World of Warcraft Patch 8.6.7 Build 5309
Originally Posted by Blizzard (Blue Tracker / Official Forums)
World of Warcraft Patch 8.6.7 Build 5309
Update Notes WIP DO NOT RELEASE

April 1, 2019

Companion App Update: Findr
Find your next tank, healer, or damage dealer at a glance with the latest update to the WoW Companion App: Findr. When you open the Findr feature, you’ll be presented with a picture and a brief description of another player, and you can decide whether they’d be the right match for your party. Features include:[*]Glance at a player’s gear and achievement points for 3 seconds (maximum) before making a snap judgment about how well they’ll tank your Mythic Keystone run.
  • Swipe right to request a match and immediately send a party invitation.
  • Swipe left to completely dismiss the player’s entire existence; this is completely anonymous, distancing you from the other player’s growing vortex of self-doubt.
  • Once a match has been made, option to not message them right away, which makes it look like you’re super busy and use Findr all the time.
When the time is right, gather your new groupmates together, and head off to whatever adventures lay in store!

General
  • “Shell Game” can now be attempted on Mythic difficulty, featuring a 64x64 grid.
  • Following the success of the Comp Stomp PvP Brawl, which allowed a team of AI-controller characters to battle real players in Arathi Basin, we are now allowing teams of AI characters to complete dungeons.
  • Riverbud is now legal in Drustvar, Stormsong Valley, and Tiragarde Sound.
  • Riverbud remains illegal in Kul Tiras.

Races
  • Blood elves now have short-eared cosmetic options.
  • The human racial ability that allows you to escape has been renamed. It is now called Every Skinny Kul Tiran for Himself.

