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  1. #1

    Incels, and what social isolation does to the mind

    I find the incel community fascinating, because it's interesting to see what a lack of human response, and total social isolation does to the mind.

    One false claim I often see is "they can't find a girlfriend because they are hateful misogynists". However, I don't believe that it's that simple, and I'll bring in some personal experiences.

    The theory that it's SOLELY because of their hateful personality is based around the theory that they started out hateful. That they've "always been like that". The truth is that it's far from often the case. It's gradual social isolation.

    I could've easily have become an incel. Want to know why?

    I have Aspergers, which is a social hinderance in the way that I don't read body language and social cues anywhere near as good as neurotypicals, aka "normal people".

    In elementary school, when I was between 13-15 (so 7th, up to 9th grade), I was bullied, because I was special and shy.
    I had one friend, but the fact of the matter was that most boys bullied me relentlessly, girls looked disgusted when I wanted to initiate some kind of conversation with them and worst of all, I loved to chat online, so I was trying to hit on girls that way, people straight up told me I look like a sack of shit (luckily I got better in the looks department, from like a 2 to a 6, so nowadays I'm average).
    The absolute worst thing a girl did to me was when we had dance practice in P.E, and the teacher assigned pairs. The girl I was assigned looked like she was about to throw up, talked to her friend and they excused themselves to the bathroom while laughing, never to return. I felt absolutely devastated.

    I was so sad, and felt isolated from my peers. I saw them have big friend circles, make out with girls and I wondered why I couldn't get the same.
    I wasn't hating on people, but I started to play WoW and isolate myself even more in high school, and I started to change my emotional state from plain "I'm sad" to somewhat bitter. Still not hateful, but it was more like "I'm useless, I'm ugly, people are so superstitous" etc.

    Luckily, what DID pull me out of it was meeting a new friend. he was by no means a social king, but he still had a good enough social life he invited me to become a part of. Suddenly, I wasn't rotting away in my room, but instead I started to hang out on barbeque nights by the coast, going to pubs, actually get some positive responses from girls (I guess this is where my looks started to improve) and I finally lost my virginity at around 20-21.

    My life is fine nowadays. I have enough friends, and I've had a few relationships and one night stands.

    The point is, anyway, that I managed to sort out my life because one person literally saved me. If he didn't appear, I may just as well have become an incel and started to spew shit on incels.co I didn't start hateful, but total, social isolation DOES do toxic things to your mind, and unless someone saves you from it, things can take a turn for the worst and you dig yourself into a hole you yourself can't get out of without help.

    I don't think incels deserve as much hate as they get right now, because more often than not there is an extremely sad story of bullying and social isolation of a person who didn't start hateful but who turned to the dark side, because years of social torment finally did it's toll.

    Incels don't need to be vilified, they need all the help and sympathy they can get. But it's easy to be hateful, because people haven't been as balls-deep isolated and shunned socially, for as long as they have, so they simply don't understand, and what people don't understand they fear, and what people fear they hate. They need mental care, not to be shunned further.
    Last edited by Deathknightish; 2019-04-30 at 07:26 AM.

  2. #2
    I am Murloc! Chonar's Avatar
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    A self-appointed living and breathing victimization complex that has large numbers of them threatening women, while only looking outward to find blame for their issues.

    Sorry if I am less than sympathetic towards these fellas.

    I will give all my help and sympathy to the individual that feels they're an incel, but haven't partaken in any of the more unscrupulous online activities such as harassment, and misogyny though. But as a group, their reputation has been irrevocably tainted by the large number of them that have.

    Life is tough. Social stigma's are shit. Hundreds of thousands of people realize this without becoming hate-spewers. Grow a fucking spine.
    I did not hit that snowmound, it's not true! It's bullshit, I did not hit it. I did NAHT.
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  3. #3
    I don't understand incels because hookers exist.
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  4. #4
    I'm conflicted. I regularly visit their forums and while it doesn't bother me personally I am quite surprised with some of the things that are going on in there.
    I don't think the hate they receive is unjust with the way they view men and women. Especially the women they want and the men they want to be. It all seems to backwards to me.

    The way they tear each other down is also weird to see. Advising others that the only way out is to "Rope" I'm sad whatever it was that got them there,l but their view on life, men and women and themselves is just mind boggling.

    Now femcels is becoming more or a thing too and while some are similar to incels, they still behave so vastly differently than the incels do.

  5. #5
    Also am I being led to believe that the assumption in this thread is the majority of incels also harass and hate women?
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  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Chonar View Post
    A self-appointed living and breathing victimization complex that has large numbers of them threatening women, while only looking outward to find blame for their issues.

    Sorry if I am less than sympathetic towards these fellas.

    I will give all my help and sympathy to the individual that feels they're an incel, but haven't partaken in any of the more unscrupulous online activities such as harassment, and misogyny though. But as a group, their reputation has been irrevocably tainted by the large number of them that have.

