Jobsworths...jesus

[Gaxar]

i texted this to my mate today cos i thought it was really funny, but its basically an email conversation that i copied into notepad at work with all the conversation.

setting: All of these emails were cc'd to all the members of my team at work. bear in mind the person named paul is a level 1 (i.e a nobody peon), i'm a level 4 (i.e slightly less of a nobody peon) and no one in these emails has any iota of power whatsoever - we're all on the same team and equally worthless. This guy paul is the guy who emails us all everyday with emails that contain nothing at all, but him trying to be funny and failing, and trying to show that he is being an active 'member of the team' so that when his monthly 1-2-1 comes up with the manager he can then highlight how he emails us all and has a great relationship etc (cock).

preface: i fucking hate people that do stuff just so they can highlight they are doing something and try and make out like they are bigger than everyone else when they are in fact nobs that everyone hates and trying to be a jobsworth - Where i work, the company promotes the kind of behaviour where you have to highlight when you are doing something 'above and beyond' your paygrade - which is very annoying cos it creates people like this.

i didnt copy the first email but basically it was paul asking what everyone wanted to do with the wallboard behind our desk where we sit (crucial to the running of the company i know!) and nominating a 'star team member of the month (jesus). he had sent this email yesterday night. the following emails all happened today.

*replaced my real name with my wow name (obviously)

** David is our team manager

***if you have ever been to the website 27bslash6 the following stuff reminded me so much of the kind of emails he writes it just felt surreal not to post it and show you guys.

From: Paul
Sent: 01 February 2013 16:18

Subject: Team Star of the month

Hi team,

Can’t help notice none of you have sent me anything today, following last nights email. I have put a draft of the Team Star certificate on the team board for your approval (please replace the pumpkin with a photo of the recipient) can you all take a look and confirm if you are happy with the layout. Please do send me the examples as this will be a time filler in our team meetings and a good way to recognise what we do for each other, and our members – I’m sure we can’t, as a team, be so unhelpful that there will be no examples. This will also give David something to take to each monthly management meeting to nominate a team member for corporate Team Member of the Month which could lead to a forecourt parking space and £50 vouchers as well as a months loan of the Customer Service Team Member of the Month trophy. Speaking from experience, it’s nice to park right outside the doors.

On another note. Does anyone else have any ideas on what we can put on the board, or even want to help out as I am doing it on my own at the moment.

Paul

From: Gaxar
Sent: 01 February 2013 16:31
To: Paul
Subject: RE: Team Star of the month

To be honest paul, its been a busy day and haven’t really had time to worry about a wall board. You are all stars to me (well not james as he doesn’t approve my holidays) and as I take all areas calls its rare I see stuff dealt with by our team that would warrant a special mention, but happy to go along with others nominations if theyre for a good reason.

From: James
Sent: 01 February 2013 16:44

Subject: RE: Team Star of the month

I would like to nominate Gaxar as he has kindly volunteered to work everyone’s Late shifts in the team for the rest of the year.

Well done. What a team player!!

From: Gaxar
Sent: 01 February 2013 17:08

Subject: RE: Team Star of the month

It is with sadness that I have to report that james has been let go.

James served an unremarkable career as a claims adviser before having his stapler removed and being moved to the boiler room. After realising his cheques had stopped but no one had bothered to let him know he had been let go, james is now pursuing a career as synchronised swimmer with the Albanian childrens ‘swim for hope’ team – an organisation focussed on providing research into Albanian children and their hopes, while they swim.

I know you all join me wishing him the best of luck in his new venture. Remember James, this isn’t the end - it’s the beginning of the end.

From: Paul
Sent: 01 February 2013 17:16

Subject: RE: Team Star of the month

Dear Team

With the greatest of respect, can you please use a different email thread to discuss each others short comings and restrict any “inappropriate Banter” to another forum.

I appreciate some of you may be indifferent to recognising each others strong point and team spirit, but , the Team Star of the Month is something I have discussed with David and is a serious subject as I said earlier it will give David a nomination for Corporate team member at the monthly management meetings. If you do not want to be involved or are not prepared to act in an adult manner, please do it elsewhere.

Paul

From: Gaxar
Sent: 01 February 2013 17:08

Subject: RE: Team Star of the month

Woah woah woah, hold your horses there tonto

Using ‘with the greatest of respect’ at the beginning of the paragraph doesn’t entitle you to be hypocritical paul. Please don’t write stuff like ‘inappropriate banter’ ‘act in an adult manner’ when the majority of the emails I get cc’d with the team are from you with ‘inappropriate banter’ and certainly not in an ‘adult manner’.

I get you take the wall board and team star of the month seriously.Whats funny is that me and james, and now cara WERE engaging in team spirit and you just killed it.

Anyways, i wont respond anymore before I get accused of anything else.



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Be funny to see what happens on monday with this nob.

[Deleted]

Sounds like you are all being childish, stop sending emails and speak to each other in person, like adults do.

[lockedout]

Emails at work during work time and using work computer/network is easy way to get fired.

[Tradewind]

No, they're taking it too personal. If I had been copied in on a series of asinine emails when I'm trying to do my job I would likely say something too, especially if the volume of emails I was receiving that day were high.

