Thread: Jealous Partner

  1. #1

    Jealous Partner

    So tonight my significant other asked me to cut off all contact with my ex-girlfriend that I've known for 12 years and has been my best friend for 10 years, despite nothing inappropriate happening between us, and despite the fact that before my partner and I even went on our very first date (my partner and I have been together 2 years), I told her that my best friend was my ex-girlfriend and I'd known her for 10 years and if that was going to be a problem, then don't even bother going on a date with me, well fast forward 2 years so she apparently doesn't have a problem with it right? Well apparently she does, and she thinks it's inappropriate for me to be friends with her because she's an ex. I've told her she can look at our conversations at any time and see if there's anything inappropriate being said, and I feel like she doesn't have a leg to stand on since I let her know about the friendship before we even went on our first date. What do you guys think? Am I in the wrong? Or is she just being unreasonable for expecting me to cut off my best friendship just because she's jealous and insecure?

  2. #2
    If your significant other isn't your best friend then you never really had a "significant" other.

  3. #3
    Legendary! TEHPALLYTANK's Avatar
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    I suggest you actually discuss this with your partner instead of asking a bunch of random people on a forum about it, because this is an issue between you and your partner. If you can't have a conversation with them about this normally, it sounds like your relationship has some unresolved issues that you might want to consult a professional counselor about.
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  4. #4
    I Don't Work Here Endus's Avatar
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    Relationships aren't about who's right and wrong.

    Your partner's uncomfortable and insecure about your continued friendship with an ex.

    Either you care enough to address that, or you don't. Whether she has "reason" or not is completely irrelevant; this is about emotion in the first place. And yeah; like TEHPALLYTANK said, you should be talking to your partner about how to move forward, not asking the Internet to pick a side so you don't have to make an effort to empathize.

  5. #5
    The Undying Doctor Amadeus's Avatar
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    I would honestly look to my relationship first find out what was causing the sudden mistrust, if it's always been a problem and she thought it would change, I would try to ask what I could do other than ending a friendship first. Ultimately if it was reasonable, I would, she is my wife and I love her, if it was a girlfriend, it would depend on her reasoning.

    Personally I am a very possessive and jealous sort when it comes to my partner, luckily for me my partner is also. That said, I do my best not to give her reasons to think I would consider cheating, including being completely honest with her about my past relationships.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowferal View Post
    If your significant other isn't your best friend then you never really had a "significant" other.
    Damn well put

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    Quote Originally Posted by TEHPALLYTANK View Post
    I suggest you actually discuss this with your partner instead of asking a bunch of random people on a forum about it, because this is an issue between you and your partner. If you can't have a conversation with them about this normally, it sounds like your relationship has some unresolved issues that you might want to consult a professional counselor about.
    Probably the most well reasoned and logical response, although I can sort of see asking others for thoughts rather than advice so to speak, sometimes an unprofessional unbiased, objective opinion can be useful.
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  6. #6
    Merely a Setback Sunseeker's Avatar
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    Mandatory: there's always more to the story...

    When a person makes a demand, you're left in a shitty position. You either give in to the demand, or you don't. You can try reasoning with them, evidence, transparency, counseling, but these are all ultimately forms of not giving in to the demand. If they don't work it's no different than if you had done nothing more than say "no".

    Demands and relationships tend not to mix well in the long run. Determine what's more important to you: a friend of 12 years or a relationship of 2. Respond to your partner accordingly.
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  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Sunseeker View Post
    If they don't work it's no different than if you had done nothing more than say "no".
    I don't think it's as simple as that. Even if they don't work...there was an attempt made to understand and solve the problem in a different way. That's a bit different than just saying "no".

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    Quote Originally Posted by Doctor Amadeus View Post
    Probably the most well reasoned and logical response, although I can sort of see asking others for thoughts rather than advice so to speak, sometimes an unprofessional unbiased, objective opinion can be useful.
    Very rarely. In situations like this...the outside advisors are only ever going to get one side of the story. The very best advice we can give is "You should talk to her and find out exactly what has made this an issue right now.". Talking to people that know more about the situation and the people involved is going to be more helpful than a bunch of people on the internet that know nothing about the guy, his gf, or his ex.

  8. #8
    Since its the job of the internet to give bad advice, ask for a threesome.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Deja Thoris View Post
    Since its the job of the internet to give bad advice, ask for a threesome.
    It's only bad advice if they say no.

  10. #10
    The Patient Rokom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Sperganator View Post
    and despite the fact that before my partner and I even went on our very first date (my partner and I have been together 2 years), I told her that my best friend was my ex-girlfriend and I'd known her for 10 years and if that was going to be a problem, then don't even bother going on a date with me, well fast forward 2 years so she apparently doesn't have a problem with it right
    Not saying that your current partner is right for just saying you should cut contact with your Ex, but if you're still thinking about this kind of thing this way you definitely care more about your relationship with your Ex than you do about the one with your current partner. IMO, you should do some soul searching and think about if you're in your current relationship because you actually care about your current partner, or if it's just because it's currently more convenient for you than leaving the relationship. If it's the former, then you should have a serious discussion about why she feels the way she does, if it's the latter, then you should probably just break up now and cut your losses.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowferal View Post
    If your significant other isn't your best friend then you never really had a "significant" other.
    This really.

    Keeping your ex around is weird anyway. They are an ex for a reason.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Gabriel View Post
    This really.

    Keeping your ex around is weird anyway. They are an ex for a reason.
    The reason is that, for whatever reason, a romantic relationship did not pan out. It doesn't mean you can't be friends.

  13. #13
    The Insane PC2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Sperganator View Post
    So tonight my significant other asked me to cut off all contact with my ex-girlfriend that I've known for 12 years and has been my best friend for 10 years, despite nothing inappropriate happening between us, and despite the fact that before my partner and I even went on our very first date (my partner and I have been together 2 years), I told her that my best friend was my ex-girlfriend and I'd known her for 10 years and if that was going to be a problem, then don't even bother going on a date with me, well fast forward 2 years so she apparently doesn't have a problem with it right? Well apparently she does, and she thinks it's inappropriate for me to be friends with her because she's an ex. I've told her she can look at our conversations at any time and see if there's anything inappropriate being said, and I feel like she doesn't have a leg to stand on since I let her know about the friendship before we even went on our first date. What do you guys think? Am I in the wrong? Or is she just being unreasonable for expecting me to cut off my best friendship just because she's jealous and insecure?
    My advice, if you know your SO is your future wife and mother of your kids and she tells you to stop talking to another woman... Then stop.
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  14. #14
    This is not Reddit.

  15. #15
    Immortal callipygoustp's Avatar
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    Break up with your current girlfriend. Just end it. Over. Done.

  16. #16
    Moderator Rozz's Avatar
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    This is closed. These sorts of threads aren't appropriate.
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