Best insult / one-liner / Burn you have heard (or like)

[Deleted]

Hmm, I'm really not that into 'good' one-liners or burns.

If I don't like someone, I just curse at them. Or call them stupid or something like that, very common.
I don't see the reason to waste time coming up with a funny insult.

[Zelk]

This kid asked his dad to buy him an xbox in PC world
the dad said " I'm not your dad"

[Korpiklaani]

"You are so full of shit, you'd make a great politician"
- Gordon Ramsay

[Namso]

Girl: So, what's your name?
Guy: Ben Dover.

[Enigmuh]

Your momma is so ugly, she probably has a hard time attracting members of the opposite sex.

[Hambon]

This actually happened yesterday.
I was at the grocery store with my sister and she tried to toss some cheese into the cart from about five feet away.
Missed.
Me: "So how's the WNBA?"

[Hulari]

My brother has a sun tan, a proper one.

Every time I'm at home my step dad calls him Ranjid, I don't know why but I find it hilarious.

"Oi, Ranjid, make me a drink!" makes me laugh every time.

[Mintiez]

I was in class a few years ago, and i was tapping my leg (not sure what youd call it, like bouncing your heel up up and down) and my arm was on my leg so with a table infront of me you could guess how it looked.
Anyway one of my friends who was kinda obnoxious said "ew, that looks so nasty"
me: "fuck off, i wank when i want"
Very funny at the time

Also same year we were doing these mock job interviews and when the question came up "How do you define success?" i said "take away the sess"
Good times

[Deleted]

Person1: Hey man
Person2: My mum just died
Person1: I know, I killed her
*Person 2 arrests Person 1*
*Person 1 dies*

Uh, what's this thread about?

[Darkdruidelf]

'Your mum jokes are feeble and overused'.
'Just like your mother'.

[McSpriest]

"My boyfriend keeps on telling me kitchen jokes and sometimes it gets really annoying, does anyone have a good suggestion for a comeback to this?"

"I don't know but you'd better comeback with a sandwich."

make a sandwich? come back with that?

or you could say "sorry forgot your the one who likes sandwiches, the other one doesn't."

[Nevintsha]

Mad Man: I hope you choke and die!
You: Like your mom did on me?

Bonus points if their mother is dead... Can also replace mother (since its a worn out joke) with the persons girls friend.

[Grogo]

Page 5 has been weak.

[minro]

"My boyfriend keeps on telling me kitchen jokes and sometimes it gets really annoying, does anyone have a good suggestion for a comeback to this?"

"I don't know but you'd better comeback with a sandwich."

A friggin sandwich would work.

[ImpTaimer]

Saying "At least I don't wear underwear." to a woman, especially one on their period, when you're a guy.

Another one: "Your dad's a mother f*cker. At least I hope."

(Maybe there should be a NSFW tag on the thread, or perhaps less NSFW jokes.)

A less "adult" joke.

"Yo' mamma's so fat the weatha' man said it was chilly outside so she brought a bowl!"

[Dacien]

This isn't really a serious discussion, so I'm moving it over to Fun Stuff.

[Deleted]

What are you Looking at?
I dont know, they dont label shit

[ImpTaimer]

http://www.explosm.net/comics/

There are WAAAAY too many good ones on this site. Here's the most recent one:

[minro]

Your mom should have spit you into a kleenex

As opposed to spitting it into the correct hole that kids pop out of? Nice thinking there....

[Deleted]

Person1: Hey dude, what's up with your hair?
Person2: I was a victim of the holocaust and barely survived, but my whole family died. They shaved me under the most horren-....
Person1: Lol you're bald. U mad?