How do you meet people?

[Toppy]

I currently am 30 years old, living with my mother due to both of us not being able to afford to live on our own. I have no friends, no relations, due to family drama I have no real family either aside from my mother, sister, and her kids. Depression is common and I'm painfully alone.

I want to fix that. I want to make friends. I want to try dating. I want to be... normal. I just don't know how to go about it. Does anyone have any sort of advice on how to just, meet people?

Just a quick in and out on how I'm in this situation:
I moved a lot in my teen years, and was always somewhat ignored and sheltered due to my sister being a nuisance who got all the families attention due to her messing around and getting into very significant trouble. So I learned early on to keep my mouth shut, and to not talk about myself.

When I entered into college I had to work, so I was commuting three hours a day while also working, so didn't really get to be social through any of my college years. I only had friends in high school and have had none since then. Had some minor friends when I began working but I had to move again so lost that. Never had a relationship due to my inability to care about myself or talk about myself coupled with the closest thing I had to a relationship being a woman using me to cheat on her husband, and the only women I've ever been on friendly terms with, have all been married.

As of now where I'm working I'm middle management and the people I work with, I just dont share any level of interest with so have difficulty relating to them. Not to mention they tend to have at least two decades on me.

[elaina1]

Well hi! Just a sec

[Alden]

I would really like to help you. I was lucky because when my father left us, I was in apathy. My mother didn't care about this, because she was even worse. My younger sister was still very young and required care, so I just took care of her and I didn't have time to think about anything else. At school I had a classmate who came to me, brought homework and studied with me subjects that I didn't understand. I didn't want his help, but he was a very persistent guy. After college (I often attended parties there and talked with different people. It was so simple), I started working remotely and practically didn’t communicate with anyone. My ex-classmate helped me (the only person I think is my friend) and my sister started inviting me to various events. I again started to chat with people, but I can’t say that I found friends. These are buddies. I really miss the evenings at the bar when we met in the fourth, me, my girlfriend, my friend and my sister. I don’t know how they (my sister and friend) manage to find interesting people, some events, but I couldn’t do it myself. Before the lockdown, I had enough communication with people. These guys (sister and friend) helped me find my girlfriend. I don’t know what I would do without them.

[molliewoof]

The internet is a good stepping stone and i think hobbies would be a good way forward, for example if you enjoy reading go to goodreads, there are lots of active groups there to discuss books with, then when youre confident discussing books go to an actual book group in your area and meet people that also enjoy reading (obviously difficult at the moment).

Ive literally just googled book clubs manchester (where i live) and theres a site called meetup.com that has about 30 on it.

have you been to the doctors or a counsellor with regard to your depression? ive had issues in the past and although i dont think you can ever really be fully over it, you can make it a lot easier either via drugs from the doc or talking through it with a counsellor (i dont quite get that but have tried it and it helped a little).

This is going to sound odd but getting a hamster, something to look after, really helped me with depression, they are lovely things when they are used to you, give you love and are great animals overall. this led to me owning a dog and walking her has meant ive had lots of conversations with people just stopping on the street to say hellp or pet her. im obviously not suggesting you get a dog but a good hamster cage is ¬50 quid and a hamster is like a tenner and they steal your heart.

[Aureliatos]

I had the same problem since my childhood..I never had real friends...I was less social and it was the reason.In my opinion, you'd better some social media to know people and join common events such musical events..Such things did some good for me..Hope it will help you too

[Die]

Take initiative.

1. Get your own place.
2. Start throwing parties and invite people you think you might like. This is a LOT better than joining a club because if you join a club, you start at the bottom of the pecking order and cliques may have formed. If you throw your own parties, you start at the top of the pecking order. People will come. I know people are are total assholes and kinda nuts that regularly throw parties and people go just for something to do.

Think of it like playing wow. You can try to join PUG group activity but you start at the bottom of the pecking order and people may not be impressed by you nor want anything to do with you. If you start your own groups in WoW you instantly have value to people, people thank you for the invite and are extremely grateful someone else took initiative.

[LionX]

Try to think about what you like. What is your hobbies, etc? People often attracted by person with similar interests.

[rayvio]

WoW helped for me. I have PTSD, depression, anxiety and social anxiety. when I first started playing I was in a very bad way and had very little contact with anybody. weeks would go by without me speaking a word aloud. I'd get my shopping delivered whenever possible and only ever go outside when it was too dark and/or wet for many people to be around

I tried to treat WoW as a single player game, having no interest in multiplayer I'd only given it a chance because I loved the Warcraft RTS games. when I ran into a quest to kill elite ogres in Loch Modan and got my arse handed to me I decided I'd move on to a different quest, but then I saw someone asking in chat to group up for that very quest and I hesitated. somehow I decided to give it a try and found myself in a group where all of us were gnomes. we ended up doing a few quests together and decided to start out own guild... these were the first people I'd had any form of communication with in a long time and as scary as it was, it also felt good

grouping up helped my confidence and communication skills and eventually I managed to talk to a doctor about my conditions and get treatment. after some one to one counselling I even managed some group therapy and self help groups, which helped a lot. each step took a lot of work and I had many slips along the way but once I learned I could ask for help without the world coming to an end, things got easier

volunteer work was another massive step that helped me a lot. nothing does more for your sense of self worth than actually being helpful and appreciated. I felt so much better doing unpaid work for charities than I ever had working temp jobs in warehouses or offices. I managed to make some friends and even wound up with a part time paid position (another big confidence boost)

