Cheating in a relationship, story-questions-answers

[Mavecryst]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? Nope.
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more? Nope.
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you? NA
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it? NA
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? Yes, but that didn't turn out so well in the end. It ended relatively peaceful though, thankfully.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them? Depends. I believe people can change, however that's easier said than done. I have to assess the person, and to do that, I'd have to have been with them for some time. If it's early on in the relationship, then I'd probably quit it. Cheating tells me you're a weak person, and that irks me even worse than cheating itself does.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain) I assume you mean this from the POV of being cheated on, and well... I made the mistake of forgiving once. I won't do it again. The problem with cheating is that most of the time, it fucks with the current relationship too much. Even the one being cheated on is the one trying to let it go O.o

[endersblade]

1. Nope, never have, and never will.
2-4 irrelevant.
5. Yes, two different gfs. And no.
6. Was in a situation recently, a girl wanted to break up with her bf to date me. Nooooope. Nothing stopping her from doing that to me.
7. Yes, always and forever a cheater. No, I will never forgive them. When I get into a relationship, I set one simple rule: DON'T CHEAT. If you feel you don't love me anymore, or you want to date/fuck someone else, then just fucking break up with me. Or come talk to me about it before you do something stupid.

The way I view relationships, we belong to each other. Just to make this a short post, think of it as property. I am your personal property, you are mine. I don't want some dude sticking his prick in my property. It's not his, and he has no right being there. Just as I would expect a girl to get pissed off at me if I fucked some other chick. I would never, ever do this. I am yours, to use as you see fit; I do not belong to another. Nobody else may use me but you. There is, of course, the whole trust issue forever after that, but I'm a very simple-minded individual and really don't care. One you cheat on me, you are no longer even considered a human being to me. You are trash, garbage, useless. One simple fucking rule, and you can't even adhere to it.

[Mavecryst]

The way I view relationships, we belong to each other. Just to make this a short post, think of it as property. I am your personal property, you are mine. I don't want some dude sticking his prick in my property. It's not his, and he has no right being there. Just as I would expect a girl to get pissed off at me if I fucked some other chick. I would never, ever do this. I am yours, to use as you see fit; I do not belong to another. Nobody else may use me but you. There is, of course, the whole trust issue forever after that, but I'm a very simple-minded individual and really don't care. One you cheat on me, you are no longer even considered a human being to me. You are trash, garbage, useless. One simple fucking rule, and you can't even adhere to it.

Apparently, it's not a simple rule at all, since many can't seem to adhere to it :P I'm in complete agreement though. It's the same thing I say to any girl I'm dating now; you wanna go, just go and don't fuck me up. I'm also a huge fan of communicating, and I try my best never to let things get stale in a relationship. If you're still unhappy with me, that's ok, then just leave. Why cheat? If it was a "heat of the moment" thing, then that's even worse. You're not even unhappy in the relationship, but you let your vagina/dick do the thinking for you, well done. Weak.

[Yuyn]

The only thing that upsets me more than cheating is lying (including lying by omission, if it's something that any sensible person would consider important). If someone cheats on me, lies about it, and I find out, they're gone, no matter what. If they just cheat and very quickly come clean... Well, very good odds they'd be gone. Though I wouldn't consider, say, a couple drunken kisses to be cheating -- that doesn't mean I'd be happy, quite the opposite, but it's not automatically over with something like that. Though that specific situation is unlikely to arise for me, since I don't tend to be interested in people who party a lot.

And I've never cheated on anyone. I don't think I could do it, and I doubt it'd even cross my mind while in a good relationship. The closest I ever got was starting to have an interest in someone else while in a relationship -- and the end result of that was the previous relationship ending before I started actively going after the new person.

If someone cheated in a past relationship, and I knew about it, it would depend extensively on the circumstances and timing. If it was multiple years ago, I can accept that people can change (though I would be exceedingly cautious at first). If they did it in a relationship that was somehow violent or threatening (i.e., a boy/girl-friend threatening violence to themselves or others if they broke up), then that becomes a sort of extenuating circumstance. If it was recent, and there was no really pressing circumstances surrounding it... Then it would be very unlikely that I'd get into a serious relationship with them. If they can't handle talking about things, or even just straight-up breaking up, when unhappy in a relationship, then it's probably not going to work well with me in general.

