Relationships Overseas

[Crissi]

I still wouldn't classify it as a relationship. At best, you're just part-time fuck buddies.

well, what you would classify something as doesnt really matter. If 2 people are intimate and committed, a LD relationship is still a relationship. Otherwise marriages probably wouldnt count as relationships with how long you can go without doing anything coupaly (especially millitary).

[The One Percent]

Thankfully, I don't have to be desperate enough to deal with a situation like that to have a relationship.

[Shinrael]

I have recently had a few Americans message me on dating apps (no idea why, I assume scams) and I found myself immediately dismissing any potential romantic encounters due to the distance and it got me thinking how common this mindset is. For me if I am entering a relationship I need to be able to see them for at least one weekend a month and I can't travel overseas. I am naturally a realist and pragmatic so such a relationship for me seems doomed from the beginning but what about you? Would you dismiss somebody immediately due to a geographic location

I dated a Japanese girl back in Bulgaria for 3 months, then she went back to Japan. I was ready to set down with her because she was so close to my ideal, and apparently so was she. But before I could go to Japan there were 15 months we had to patiently wait for each other. And we tried. And in my case I was able to wait and resist other urges because I wanted to believe this is right. In her case, she could not wait. I figured out quite quickly what's going on but ended up forcing myself to believe it isn't happening for 7 months. But it was too much and I confronted her about it and once I knew the truth I ended it there and then. The 15 months passed and I arrived in Japan. She came to meet me at the airport and was quite the screaming (of joy) in front of my supposedly new coursemates whom I met on my way out. She is sleeping right behind me as I am writing this message but here is my OT:

I am never doing a distance relationship again. We had something beautiful going on but we ended up losing to the distance. It's been over half a year since it happened, but I've changed so much since then - for the worse. Well, she will get to experience all my changes first hand now As they say, never cross a Virgo.

It's just something people say they're in to make up for the fact that the person they want to be with is somewhere else. It's stupid.

GJ, Sherlock. Must be feeling so smart having such knowlegde, amirite? Long-distance relationship has two functions - 1. have someone out there for moral/spiritual/mental support and 2. the promise to someday meet/live together (which is the hard part).

[Deleted]

I dated a Japanese girl back in Bulgaria for 3 months, then she went back to Japan. I was ready to set down with her because she was so close to my ideal, and apparently so was she. But before I could go to Japan there were 15 months we had to patiently wait for each other. And we tried. And in my case I was able to wait and resist other urges because I wanted to believe this is right. In her case, she could not wait. I figured out quite quickly what's going on but ended up forcing myself to believe it isn't happening for 7 months. But it was too much and I confronted her about it and once I knew the truth I ended it there and then. The 15 months passed and I arrived in Japan. She came to meet me at the airport and was quite the screaming (of joy) in front of my supposedly new coursemates whom I met on my way out. She is sleeping right behind me as I am writing this message but here is my OT:

I am never doing a distance relationship again. We had something beautiful going on but we ended up losing to the distance. It's been over half a year since it happened, but I've changed so much since then - for the worse. Well, she will get to experience all my changes first hand now As they say, never cross a Virgo.



GJ, Sherlock. Must be feeling so smart having such knowlegde, amirite? Long-distance relationship has two functions - 1. have someone out there for moral/spiritual/mental support and 2. the promise to someday meet/live together (which is the hard part).

I have been cheated on more than once so I would unfortunately assume the other person was sleeping with local guys. I resisted temptation for 3 years in a LD relationship and honestly it left me questioning potential lost opportunities with more local people who are now unavailable

[Mistame]

well, what you would classify something as doesnt really matter. If 2 people are intimate and committed, a LD relationship is still a relationship. Otherwise marriages probably wouldnt count as relationships with how long you can go without doing anything coupaly (especially millitary).

I suppose the case of service men/women makes a valid point. I certainly wouldn't bother with someone I had to spend hundreds of dollars and/or travel hundreds of miles to see. To each his/her own, I suppose. /shrug

Long-distance relationship has two functions - 1. have someone out there for moral/spiritual/mental support and 2. the promise to someday meet/live together (which is the hard part).

The only thing that can't be covered by friends or family is intimacy. If there's no intimacy, there's no point.

[Crissi]

I suppose the case of service men/women makes a valid point. I certainly wouldn't bother with someone I had to spend hundreds of dollars and/or travel hundreds of miles to see. To each his/her own, I suppose. /shrug

Yeah, I wouldn't ever force you to change your prerogative. It's not for everyone, and if someone knows that then it's better to avoid messy endings.

i probably wouldn't have done it again if he wasn't one of my good friends for the past 3 years

[Grimbold21]

Now juxtapose this thread with what thrown around on the Cheating thread(s)

[Cosmic Janitor]

Yeah I'm very much in the "intimacy required" camp and frankly I might as well skype with a buddy at that point. I would never date someone on another continent unless there was a very detailed plan in the near future to move together. I wouldn't even call it dating tbh unless both parties are in the same general area and see each other a couple times per month. There are obvioulsy some situations that have to make this work unexpectedly, but I wouldn't ever start with that as the base premise in hopes of maybe solving it some day.

- - - Updated - - -

Now juxtapose this thread with what thrown around on the Cheating thread(s)

I would advice any guy in a long distance relationship to brace for the (imho) inevitable moment when she tells you that she is seeing someone else.

[God Save The King]

I think it'd be very hard to start a relationship as overseas or long distance. It's easier to do so temporarily, for school, work, etc. As an example, the girl I dated in college lived in Hawai'i, and I lived in Pennsylvania (school was in California). So for December & January, along with half of May, June, July, August, we were long distance, so about half the time. It was rough.

