Men and Women Can't Be "Just Friends"

[Rukentuts]

This entirely. I mean come on people... I have tons of close female friends.

Apparently we're just in denial...

[fizzbob]

Why do people think that when a man wants to have sex with a woman, he only views her as a "sexual tool"?

Why does it never seem to occur to anyone that part of the reason some guys want to have sex with a given woman so much is because he thinks she's really cool?

it's part of the womens' takeover the world movement (some call it womens' rights, but it's never been about equality, it's about being in control)

as far as dimorphic species go, our physically inferior counterparts do pretty fucking good. most other dimorphic species sees the big one eat the little one at some point

[Faroth]

"We click in pretty much every way, have the same hobbies and most ideas but you're just too ugly (or something else silly) for me to date"

Hahahah

Been there before, that is how it comes across sometimes.

[Lockon Stratos]

The answer is a resounding NO. Guys do friend stuff with other guys, and girls do friend stuff with other girls. They only come together when one or both parties want something else, be it emotional or sexual satisfaction.

[Laize]

Okay. Let me come at this from a different angle. Maybe I'm misunderstanding part of this. Are you saying that the presence of that attraction somehow lessens the friendship in any way? You're never going to get me to agree that the definition of friendship includes a clause about never-ever-ever even considering thinking about what the other person would look like naked, though I know that is exactly how the article is defining it. Sorry, but I'd never have any friends at all and that would just plain suck. I've never laid eyes on a man without at least a brief evaluation, and I doubt men do either. But could you agree that a friendship can be just as fulfilling regardless of whether that attraction exists or not? That the occasional stray sexual thought can exist without detracting in any way, and that the friendship can be in all ways exactly the same as it would be had that thought never existed?

If you're at all attractive, your male friends want to bone you. I would bet everything I have on it. I would borrow money I don't have to make that bet because I'm so sure I'm right.

There's also a pretty good chance at least one of them is in love with you and is too afraid of rejection to say it.

The men in this thread who seem to say they can suppress their sexual desires for a female friend are the exception, not the norm. The article the OP linked is a real epidemiological study on the side of "Men and women can't be friends".

[Wildtree]

Friends with Benefits exist and work too..
Friendship is something completely unrelated to sex. And sex does not automatically mean it determines ones decision within a friendship..
If you are however rather attracted and "play the friend" then you are not a friend to begin with.
In either way you should let her/him know. As friends trust, understanding and honesty are key to a friendship.

[fizzbob]

This entirely. I mean come on people... I have tons of close female friends.

at some point in your life you'll admit it

i never wanted to fuck my ugly, fat female friends, the attractive ones yeah, i'd have hit it. it's called BEING STRAIGHT

hell i even wanted to have sex with some of their hot sisters too. i didn't walk around rubbing one out in their presence, and it didn't consume me, but when i had jack shit to think about you're damn right i thought about it and EVERY STRAIGHT MAN DOES

every single study has proven your bullshit wrong. even women think about sex at a ridiculously high rate. you'd fuck your female friends, you HAVE thought about it or they're so ugly they disgust you and usually, people aren't even friends with people who disgust them

try to be the outlier because you're going through that phase of your life where "you're not just like everyone else"

you are though

[Reg]

Which doesn't betray your friendship at all, in my opinion.
In fact, true friends can even talk about that.

I have female friends who knew that I was attracted to them too, yet it did not create the least problem.
If I think of it... All of them know if there was any kind of attraction. It's the right thing to do, and being attracted does not mean I have to..
One of those friendships lasts for over 30 years already.
We will still be friends til the day we both died.

I completely agree. Just because I have thought of my female friends that way doesn't mean we can't be friends.

[Wildtree]

If you're at all attractive, your male friends want to bone you. I would bet everything I have on it. I would borrow money I don't have to make that bet because I'm so sure I'm right.

There's also a pretty good chance at least one of them is in love with you and is too afraid of rejection to say it.

And you'd lose all your money. because them having sex would still have nothing to do with them being friends.
Sex does not exclude Friendship. Friendship does not exclude Sex.
Can it fail? Yes. But in either way it can.
Just like Friendships fall apart regardless of sex. And other Friendships build up because of sex.

[Sorrior]

And for the record, there's the ladder theory, which you can find here http://www.laddertheory.com/ . It applies to me, and maybe to other men too. I find that interesting, hope some of you get some answers out of that one.

Wow that's one stereotypical article.

[Kazlehoff]

TBH i disagree.
I'm a man, i have women friends. no sexual tension or shit. *shrug*

Anecdotal, but i think your article in the OP is full of it.

[Tommy T]

Made exactly the same thread about 6 months ago. Most people seem to think yes. But in my opinion. No. There will ALWAYS be someone who wants more.

[Aalyy]

The divorce rate would also be lower if people: 1) Didn't rush into marriage and 2) Didn't marry until they are mature.

If 100% of the people are in bad marriages I'd be fine with a 100% divorce rate. I don't get why the hate on divorce. Of course the ideal is to find the love of your life, get married, and grow old together. But being a shitty relationship is just about the worse thing imagineable. And staying together for the kids is a terrible idea. My parents did it and all they did was fight and show us an example of the kind of relationship NOT to have. And they wonder why none of us are married and they have no grandkids yet!

