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  1. #1

    World of Warcraft Patch 8.6.7 Build 5309

    World of Warcraft Patch 8.6.7 Build 5309
    Originally Posted by Blizzard (Blue Tracker / Official Forums)
    World of Warcraft Patch 8.6.7 Build 5309
    Update Notes WIP DO NOT RELEASE

    April 1, 2019

    Companion App Update: Findr
    Find your next tank, healer, or damage dealer at a glance with the latest update to the WoW Companion App: Findr. When you open the Findr feature, you’ll be presented with a picture and a brief description of another player, and you can decide whether they’d be the right match for your party. Features include:[*]Glance at a player’s gear and achievement points for 3 seconds (maximum) before making a snap judgment about how well they’ll tank your Mythic Keystone run.
    • Swipe right to request a match and immediately send a party invitation.
    • Swipe left to completely dismiss the player’s entire existence; this is completely anonymous, distancing you from the other player’s growing vortex of self-doubt.
    • Once a match has been made, option to not message them right away, which makes it look like you’re super busy and use Findr all the time.
    When the time is right, gather your new groupmates together, and head off to whatever adventures lay in store!

    General
    • “Shell Game” can now be attempted on Mythic difficulty, featuring a 64x64 grid.
    • Following the success of the Comp Stomp PvP Brawl, which allowed a team of AI-controller characters to battle real players in Arathi Basin, we are now allowing teams of AI characters to complete dungeons.
    • Riverbud is now legal in Drustvar, Stormsong Valley, and Tiragarde Sound.
    • Riverbud remains illegal in Kul Tiras.

    Races
    • Blood elves now have short-eared cosmetic options.
    • The human racial ability that allows you to escape has been renamed. It is now called Every Skinny Kul Tiran for Himself.

    Classes
    • Death Knight (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • New Runeforging trait: Emboss your weapon with the ability to transport you to Bolvar. You should talk to your death dad more often, my dude.
      • New Death Knight travel form: Death Leopard
      • Blood Death Knights may no longer select the Heartbreaker talent during the Love Is in the Air event, you monsters.
      • The Bloody Runeblade Azerite trait can’t believe the news today. Runeblade, Bloody Runeblade.
      • Recent alternative healer disciplines have resulted in a resurgence of Virulent Plague.
    • Demon Hunter (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • Due to a general lack of demons in Battle for Azeroth, the Illidari have begun looking for new sources of souls.
      • Insatiable Hunger has been trying out intermittent fasting and is seeing some great results.
      • After poor results from a recent structural inspection, all Eye Beams are being upgraded for greater load capacity.
    • Druid (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • Nobody:
      • Blizzard: Druids don’t wear clothing, they just shapeshift themselves to appear like they do.
      • Feral Druids can now be crowd-controlled by throwing a slice of cheese on their head.
      • Groups of 5 Feral Druids can come together to form one super-bot.
      • Due to noise complaints, Stonebark has been fitted with a shock collar.
      • Soul of the Forest has been donated to Demon Hunters.
    • Hunter (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • Hati went to live on a farm with grandpa Rexxar. We promise you, Hati is in a better place.
      • Due to safety concerns, Hunter transmogrification options have been limited to armor pieces that are orange in color.
      • Pets that meet certain size and weight restrictions may now travel with you on flight paths.
      • Survival Hunters may now equip quivers.
      • Please stop overfeeding your cat pets. It’s unhealthy for them, even if they’re adorable chonkers.
    • Mage (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • The Mage class mount has been re-released as a digital download for those without a disc drive.
      • Aluneth now responds to voice commands. Examples include:
        • “Aluneth, reorder my mats.”
        • “Aluneth, set a timer for raid.”
        • “Aluneth, play ‘Despacito.’”
      • Due to global warming, Glacial Spike is now 20% smaller every year.
      • Flame Patch has been renamed to Flame Content Update.
      • Blazing Soul has been donated to Demon Hunters.
      • Conjure Refreshment now creates Arcanado Toast.
    • Monk (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • A Brewmaster got into the Whirling Dragon Punch. You should probably take it easy.
      • Mist Wrap has been upgraded to Mist Wrap Supreme, which includes sour cream and cheese.
      • Dampen Harm has been removed. Harm is damp enough already. You might even call it moist.
      • Tiger’s Lust is now rated T for Teen.
    • Paladin (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • Light of Dawn is now more energy efficient and automatically turns off if you leave the room.
      • First Avenger only understood a few of the references in these patch notes.
      • Repentance has been renamed “Shame.” It now has 3 charges, which can be reset by ringing a bell.
      • Inquisition is now baseline, and activates randomly without warning. No one expects Inquisition!
    • Priest (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • Knaifu has been renamed “Bae Blade.”
        • Bae Blade’s whispers are now more encouraging.
        • Bae Blade is now your life coach.
        • You can do it, sweetie.
      • Last Word is now a mandatory talent choice. You should always try to get Last Word in.
      • Auspicious Spirits has been increased. It is now 40% more auspicious.
      • Circle of Healing is now available in other useful shapes.
      • The Demon Hunters got into Body and Soul, but didn’t quite know what to do with half of it, so it’s just Body now.
    • Rogue (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • Fan of Knives is no longer suitable for displaying on your bedroom wall at your age, Randy.
      • Because you can’t stop being children with abbreviations, Assassination has been renamed. It is now known as “Sneaky Stab Guy.”
      • To promote class fantasy, Vendetta has had its cooldown increased by 40 years.
      • It’s been almost 15 years and Shadowstrike still reminds you of that one polearm nobody wanted in Molten Core.
      • Soul Shadows (Artifact Trait) has been donated to Demon Hunters.
      • In an effort to make the Rogue class appeal to a younger audience, Shadow Dance has been given some more modern styles:
        • Shadow Yeet
        • Shadow Floss
        • Shadow Dab
    • Shaman (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • Shaman totems now come in a tote(m) bag, which you can receive by sending a generous donation to the Earthen Ring.
      • Sundering now requires specific garments be worn in order to be used. You must always equip clean Sunderwear.
      • Static Charge is now 50% more effective when on carpet.
      • Call the Thunder would really like you to start texting instead. It’s 2019.
      • Liquid Magma Totem has been renamed Magma Totem, because what other kind of magma would it be?
    • Warlock (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • Warlocks are refusing to share their souls with Demon Hunters.
      • Almost certainly unrelated to the above, several Warlock spells seem to have gone missing:
        • Dark Soul
        • Soul Conduit
        • Soul Strike
        • Sacrificed Souls
        • Burning Rush
        • Soul Fire
      • Internal Combustion has been upgraded to electric.
    • Warrior (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • slaps hood of Bladestorm YOU CAN FIT SO MANY BLADES IN HERE!
      • Warpaint is now available in a wider variety of colors.
      • Frothing Berserker is now 67% frothier.
      • Protection Warriors with the Safeguard talent have now been signed up for 12 months of credit monitoring.
      • Soul of the Slaughter (Artifact Trait) has been donated to Demon Hunters.
      • Heavy Repercussions wishes you’d just call it “Repercussions” and stop making references to its weight all the time.

