(bio) Crusader Alex

[seas]

First name: Alex
Last name: (((am i able to leave this blank cant think of one :S)))

Age: 23
Race: Human

Class: Paladin (Defensive/Holy)

Personality: Blaze is a helpful in all motives he always has a way to either heal you or make you smile, he is loyal and respects everyone the same. Though Blaze seams kind in battle, he is alot more frustrated when he is in battle. He has always resented the fact his personality has changed since his mother died when he was 20 by a orc and wants to know why the orc killed her.

Appearance: 6.2ft tall, short brown hair with blond tips. He has no scars but always wears a plate helmet that covers his face to not show the color of his eyes((they are red)) and a long black cloak he rathers the bright white color for his chest guard, boots, gloves, leggings to show his true colors of being a paladin.

Strengths: He is best with his Mace and Shield for battle ready to smash any foe in his way he guards their attacks making his enemy's focus on him defenses he draws the power of holy light so he is at his full strength.

Weaknesses: Healers if there's one thing Blaze hates its healers when it seems like he has been fighting for hours he has been fighting for mere seconds if blaze was to fight a healer he would get a full group. If the healer had a rogue or warrior blaze would be slaughtered in mere seconds.

Arsenal: He only carry's his most trusted mace and sword ((mace for tank sword for heals)) and two of his best shields in his battles. He has never fought without a shield because when he first did he got slaughtered and left half dead on the battle field. Blaze's mace was forged from the molten lava right in the center of Blackrock Mountain and the mace was given to blaze as a gift from his dad as to where his dad got it, it is unknown. His blade was forged from the plague ridden scourge it was tainted by The Scourge. On an expedition this blade was found and the plague was too powerful on the dwarfs, but Alex could pick it up and use it. Because his blood was tainted when he was 10 after his father got back from Icecrown.

Family: He was the first child out of 2 he knew his father for 4 years his fathers name was Gilbert the last time Alex heard from his dad was when he left to lead a fight into the horde city orgrimar and that was the last Alex ever saw him. his mother was Sally she was a lovely women it is unknown who or what she did there is one picture of her and its a painting.

Location: he lives in a beautiful house inside Stormwind near the king chamber where if the king needs something Alex is there.

Past: When he was 15 he was forced to join the Stormwind knights because he had no show of holy powers like a paladin after 3 years these powers started showing and he transferred to Paladins of Stormwind after 2 years of hard training and practicing he knew with a bit of training he would be one of the best paladins
At the age of 20 he got promoted to a crusader by the King of Stormwind Varian and started going to wars in his first war he fought a army of orcs a few forsaken 2 trolls and 1 tauren he was useing a 2 hander mace and killed 4 orcs and then he was left half dead in the middle of the battle field all Alex remembered was a bright light shining on him. His father gave him a Mace forged from the middle of molten lava in Blackrock mountain and a shield forged in searing light from Tirion himself.
in the next few years he was questing in plaguelands and he saw some dwarfs in an experdition and he saw them pick up a sword and he ran up and asked them where did they find that Grimock replied "why should we tell you" Alex said "because i am a paladin of stormwind" Grimock had vanished and all Alex could see was dead bodys and blood spattered everywhere. Alex picked up the blade and felt a huge darkness shade around him.
In his 2nd battle the horde army was huge he and the rest of the alliance army charged in attacking Alex and the Horde Commander were the final people standing and they both put up a great battle Alex and the Commander were already weak from the battle. They fought as much as they could but neighter of them could beat their enemys. Alex ended up forfeiting and the Commander agreed
(((hoping for good feedback please)))

---------- Post added 2011-03-05 at 02:45 AM ----------

BTW my past ones ive made im new to role playing so dont call me a troll because i was new at the time and im still trying so tell me if i copyed anything and i will change it just i dont want ppl to keep calling me a troll

[Black Mage]

Before I even start: Just don't go with Fordring.

Don't tie your Hero to ANY major lore character.

