I don't think that we can understand each other and come to some sort of agreement because our conceptual vision of plot in WoW is too distant from each other.
As for that 4k year hatred for Amani and 10k hatred for trolls in general, I can take this as argument but it still ruins my perception of high fantasy elf archetype (which Warcraft clearly is). I suppose Blizz just likes big numbers and don't write them with some logic behind.
After everything they survived in witnessed in Nether I don't think they could stay the same. Horrors of Legion purges should harden them much more then they did. And after that 1k year of constant fighting with threat much more powerful and dangerous and horrific than any that she saw before, could she stay the same and live same elven life on Azeroth? I don't think so. And we don't even speak about Void influence.
No, she is not "above your little squabbling" type, because she and Turalyon accepted rules of the game and choose to fight for Alliance. From my point of view, after such traumatic experience as they had, they should go away like Khadgar or take place of peacemakers. Peacemakers who better than everybody else understand meaningless of this war, Horde and Alliance and every other single conflict besides great war with the Void. I don't think that person who saw thousands and thousands dying children, parents, brothers and sisters for almost eternity (remember, she couldn't know that she'll come back) will still mourning his long lost brother in some pointless war long time ago. That's how human psychic works and we can't create another type of it because we're all humans.
This will be my last answer on Alleria topic because I think it's counterproductive and we are just wasting each other time. Nonetheless, have a good day