I still have more issues than a lifelong magazine subscription, but things are much better and I have a lot less bad times, they last a lot less too



in the early parts of my recovery though I felt like I was getting nowhere. I was trying but it felt like failure. fortunately the occupational therapist I was working with managed to get me to realise my perspective bias and to look at how far I had actually come. my progress had been made up of so many tiny gradual changes that I hadn't really noticed any of them happening, but looking back I could see how far I really had come

[molliewoof]

WoW helped for me. I have PTSD, depression, anxiety and social anxiety. when I first started playing I was in a very bad way and had very little contact with anybody. weeks would go by without me speaking a word aloud. I'd get my shopping delivered whenever possible and only ever go outside when it was too dark and/or wet for many people to be around

I tried to treat WoW as a single player game, having no interest in multiplayer I'd only given it a chance because I loved the Warcraft RTS games. when I ran into a quest to kill elite ogres in Loch Modan and got my arse handed to me I decided I'd move on to a different quest, but then I saw someone asking in chat to group up for that very quest and I hesitated. somehow I decided to give it a try and found myself in a group where all of us were gnomes. we ended up doing a few quests together and decided to start out own guild... these were the first people I'd had any form of communication with in a long time and as scary as it was, it also felt good

grouping up helped my confidence and communication skills and eventually I managed to talk to a doctor about my conditions and get treatment. after some one to one counselling I even managed some group therapy and self help groups, which helped a lot. each step took a lot of work and I had many slips along the way but once I learned I could ask for help without the world coming to an end, things got easier

volunteer work was another massive step that helped me a lot. nothing does more for your sense of self worth than actually being helpful and appreciated. I felt so much better doing unpaid work for charities than I ever had working temp jobs in warehouses or offices. I managed to make some friends and even wound up with a part time paid position (another big confidence boost)

I still have more issues than a lifelong magazine subscription, but things are much better and I have a lot less bad times, they last a lot less too



in the early parts of my recovery though I felt like I was getting nowhere. I was trying but it felt like failure. fortunately the occupational therapist I was working with managed to get me to realise my perspective bias and to look at how far I had actually come. my progress had been made up of so many tiny gradual changes that I hadn't really noticed any of them happening, but looking back I could see how far I really had come

I hope everything goes well for you in the future, im never sure which words to use in these situations so ill put speech marks around it but that was a 'nice' story to read

[Ashleyxoxo]

If you're thin... skateboard. You'll meet other skaters along the way.

If not physically in-shape... play MtG. There are lots of local tournaments and events where you can meet players.

[Price Lopez]

most often now I meet new people on Instagram

[dbreckejn]

Instagram and facebook, thats the way for meeting new people nowadays.

[Ashleyxoxo]

Instagram and facebook, thats the way for meeting new people nowadays.

How so? They just ‘like’, comment and move on.

[Othraerir]

i don't, i've given up. i have a few friends, but they aren't much help

[YaunyPink]

You need to know different people and get along with them. You can start with the easiest thing to get to know them and find opportunities every day to say hello to people you meet, colleagues or waiters in a coffee shop.Different people will bring you different feelings, let you know what kind of people you are suitable to be friends with, and they will make you more cheerful.

[monkfailz]

Still struggling with this myself. I'll let you know in about 5 years.

[Fencers]

It's a cycle; friends introduce you to other people and the circle expands more & more the friendlier and likable/agreeable you are to the people you meet.

Work, school, and similar interest groups are a good way to "start off", so to speak. Don't be afraid to make friends at work; you can be a professional and friendly/personable without crossing the line. As an adult that is the "best" way to meet new people.

School is good too. Pretty easy because it gives you a chance to break the ice with mutual experiences and interests. You will likely meet most people this way and it's important to maximize being a "social butterfly" while in high school and college. Every highly successful adult I have ever met was adept at social interaction while in school to one capacity or another; whether they were popular, infamous, highly active in social activities, etc.

Always approach things platonically, by the way. Never have an expectation friendship will lead to romantic circumstances. Literally, be someone's friend first and foremost and the romantic part will just happen if there is ever a mutual interest.

When it comes to dating 3 things are most important; confidence in your person, respectfulness/politeness, perseverance (if male seeking women) / directness (if female seeking female/male).

Confidence: No one is perfect in this life. We all have flaws, biases, a weird birthmark, or have done embarrassing stuff. But carry yourself when approaching someone else with romantic or sexual intention confidently. You have to get over yourself, you might be rejected but that's fine, just be who you are and comfortable with that for the most part.

Respectful: Don't be rude, overly aggressive, desperate, or pushy. Think about how you would like for someone to meet and talk to you as a human being if your were interested in dating or sleeping with them- then behave accordingly in whatever way your culture is likely to view as polite and considerate.

Perseverance/Directness: Hetero-dudes, I am sorry. You just have to keep trying; keep swinging. Don't let it get you down. / Ladies, the fewer games you play with someone you are actually interested in, the more likely they are to get the message and pursue you. Get over the social BS roles. You're not devalued and it doesn't matter what others think of you- if you are interested or it's not working, be honest and respectful.

That's my general advice for everyone. I only have a hetero-female POV, of course, YMMV depending on culture, identification, and orientation.

[Nihilist74]

I only meet people from work and not very many. Used to meet people in chat rooms which were the best I could do socially heh heh.

[Cloe]

Goes to thems and says HALLO do you like the stars?

[Challenger007]

I used to talk a lot on forums, and acquaintances appeared there. Now I meet more often in training at the gym. Friends of interest appear and this is real communication, not virtual. This is much more interesting. With some people we run together in the park in the morning. Previously, such "runs" were in games, but in real life everything is much more interesting. Of course, the interest in communicating on the forums has not disappeared, but it is already less of a priority than real communication.