That being said, we here at CAVE have reviewed the “additional measures” you plan to take in the clubs, and have found some of them problematic or incomplete. So we have come up with “additional additional measures” of our own for you to consider.
Here are your safety measures with our suggested improvements to them:
Plexiglass barrier
Your additional measure: “Plexiglass to be installed around stages so guests cannot encroach on entertainer’s stage space.”
Our added suggestion: Creating access holes in the plexiglass will be expressly forbidden, except for patrons who have purchased $500 bottles of champagne.
Tipping dancers onstage
Your additional measure: “Guests can give money over the glass.”
Our added suggestion: If this involves coins, the patron must yell “Incoming!” to the dancer before hurling the money over the plexiglass barrier.
Lap dance dress code
Your additional measure: “Private lap dances require masks from both guest and entertainer.”
Our added suggestion: “Depending on the heaviness of the breathing, the guest may be asked to wear two masks.”
Lap dance orientation
Your additional measure: “Dance will be performed facing away from the guest – no face-to-face dancing.”
Our added suggestion: A ceiling-suspended plexiglass barrier should be placed between the performer’s back and the seated guest. Guest can knock on the glass in order to give the lap dancer any specific instructions.
One knock for “higher”; two for “lower.”
Lap dance duration
Your additional measure: “Dances will be three minutes or less.”
Our added suggestion: Dancers who complete training on operating a defibrillator may get waivers to do longer dances on older guests.
Lap dance sanitation
Your additional measure: “Area will be sanitized after each dance.”
Our added suggestion: Area will also be roped off for 30 minutes to minimize risk of slip-and-fall lawsuits.
Face masks for guests
Your additional measure: Masks “not required while sitting at socially distanced table/seats or while eating or drinking.”
Our added suggestion: No eating or drinking allowed during lap dances.
Pole hygiene
Your additional measure: “Poles will be sanitized after each entertainer.”
Our added suggestion: And this would be new?!
Stage dancing protocols
Your additional measure: “1 entertainer on stage at a time & remain 6 feet from guests”
Our added suggestion: Stripper may seductively play with her mask during performance to expose her face. The 6-foot rule will be defined as nearest appendage to nearest appendage.
Temperature checks
Your additional measure: “Temperature checked. Anything above 99.5 degrees will not be permitted.”
Our added suggestion: To avoid confusion, advertisements will not identify dancers as “hot.” Also, club thermometer devices will not be used as props during dance routines.