Best Friend's Wedding -- Not Invited?

[Deleted]

Typical weak man. He is fearing the almighty vagina.

Shit aside. That sounds like a very unhealthy relationship, if the wife-to-be has that kind of control. Especially if he is allowing it. If you are willing to wait a few years, I think they'll be divorced by then, and you get him back.

[vep]

Simple. It should always be bros before hoes. For him not inviting you to the wedding is a clear sign he's the bitch in the relationship. So, it's not your friend anymore. Find a new BFF.

[Lothanah]

Turn up drunk and make a scene

l0ls
but seriously, there has to be a reason why, ask him

[oblivionx]

A friend not inviting you to their wedding is a slap in the face and an insult to you no matter how it's spun.

I wouldn't necessarily look at the bride or groom, though it could easily be them you have a problem with, as it could easily be you having a problem with someone else in the wedding party. Were you invited to the bachelor party? Who did that inviting?

If you want things to remain civil and hope for some sort of continuing friendship you can show up at the church (no invite needed for that), wish them good luck and fortune or even just witness the union if you don't want to be confrontational. Don't be dour or mad or go around telling people "i'm not invited" to the reception. Shake his hand, kiss the bride and wish them luck.

But it's pretty unlikely this is still a friend of yours or will be in the future. You have to decide if you want them as friends for yourself tho.

Lastly, making a scene at their wedding in any form is the worst thing you can do.

[Dundebuns]

By any chance are any of your friends wifes friends that he doesn't like not coming?

Can't have any double standards on this stuff. If she's pulling those kind of strings and he is backing down then their relationship wont last long anyway. All in all, confrint, and decide what to do from there.

[Itisamuh]

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, they may have legitimately thought you wouldn't want to go, or wouldn't care that he's getting married, and so they didn't invite you cause they didn't want you to feel pressured to go. We don't know your personality. To some people, that type of thing just isn't a big deal. My lifelong best friend's wife had their second child and I didn't even know she was pregnant. This happened again with his third child. We always hang out when she's not there, so I never saw her. I don't have a problem with her or anything, and I don't think she has much against me either, but she isn't particularly fond of me enough to want to hang out while we play video games and talk about stuff she has no interest in. I was surprised he didn't tell me he was having more kids, but not offended. It may be a similar situation here, so don't jump the gun and cancel your friendship yet.

Either way though, definitely confront him about it in a polite way, preferably in person. If he can't look you in the eye and makes it clear that you're purposely not invited, and it's because she said so, then just walk away. Don't yell at him, don't do like some of these idiots are saying and show up at the wedding to do something immature and prove the girl right for not inviting you. Roll your eyes, sigh, and tell him good luck, and that he'll need it if he lets himself be chained by the balls like that. It's the girl's fault, and contrary to what some people like to say, there's nothing wrong at all with choosing girls over friends. It's to be expected that she'll take priority. However, he should still have the stones to not let her control him, and she should have the courtesy not to try to, so while it's okay for the girlfriend or wife to take first priority, it shouldn't ever actually be an issue if they're both good people and you are too.

If she's as controlling as you make her sound, and he's as spineless as implied, then it's probably not a case of him not truly being your friend, but just a case of him being love struck and desperate to keep her happy. A lot of guys get that way, especially if they aren't the type who can easily find new girlfriends. Don't make a scene, but definitely talk to him and warn him that he's going to have some problems if he lets her walk all over him.

[Deleted]

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, they may have legitimately thought you wouldn't want to go, or wouldn't care that he's getting married, and so they didn't invite you cause they didn't want you to feel pressured to go. We don't know your personality. To some people, that type of thing just isn't a big deal. My lifelong best friend's wife had their second child and I didn't even know she was pregnant. This happened again with his third child. We always hang out when she's not there, so I never saw her. I don't have a problem with her or anything, and I don't think she has much against me either, but she isn't particularly fond of me enough to want to hang out while we play video games and talk about stuff she has no interest in. I was surprised he didn't tell me he was having more kids, but not offended. It may be a similar situation here, so don't jump the gun and cancel your friendship yet.

Either way though, definitely confront him about it in a polite way, preferably in person. If he can't look you in the eye and makes it clear that you're purposely not invited, and it's because she said so, then just walk away. Don't yell at him, don't do like some of these idiots are saying and show up at the wedding to do something immature and prove the girl right for not inviting you. Roll your eyes, sigh, and tell him good luck, and that he'll need it if he lets himself be chained by the balls like that. It's the girl's fault, and contrary to what some people like to say, there's nothing wrong at all with choosing girls over friends. It's to be expected that she'll take priority. However, he should still have the stones to not let her control him, and she should have the courtesy not to try to, so while it's okay for the girlfriend or wife to take first priority, it shouldn't ever actually be an issue if they're both good people and you are too.

If she's as controlling as you make her sound, and he's as spineless as implied, then it's probably not a case of him not truly being your friend, but just a case of him being love struck and desperate to keep her happy. A lot of guys get that way, especially if they aren't the type who can easily find new girlfriends. Don't make a scene, but definitely talk to him and warn him that he's going to have some problems if he lets her walk all over him.

Either that or the guy just didnt consider him that big of a friend tbh, which is well not something to be offended about, he has spoken with him, and he told him essentially "You werent expecting to come were you?" which means he didnt think the friendship was at a stage where he would get invited to his wedding, obviously for the guy that believes he is his best friend it upsets him but it doesnt mean he has a controlling wife with a bad relationship, odds are they didnt even talk about him when they were talking about guests cause they just didnt consider him period.

[Edison]

Confront him, if he was a real friend he would want you there.

