How do I decide between my husband and my boyfriend

[bufferunderrun]

Peoples who don't have the courage to broke a relationship and instead do thing behind the back of their partner are really pathetic.

[Granyala]

We don't even know the guy's story. Maybe he has little time for her, because he has to work to bring the money home?

Limited time due to studies and uni.
Says so in the article.

[RobertoCarlos]

Why, though? He can sleep with whomever he wants. It’s not his problem if the person is married, and he doesn’t have to take that into consideration when deciding to sleep with them. That’s the responsibility of the married person. They are ones who agreed to not sleep with other people; they are the ones cheating.

Guessing you've never heard the expression home wrecker

[Karaoke]

Marriage is a commitment, sure, but not at the expense of your mental health. The guy did what he wanted to do regardless of how it affected his wife. That's not a healthy relationship, even if his intentions were great. The marriage was clearly broken. The mistake was clinging to some hope of fixing it when neither of them seemed terribly interested in doing so. They should have just ended it. Relationships end. Marriages end. Its no big deal.

I call bullshit. I seriously doubt he was Mr. Nice Guy up until the point they got married and then these problems started showing up.

Did they not have any conversation before he decided to go back to school and how that would impact their relationship? Was she not able to express her needs before deciding to find comfort with someone else?

The article all points to not enough consideration about what it really means to be married, and just hoping that being married will fix the problems in the relationship.

[Drattz]

What is it about the 'in sickness and in health' and 'till death do us part' of marriage is difficult for people to understand? Take some time to consider what that really means and if you don't like it...don't get married.

The person is weak willed and not fit for marriage at this stage in her life.

Those vows are largely Christian vows. Some non Christians may adopt them but there's nothing to indicate in the article they made those vows.

[buck008]

Pretty evident if you read the text:
He studies HARD. As such, he isn't around much.
She feels loney, weekends only aren't enough.

Result?
She most likely puts pressure on him, complains etc. That makes his studies harder because he now feels bad about it too.

Bottom line: her complaining (and most likely bitchy acting when he is home) raises the stress level for the man considerably.
In such a scenario it is very easy to lose control and say angry words.

IMHO: she is at fault. She knew he would be studying, she agreed to it. She also knows that it is a temporary situation, just a few years. Instead of being supportive, she only cares about herself and her feelings.

The relationship was doomed to fail from that point onward.

I find this response interesting. She's bitchy if she wants to actually see her significant other? I mean, my relationship went through a patch where one of us was working early and one of us was late and we were both fucking miserable. I saw her at the door twice a day. You can't keep up a relationship like that and we worked it out. We did that because we actually talked to each other and cared what the other thought. But, in your mind, if someone has an issue with the relationship, then they are just being a bitch. Got it.

[Tennis]

Being a Whore is never fine.

This is undeniably true.

[mickybrighteyes]

What she did was wrong either way but he abandoned her and when she asked for his help to make it right he refused. That is the bottom line.

I would be hesitant to go that far with the assumptions we get "he wasn't there" and a very onsided version of events as to their interactions. She goes on like he seems to have literally no time for her and her request to 'fix' things was for him to go spend MORE time doing something else as she then goes on to talk abuot how lonely and depressed she feels and might kill herself.... This makes me think there's more than a few details missing. Or maybe I don't see the immediate connect of someone being busy making another feel suicidal. That's a bit of a leap to me and makes me think this is someone who's either looking for attention or really shouldn't be in this situation to begin with.

[Tennis]

I find this response interesting. She's bitchy if she wants to actually see her significant other? I mean, my relationship went through a patch where one of us was working early and one of us was late and we were both fucking miserable. I saw her at the door twice a day. You can't keep up a relationship like that and we worked it out. We did that because we actually talked to each other and cared what the other thought. But, in your mind, if someone has an issue with the relationship, then they are just being a bitch. Got it.

