Fuck 2020

[Antiganon]

So I lost my job in April, dealing with distance learning for my kindergartner while also taking care of my 3 year old, and I found out this week that my marriage is over and my wife is in love with another man. I share plenty of blame in that, but this is just awful.

This has been unquestionably the worst year of my life.

This time last year, my wife and I had just bought a house, we were excited for the future, and everything was finally looking up for a change.

And I've taken up smoking again, after having quite 8 years ago.

Fuck this shit, I'm so done with this year.

[Zan15]

So I lost my job in April, dealing with distance learning for my kindergartner while also taking care of my 3 year old, and I found out this week that my marriage is over and my wife is in love with another man. I share plenty of blame in that, but this is just awful.

This has been unquestionably the worst year of my life.

This time last year, my wife and I had just bought a house, we were excited for the future, and everything was finally looking up for a change.

And I've taken up smoking again, after having quite 8 years ago.

Fuck this shit, I'm so done with this year.

Well time to invest all that time you no longer have to put into your wife, into your children.
They will need it and it will help fill the gaps in your life.

and man up, you don't need to start smoking your life isn't over.
Welcome to 60% of the country who end up divorced and of that the vast vast majority end up doing just fine or better.

I suffered the same fate (almost down to the tee) in 2008/2009 and i am now doing better and my daughter is an adult who turned out much better than expected because the extra time was put in.

From this point forward its all going to be what you make it.

[Antiganon]

Well time to invest all that time you no longer have to put into your wife, into your children.
They will need it and it will help fill the gaps in your life.

and man up, you don't need to start smoking your life isn't over.
Welcome to 60% of the country who end up divorced and of that the vast vast majority end up doing just fine or better.

I suffered the same fate (almost down to the tee) in 2008/2009 and i am now doing better and my daughter is an adult who turned out much better than expected because the extra time was put in.

From this point forward its all going to be what you make it.

I was raised in a broken home, product of a divorce so bitterly fought it took years to finalize and the judge said it was one of the worst he had ever seen. My only real goal in life was to provide a better life for my children than what I had growing up.

I'm not a complete shitheel and actually care about the welfare and happiness of my children, unlike my father, who primarily used me as a pawn in gotcha games with my mother, so I'm still up on that, but man it is exceptionally hard not to feel like a colossal failure.

Add to that the fact that I can't afford to move out and wouldn't want to upend my children's lives by doing so, and my wife is considering whether she wants to do an open marriage thing where we stay together for the kids and she gets that kind of relationship fulfillment elsewhere, it's just completely utterly fucked.

I'm dead inside. If not for my kids I'd be dead in the outside too.

[smityx]

I was raised in a broken home, product of a divorce so bitterly fought it took years to finalize and the judge said it was one of the worst he had ever seen. My only real goal in life was to provide a better life for my children than what I had growing up.

I'm not a complete shitheel and actually care about the welfare and happiness of my children, unlike my father, who primarily used me as a pawn in gotcha games with my mother, so I'm still up on that, but man it is exceptionally hard not to feel like a colossal failure.

Add to that the fact that I can't afford to move out and wouldn't want to upend my children's lives by doing so, and my wife is considering whether she wants to do an open marriage thing where we stay together for the kids and she gets that kind of relationship fulfillment elsewhere, it's just completely utterly fucked.

I'm dead inside. If not for my kids I'd be dead in the outside too.

She still wants all the financial benefits for keeping you around but gets to go play around like she's in college.

[Templar 331]

Sorry to hear that. My 2020 hasn't been good but it isn't as bad as yours.

My Mom found out she had stage 4 cancer in March back when all this shit started to hit the fan. Because I was an essential worker I couldn't take the chance and go see or help her. Sure enough, almost every other week someone at work or their family would test positive. This month we had 3 in my department and one is still on oxygen. As she finished up her chemo in June she had a heart attack. It was mild and the hospital put a two more stents in her and prescribed some medication. (She had a heart attack last year too) Now she's in the hospital again with symptoms of dementia. Doctors have halved her meds hoping that's the cause.

[Draco-Onis]

I was raised in a broken home, product of a divorce so bitterly fought it took years to finalize and the judge said it was one of the worst he had ever seen. My only real goal in life was to provide a better life for my children than what I had growing up.

I'm not a complete shitheel and actually care about the welfare and happiness of my children, unlike my father, who primarily used me as a pawn in gotcha games with my mother, so I'm still up on that, but man it is exceptionally hard not to feel like a colossal failure.