[The Madgod]

aside from what Black Mage's already said, and if you're TRULY interested in roleplaying...

Personality: Blaze is a helpful in all motives he always has a way to either heal you or make you smile, he is loyal and respects everyone the same. Though Blaze seams kind in battle he is a bloodthirsty monster that doesn't wait for reinforcements to come before charging in. He has always resented the fact his personality has changed since his mother died when he was 20 by a orc and wants to know why the orc killed her.

This like a rather large contradiction. He's nice, but reckless and bloodthirsty? People can be nice normally, but get frustrated and angry if they're put in high-stress situations... however, bloodthirst and recklessness goes way beyond frustration; it's a completely different personality.

Strengths: He is best with his Mace and Shield for battle ready to smash any foe in his way not letting them getting one hit on him by guarding their attacks and smashing through their defenses He only fights in daylight((its when hes at his full strength)) so he can see everything and knows where they are going to hit and when.

The bolded is either hyperbole or godmoding. As well, daylight has no real effect on the combat prowess of human paladins. They take no power from the sun, but from the Holy Light, something completely different. Again with the part after that, it's either hyperbole or godmoding.

Weaknesses: Healers if there's one thing Blaze hates its healers when it seems like he has been fighting for hours he has been fighting for second if blaze was to fight a healer he would get a full group.

just a technicality here, but healers don't really fight. In war or combat situations, healers are in the back of the squad/contingent/group, out of the way of the actual fighting, healing people who return from the front lines, so they can come back. To get to them, you would have to go through their friends/fellow troops, which would be rather difficult, since unlike in-game PvP, where you can possibly take on 2-3 people, it would be more difficult here. You can't really block a hit from a charging orc and then deflect the blade of a rogue.

Arsenal: He only carry's his most trusted mace and sword ((mace for tank sword for heals)) and two of his best shields in his battles. He has never fought without a shield because when he first did he got slaughtered and left half dead on the battle field. Blaze's mace was forged from the molten lava right in the center of Blackrock Mountain and the mace was given to blaze as a gift from his dad as to where his dad got it, it is unknown. His blade was forged from the plague ridden scourge it was tainted by Arthas himself On an expedition this blade was found and the plague was too powerful on the dwarfs, but blaze could pick it up and use it.

Stay away from lore characters! You'd also do well to explain HOW Blaze (which isn't exactly a very humanish name, by the way... more like a name from an anime) is able to use this thing when all those dwarves who are just there (which should be fleshed out in your history, since right now, it's just filler information; useless, in this current form.) can't even pick it up, much less use it.

[seas]

ahh ok sorry xD ill fix them up

---------- Post added 2011-03-05 at 09:50 PM ----------

is that better madgod?

---------- Post added 2011-03-05 at 09:53 PM ----------

how do you find your bio number?

[The Madgod]

not really... you changed a couple words, and didn't even touch other parts of the bio that I pointed out. As well, "Blazer" is the name of an article of clothing, and isn't what a human would name their son, at all.

I'd also suggest putting your bio through a spell-checker. I do not wish to offend, but it's really hard to read, what with the grammatical errors.

also, what bio number?

[seas]

to like apply where do you find your bio number to type in

---------- Post added 2011-03-05 at 11:18 PM ----------

that better

---------- Post added 2011-03-05 at 11:26 PM ----------

ok fixed up the name and crap and spell checked it and im sure thats all u said xD

[ELYPOP]

You ideally need to read up on you human/paladin lore. Your bio does consist of a lot of god-modding, which must be fixed. Here's a couple of things that need to be drastically altered, or completely cut:

In his 2nd battle he found out his mother died before the battle started as soon as he heard that he saw the horde army marching in he charged in instantly killing everyone on the battlefield smashing their brains with his steel mace not leaving one person to live.

You single handedly eradicated a Horde army? Not likely. It's only your second battle, so that isn't happening.