We could usually scrounge up enough $$ for one of us to visit the other once a year. So she'd come around in January for snow sports, and I'd visit in the summer because Hawai'i.

[Shinrael]

I have been cheated on more than once so I would unfortunately assume the other person was sleeping with local guys. I resisted temptation for 3 years in a LD relationship and honestly it left me questioning potential lost opportunities with more local people who are now unavailable

Yeah... I feel you there. It just leaves you permanently scarred. You simply lose your ability to have faith in your partner. And I don't think it will get better with the years or by changing the partners. That girl, she destroyed something beautiful deep inside of me and now any future partners I have will bear the consequences (and ofc, I will bear them most of all, as there is a good chance this could ruin some of my future relationships).

I did question the potential lost opportunities as well but I was going to come to Japan anyway and I would've have ended up in a LD again, so it's for the better I spared myself that. And the one "opportunity" that I did conciously avoid when I was still dating the Japanese girl, is actually right here in Japan, in the same university as me. And she will go back to Bulgaria on the same plane as me after another 9 months. So we shall see. One thing I know for sure is, I am done sacrificing my own happiness for others. I care not who will be hurt, but I will fight for my own happiness at all costs.

The only thing that can't be covered by friends or family is intimacy. If there's no intimacy, there's no point.

Well, technically, intimacy can also be covered by family and especially *friends*
Now seriously, the point is that you've found the right partner at the wrong moment/place. And so you have a choice: Continue searching or.... just be patient and devoted and after some time you get to be with that person. You know, LD isn't just something you do INSTEAD of an actual intimate relationship. The idea is that you will eventually MEET AND/OR LIVE TOGETHER. There will, at some point, be intimacy. I have 2 friends whom I met in League of Legends and through me they got to know each other, starting a LDR (Germany & Italy) and this year (after about 2-3 years of LDR) they finally married and started living together. I know them both and know they really were devoted to each other. It's beautiful. But in my case I will quote Jaina "It is beautiful. Ephemeral. Unattainable."

[minkage]

Okay so im from Australia and have been in a long distance relationship with a girl from Ohio for almost 4 years now.
- I spend on average 3 months of the year with her and yes it is very costly. Generally its 2 trips a year with an average of 6 weeks each time.
- We see each other on skype at least once a day for 1 to 2 hours. During the 1st year we would spend on average 5 - 8 hours a day on skype and obviously this was not sustainable as we literally ran out of things to talk about.
- I always travel to her except for the 1 time she came here. This is my choice as I love visiting America plus I live in a rural country town with nothing to do and she lives in a city center.
- There was alot of issues to work through to make it work. Trust issues obviously being the no1 problem followed by crippling depression from always being so far apart.
- Once we had become really attached to each other we both talked about our regret at getting ourselves into this painfully difficult long distance situation.
- Once you work though it all you eventually get used to everything. Maybe every now and then i might get depressed because im physically alone but thats extremely rare. It just feels normal now.
- Believe it or not there is perks. The sexlife is intense since we are making up for lost time or trying to cram as much in as possible in the alloted time. It also keeps it fresh since we have so much downtime between visits.

[Freighter]

I don't think I could do it if we couldn't see each other frequently.

[Wikiy]

I still wouldn't classify it as a relationship. At best, you're just part-time fuck buddies.

Thing is, some people prefer relationships where they see each other literally every day, while others can't really do more than something like once a week. If you're both separated by large distances, but can travel for each other a few hours once a week, then there literally is no difference between that and a "normal" (non LD) relationship.

[the game]

There's this girl in a sugar glider group I'm in on facebook I wouldn't mind having a relationship. She's Romanian and lives in Germany. Unfortunately as I'm in Ohio it's not really possible to have a relationship.

[Deleted]

It sucked big time. At least the first year we had Skype sex pretty often and she sent me lewd photographs and videos but the cost of travel and the huge distance and such wasn't easy to deal with.

[Fencers]

Would you dismiss somebody immediately due to a geographic location

No. Total waste of time and requires far too much effort. They rarely work out and one would be better off investing that time the here & now.

[Deleted]

Okay so im from Australia and have been in a long distance relationship with a girl from Ohio for almost 4 years now.
- I spend on average 3 months of the year with her and yes it is very costly. Generally its 2 trips a year with an average of 6 weeks each time.
- We see each other on skype at least once a day for 1 to 2 hours. During the 1st year we would spend on average 5 - 8 hours a day on skype and obviously this was not sustainable as we literally ran out of things to talk about.
- I always travel to her except for the 1 time she came here. This is my choice as I love visiting America plus I live in a rural country town with nothing to do and she lives in a city center.
- There was alot of issues to work through to make it work. Trust issues obviously being the no1 problem followed by crippling depression from always being so far apart.
- Once we had become really attached to each other we both talked about our regret at getting ourselves into this painfully difficult long distance situation.
- Once you work though it all you eventually get used to everything. Maybe every now and then i might get depressed because im physically alone but thats extremely rare. It just feels normal now.
- Believe it or not there is perks. The sexlife is intense since we are making up for lost time or trying to cram as much in as possible in the alloted time. It also keeps it fresh since we have so much downtime between visits.

Yeah I couldn't do that

[Ellarielle]

I would never choose a long distance relationship. However, that is essentially what I ended up in. Eventually I moved though and now we're going on 9years married. With technology where it is now, I think it is possible to have long distance relationships but really it isn't ideal and I would think the end goal would be one person would move. My husband already had a house and good job and I was still going to school so it made more sense for me to be the one that moved.

Also, there was sort of an adjustment period for my hubby when I moved I can be pretty blunt but that gets filtered over chat since I can erase/hit esc etc. He was pretty much the same.