those of u in intercultural relationship, how does it work for u?

[Natta Lmo]

what troubles do u experience or did experience that comes from cultural differences? if u are not in intercultural relationship would u consider it?

[Ghostpanther]

what troubles do u experience or did experience that comes from cultural differences? if u are not in intercultural relationship would u consider it?

I was raised in a poor migrant farm working family. We traveled around the country, following the crop seasons. As we did, it was common to come in contact with a lot of different cultures and people. I was always taught to respect them the same as anyone else. We got along fine.

[Freighter]

if u are not in intercultural relationship would u consider it?

No, I've tried it. If they don't fully understand my culture and I don't understand theirs, it's just too prone to misunderstandings and conflicts as a result.

Language also is a problem if they don't speak korean. I hated it when I was living in Australia and dated there, while my English still isn't good it was really bad back then and there was a lot of things I just didn't understand when they were talking about some subjects, so I felt useless. It was even more rough if I was upset/frustrated at something, I couldn't even express myself properly in English to describe what I was feeling so it just made me even more frustrated and even more so when they don't understand. Sometimes I just reverted to korean if I was really upset because I didn't know how to express myself in English and they couldn't understand that at all.

[Ghostpanther]

No, I've tried it. If they don't fully understand my culture and I don't understand theirs, it's just too prone to misunderstandings and conflicts as a result.

Language also is a problem if they don't speak korean. I hated it when I was living in Australia and dated there, while my English still isn't good it was really bad back then and there was a lot of things I just didn't understand when they were talking about some subjects, so I felt useless. It was even more rough if I was upset/frustrated at something, I couldn't even express myself properly in English to describe what I was feeling so it just made me even more frustrated and even more so when they don't understand. Sometimes I just reverted to korean if I was really upset because I didn't know how to express myself in English and they couldn't understand that at all.

Kids do not seem to have that issue. When I was a kid, on occasion I would play with some Mexicans who did not understand English or I Spanish. We still got along fine. But I do see your point if you a adult and trying to work together often, then it does become a issue. On the farms, we would smile at each other and go about our work. But did not socialize that much. It's the interaction of socializing together and trying to communicate , esp. when it is needed in a work environment, when it starts to cause problems.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Great, because I don't and she doesn't allow such nonsense to override our values together. I mean we are born as we are born and who we are born to, we still have to make our own divisions as to what is best for us individually and as a couple.

[Stelio Kontos]

I tried it from 18 until I was about 30 or so. it can work, but I'm no longer interested in intercultural relationships beyond a certain level. I think marriage and raising kids will be much easier with a wife from the same or similar cultural background to my own.

If it's just a fling, I don't care where she's from. But for having a family, I prefer a woman from a background somewhat analogous to mine. Not Greek necessarily, but Balkan or Eastern European, and Eastern Orthodox, or Italian I guess. If she's Jewish or Catholic I could make that work as well if she's from a somewhat similar cultural background.

[Freighter]

Kids do not seem to have that issue. When I was a kid, on occasion I would play with some Mexicans who did not understand English or I Spanish. We still got along fine. But I do see your point if you a adult and trying to work together often, then it does become a issue. On the farms, we would smile at each other and go about our work. But did not socialize that much. It's the interaction of socializing together and trying to communicate , esp. when it is needed in a work environment, when it starts to cause problems.

Those are not relationships though.

[Jonnusthegreat]

I'm Scottish and my gf is German it doesn't seem to affect us that much.

[Zaktar]

Immigrated to my home young, but old enough that I can remember before and after, so I'm a weird mutt of cultures; don't think I can have relationships with people from "my" culture. I don't get what the big deal is; if you love someone, just talk to them and always assume positive intention unless you have evidence causing you to believe otherwise.

[Dhrizzle]

I'm from Lancaster (north Lancashire, practically Cumbria) and my girlfriend is from London. As a compromise we live in Manchester and things seem to be working okay. Sometimes there is confusion as to what we should call the evening meal, tension over how often we should have chips and how much bread, and disagreement about holidays involving flights abroad or a caravan in Wales, but we muddle through.

[shadowmouse]

My answer probably requires one of those "kids, do not try this at home" kind of disclaimers.

Cross culture communication is one of my areas of specialization.

I'm in an "intercultural relationship" but it is a culture that I've lived in, dated in, and specifically studied for nearly 20 years. Not really my first rodeo.

I'm old, it gives me a bit more ability to take a step back since I'm dating women considerably younger than I am (imagine bungee as shrugging while thinking "hell, different place, different person, it might play out differently").

I'm the outsider, that means someone dating me has already made a choice to date outside of their normal pool. @Jinro was sort of on the other side of that and it makes a difference.