Past: When he was 15 he was forced to join the Stormwind knights because he had no show of holy powers like a paladin after 3 years these powers started showing and he transferred to Stormwind Paladins after 2 years of hard training and practicing he knew in his head he could pull off more powerful holy spells then anyone could imagine.

Stormwind Paladins? You mean the Knights of the Silver Hand. Also, how could a regular human character be so incredibly powerful with the Light, and how did his "corruption" not mess with this?

At the age of 20 he got promoted to a crusader by the King of Stormwind Varian and started going to wars in his first war he fought a army of orcs a few forsaken 2 trolls and 1 tauren he was useing a 2 hander mace and killed 4 orcs and then he was slaughtered, left half dead in the middle of the battle field all Blaze remembered was a bright light shining on him. His father gave him a Mace forged from the middle of molten lava in Blackrock mountain and a shield forged in searing light from Tirion himself.

How is he alive if he was "slaughtered"? And how did his father get a weapon forged in Blackrock Mountain, of all places? And why would Tirion forge a shield?

I'll leave it at that for now, since I'm posting off my iPhone, but you really must read up on your lore, and fix that name. As Madgod said, it sounds like your name came from an anime.

[seas]

re read it i fixed it

[ELYPOP]

You've not made any changes. It still looks identical to me.

Oh, and for his "expertise", he's far too young.

[seas]

there is that better :O

[ELYPOP]

Knights of the Ebon Blade? He's a Death Knight now?

Also, I doubt that an Orc commander would let you leave alive...

[seas]

ment to be silver hand sorry

[The Madgod]

You do realize that nobody would go to Icecrown on an assualt 10 years prior to the current time, right? Nobody got to Icecrown aside from when Illidan attacked the Frozen Throne with his army of naga and sin'dorei, and when the Alliance and Horde assualted Northrend, along with the Argent Crusade and the Knights of the Ebon Blade, only... I think it's either a year or three years prior to the current content. What you're saying about his father going to Icecrown with an army would be breaking the lore.

As well, you fixed some of the stuff, but you've left a LOT of inconsistencies... find 'em, and get rid of 'em.

You also say that the kid's born in Stormwind and is a knight of the silver hand, but did you know that the silver hand never really had a base in Stormwind? They were founded in the second war in Lordaeron, and the bulk of the people who remained split and formed the scarlet crusade and the argent dawn. After that point, the silver hand was too sparse to actually recruit. Any paladin raised in stormwind would just be a paladin of stormwind. Also note that this doesn't give him any extra power, save spiritual. Especially at this point, you're just a soldier, without any actual political power. Cultural power, yes, but no actual legitimate power.

[ELYPOP]

You also say that the kid's born in Stormwind and is a knight of the silver hand, but did you know that the silver hand never really had a base in Stormwind? They were founded in the second war in Lordaeron, and the bulk of the people who remained split and formed the scarlet crusade and the argent dawn. After that point, the silver hand was too sparse to actually recruit. Any paladin raised in stormwind would just be a paladin of stormwind. Also note that this doesn't give him any extra power, save spiritual. Especially at this point, you're just a soldier, without any actual political power. Cultural power, yes, but no actual legitimate power.

I knew that I missed something...

[seas]

is that better?

[ELYPOP]

Okay, I'll review this again. Here are my issues:

Weaknesses: Healers if there's one thing Blaze hates its healers when it seems like he has been fighting for hours he has been fighting for mere seconds if blaze was to fight a healer he would get a full group. If the healer had a rogue or warrior blaze would be slaughtered in mere seconds.

Too ingame PvP orientated. Needs to be more from a character/lore perspective.

Arsenal: He only carry's his most trusted mace and sword ((mace for tank sword for heals)) and two of his best shields in his battles. He has never fought without a shield because when he first did he got slaughtered and left half dead on the battle field. Blaze's mace was forged from the molten lava right in the center of Blackrock Mountain and the mace was given to blaze as a gift from his dad as to where his dad got it, it is unknown. His blade was forged from the plague ridden scourge it was tainted by The Scourge. On an expedition this blade was found and the plague was too powerful on the dwarfs, but Alex could pick it up and use it. Because his blood was tainted when he was 10 after his father got back from Icecrown.

