1. #1

    Fahren's Guide to Writing a Late WoW Guide

    Fahren's Guide to Writing a Late WoW Guide
    by Fahren @ Emerald Dream

    1.0 Introduction

    You enjoy playing WoW so much that you procrastinate for everything else - including the writing your MMOC guide, which, ironically, is supposed to be about nothing more than this game you happen to dedicate your life to. That's okay, I know how you feel because... I'm in your situation. Which is exactly why I'm writing this guide. At the end of this lecture, you should be able to not only produce in-time literary work of the highest quality, but you should also have a fair chance of winning something!

    2.0 Table of Contents

    1.0 Introduction
    2.0 This Very Table of Contents You Are Currently Reading
    3.0 You Are Not Prepared... But I Am. Kinda.
    4.0 Time and You
    5.0 Finding an Idea Even if You Aren't Too Clever
    6.0 Layout or Getout
    7.0 Conclusion

    3.0 You Are Not Prepared... But I Am. Kinda.

    Dear Illidan,

    I am prepared to write this guide. Kinda. What you have to realize, demon hunter, is that since I have very little time left to write this prize-winning piece of work, I have invested a certain percentage of this precious resource collecting items around my house, and this, to ensure that the remaining hour will be fully invested into shuffling songs on Youtube and talking on vent about the outrageous upcoming changes to "mage control". Oh, yeah, and writing this. Of course.

    The first thing that I did was to ensure that I could sustain myself. This is why I magically conjured Hot Pockets and Ice Cold Milk to remain by my side at all times. I am a mage, after all.

    The second thing I did was to light up a fire. The Canad... Northrend winters being fairly harsh, I did not want my own to freeze in place! Now, I know, some of you are going to criticize me for not refreshing Mage Ward properly... but, imagine having to use a global cooldown every 30 seconds! I just can't afford to do that, not with the amount of work that this guide is going to require.

    The third thing I did was to create a selection of music that would keep me awake after this morning's (4:00 am...) kills of Altremedes and Chamaeron (server #2, by the way!). Oh Ashuos, dear raid leader, you are a Merciless tyrant of a kind...

    4.0 Time and You

    Time is of the essence.

    Blood Elves say that all the time when I walk away, so it must be true. In fact, I am supporting their statement by Time Warp'ing through this, increasing my typing speed by something like 30%. I could also Berserk, but I fear that my DPS... I mean, WPM... might cause a certain meter at the bottom of my vision to explode. I do not need an extra mess to deal with. I need time.

    When procrastinating, you need to know how fast you work, and how well you do under pressure. With Ice Barrier, I can take more pressure than other caste-- students, and I generally work pretty fast. This is something you learn about yourself only by procrastinating, and some of you people on time may never know the joy of handing in last-minute work and recieving a mediocre grade for it (or in this case, a turtle mount).

    Now, one thing that you need to realize is that the handing in time is 8:00 PM GMT. That means Greenwich Mean Time. That also means that a resident of the Borean Tundra such as I will have to substract five hours from this time to get the actual handing in time. 8-5 is 3. 3 PM Eastern... The clock at the bottom right of this screen indicates 1:57... I still have two hours, right? Or is it one hour and three minutes... now two minutes... Don't make that mistake! I gotta start writing this! Holy Tauren!

    5.0 Finding an Idea Even if You Aren't Too Clever

    Ideas to write a guide about often come from the most unexpected places, or are sometimes so dumb that just no one thought about it before you did. Take the Snuggy, for instance. It's a blanket with sleeves, and yet, every grandmother in Azeroth is going to get one. Can you say that there's alot of gold to make out of this untapped market?

    Ideas for guides may also emerge from newly created needs. For instance, there may be, say, a new need to crowd control to clear heroic content. Great idea!... right? WRONG! That need is so apparent that everybody else is going to write about this. Oh, of course, you can add nice images, make it really complex and all, but in the end, sheep moon trap square and here are your blues. You won't get me with these guides, no no NO NO NO no no no... Often, you'll need to write about something more intangible, and subtle, and yet, that remains necessary... how about a guide dealing with... procrastinating with the writing of WoW guides?

    6.0 Layout or Getout

    For your procrastinated guide to look not as procrastinated, you need to have a pretty layout. It doesn't matter if most of the content is just inane déblatérations about writing, intertwined with horrible mage references. As long as you follow a fairly well advised section for an okay-looking layout, you should create a decent first impression which will perhaps make your audience forget that this was written last-minute. Maybe.

    Your title... should be huge. Bolded, and underlined. Size 5. If you don't know HTML coding, Google it (that's what I did). Google knows everything. Add your name in small font right below, and, possibly, server, if you have the balls to recieve criticism directly in game (which you probably won't. Seriously, I dare you readers!).

    Your Introduction... needs to be insightful, but funny-ish, also. You want the reader to know what you'll be talking about, but you also want them to keep reading! Don't forget to always underline new sections. It separates stuff and makes it easier to read. Even procrastinated and potentially bad guides should be easy to read. So do yourself and your audience a favor, and separate!

    Your Table of Contents... is very unnecessary, but it makes your guide look professional when in fact, it really isn't. Add one.

    Your body paragraphs... need to show a point. Don't go and have paragraphs that are unrelated, always make links with your subject. But, don't be afraid of making them, you know, interesting. Yes, we get across the point, you are dead serious about crowd control, but as am I with procrastination. Doesn't hold me back from trying to be funny.

    Your Conclusion... see below.

    7.0 Conclusion

    When procrastinating, you'll always have to make sacrifices. In most cases, it'll be the conclusion. They usually aren't worth all that many points, and certainly aren't worth the stress of half-sitting at the corner of your desk as you are glaring at a clock displaying 7:58 PM GMT. Just write something generic, and hope for the best. For a good example of this, see:

    Don't procrastinate. It's a bad habit.

    If you want to look super nice, you can add a bonus line along the lines of:

    Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this guide about writing late WoW guides.

  2. #2
    Nice climax.

  3. #3
    *takes notes*

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