  2. #2
    There goes a raid tier.

  3. #3
    Happy Diablo Immortal day!

  4. #4

  5. #5
    this shit would be funny if it wouldnt detract blizzard stuff from even trying to fix the gamae instead theyre wasting their time with this

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Life-Binder View Post
    terrible AF
    Compared to the other cringeworthy shit I've already seen on the Internet today, this is a real highlight.

  7. #7
    Moderator Rozz's Avatar
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    When you get excited, then look at the date and feel sad.
    Moderator of the General Off-Topic, Politics, Lore, and RP Forums
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  8. #8
    This is actually good stuff .

  9. #9
    Now let's see how long people take to go with the usual "OMG they do this instead of bug fixes / content / etc", failing to realize that there are more than two people working at Blizzard.

  10. #10
    I know this is AF jokes, but the AI for dungones will happen if the game keep going this way

  11. #11
    Is that the best they could do?

    Meanwhile, in FFXIV:

    Blizzard cutting corners again!

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by dewd View Post
    this shit would be funny if it wouldnt detract blizzard stuff from even trying to fix the gamae instead theyre wasting their time with this
    Seriously dude? I mean during the year, you get a few funny ideas, you make notes and collect them before April 1st. It might take 1 man hour all together. Everyone needs to relax, even developers. This does not delay anything. Stupid decisions do (and those, unfortunately, they make very often).

  13. #13
    Pandaren Monk Hugnomo's Avatar
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    I really enjoyed reading these patch notes. But reading the comments, both here and on wowhead, just brought me back to the default state of realizing we can't have nice things. Some NPCs have had the same fixed script for the past 15 years.

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by dewd View Post
    this shit would be funny if it wouldnt detract blizzard stuff from even trying to fix the gamae instead theyre wasting their time with this

    I hate it when the guy that gets paid to interact with the community refuses to use his communications degree to fix class balance! wtf blizz, I'm a paying customer!!

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Azmoden View Post
    Is that the best they could do?

    Meanwhile, in FFXIV:

    Blizzard cutting corners again!
    LOL FFXIV isnt even original they just copy paste the old commercial joke from Alexia. So yeah the one cutty corners is them and no Blizzard.

  16. #16
    The Unstoppable Force FelPlague's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dewd View Post
    this shit would be funny if it wouldnt detract blizzard stuff from even trying to fix the gamae instead theyre wasting their time with this
    "A random CM spending 2 hours typing up all these jokes= loss dev time"
    alright then buddy...
    i guess blizz should just... never talk to us, or never post anything other then patch notes cause "its lost dev time"

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by dranlord View Post
    LOL FFXIV isnt even original they just copy paste the old commercial joke from Alexia. So yeah the one cutty corners is them and no Blizzard.
    You got some brown on your nose.

    Smells like Blizzard ass.
    "That shit went down faster than a gold digger on a dying rich dude".

  18. #18
    The Unstoppable Force FelPlague's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azmoden View Post
    Is that the best they could do?

    Meanwhile, in FFXIV:

    Blizzard cutting corners again!
    1. they do this exact thing every year
    2. also seriously final fantasy, copying this... you serious?

  19. #19
    [*]Feral Druids can now be crowd-controlled by throwing a slice of cheese on their head.


    This made me laugh

  20. #20
    The Unstoppable Force FelPlague's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azmoden View Post
    You got some brown on your nose.

    Smells like Blizzard ass.
    You have some brown on your nose, literally reusing the idea above, but less funny, even the same couch settup come on. couch with kitchen behind

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Wrathson View Post
    [*]Feral Druids can now be crowd-controlled by throwing a slice of cheese on their head.


    This made me laugh
    yeah these all made me laugh, however i am miffed warlocks got pretty much nothing... as always.

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