Add to that the fact that I can't afford to move out and wouldn't want to upend my children's lives by doing so, and my wife is considering whether she wants to do an open marriage thing where we stay together for the kids and she gets that kind of relationship fulfillment elsewhere, it's just completely utterly fucked.

I'm dead inside. If not for my kids I'd be dead in the outside too.

This is not all on you or about you since you have kids. You owe it to them and yourself not to fall apart with self destructive behavior like smoking. You need not punish yourself but take the cold logical approach to all these new challenges. The biggest problem is kids are very perceptive it might be best for them long term to separate when you can afford it.

You can't be a good father if you are miserable kids pick up on that. You should focus on things you can solve in the immediate even if it is small victories because you need momentum. This is not easy it is going to suck big time but you have to try to be a better version of yourself in spite of all the shit you are about to swim through.

[Zan15]

I was raised in a broken home, product of a divorce so bitterly fought it took years to finalize and the judge said it was one of the worst he had ever seen. My only real goal in life was to provide a better life for my children than what I had growing up.

I'm not a complete shitheel and actually care about the welfare and happiness of my children, unlike my father, who primarily used me as a pawn in gotcha games with my mother, so I'm still up on that, but man it is exceptionally hard not to feel like a colossal failure.

Add to that the fact that I can't afford to move out and wouldn't want to upend my children's lives by doing so, and my wife is considering whether she wants to do an open marriage thing where we stay together for the kids and she gets that kind of relationship fulfillment elsewhere, it's just completely utterly fucked.

I'm dead inside. If not for my kids I'd be dead in the outside too.

Fuck that if she wants to play still get the divorce.
Even if it takes a while to move out you still need to move on.

Everyone will just need to downsize.
Kids are resilient, they adapt to change.

a failure would be if you give up now and accept failing things instead of moving forward to make things better.


Trust me she isn't going to get what she needs in these drive by relationships and is going to keep falling back on you making it worse for you to move on and have your own life

[Yunru]

So I lost my job in April, dealing with distance learning for my kindergartner while also taking care of my 3 year old, and I found out this week that my marriage is over and my wife is in love with another man. I share plenty of blame in that, but this is just awful.

This has been unquestionably the worst year of my life.

This time last year, my wife and I had just bought a house, we were excited for the future, and everything was finally looking up for a change.

And I've taken up smoking again, after having quite 8 years ago.

Fuck this shit, I'm so done with this year.

Well its just 3 year old, so it will be realy hard for a kid to remember a father once time passes. If it was in age of 10 or more, then it would be a much bigger problem.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl...ldhood-amnesia

Also, dont smoke, smoking is expensive habbit. (try using video games as a way to run away from shitty reality or some hobby like D&D)
Instead of wasting money, maybe try to invest into finding a new job as soon as the virus ends.

As for wife cheating on you, i have some good news. Hire a good divorce attorney and ask for genetic test and you may avoid child support (if the kid ends up being from guy that your wife is cheating on you).

[Shadowferal]

Just a few more months to go

[Antiganon]

My issue is that I still love her just as much as the day we met. Nothing has changed on my end. We've drifted apart lately and it's been apparent to both of us that the connection we used to have just isn't there anymore, the little in jokes don't make us laugh anymore, we argue about everything that we used to agree on, even just day to day conversations feel like work.

Then she starts talking to this other guy as a friend, and she tells me it's effortless, like everything just clicks. She's falling for him, and doesn't want to, but we had some issues years back (I was watching porn and lying to her about it, for an extended period of time, a huge betrayal of her trust), and I can't blame her for feeling distant with me.

This all started recently because she's felt lost and alone, and without any real hobbies or anything (like I have gaming) so I suggested she hang out with some people from work, go to an open mic or karaoke (she's a classically trained vocalist), and she had so much fun doing that that she dreaded coming home.

I thought she needed some space to process things and come to a point where she could forgive me, and I guess I gave her too much.

I know ultimately I need to quit the bullshit and be better for myself and my kids or I will never see the other side of this, but Jesus fucking christ that's hard to wrap my head around right now. And it's not even like I have a job to go to where I have to bury it and just do something productive for 8 hours a day, I just sit in my house and wallow all day every day.

This is the deepest depression I've ever felt, and I have multiple suicide attempts in my past. Only difference now is I have my kids to live for so I have to power through.

[Sorensen]

Just abandon your children and go do you gurl.

[Antiganon]

Just abandon your children and go do you gurl.

Fuck that.

[Sorensen]

Fuck that.