Indeed, sounds like a horrible "Best" friend if he wont even invite you to his wedding which is a pretty big event in his life :s

[FathomFear]

Simple. It should always be bros before hoes. For him not inviting you to the wedding is a clear sign he's the bitch in the relationship. So, it's not your friend anymore. Find a new BFF.

I find the latent (and not-so-latent) misogyny in this thread amusing.

Does anyone find it odd that guys who are submissive are called "pussy whipped", but there's no such label for women? I suspect that's because women are expected to be that way and men aren't.

[Fumu]

I find the latent (and not-so-latent) misogyny in this thread amusing.

Does anyone find it odd that guys who are submissive are called "pussy whipped", but there's no such label for women? I suspect that's because women are expected to be that way and men aren't.

Finding misogyny in threads like these is like finding grass in a field, sticking up everywhere as far as the eye can see. It's true that the term does have sexist leanings but can be applied to both genders; these days, equality is expected in relationships.

That's also what makes her behavior unforgivable.

Unless you two are arch nemesis and will automatically get into a shouting match when within 10 feet of each other, there is no reason you should not be invited. It does sound like he caved to her wishes. If that's the case, there's really nothing you can do... "bros before hos"(hey look, another sexist term) does not apply to marriage and especially not when one member of the relationship wishes to control and isolate the other. All you can do is politely ask him about it, maybe voice your concerns neutrally to her, and back off. Years down the road when the poor, broken shell of a man finally divorces her ass you may get your friend back.

[Deleted]

I find the latent (and not-so-latent) misogyny in this thread amusing.

Does anyone find it odd that guys who are submissive are called "pussy whipped", but there's no such label for women? I suspect that's because women are expected to be that way and men aren't.

Only a feminist could make that seem logical.

You can't seriously link that together can you? Or are you just looking for an argument?

Because you think it's unfair there's no label for women in the situation? Well that's because women in that situation describe it as an emotionally abusive relationship. It's a much more serious sounding description of the situation, men just describe it jokingly.

Neither are acknowledged as being healthy or normal but are clear indications of a deviation of the norm, the norm being an equal relationship.

Stop trying to make mountains out of molehills, you sound ridiculous.

[shadowkras]

Bros before hos man, seriously.

Id show up and raise my arm when asked if anyone was against it.

EDIT
And before a mod comes, foaming about the seemingly sexist comment of mine, ready with the ban-hammer on hands, i meant it in the sense of "friends first".

[Callace]

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, they may have legitimately thought you wouldn't want to go

I was in the room when he first got her phone number. Not only have I known him for 10 years, but I've known her for as long as he has. I'm not even really enemies with her, this is more of a passive aggressive kind of ploy. I don't think they would have legitimately thought I didn't want to go.

---------- Post added 2012-04-18 at 06:19 PM ----------

People change, people move on.

This isn't a long term falling out. He just brought me a case of his craft beer back in January. I've gone longer periods than that without seeing him before. In the scope of reality, this pretty much happened overnight.

[D_K_night]

There is a lot of black and white opinions here. This situation described by the OP is pretty run of the mill stuff, it's been happening forever. Relationships are complicated things.

I am speaking from the standpoint of someone, who has both been labelled as a "bad influence" and shunned, but I've also seen "their side of the story" too. When you see and experience both sides of it...you'll see quickly why it's not so black and white.

It seems that he's made his choice...for that I do not see a reason to hate him for it or cause him harm. Because one of these days(and more likely, years if not decades later)...you will find yourself in a similar situation and then remember to yourself, when I was younger, I hated him for this...and here I am....in his shoes...

[Callace]

There is a lot of black and white opinions here. This situation described by the OP is pretty run of the mill stuff, it's been happening forever. Relationships are complicated things.

I am speaking from the standpoint of someone, who has both been labelled as a "bad influence" and shunned, but I've also seen "their side of the story" too. When you see and experience both sides of it...you'll see quickly why it's not so black and white.

It seems that he's made his choice...for that I do not see a reason to hate him for it or cause him harm. Because one of these days(and more likely, years if not decades later)...you will find yourself in a similar situation and then remember to yourself, when I was younger, I hated him for this...and here I am....in his shoes...

I've already been there. I've been in relationships where my other friendships suffered in the process. However, I'm not stupid enough to enter into a relationship where I have to completely disavow anyone. That isn't something to take for granted. That's giving up on life.

[ares1023]

Gotta say dude, talk to him and if he doesn't give you a legit answer, talk to his fiance, suck it up and act really nice to her, because lets face it, he is most likely doing it because of her forcefully.

[twinkleblur]

hes not your friend but still? show up and ask him whats going on, that is a huge deal for any friendship. i know this probibly wnt be looked at seriously to you? but the movie the hangover. the dude with the beard is not only probibly the worst friend for anyone in the world? but he still in 2 weddings.

[Tileyfa]

OP, you mentioned earlier that when you got your current GF, your friend didn't react too well to it. Can you give any more details on that? It might be a case of he doesn't want your +1 coming & decided it'd be easier to blame the bride-to-be instead of straight up asking you to not bring your girlfriend.

(I had this happen to me, I hate being blamed as a bitch so husband can get out of stuff, though he's learned his lesson about it now since it's only happened once or twice, don't worry boys I didn't do anything too bad )

[namelessone]

I find the latent (and not-so-latent) misogyny in this thread amusing.

Does anyone find it odd that guys who are submissive are called "pussy whipped", but there's no such label for women? I suspect that's because women are expected to be that way and men aren't.

Cock-whipped?

[dwarven]

Maybe his fiance doesn't want you to be there, and he thinks it will interfere with the wedding if he forces her to let you come. That was just my first thought. He should at least tell you about it though.