Lotherion [Story/Bio]

[Sesto]

Well, I thought of doing a role playing character, and had an idea. I really don't know if stories are aloud, but I am going to make this into a character later on, if this story thing goes well. I am not that good of a writer, and this is actually my first story/thingy I have ever wrote. There also might be a some lore flaws in this story, which I will be able to fix if some people can help point them out.

"Wake up, Soleria is outside waiting for you! "Lotherion quickly rose from his bed, and grabed his favourite shirt and ran outside. "I can't believe you were still sleeping!" snapped Soleria "It's almost 7 and we need to hurry so we can see the demonstration!" "I know, I know!" Lotherion replied.

As Lotherion rushed towards the crowd with Soleria, his mind was racing. He couldn't believe he would get to see Sylvanas Windrunner, the ranger general of Silvermoon! Sylvanas was doing a demonstration of her and her newly trained rangers, she was showing off the skills they have learned. Lotherion and Soleria made it to the crowd just before the demonstration ended.
"..as you can see, the our rangers are fully trained, and there is nothing to worry about." was all that Lotherion managed to hear. The crowd slowly started to unfold, and the rangers and Sylvanas left.
"I can't believe we missed it!" Soleria angrely replied. Lotherion didn't want to disapoint Soleria, so he thought of a plan.

"Maybe if we follow them they can show us some of their skills!"
"I don't know.. we might get in trouble."
"Oh c'mon, let's do it!"
"Okay, but if we get in trouble, I am telling my dad that it was your idea!"

Soleria and Lotherion ran towards the direction the rangers left, and saw their training ground. Slyvanas and her rangers were in one of the tents, talking.
"It looks like they are doing something important, maybe we should wait till they come out."
"Okay, okay."
Soleria and Lotherion hoped into a back of a wagon that was filled with supplies. They noticed a somebody run past them, and it looked like she was in a rush. They heard a yell from the tent and then in a matter of seconds people were running out of the tent, getting their weapons and running off.

"Where are they going! We didn't get to see their skills!" Soleria screamed. "I told you this idea was dumb!"
Suddenly, more people came out of the tent and threw supplies in the wagon, right on top off Soleria and Lotherion. "Ow!" screamed both Lotherion and Soleria. The wagon started to move. "Oh no, what are we going to do!" Lotherion noticed Soleria was looking scared. "It's okay, when the wagon stops we can just get off and ask the driver to bring us back."

The wagon came to a sudden stop, and Lotherion and Soleria were relieved. They both got off the wagon, and noticed they were at a camp. There were men and women everywhere, and everyone was in a rush. Everyone was yelling and screaming, as if a war was happening. There was also a awful wretched smell in the air.
A ranger stopped running and noticed Soleria and Lotherion "What are you two doing here!? This is no place for children!".

She then went and brought them over to a nerby tent, and told them to wait there.
"Okay now I am really scared" Soleria whimpered. Lotherion wanted to cheer her up, but he was scared as well. They waited a few minutes, but the longer they waited, the more the smell grew. They started to feel sick and wanted to leave.
Soleria and Lotherion heard loud crashes, and screams. Soleria and Lotherion were frightened to death, and did not know what to do. Before they could think of anything, the tent supports started to fall and Lotherion felt something smack the back of his head, and everything went black.

Yes, it is quite short, but I am no where near finished. I might of missed some grammatical errors, so sorry if I did. Hopefully you guys won't go too hard on me.. :P

[Tusakano]

(Not a grammar nazi)
Dunno if it counts as a bio but... nice story!

[Syrra Coventry]

I'm going to be brutally honest...

It has potential, but there are many very glaring spelling and grammatical errors that detract greatly from the story itself, not to mention many clumsily structured sections. It also feels...well...somewhat hollow. There's no solid base of information on either character. Even when writing strictly a short story and not a bio, there's usually some references to their basic description and demeanor.

As I mentioned, the story itself felt hollow. There's no real substance to it that tells of what's really happening. At least, that's how I'm left feeling. Now, that's not to say that it should be scrapped. I think with some work, it could be done quite well as a short background story for the characters. It could be well used as an example of one or both of them for purposes of their character, demeanor, morals, or any one of a number of things.

I'd say keep working on it, as there's some potential for a well-done story.

[Sesto]

I'm going to be brutally honest...

It has potential, but there are many very glaring spelling and grammatical errors that detract greatly from the story itself, not to mention many clumsily structured sections. It also feels...well...somewhat hollow. There's no solid base of information on either character. Even when writing strictly a short story and not a bio, there's usually some references to their basic description and demeanor.

As I mentioned, the story itself felt hollow. There's no real substance to it that tells of what's really happening. At least, that's how I'm left feeling. Now, that's not to say that it should be scrapped. I think with some work, it could be done quite well as a short background story for the characters. It could be well used as an example of one or both of them for purposes of their character, demeanor, morals, or any one of a number of things.

I'd say keep working on it, as there's some potential for a well-done story.

Thanks, going to go and do that right now.

[The Madgod]

Story Bios have been done before, but there's a lot of effort required to make sure that the story shows everything that we need to know about the character (personality, history, etc).

[Garots]

Guess what Maddy? I'm back! Oh, and thank Neptulon that thread got started!

[The Madgod]

woohoo!... and what thread now?

[Sesto]

As I mentioned, the story itself felt hollow. There's no real substance to it that tells of what's really happening.

I actually didn't do any editing yet, but I also noticed something.

If you couldn't tell (Hopefully you did :/) they are children and don't really understand what is really happening, and in the next segment is really when they find out what is happening.