Firstly, we don't care about your healing/tanking roles. Secondly, slaughtered means that you died. Thirdly, how did a human get a mace forged from Blackrock Mountain, of all places? It sounds rather Dark Iron Dwarven, which is too random. Lastly, what did this "corruption" do to him, and why was his father in Northrend when he was 10 years old?

Family: He was the first child out of 2 he knew his father for 4 years his fathers name was Gilbert the last time Alex heard from his dad was when he left to lead a fight into the horde city orgrimar and that was the last Alex ever saw him. his mother was Sally she was a lovely women it is unknown who or what she did there is one picture of her and its a painting.

If he supposedly only knew his father for 4 years, and it is unknown as to what his mother did, who took care of him? Surely, if his mother was a mystery person aside from her name, she couldn't have been greatly present during his life. Also, going by your timeline, his father could NOT have led a raid against Orgrimmar.

Past: When he was 15 he was forced to join the Stormwind knights because he had no show of holy powers like a paladin after 3 years these powers started showing and he transferred to Paladins of Stormwind after 2 years of hard training and practicing he knew with a bit of training he would be one of the best paladins

A bit of training? Hardly enough, then. And why was he forced into joining the "Stormwind Knights"?

At the age of 20 he got promoted to a crusader by the King of Stormwind Varian and started going to wars in his first war he fought a army of orcs a few forsaken 2 trolls and 1 tauren he was useing a 2 hander mace and killed 4 orcs and then he was left half dead in the middle of the battle field all Alex remembered was a bright light shining on him. His father gave him a Mace forged from the middle of molten lava in Blackrock mountain and a shield forged in searing light from Tirion himself.

I don't think that Varian was the king at that time. Stormwind was either in ruins at this point, or if this was more recent (really cannot tell, your timeline is messed up), he would have been stated to be missing. Also, how did you get a shield from Tirion, who was all the way in Lordaeron?

in the next few years he was questing in plaguelands and he saw some dwarfs in an experdition and he saw them pick up a sword and he ran up and asked them where did they find that Grimock replied "why should we tell you" Alex said "because i am a paladin of stormwind" Grimock had vanished and all Alex could see was dead bodys and blood spattered everywhere. Alex picked up the blade and felt a huge darkness shade around him.

Questing? Seriously? Also, who were these Dwarves? And why would these Dwarves be so hostile? And instantly, before you, you saw them dead? How exactly?

In his 2nd battle the horde army was huge he and the rest of the alliance army charged in attacking Alex and the Horde Commander were the final people standing and they both put up a great battle Alex and the Commander were already weak from the battle. They fought as much as they could but neighter of them could beat their enemys. Alex ended up forfeiting and the Commander agreed

I really doubt that a Horde Commander would let you leave alive, and exactly everyone within the battle died? Everyone?!


Well, that's my feedback. Ideally, you also need to fix up your grammar, and really read up on your lore. Looking forward to the changes though.

[Khorianas]

Just peeking in here, since I advised seas to correct his Bio. I also read over it and it seems Elyaan got everything that would also baffle me.

If you need help correcting the things that were pointed out there are lots of helpful links for you here.

For example the timeline Elyaan was talking about which you need to fit into is here

I wil comment again if all the things Elyaan and Madgod mentioned are corrected.

Also you might want to change the name form Blaze to Alex in the text.

[Sarevok345]

For a second name, I think that Dawnwatcher or Dawnholder, You really can have lists and lists of these sort of names, Brightshadow, Lighthammer [More dwarvish] and Sunsworn. Any of those would be pretty decent. I don't think your a bad roleplayer I think your new to it and it will take a while before you know the ins and outs and such, I am new but I have RP'ed before on certain servers.

I was personally thinking of making a blood elf paladin called Justwatcher, but I realize that a human would be better.