Back on topic: of course men a women can be friends. I have good guy friends I've been friends with forever. I do admit there has been some very mild harmless flirting but it never went past that. Ever. They have their girlfriends and I have my boyfriend. Past bfs have been ridiculously insecure over it and it caused a ton of fights. Luckily my man now is secure and isn't threatened! It is possible!

[Gamdwelf]

Wow that's one stereotypical article.

makes so much sense though

[Laize]

And you'd lose all your money. because them having sex would still have nothing to do with them being friends.
Sex does not exclude Friendship. Friendship does not exclude Sex.
Can it fail? Yes. But in either way it can.
Just like Friendships fall apart regardless of sex. And other Friendships build up because of sex.

I didn't say anything about whether they could or couldn't be friends. I simply said it's a virtual guarantee that her male friends want to have sex with her. I'd also bet money that at least one is in love with her.

Look, when it comes to friendship with women you either want to have sex with her or you don't.

If you don't, there's no problem. If you do and she doesn't, then you have to decide if you want to continue to be friends with her.

I routinely choose "no" because I understand that the closer I get to a woman emotionally, the more I'm going to want to express those feelings between the sheets. If that's an incompatible view with her expectations of friendship then it's damn obvious we can't be friends. Most men are like that.

[Felicia]

I had a lot of male friends in high school. I preferred them to the other chicks in my social group. Most of them, excluding my best friend, were all super bitchy to each other... always trying to compete, and stuff. And this was with the artsy group! Then again, my 4 years in high school were split between a 5A high school with lots of cliques and groups. To a school that doesn't even qualify as 1A (6-man football sucks, btw.) When I moved back to Texas from VA (navy brat)... I was secretly pleading to go back to Virginia because I missed those bitchy chicks :P

When you're in a graduating class of 900 it doesn't really matter. But when there's 8 people in your new graduating class, and you come over with a 4.2... the guys are all like... 'yummy!'. And the girls band together, especially since one of them had a 4.0 GPA, and saw me as the new competition. A small town high school was the worst experience of my entire life. Those girls are WAY more vicious. God, I hated that school. So glad to be out of there...

And yes, I beat that chick for valedictorian. Also, a lot of those guy friends from that school became my really good friends. I really only talk to one of them still, and it's once in a blue moon. If they ever wanted anything more, they didn't let me know. If so, I'm glad they kept it in their pants.

[Liagala]

If you're at all attractive, your male friends want to bone you. I would bet everything I have on it. I would borrow money I don't have to make that bet because I'm so sure I'm right.

A couple of them probably do want to bone me. So what? They know they're not going to bone me. They don't try to bone me. They don't act like they want to bone me. Why do I care what goes through their heads if there is no expression of it? There are a couple of them that I wouldn't mind jumping if circumstances were different. That doesn't make our friendship any less fulfilling. I don't get more out of an equal friendship with a woman than I do from them. So who cares? I'm not getting why friendship and attraction have to be related at all.

[bobo333]

Wait....are you saying you go out with your husbands friends alone, if your husband is not feeling up to it? Yeah, I've been married 10 years and I have never done that with my husbands friends. If your husband went out with a couple of your female friends without you, you wouldn't be bothered by it?

I'm not saying don't trust your husband, but what you are doing is very odd...I would have to say, that your husbands friends are hanging out alone with you for a reason or ATLEAST hoping for a reason to arise....

my last serious relationship was with a fundamentally jealous type. the split was amicable and we still talk, but the fact remains that her totally unfounded lack of trust for me is the reason we're no longer together

[Nikkitine]

I'm going to have to say no. And mostly because of my experiences.
I'm a 21 y/o female, and have lost a lot of "friendships" because guys don't ever want just friends.
They swear up and down at first they want to, then they get to know me and it all changes.
I'm not trying to come off as conceited or thinking highly of myself, it's just the situation I've been in way too many times.
Online, or in my life, guys want to hang out with me, do things, watch sports etc. And eventually it all falls into them coming onto me, the compliments become more frequent, they start getting jealous when I talk to other guys, don't like any of my other guy friends.. The list goes on.
If there are girls out there that have met guys that aren't gay, that maintain a friendship with a single or even taken guy, I think you're lying. But if you're not, good for you. Keep him. Because I have yet to find one that I can just hangout with, no strings attached; and it's overly frustrating.

I also just want to add, I think what I'd like to find in a guy friend, is someone I can just be a " guy " with. I like to have a beer, watch my Steelers, ( Shh. ) Or hang out, judge other girls that walk down the street, I don't know. Just, a good friend. Do they exist? ;;

[Zhangfei]

So a couple of them probably do want to bone me. And? They know they're not going to bone me. They don't try to bone me. They don't act like they want to bone me. Why do I care what goes through their heads if there is no expression of it? There are a couple of them that I wouldn't mind jumping if circumstances were different. That doesn't make our friendship any less fulfilling. I don't get more out of an equal friendship with a woman than I do from them. So who cares? I'm not getting why friendship and attraction have to be related at all.

I would argue there's an intrinsic link between people who can be attracted. The main reason I end up finding girls hot is because we share interests/have discussions/good sense of humour, not because they look good in a halter top. It's inevitable there will be some form of attraction, but it doesn't make the friendship any less meaningless.