    Life is tough. Social stigma's are shit. Hundreds of thousands of people realize this without becoming hate-spewers. Grow a fucking spine.
    Actually, that is a myth that most of them blame others. Some of them certainly do but, from reading their forum, most of them blame it all on themselves. Namely their looks or mental issues. There's a reason most of them call themselves mental/fat/facecel. Because they blame their failures on their mental disorders (more often than not autism), them being fat, or their face not being good-looking enough. Incel community has made facial looks a complete science, trying to explain why they are ugly through a lot of angles, narrowed eyes and all.

    It's just that outside of their own community, it's the hateful people that get noticed. The normal "boring" ones, only blaming themselves, don't get anywhere near as much external attention. For every Alek Maneesian, there are 20 who are so insecure about their face or mental state that it's crippling.
    Last edited by Deathknightish; 2019-04-30 at 07:36 AM.

  7. #7
    I am Murloc! Chonar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drusin View Post
    Also am I being led to believe that the assumption in this thread is the majority of incels also harass and hate women?
    Not everyone who identifies as an incel does, no. But there's definitely a lot of rot in that basket of apples.
    I did not hit that snowmound, it's not true! It's bullshit, I did not hit it. I did NAHT.
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  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Vejah View Post
    Now femcels is becoming more or a thing too and while some are similar to incels, they still behave so vastly differently than the incels do.
    I don't know how that's a thing. It is stupidly rare that I see a woman that I wouldn't smash. And why don't the *cels just hookup?
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  9. #9
    I am Murloc! Chonar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deathknightish View Post
    Actually, that is a myth that most of them blame others. Some of them certainly do but, from reading their forum, most of them blame it all on themselves. Namely their looks or mental issues. There's a reason most of them call themselves mental/fat/facecel. Because they blame their mental disorders (more often than not autism), them being fat, or their face not being good-looking enough. Incel community has made facial looks a complete science, trying to explain why they are ugly through a lot of angles, narrowed eyes and all.

    It's just that outside of their own community, it's the hateful people that get noticed. The normal "boring" ones, only blaming themselves, don't get anywhere near as much external attention.
    Well, those people are worth supporting and helping, definitely. Especially if they're willing to put in the time and effort for self-improvement.
    I did not hit that snowmound, it's not true! It's bullshit, I did not hit it. I did NAHT.
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  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Chonar View Post
    Well, those people are worth supporting and helping, definitely. Especially if they're willing to put in the time and effort for self-improvement.
    Absolutely but to say that that they don't deserve the hate they get right now isn't quite right. Saying they deserve it may not be the right way to say it but I most certainly understand why they are viewed the way they are. I hope they get the help they need. However right now it seems like the blame is on everyone who isn't on their side so to say.

    That'll be a tough nut to crack.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Drusin View Post
    I don't know how that's a thing. It is stupidly rare that I see a woman that I wouldn't smash. And why don't the *cels just hookup?
    It's less of "Abloo bloo bloo why don't men like me" and more of "REEEEEE FUCKING CISHETMEN TAKING OUR WOMYN"

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Chonar View Post
    Well, those people are worth supporting and helping, definitely. Especially if they're willing to put in the time and effort for self-improvement.
    With mental issues, mostly autism thats not as easy as it sounds, then again. Personally as autist im happy not to have a gf. Will give a shitload of stress for nothing basically. (and no children will ever come from me! - Note this in your notebooks and poke me in 5 years, ya never know! ;S - due to many reasons, including a skin problem I dont want my children to get)
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  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Vejah View Post
    Absolutely but to say that that they don't deserve the hate they get right now isn't quite right. Saying they deserve it may not be the right way to say it but I most certainly understand why they are viewed the way they are. I hope they get the help they need. However right now it seems like the blame is on everyone who isn't on their side so to say.

    That'll be a tough nut to crack.
    I just don't like that kind of generalisation as it's only a minority of them acting that way. To me, saying "incels (as a group) are sexist entitled pigs who run over people with trucks" (you didn't say this, but people have) is just as generalizing as saying "refugees are rapists and terrorists" or "women are radical feminists who hate men and norms", just because of a very visible and loud minority.

    Why should 8 or 9 people take shit because 1 or 2 are loudmouth idiots?

  14. #14
    I am Murloc! Chonar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vejah View Post
    Absolutely but to say that that they don't deserve the hate they get right now isn't quite right. Saying they deserve it may not be the right way to say it but I most certainly understand why they are viewed the way they are. I hope they get the help they need. However right now it seems like the blame is on everyone who isn't on their side so to say.

    That'll be a tough nut to crack.
    Aye, thats why I choose to differentiate between individuals and the group as a whole.
    Always a good idea in any situation, come to think of it. But double so in this specific case, since there's people out there genuinely seeking and wanting aid.
    I did not hit that snowmound, it's not true! It's bullshit, I did not hit it. I did NAHT.
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  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Chonar View Post
    Not everyone who identifies as an incel does, no. But there's definitely a lot of rot in that basket of apples.
    And not everyone who is an incel identify themselves as an incel. The hatred on women is really blatantly obvious in this forum for example. It comes through so obviously when you browse these threads here in the off topic forum.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deathknightish View Post
    I just don't like that kind of generalisation as it's only a minority of them acting that way. To me, saying "incels (as a group) are sexist entitled pigs who run over people with trucks" (you didn't say this, but people have) is just as generalizing as saying "refugees are rapists and terrorists" or "women are radical feminists who hate men and norms", just because of a very visible and loud minority.