As far as the story the OP told, my reaction would be to ask why they asked, in confusion. Though given the circumstances (knowing this person for longer than just the couple of nights), I can't explicitly say that it's an unreasonable or creepy question to ask. If it was asked by a stranger or near-stranger, then it would become an automatic warning light for clinginess to me -- not because of the question itself, but because the timing implies they're going to get very possessive very fast, no matter what you want.

[Vesker]

I don't understand the appeal of polygamy so I may be biased and I might be considered cruel for this but I honestly think infidelity should never be forgiven. Ever. I'm an open-minded person and I always try to understand everyone's perspective but I absolutely refuse to believe you can love someone and do that to them. To cheat on someone you must think so little of them to be able to tell yourself it's OK. If you're no longer happy or your needs aren't being satisfied or whatever just sack up and end it instead of dragging your partner's feelings through the dirt. I can't fathom how you could enjoy being with someone when you know there's another someone elsewhere who believes they're your world. The world certainly isn't simple and unexpected things happen but, for some things, a line must be drawn. It sounds stubborn to say but "fuck cheaters" is one of my very few life rules I'm not willing to compromise on.

People always come up with these wafer-thin excuses to try and justify it like "People make mistakes!" and that's true. Nobody is perfect but when you're cheating on someone there must be a point where, even if just for a second, your mind wanders to the person who's trust you're betraying. At that point you have the choice to stop or continue and shrug off your partners feelings as less important than your own desires. What does that really say about you? Here's a hint: it ain't that you're "only human".

The way I view relationships, we belong to each other. Just to make this a short post, think of it as property. I am your personal property, you are mine. I don't want some dude sticking his prick in my property. It's not his, and he has no right being there. Just as I would expect a girl to get pissed off at me if I fucked some other chick. I would never, ever do this. I am yours, to use as you see fit; I do not belong to another. Nobody else may use me but you. There is, of course, the whole trust issue forever after that, but I'm a very simple-minded individual and really don't care. One you cheat on me, you are no longer even considered a human being to me. You are trash, garbage, useless. One simple fucking rule, and you can't even adhere to it.

While my my own view is admittedly a bit more flowery than yours it's rare I meet someone I agree with so thoroughly. I hope you don't mind if I paraphrase you if/when this topic comes up again.

[TheBeardedOne]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1-Yes, multiple times
2-yes all the way
3-No never
4-Only if a got caught(which hasn't happened yet, though come close a few times but found better ways of doing it)
5-yes, no i didn't forgive because i do not like taking shit from people(yes i am a hypocrite)
6- i do not trust anyone so no difference anyway
7- no i do not think people change

---------- Post added 2013-02-25 at 08:16 AM ----------

I don't understand the appeal of polygamy so I may be biased and I might be considered cruel for this but I honestly think infidelity should never be forgiven. Ever. I'm an open-minded person and I always try to understand everyone's perspective but I absolutely refuse to believe you can love someone and do that to them. To cheat on someone you must think so little of them to be able to tell yourself it's OK. If you're no longer happy or your needs aren't being satisfied or whatever just sack up and end it instead of dragging your partner's feelings through the dirt. I can't fathom how you could enjoy being with someone when you know there's another someone elsewhere who believes they're your world. The world certainly isn't simple and unexpected things happen but, for some things, a line must be drawn. It sounds stubborn to say but "fuck cheaters" is one of my very few life rules I'm not willing to compromise on.

