Have you ever or would you ever disown a family member?

[Raelbo]

Prior to it actually happening to me, I couldn't really conceive of the possibility.

Now that I have gone through the experience, I can heartily recommend that, while it is very importance to do your best to maintain family relations, it is equally important to protect yourself and the rest of your family from genuinely abusive and/or toxic family members whose only interest in being family has to with what they can get out of you.

I have an uncle who is most definitely a narcissist and possibly even a sociopath. He can be very charming when he wants to be. He isn't physically abusive, but he is manipulative, conniving and ruthless. For years my parents were on good terms with him because they never did anything to challenge him. But when it came to an important family crisis and his interests ran contrary to the wellbeing of our family, his true colours showed.

I now fondly refer to him as "uncle Scar" - a nickname I feel is particularly appropriate since he took me to watch the Lion King when I a boy.

[Raelbo]

Americans disowning family members simply due to political choice is downright pathetic... and there's countless examples of it since Trump's presidency.

The fact that this has only really become a problem since the Trump's presidency though should be somewhat telling.

I personally wouldn't disown family for a political choice. However it has been my experience that political choices are often reflective of a person's values and attitudes. In my experience, most people who identify as Trump voters are just regular folks. However many people who identify themselves as avid Trump supporters are not ok. And most of the people I know who are just plain awful tend to identify as such. So, to me at least, someone going on about how much they admire Trump is a pretty strong warning sign.

[Ghostpanther]

The fact that this has only really become a problem since the Trump's presidency though should be somewhat telling.

I personally wouldn't disown family for a political choice. However it has been my experience that political choices are often reflective of a person's values and attitudes. In my experience, most people who identify as Trump voters are just regular folks. However many people who identify themselves as avid Trump supporters are not ok. And most of the people I know who are just plain awful tend to identify as such. So, to me at least, someone going on about how much they admire Trump is a pretty strong warning sign.

That works both ways. I can not imagine myself ever voting for a candidate like Hillary Clinton. I find her disgusting from a political point of view, but I would still not let it make me hate someone who voted for her. I have a sister who did and hates Trump. I still love her.

[Themerlin]

My family ever since I was 11, comprised of my brother, father, and myself. Our mother died in front of all of us.
Through all the shit we went through while traveling 125 countries across the world, it bonded us closer.

I would never abandon them, I would do it to myself before them. I sacrificed my job, my mind , and my health to help them in whatever manner I could, especially through the major crises'. I have always been the "nurse" of the family, cooking , caring, working, I try to keep it together.

I have disowned people, never family. For family you never give up, despite the impossibility of solutions.



Again, I will never disown my family.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

My family ever since I was 11, comprised of my brother, father, and myself. Our mother died in front of all of us.
Through all the shit we went through while traveling 125 countries across the world, it bonded us closer.

I would never abandon them, I would do it to myself before them. I sacrificed my job, my mind , and my health to help them in whatever manner I could, especially through the major crises'. I have always been the "nurse" of the family, cooking , caring, working, I try to keep it together.

I have disowned people, never family. For family you never give up, despite the impossibility of solutions.



Again, I will never disown my family.

What if your brother molested a child? These absolutes are really lame. Or what if you found out your mom was cheating on your dad? Your your sister killed a guy?

You have no choice in who your family, are, thats why I'm confused.

[Themerlin]

That works both ways. I can not imagine myself ever voting for a candidate like Hillary Clinton. I find her disgusting from a political point of view, but I would still not let it make me hate someone who voted for her. I have a sister who did and hates Trump. I still love her.

I like your sister.

I want her to be in the Gun forums, and accompany you in every post you create.

Its weird....

Telling that story Ghostpanther....made you allot more human in my eyes.

[George Lucas]

Yes, if anybody in my family would reject Islam.

[Themerlin]

What if your brother molested a child? These absolutes are really lame. Or what if you found out your mom was cheating on your dad? Your your sister killed a guy?

You have no choice in who your family, are, thats why I'm confused.

Exactly, you have no choice.

Like I said, I am very bonded to both my brother and father. We are best friends as well as the worst mothers to each other.
I have no choice that these people to me are more important than myself.

We have those stories...they slowly emerged after our mothers death, like they need to.

Those "absolutes" kept us going through the most horrific occurrences in our lives, kept us literally alive.

No one is perfect.

And Lemon, you are actually going in the extremes, those examples of molestation, or murder are not numerous. No need to be dichotomous.

[JohnBrown1917]

Well they can do whatever they want with their life , they just wouldn't be my problem anymore . I'm lucky to be born Italian as christians here are not nutjobs like the ones you hear from the US , if you practice or not it's none of anyone business and no one could care less honestly . If a son wanted to be an oppressor or a daughter being a submissive slave then so be it , but get out of my life rejecting the freedom we are lucky to enjoy is something beyond stupid and wrong.

lol the hypocrisy of this coming from a christian.

[Raelbo]

That works both ways.

Not really. It works with demagogues. Hence why I opened with "The fact that this has only really become a problem since the Trump's presidency though should be somewhat telling."

