous chains of random events;
2) The ability to at the very least catch a glimpse of the third face of those you date, and to eventually see it well if you actually end up in a serious relationship;
3) The ability to keep your third face concealed from your dates, at least till the aforementioned clarity is attained; sadly but that's almost impossible to actually attain, unless you're into dating the minus habentes, of course.
Life:
1) Luck - you could be the son of a happy billionaire family, but if your friends die in freak accidents and you get leukemia at 18 it won't do much for your happiness;
2) Strive to be in touch with your True Will, which is quite the task in and of itself;
3) If you have the how, don't be careless of the why.

Children:
1) As an antinatalist, this is quite easy: do not procreate; adopt children who are already doomed to life instead, if that's in touch with your True Will;
2) Do not harm children - other than the obvious, this includes "acting for their own good", for the road to hell is absolutely, positively paved with good intentions;
3) Do not harm or suppress your inner child more than you've been forced to do already.

[Celista]

I think everyone should do what they want. Date when you want, have kids when you want, marry when you want, date who you want. If you don’t want those things, don’t do them. Live your life how you want, not what you think is expected out of you.

I love this answer

[Liftbrul]

I think everyone should do what they want. Date when you want, have kids when you want, marry when you want, date who you want. If you don’t want those things, don’t do them. Live your life how you want, not what you think is expected out of you.

This is the only answer worth a damn.

[shadowmouse]

@Doctor Amadeus Not intending to show a lack of respect for your personal ideas, but isn't this phrased in pretty ageist terms? Advanced age is shown as a limit, youth isn't addressed at all. Why focus on age as a negative? Not everyone is in the same state financially, in terms of the stability of their relationship, or even as far as health at the same age. While I understand age gets used as a rule of thumb for all of those, why not look directly at a person's circumstances?

What is the oldest age anyone should start a family?
I would have considered myself too old from 40-50. Why? I'd been told that I would probably die by age 50. Rough on the kid to have me kick off when they're maybe 6-9 years old and that's without even considering financial issues.

After 50, those were concerns that I raised with the various fiancees, but I became willing to consider starting a family. I passed 50 in good health and seemed likely to keep ticking into my 70s. Getting hit by a bus will get you whether you're 21 or 81, but the women I might have started a family with would have had good support from their families if something like that happened (a point 2.1 made).

Would I now, as I approach 60 next year? It's a choice for both people to consider carefully. It wouldn't be my preferred choice but I wouldn't completely rule it out just on my age, particularly since if I end up getting married the odds are good that she would be in her mid thirties with a daughter that would probably be around five years old.

What is the oldest age anyone should stop having children?
@Coolthulhu will be mortified to know that I agree with him on this point, as well as many of the others he made in his post. Before having kids, check with your (and her) doctors. I would have been doing that even in my 20s, having worked with radioactive materials and been downwind from Chernobyl.

Should there be a limit on how many children people should have (including adoption), if so based on what criteria?
I'm just going to second what Coolthulhu wrote.

Ok last question the big one what are the 3 things you think are most important for Dating, Life, and Children?

Dating

1) Enjoy the moments for what they are, but if you're considering a long term relationship you should also pay attention to how life is apt to be when the chemicals in your blood go back to normal.
2) They are who they are. If something is a problem, don't count on changing them (and changing yourself is bucking the odds) and control problems in general may get worse with time.
3) Personal limits are just that, if gingers don't float your boat I'm not suggesting you need to broaden your horizons by dating gingers. With that said, don't be too quick to limit yourself -- go with how you feel to be with someone.

Life
1) Luck happens, but don't let that stop you from making plans.
2) Make plans, but remain flexible. Don't just chuck plans out the window randomly, but reevaluate them regularly so you're taking current (and upcoming) conditions into consideration.
3) Learn to recognize luck (both good and bad) but pay attention to the factors that came into play. Finding a pearl when you open an oyster is good luck; however, it can't happen if you never open an oyster.

Children

1) Set a good example, talk about life with your kids, give them opportunities to share your interests and values; however, be prepared that they may not share those interests and values.

2) Warning! Incoming personal rant! <bungee leaves keyboard, makes tea, repeatedly swears, and utters the phrase "fu er dai" a lot> The polite explanation of fu er dai: http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/opinion...t_16395339.htm
If you aren't going to be a parent, no, throwing money and possessions to your kids isn't going to make up for it. If you aren't able or willing to do the job right, don't even adopt. No, the excuse of paying for private tutoring in everything doesn't wash -- see point one above and throw in item 2 from Coolthulhu's list. The schools cannot clean up your damned mess.

3) Communicate. Kids are not Mini-You, nor are they raw clay to shape to do what you did not. Lead by example, share your thoughts, *communicate with them*, but understand that the world has moved on since your youth. It could be that they don't approach dating the way you did, they might have a different take on religion, or perhaps they don't share your view on guns. Whatever it might be, try to keep respect on both sides. See 3b below.
3b) You probably remember kids who gamed their parents and other adults when you were a kid yourself. You probably, either consciously or unconsciously, played off of the dynamics within your family. Don't forget that. Your kid isn't Mini-You, but that doesn't mean s/he's the boss either. Try to understand their positions, explain your own, and teach responsibility. Point 2 is a two edged sword, my point about responsible parents can be spun to "and don't let your friends turn you into a jackass, spoiled brat" and be equally important.

[Coolthulhu]

[MENTION=766877]
What is the oldest age anyone should stop having children?
@Coolthulhu will be mortified to know that I agree with him on this point, as well as many of the others he made in his post.

Why? I mean sure, if you were one who regularly spouted unimaginably stupid nonsense I'd have reason to be mortified or, more importantly, question my sanity. And while I do vaguely remember disagreeing on some topics with that bunny avatar of yours, I'm rather sure your positions were civil and reasonable, because as I said, they are vague memories, as opposed to the dreadfully vivid kind of memories I get from interactions with the minus habentes. Which is a category you clearly don't belong to, given this post, and some others about China that I remember of, aside from my memories of our interactions being faint and all.
As a useless piece of trivia, my closest real life friends are people I disagree with on most of the stuff that's typically discussed on this very board.

[shadowmouse]

As a useless piece of trivia, my closest real life friends are people I disagree with on most of the stuff that's typically discussed on this very board.

That's OK then. I mentioned my opinion that communication is important, and if everything is overly harmonious then the communication is probably superficial. You make some good points and some good posts, if we have a clash every now and then that's just part of doing more than exchanging small talk. Cheers!