Classes
  • Death Knight (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • New Runeforging trait: Emboss your weapon with the ability to transport you to Bolvar. You should talk to your death dad more often, my dude.
    • New Death Knight travel form: Death Leopard
    • Blood Death Knights may no longer select the Heartbreaker talent during the Love Is in the Air event, you monsters.
    • The Bloody Runeblade Azerite trait can’t believe the news today. Runeblade, Bloody Runeblade.
    • Recent alternative healer disciplines have resulted in a resurgence of Virulent Plague.
  • Demon Hunter (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • Due to a general lack of demons in Battle for Azeroth, the Illidari have begun looking for new sources of souls.
    • Insatiable Hunger has been trying out intermittent fasting and is seeing some great results.
    • After poor results from a recent structural inspection, all Eye Beams are being upgraded for greater load capacity.
  • Druid (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • Nobody:
    • Blizzard: Druids don’t wear clothing, they just shapeshift themselves to appear like they do.
    • Feral Druids can now be crowd-controlled by throwing a slice of cheese on their head.
    • Groups of 5 Feral Druids can come together to form one super-bot.
    • Due to noise complaints, Stonebark has been fitted with a shock collar.
    • Soul of the Forest has been donated to Demon Hunters.
  • Hunter (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • Hati went to live on a farm with grandpa Rexxar. We promise you, Hati is in a better place.
    • Due to safety concerns, Hunter transmogrification options have been limited to armor pieces that are orange in color.
    • Pets that meet certain size and weight restrictions may now travel with you on flight paths.
    • Survival Hunters may now equip quivers.
    • Please stop overfeeding your cat pets. It’s unhealthy for them, even if they’re adorable chonkers.
  • Mage (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • The Mage class mount has been re-released as a digital download for those without a disc drive.
    • Aluneth now responds to voice commands. Examples include:
      • “Aluneth, reorder my mats.”
      • “Aluneth, set a timer for raid.”
      • “Aluneth, play ‘Despacito.’”
    • Due to global warming, Glacial Spike is now 20% smaller every year.
    • Flame Patch has been renamed to Flame Content Update.
    • Blazing Soul has been donated to Demon Hunters.
    • Conjure Refreshment now creates Arcanado Toast.
  • Monk (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • A Brewmaster got into the Whirling Dragon Punch. You should probably take it easy.
    • Mist Wrap has been upgraded to Mist Wrap Supreme, which includes sour cream and cheese.
    • Dampen Harm has been removed. Harm is damp enough already. You might even call it moist.
    • Tiger’s Lust is now rated T for Teen.
  • Paladin (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • Light of Dawn is now more energy efficient and automatically turns off if you leave the room.
    • First Avenger only understood a few of the references in these patch notes.
    • Repentance has been renamed “Shame.” It now has 3 charges, which can be reset by ringing a bell.
    • Inquisition is now baseline, and activates randomly without warning. No one expects Inquisition!
  • Priest (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • Knaifu has been renamed “Bae Blade.”
      • Bae Blade’s whispers are now more encouraging.
      • Bae Blade is now your life coach.
      • You can do it, sweetie.
    • Last Word is now a mandatory talent choice. You should always try to get Last Word in.
    • Auspicious Spirits has been increased. It is now 40% more auspicious.
    • Circle of Healing is now available in other useful shapes.
    • The Demon Hunters got into Body and Soul, but didn’t quite know what to do with half of it, so it’s just Body now.
  • Rogue (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • Fan of Knives is no longer suitable for displaying on your bedroom wall at your age, Randy.
    • Because you can’t stop being children with abbreviations, Assassination has been renamed. It is now known as “Sneaky Stab Guy.”
    • To promote class fantasy, Vendetta has had its cooldown increased by 40 years.
    • It’s been almost 15 years and Shadowstrike still reminds you of that one polearm nobody wanted in Molten Core.
    • Soul Shadows (Artifact Trait) has been donated to Demon Hunters.
    • In an effort to make the Rogue class appeal to a younger audience, Shadow Dance has been given some more modern styles:
      • Shadow Yeet
      • Shadow Floss
      • Shadow Dab
  • Shaman (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • Shaman totems now come in a tote(m) bag, which you can receive by sending a generous donation to the Earthen Ring.
    • Sundering now requires specific garments be worn in order to be used. You must always equip clean Sunderwear.
    • Static Charge is now 50% more effective when on carpet.
    • Call the Thunder would really like you to start texting instead. It’s 2019.
    • Liquid Magma Totem has been renamed Magma Totem, because what other kind of magma would it be?
  • Warlock (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • Warlocks are refusing to share their souls with Demon Hunters.
    • Almost certainly unrelated to the above, several Warlock spells seem to have gone missing:
      • Dark Soul
      • Soul Conduit
      • Soul Strike
      • Sacrificed Souls
      • Burning Rush
      • Soul Fire
    • Internal Combustion has been upgraded to electric.
  • Warrior (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
    • slaps hood of Bladestorm YOU CAN FIT SO MANY BLADES IN HERE!
    • Warpaint is now available in a wider variety of colors.
    • Frothing Berserker is now 67% frothier.
    • Protection Warriors with the Safeguard talent have now been signed up for 12 months of credit monitoring.
    • Soul of the Slaughter (Artifact Trait) has been donated to Demon Hunters.
    • Heavy Repercussions wishes you’d just call it “Repercussions” and stop making references to its weight all the time.
This article was originally published in forum thread: World of Warcraft Patch 8.6.7 Build 5309 started by Stoy View original post
Comments 166 Comments
  1. steristumpie's Avatar
    Amy Schumer now working at Blizzard?
  1. exochaft's Avatar
    Ironically enough, the Findr app is pretty much Group Finder in-game, which is funny yet sad at the same time. If they threw in Raider.io score instead of achievement points, it'd make it too believable, which is why I think they left it out to enforce it as a joke.
  1. dranlord's Avatar
    By the way MMOchampiong is missing a whole other post about April fool jokes, alot better that patch note, it was the 8.2 PTR data mine info.