    Why should 8 or 9 people take shit because 1 or 2 are loudmouth idiots?
    Well isn't this just the damn case wherever you look?
    We got right-leaning politics being tainted by right-wing nutcases.
    We got left-leaning politics being tainted by left-wing nutcases.
    We got my taint being tainted by this weird rash.

    Wait ignore that last one
    I did not hit that snowmound, it's not true! It's bullshit, I did not hit it. I did NAHT.
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  17. #17
    Over 9000! Jinro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deathknightish View Post
    One false claim I often see is "they can't find a girlfriend because they are hateful misogynists". However, I don't believe that it's that simple, and I'll bring in some personal experiences.
    Just every single one that I've come across are misogynists, so it's safe to assume that it's a problem with them. Women don't want to date someone that's ugly? Women are shallow, why can't see how great my personality is?, yet they want that woman who is seen as beautiful by everyone.

  18. #18
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    Ah bullshit, incels don't need sympathy or to be vilified, and Aspergers or autism as a blanket excuse is also bullshit.

    Sure some people have issues that have no control or limited choice over, but that doesn't mean no choice, and treating people like shit, or as if they are a just depositories for ones fucking personal baggage or whatever the fuck else is not how to do it.

    But Incels onthe other hand are fucking deviants not synonymous with autism, neither is racism, sexism or homophobic bullshit. Dealing with other people and treating others as you want to be treated is pretty much the golden standard, it's a basic understanding that most are built with.

    However what a lot of defenders of this nonsense like to suggest is that it's everybody else that;s the problems when a lone individual who is having a shit time and can't have an ounce of empathy for anybody else and what other are going through, decides to act toxic or commit violence. Fuck that, a character flaw, or lack of decency is a choice.

    So Eh No, hard pass on this nonsense about we should all be friends and understanding to abusive assholes, yes people are dicks no doubt about it, and indifference is a bitch, and I agree that if someone does have autism there ought to be resources available for identifying it and getting that person help, but that doesn't mean those said individuals are owed something or are some special little flowers everyone has to treat with gloves on or condescended to. Because that doesn't actually help create compassion, it enables bad behavior.

    And the last bit about people being lonely or loners. Not everybody alone is lonely, there is a difference, if someone doesn't like people or doesn't like everybody, there is nothing wrong with that especially, per say, just as those who choose to be extroverts and social butter flies.

    But again those are personal choices, character, not especially character flaws unless they develop a habit they intend on making everyone else. That's just a selfish asshole.


    Like that Elliot Rodger dipshit, his problem wasn't with autism, or anyone's lack of understanding, his problem was he was an over indulged self important POS who decided to be angry about all the "Pretty Girls" that wouldn't fuck him because he existed. Boo Fucking Hoo

    No excuse for murdering people, and to suggest that either because he is male, has autism or is a loner is basically a fucking insult to everybody else who isn't and incel POS.


    Oh and as for the Incel bullshit, plenty of unloved unwanted girls in the exact same boat as guys, who don't look like fucking models either, and if they aren't being called lesbians or being made fun of they sure as shit aren't being paid attention to by these dudes so desperate for female companionship or will do the one thing they beg all the "Pretty Girl" do and that's treat them same understanding incels are always trying to demand they be treated with.

    You get what you give, if a person has problems then there ought to be resources to help, but everyone is running their own race, if you want empathy love and understanding you got to give it, otherwise STFU and deal like everybody else. Inventing your special isn't going to work
    Last edited by Doctor Amadeus; 2019-04-30 at 08:02 AM.
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  19. #19
    It's refreshing to see some sense applied to this subject for once. Usually it's "lol incels, you hate women and blame all YOUR problems on them!" but that is a narrow outlook. Social isolation is a big problem for many people (not just incels) and it only gets worse the longer you are isolated. If you notice somebody who you sense is a nice person but they appear lonely, offer to do something with them once to see if you can click. You might end up making a good friend.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Jinro View Post
    Just every single one that I've come across are misogynists, so it's safe to assume that it's a problem with them. Women don't want to date someone that's ugly? Women are shallow, why can't see how great my personality is?, yet they want that woman who is seen as beautiful by everyone.
    Actually, I kind of agree on that last part. Why is looks the only thing you can't compensate with other stuff?

    Without going too much off topic, why is it okay to want to date an upper class person if you're under class, or a socialité elite if you have literally 0 friends or such, as long as you compensate in other areas, but suddenly you can't compensate with other stuff when it comes to looks? That's just weird to me.

    Anyways, that's off topic. Just a small reflection.

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