My idea of not speaking a language may at this point be closer to not speaking it *well* and although I worked in a language other than Chinese, I am trained as a translator/interpreter and have experience working with the kind of issues that come up. Using machine translation these days is still imperfect, but much closer to checking over another translator's work.

That disclaimer should serve as a warning for things that can generate problems. They aren't insurmountable, but it helps for both partners to know about them and work to resolve them.

May managed to turn the tables on me. I am coming off of an unpleasant injury and a breakup, so dating was slightly lower on my priorities than deciding what shampoo to buy (bungee is bald). She wasn't looking to date either, we just hit it off and before "hey, she's really fun" registered on me she had decided I needed to be looked after and pampered. We're dating, it is still fairly early on. So far it is wonderful, but weird.

The avatar I'm using is Lure Hsu. May really does look very similar, but the punchline of the joke is bungee dating younger women. May is actually a couple of years older than Lure Hsu, who was born in 1975. That makes her significantly younger than I am, but a product of China before the one child policy -- with bigger families and even more traditional roles.

Consider that sort of the elephant in the room when it comes to intercultural dating -- yes, she is Asian, but that's painting with a darned big brush. She is Chinese, from a particular region, a particular generation, and a particular social background. The details matter more than that broad generality. @Dhrizzle played that up quite well.

May's really good at juggling the differences. If I were Chinese she would be conscious of things like age, dialect, "hometown" as they like to say here, social class and, education. She just sees me being American as another factor and not really one that's important to her.

The weirdness comes in with roles. She is from that older generation and she seriously likes to pamper me. It is like I found myself in with the D/S crowd, with a June Cleaver cosplayer as dom. That, coupled with the really hot 20 year old actually being 45, is melting my brain. Because of the difference in background, her 1970s would come closer to my 1950s. She's June Cleaver-ish, but I grew up in the wake of a non June-Cleaver-ish social shift. Being pampered like that (pampered, not fawned over) is a kink I'm not used to.

Side note: I use the Lure Hsu avatar because her age can be checked online. May very specifically wants to avoid that kind of attention and goes to lengths to pass as a well maintained thirty year old. I respect that, so Lure Hsu it is.

[Zuben]

I'm intrigued, but feel it'll be too much of a hassle.

[Great Destiny Man]

I'm from Lancaster (north Lancashire, practically Cumbria) and my girlfriend is from London. As a compromise we live in Manchester and things seem to be working okay. Sometimes there is confusion as to what we should call the evening meal, tension over how often we should have chips and how much bread, and disagreement about holidays involving flights abroad or a caravan in Wales, but we muddle through.

No mention of another big issue, how much milk to add to tea? Those dirty Southerners adding anything more than a splash of milk to a tea are utter heathens.

[Ghostpanther]

Those are not relationships though.

True. I personally have never had a romantic relationship with anyone who can not speak English. So I gave what experiences I have had otherwise. The question was not just about a relationship, but being around them as the OP's question was a two part one. Part one was " what troubles do u experience or did experience that comes from cultural differences".

[ecospherez]

I'm from the UK, lived in Berlin for a few years. Went out with a German and it was absolutely fine because deep down we're all the same. I like different cultures and getting to know that. The difference between German and English people isn't a great deal.

I'm from the north of England and it was harder to get a long with someone from London than it was someone from Germany.

Honestly though, its down to the individual. You could have a relationship with your next door neighbor but it turns out your completely different, your family and theirs are completely different and it just doesn't work.

You could have a relationship with someone from the opposite side of the world and them and their family are just like you.

[Grimbold21]

No mention of another big issue, how much milk to add to tea? Those dirty Southerners adding anything more than a splash of milk to a tea are utter heathens.

All.you brits are barbarians, you don't add milk to tea!

[Unholyground]

I just try to learn as much as I can about other cultures regardless of circumstance.

[Dhrizzle]

No mention of another big issue, how much milk to add to tea? Those dirty Southerners adding anything more than a splash of milk to a tea are utter heathens.

She doesn't have any milk in tea at all but that seems more like a personal issue than a cultural one. Still, love conquers all.

[Dwarfhamster]

It's fine, but open and clear communications become even more important. Cultural expectations may be different, jokes and sarcasm may be interpreted differently etc. Especially if there's a language difference.

[Ashnazg]

I've never had a same-culture relationship beyond short flings, but most of my intercultural relationships have been between cultures with similar racial backgrounds (e.g. American and Eastern European, Western and Eastern European), which really aren't as far apart as they may seem.

Right now I am dating a girl from China and there's a fair bit of challenge and misunderstanding involved. Like the person above me said, you have to spell everything out and be ready to confront any misunderstandings head-on, because there's going to be a lot of them, and leaving them to fester is worse. Its not easy, but if there's a reason you want to make it work, you can.