    link here

    https://www.wowhead.com/news=290952/...tomizations-pe

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by The Stormbringer View Post
    I smiled while reading through these, but am a little disappointed if this is all they've got.
    @FelPlague -Raises eyebrow- Most of those years had art of some kind. All of them had more than just patch notes. It's clearly visible just by what you posted.
    blizard did it too this year, but with 8.2 ptr data mine.
  1. misterflan's Avatar
    Hmmm, seems pretty low quality april fools seen as though a lot of it is jokes being made about artifacts...
  1. The Stormbringer's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by dranlord View Post
    By the way MMOchampiong is missing a whole other post about April fool jokes, alot better that patch note, it was the 8.2 PTR data mine info.

    link here

    https://www.wowhead.com/news=290952/...tomizations-pe

    - - - Updated - - -

    blizard did it too this year, but with 8.2 ptr data mine.
    Those are made by Wowhead, not Blizzard.
  1. Pakheth's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Hobb View Post
    Shout out to Voltron
    Form Voltron! *cue lengthy transformation sequence*
  1. Nightstalker's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Azmoden View Post
    You got some brown on your nose.

    Smells like Blizzard ass.
    You got some brown on your nose?
  1. Arrashi's Avatar
    Heh, JK Rowling joke.
  1. Ielenia's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoy View Post
    Originally Posted by Blizzard (Blue Tracker / Official Forums)
    • Knaifu has been renamed “Bae Blade.”
    MY
    FUCKING
    SIDES!!!

    The April Fools patch notes was rather 'meh-worthy' with a chuckle here and there, but I don't know why, I read that one, and I almost choked on my drink and started laughing uncontrollably.

    I guess it speaks volumes of my old age since I got the damned reference...
  1. Newname1234567890's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by FelPlague View Post
    how so? how have the others given more effort? i know there was once in awhile an "extra" thing like for wod the draenei female model update, but those are usually every 2-3 years.

    - - - Updated - - -



    how so, why is it the weakest, why do you think this is the weakest april fools day?
    So like among other things. The molten core trailer, they're usually do photos etc
  1. Eapoe's Avatar
    Not as good as some, SOME, previous April Fools Day updates; but I still laughed at some of the stuff.
    I think the biggest laugh I had is reading the people who actually get upset Blizzard does this and act like it somehow costs the players something. Hating on something for no reason really is the thing to do these days.
  1. tikcol's Avatar
    This is almost indistinguishable from the real thing which is preoccupying
  1. Lorgar Aurelian's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Azmoden View Post
    Is that the best they could do?

    Meanwhile, in FFXIV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnfP...ature=youtu.be

    Blizzard cutting corners again!
    I’d say a poor parody is worse then fake patch notes.
  1. ThatsOurEric's Avatar
    A few things were clever, but I will say that I am kind of disappointed in this year's April Fool's update. They've done a LOT
    better in previous years. And this one was so short as well. Their previous patch notes were much longer.
  1. McNeil's Avatar
    Yawn. Didn't feel like they put much effort into it
  1. Lilbruz's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Palemoon View Post
    Now let's see how long people take to go with the usual "OMG they do this instead of bug fixes / content / etc", failing to realize that there are more than two people working at Blizzard.
    In this particular thread, it only took 4 posts...
  1. PenguinChan's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoy View Post
    • Priest (Forums / Skills / Talent Calculator)
      • Knaifu has been renamed “Bae Blade.”
        • Bae Blade’s whispers are now more encouraging.
        • Bae Blade is now your life coach.
        • You can do it, sweetie.
    Easily the best part, out of all the boring stuff.
  1. telygroar's Avatar
    No april fools for the others games ?
  1. Aflakk47's Avatar
    You know, as a rogue main since WotLK, I though my page was scripted or something to take my actual name for the patch notes... That was such a throwoff for me when they coincidentally used my actual name
  1. Cena's Avatar
    To be honest, with the game being at a sorry state, the april fools joke isn't funny either. Try again next year boys.

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