I can not imagine myself ever voting for a candidate like Hillary Clinton. I find her disgusting from a political point of view, but I would still not let it make me hate someone who voted for her. I have a sister who did and hates Trump. I still love her.

That's because Hillary isn't a demagogue. She may still be equally reprehensible to you as Trump is to your sister, but the reasons are very different.

[Najnaj]

Voted no, but meant to click yes.

It would have to be something extreme, like hurting my children, etc, not some silly shit like voting for a person I don’t agree with.

Voting Trump is not some silly shit though. If you take a look at what he has done, his statements and his track record to date and still vote Trump that is a big problem. Voting Trump isn't like voting Reagan who is a political choice I do not agree with but a valid choice non the less. If someone votes Trump in the next election they are not even on speaking terms with reality.

[Ghostpanther]

Not really. It works with demagogues. Hence why I opened with "The fact that this has only really become a problem since the Trump's presidency though should be somewhat telling."



That's because Hillary is demagogue. She may still be equally reprehensible to you as Trump is to your sister, but the reasons are very different.

Sure it is. Which is why opinions of how bad someone is, can be subjective and easily be based on one's own bias or standards.

[avitush]

It'd take something very extreme.

I did have an aunt who pulled a lot of "this is mine, that's mine too, fuck all the rest of you" stuff when my grandma died. I was too young at the time to be involved or understand everything that was going on, but most of the rest of the family didn't talk to her after that. I believe everyone kind of made peace with her before she died a few years later though.

I think cutting off close family members over voting for Trump is petty and stupid. I wouldn't even cut off contact with friends for that, unless they were just obnoxious and loud all the time talking about politics (and anyone like that probably wouldn't have become my friend in the first place). But just finding out that you voted for Trump or Hillary or whoever else wouldn't be enough for me to end a friendship.

[DSRilk]

How do you define disown? I'd certainly have no interest in engaging with certain family members given certain behavior, but I'd always be willing to re-engage if they were contrite.

Yep voting for Trump, no joke, I am not in contact with any family that voted for Trump or at least has ever said so or talked about it, but if they had they'd be disowned.

I think Trump is one of the worst things that has happened to this nation in a very long time. However, there are plenty of reasons people would have voted for Trump that are reasonable (assuming you believe any conservative cause could be labeled reasonable - i.e. a difference of opinion vs a moral wrong). If someone voted for him because they liked a white-first agenda or see him as a role model... not good. If someone voted for him because they saw it as the only way to get conservative principles in government (whether I agree with that sentiment or not), that's not the same thing. Of course he's been very anti-conservative in many ways (both "morally" and economically), but that's a whole other discussion.

In addition, the best way to lead people to the path you follow is to talk to them. Ostracizing a Trump supporter in your family is extremely counterproductive if your goal is to get his supporters to see your side of things. Here is an amazing example of what I mean: https://www.npr.org/2017/08/20/54486...up-their-robes.

[Ghostpanther]

It'd take something very extreme.

I did have an aunt who pulled a lot of "this is mine, that's mine too, fuck all the rest of you" stuff when my grandma died. I was too young at the time to be involved or understand everything that was going on, but most of the rest of the family didn't talk to her after that. I believe everyone kind of made peace with her before she died a few years later though.

I think cutting off close family members over voting for Trump is petty and stupid. I wouldn't even cut off contact with friends for that, unless they were just obnoxious and loud all the time talking about politics (and anyone like that probably wouldn't have become my friend in the first place). But just finding out that you voted for Trump or Hillary or whoever else wouldn't be enough for me to end a friendship.

Well said. I would say if you did, it would indicate you were never a friend to them anyway.

[Chemii]

Blood ties are archaic in the modern world, you don't rely on your immediate family or people in your village in most modern societies these days. So where historically people would stand by their family, it's not really necessary anymore. Plenty of idiots in my family that I don't care for at all.

[Socialhealer]

I think cutting off close family members over voting for Trump is petty and stupid. I wouldn't even cut off contact with friends for that, unless they were just obnoxious and loud all the time talking about politics (and anyone like that probably wouldn't have become my friend in the first place). But just finding out that you voted for Trump or Hillary or whoever else wouldn't be enough for me to end a friendship.

yeah OP is clearly an extremist, who values political alignment over all else, his family should be very lucky to not hear from such a person.

in before i'm called a Trumpster by some more extremists.

[Raelbo]

What if your brother molested a child? These absolutes are really lame. Or what if you found out your mom was cheating on your dad? Your your sister killed a guy?

You have no choice in who your family, are, thats why I'm confused.

I would say that it's a lot easier to declare such absolutes when you are part of a family that doesn't have (or has never visibly manifested) the kind of serious dysfunctions that do lead to disownment.

Also, for what it's worth, the kind of examples you list aren't necessarily a valid reason for disownment (although they all could be)

[Orby]

I wouldn't disown anyone personally, but there are many uncles and great uncles I dont see anymore or haven t seen since I was christened. My dads side of the family, is very dysfunctional

[Raelbo]

Sure it is. Which is why opinions of how bad someone is, can be subjective and easily be based on one's own bias or standards.

So basically, you just ignored what I said. Gotcha.