Outside of your children what do you care about?

[Antiganon]

Outside of your children what do you care about?

My kids are plenty.

[Shadowferal]

Sorry, but you know you're a dad.
So you'll just have be there for the kids. (How old?)

[jonnysensible]

Outside of your children what do you care about?

nintendogs

[Sorensen]

My kids are plenty.

Nope, the likelihood that you will not get full custody in any type of separation is rather high cus courts hate men. So you now get to think about what you care about and want to do outside of them.

[breadisfunny]

My issue is that I still love her just as much as the day we met. Nothing has changed on my end. We've drifted apart lately and it's been apparent to both of us that the connection we used to have just isn't there anymore, the little in jokes don't make us laugh anymore, we argue about everything that we used to agree on, even just day to day conversations feel like work.

Then she starts talking to this other guy as a friend, and she tells me it's effortless, like everything just clicks. She's falling for him, and doesn't want to, but we had some issues years back (I was watching porn and lying to her about it, for an extended period of time, a huge betrayal of her trust), and I can't blame her for feeling distant with me.

This all started recently because she's felt lost and alone, and without any real hobbies or anything (like I have gaming) so I suggested she hang out with some people from work, go to an open mic or karaoke (she's a classically trained vocalist), and she had so much fun doing that that she dreaded coming home.

I thought she needed some space to process things and come to a point where she could forgive me, and I guess I gave her too much.

I know ultimately I need to quit the bullshit and be better for myself and my kids or I will never see the other side of this, but Jesus fucking christ that's hard to wrap my head around right now. And it's not even like I have a job to go to where I have to bury it and just do something productive for 8 hours a day, I just sit in my house and wallow all day every day.

This is the deepest depression I've ever felt, and I have multiple suicide attempts in my past. Only difference now is I have my kids to live for so I have to power through.

it sounds like it might be time for you two to move on to be blunt. staying together in an unhappy marriage is only going to make things worse.either that or seek out a marriage counsler.

[PC2]

So I lost my job in April, dealing with distance learning for my kindergartner while also taking care of my 3 year old, and I found out this week that my marriage is over and my wife is in love with another man. I share plenty of blame in that, but this is just awful.

This has been unquestionably the worst year of my life.

This time last year, my wife and I had just bought a house, we were excited for the future, and everything was finally looking up for a change.

And I've taken up smoking again, after having quite 8 years ago.

Fuck this shit, I'm so done with this year.

This is where you're suppose to decline and hit rock bottom mentally and physically. So I'm thinking you should do the exact opposite of what is expected. Let yourself mope around tonight but in the morning you should go out and buy a lot of healthy food with a lot of protein, turn on some Rocky Balboa music, start running and lifting weights everyday, get ripped. Anything productive that will distract you from negative thoughts.

[Draco-Onis]

My issue is that I still love her just as much as the day we met. Nothing has changed on my end. We've drifted apart lately and it's been apparent to both of us that the connection we used to have just isn't there anymore, the little in jokes don't make us laugh anymore, we argue about everything that we used to agree on, even just day to day conversations feel like work.

Then she starts talking to this other guy as a friend, and she tells me it's effortless, like everything just clicks. She's falling for him, and doesn't want to, but we had some issues years back (I was watching porn and lying to her about it, for an extended period of time, a huge betrayal of her trust), and I can't blame her for feeling distant with me.

This all started recently because she's felt lost and alone, and without any real hobbies or anything (like I have gaming) so I suggested she hang out with some people from work, go to an open mic or karaoke (she's a classically trained vocalist), and she had so much fun doing that that she dreaded coming home.

I thought she needed some space to process things and come to a point where she could forgive me, and I guess I gave her too much.

I know ultimately I need to quit the bullshit and be better for myself and my kids or I will never see the other side of this, but Jesus fucking christ that's hard to wrap my head around right now. And it's not even like I have a job to go to where I have to bury it and just do something productive for 8 hours a day, I just sit in my house and wallow all day every day.

This is the deepest depression I've ever felt, and I have multiple suicide attempts in my past. Only difference now is I have my kids to live for so I have to power through.

Work out at least 90 minutes a day and be sure to include a 30 minutes walk outside. You should dedicate at least 1 hour a day to job searching. You should carve out time with your kids and time playing games and what not. You need to make a schedule for yourself fill it up iif you wallow at home this will drive you crazy and you will obsess on what you think you did wrong. What's done cannot be undone you need to be laser eyed on getting those small victories.

Edit: try to read to your kid every night before bed if you are not already.