True, in a manga I read they were barely seeing each other and then the couple ended up splitting up. They only got back together in the end because the guy quit his job and as a result they had more time together.

[buck008]

I call bullshit. I seriously doubt he was Mr. Nice Guy up until the point they got married and then these problems started showing up.

Did they not have any conversation before he decided to go back to school and how that would impact their relationship? Was she not able to express her needs before deciding to find comfort with someone else?

The article all points to not enough consideration about what it really means to be married, and just hoping that being married will fix the problems in the relationship.

I didn't say she was perfect. You said she was weak and unfit for marriage and the rest of your post suggested marriage should be this permanent arrangement. It isn't. Also, you are putting all the blame for the failed relationship on her because she cheated and you don't like that. I get it, and she's in the wrong for cheating. But the relationship was dead before she cheated. They both have some blame there.

[Karaoke]

Those vows are largely Christian vows. Some non Christians may adopt them but there's nothing to indicate in the article they made those vows.

Every wedding I've been to, even non-Christian ones, express the same general concept that you plan to be with your partner though the good and the bad.

Point still stands, regardless of actual 'vows'.

[RobertoCarlos]

I have. My statement still stands.

Plenty of fish in the sea, no need to help ruin what others have. Plus its a good way to end up on the news as a double homicide victim as the ex husband shoots you and the new missus plus himself in his last act of glory.

[Karaoke]

I didn't say she was perfect. You said she was weak and unfit for marriage and the rest of your post suggested marriage should be this permanent arrangement. It isn't. Also, you are putting all the blame for the failed relationship on her because she cheated and you don't like that. I get it, and she's in the wrong for cheating. But the relationship was dead before she cheated. They both have some blame there.

I completely agree they both share blame. My point is that they should have spent more time considering what it meant to be married before deciding on it, which they didn't.

They obviously had different views on what was important to their lives together and how it impacted their partner.

EDIT - Marriage IS set to be a permanent arrangement. Treat and consider it as such.

[buck008]

Being a Whore is never fine.

Why? I mean in either sense of the word. A literal prostitute is fine. There's no reason it should be illegal. A woman who sleeps around is fine as long as everything is consensual and she's upfront with her partners about it. What's not fine is lying. The sex is irrelevant.

[buck008]

I completely agree they both share blame. My point is that they should have spent more time considering what it meant to be married before deciding on it, which they didn't.

They obviously had different views on what was important to their lives together and how it impacted their partner.

That seems pretty clear, yea. But this wasn't the first and won't be the last couple to jump into an ill-considered relationship.

[Zantos]

She needs to drop them both. She is unfit for either one. She is having the husband go to counseling and a weekly lunch. He is trying to make it work while still working and going to school. He is trying to better himself and his life. How in the world is she going to try to hold that against the guy?

Second, the boyfriend is being played to. She hasn't told him one bit that she is taken. He has a child to take care of. He doesn't need a woman like her in the child's life to give them a bad example to follow.

She needs to focus on fixing herself. She is the issue. She is clearly incapable of handling a relationship.

[RobertoCarlos]

I don’t agree, especially if it’s just for sex. The blame falls on the person doing the cheating.

The only way its morally/ethically ok is if the person doesnt know that they are married. If they are aware it is a douche move no matter how you spin it. Takes two to tango even if only one is doing the cheating. You are putting your sexual needs above this persons life. Cheating can have bigger consequences than people think sometimes. If that married couple has a kid does it change anything for you?

[Karaoke]

That seems pretty clear, yea. But this wasn't the first and won't be the last couple to jump into an ill-considered relationship.

Doesn't mean it's acceptable. What kind of world would we be living in if there were no consequences to the decisions we make?

[Moshots]

Hope her husband finds out and uses it in court to make sure she doesn't get a dime. put her out in the cold and go tell her boyfriend everything so that he drops her too.

[Deleted]

Take note guys. This is how pretty much ALL women reason. Monkey branching and hamstering and hypergamy. Disgusting.