[Gaxar]

No, they're taking it too personal. If I had been copied in on a series of asinine emails when I'm trying to do my job I would likely say something too, especially if the volume of emails I was receiving that day were high.

seriously its every day. multiple times, with him trying to be a jobsworth. grinds my gears but no one ever says anything - despite everyone hating him. just had to bite today

[Tradewind]

seriously its every day. multiple times, with him trying to be a jobsworth. grinds my gears but no one ever says anything - despite everyone hating him. just had to bite today

You're in no position to. If you do have a problem you take it up with them or your supervisor (whatever the situation is) in private. You don't help anything by being adversarial.

[Deleted]

seriously its every day. multiple times, with him trying to be a jobsworth. grinds my gears but no one ever says anything - despite everyone hating him. just had to bite today

Then speak to him, in private. Don't call him out in public or via email, just be civil and put your point across in person. Remember, anything you email can be used against you.

[Deleted]

Sounds like you all need to be taken into the office and told to fucking grow up.

If someone was trying to be high and mighty with me then I'd just ignore the email.

[Gaxar]

Sounds like you all need to be taken into the office and told to fucking grow up.

If someone was trying to be high and mighty with me then I'd just ignore the email.

Its really not a case of growing up mate. its a pretty laid back office, just has interspersed people like paul who act like jobsworths. anyway i thought this whole conversation was funny, maybe its just me.

[Jayburner]

wtf did i just read? rofl.

[QwertySham]

wtf did i just read? rofl.

In the same boat.

[Deleted]

Its really not a case of growing up mate. its a pretty laid back office, just has interspersed people like paul who act like jobsworths. anyway i thought this whole conversation was funny, maybe its just me.

Sounds like Paul is not the only one with a problem, you are the one ranting here insulting him are you not? This is the sort of problem I would expect schoolchildren to deal with, not working adults.

[Tradewind]

It was funny until it turned into a "my coworker is a brown-nosing dick" sympathy play.

[Gaxar]

It was funny until it turned into a "my coworker is a brown-nosing dick" sympathy play.

lol well sorry it came across that way to you (it really wasnt a sympathy play, obviously if you knew me you wouldn't have got that from it - i wasnt after sympathy, i really just think the whole conversation is funny)

---------- Post added 2013-02-02 at 01:54 AM ----------

Sounds like Paul is not the only one with a problem, you are the one ranting here insulting him are you not? This is the sort of problem I would expect schoolchildren to deal with, not working adults.

when did i insult him? appreciate you only get a snapshot by what i posted but picture in your mind a guy that no one likes because of the way he behaves, constantly making inappropriate jokes that no one finds funny, then turns around and writes 'inappropriate behaviour' and 'act like adults'. As i said to the guy i above i appreciate your only getting a little glimpse, so context is hard - i just posted it cos i thought it was really funny - im not after sympathy or anything else, i can handle him fine - just a snapshot of the day in the life of some people you dont know and the jobsworth i have encountered today. Thought it might bring a smile to some peoples face - esp as i wrote above if you appreciate 27bslash6 style humour.

[Deleted]

lol well sorry it came across that way to you (it really wasnt a sympathy play, obviously if you knew me you wouldn't have got that from it - i wasnt after sympathy, i really just think the whole conversation is funny)

---------- Post added 2013-02-02 at 01:54 AM ----------



when did i insult him? appreciate you only get a snapshot by what i posted but picture in your mind a guy that no one likes because of the way he behaves, constantly making inappropriate jokes that no one finds funny, then turns around and writes 'inappropriate behaviour' and 'act like adults'. As i said to the guy i above i appreciate your only getting a little glimpse, so context is hard - i just posted it cos i thought it was really funny - im not after sympathy or anything else, i can handle him fine - just a snapshot of the day in the life of some people you dont know and the jobsworth i have encountered today. Thought it might bring a smile to some peoples face - esp as i wrote above if you appreciate 27bslash6 style humour.

You called him a jobsworth, a cock and a nob. Maybe you didnt type this thread out as you intended, but so far no one has seen the funny side. It just sounds like a daft facebook type argument.

[Gaxar]

You called him a jobsworth, a cock and a nob. Maybe you didnt type this thread out as you intended, but so far no one has seen the funny side. It just sounds like a daft facebook type argument.

i insulted him to you because i think he is a jobsworth, cock and nub - but i insulted him to you, not to him nor in my emails. bit of a difference. Anyways, no worries clearly you didnt find it funny and thats alright.

[Jayburner]

jobsworth? it doesn't quite roll off the tongue as insult.

[Gaxar]

amazed frankly that people arent finding it funny! must just be my sense of humour i guess!

[Deleted]

jobsworth? it doesn't quite roll off the tongue as insult.

British slang, means someone at work that will suck up to the boss or seek attention more than is usually required, they often think they are more important than they really are.

A good example would be a mall security guard that acts like a real policeman, getting in peoples business just because he can.

[NeonX]

I found the conversation humerous, just typical banter at the office but I suppose it's hard for some people to understand or empathise with you because they haven't worked in a similar working environment.

In my last job this was exactly the manner in which we communicated as well, incredibly laid back. However that Paul guy doesn't sound like he's on the same page as you or your other co-workers and wants to be a bit more serious in the job which is fine but he also sounds like the guy who'd make a formal complaint and have your job put at risk, so you need to make sure you apologies even though you won't mean it. Feel free to bitch about him behind his back though haha.