People always come up with these wafer-thin excuses to try and justify it like "People make mistakes!" and that's true. Nobody is perfect but when you're cheating on someone there must be a point where, even if just for a second, your mind wanders to the person who's trust you're betraying. At that point you have the choice to stop or continue and shrug off your partners feelings as less important than your own desires. What does that really say about you? Here's a hint: it ain't that you're "only human"..

the way i see it is, I do not eat at the same restaurant every time i eat out. Now i have my favorite which i go to most of the time. But time to time i want a different experience then i go to another restaurant but i sure as hell do not tell my favorite restaurant i'm going to another one, what would be the point of that, why does the restaurant need to know, what they do not know cannot hurt them

[Rorillane]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
No I have not.
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
See above
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
If I ever did, I think I would tell. I wouldn't expect to be forgiven.
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
I wouldn't try to find an excuse. I'd tell it for what it is.
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
I don't think I've ever been cheated on. To me, that'd be more than enough to end a relationship. Still friends, maybe.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
It depends. There are some girls (I'm in highschool) That you can go with the once a cheater always a cheater thing and be almost always correct, but people change, its up to you to make a judgement call on whether its genuine or not.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)
Theres this girl thats had a thing for me for like.. 3 years. I couldn't count how many times she's told me shes "accidently" slept with a guy, or kissed a guy, or done something. Not sure if it was a call out for sexy time or it was real, but I proceed with caution when trusting her about anything. Some people get habitual, I guess.


Adding: It depends what the circumstances are for the cheating. Theres a big difference between having feelings for someone else AND cheating with them, than just lust, or drunken kisses. I could forgive drunken kisses, but trust would be broken. The first, cheating with feelings, is grounds for severing all ties.

[Laxzal]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1. No, but I do believe I did something to my ex that probably was just about equal to it although I didn't hurt her on purpose.
2. -
3. She found out what I did through my pride (pride really does come before the fall...). No she hasn't forgiven, she sees me as the devil, probably worse than her other ex who hit her once, emotionally abused her and then ended the relationship after he had sex with her.
4. I guess I do use an excuse but really I should have known and I deserve what I get for it (although I am still hopelessly in love with her) and definitely regret it.
5. -
6. See on one hand I am inclined not to date them but really, people change and how will I ever know if she will or will not cheat on me if I don't give her a chance. I am not even sure if it is my right to judge...
7. This is tricky, if I know about it I guess it will always be at the back of my mind and I wouldn't fully trust them but this could be more a psychological issue. I am sure I could get past it. But people should be forgiven for their mistake if they are sincere enough, but only through time. A person can't just change over night (unless something crazy happens) but in time people do change for better or worse and chances should be given accordingly!

Anyway, as much as my other answers didn't have much to do with the topic, I do think that she shouldn't have judged you on your past. If the roles were reversed I am sure she wouldn't want the response she gave you.

[Samanth]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1: No
2: -
3: -
4: I would not try to find an excuse. I would tell her and accept what ever decision she makes afterwards.
5: Yes, No did not forgive them...
6: No
7: Tough question. My parents broke up when I was young as my Dad cheated on my mum. One half of me thinks of him as a cheater the other half hopes he cheats again on his current wife. After all its my dad and I do forgive him. On the other hand I have friends who are in a relationship and fun around with other girls, even tho they have a baby at him with his girlfriend.

Either you make an end to it, or stop sleeping around. At least have to balls to tell the truth...

Those are my thoughts on it

[Mavecryst]

the way i see it is, I do not eat at the same restaurant every time i eat out. Now i have my favorite which i go to most of the time. But time to time i want a different experience then i go to another restaurant but i sure as hell do not tell my favorite restaurant i'm going to another one, what would be the point of that, why does the restaurant need to know, what they do not know cannot hurt them

You wouldn't tell your favourite restaurant because (I'm sorry to break this to you), it doesn't care. It doesn't expect you to stay faithful to it O.o. What kinda comparison is that?? :/ I suppose though, if you view human relationships as nothing more than food to go, and other people as restaurants that could make sense..I guess..

[Olianda]

Haven't cheated, haven't been cheated upon (that I know of.)

I'm of the opinion that people who cheat lack self-control. There's not really a whole lot you can do about that. Some people lack control when it comes to those they're attracted to, while some people lack self-control when it comes to food. It's a character flaw indeed, and very few people seem to be able to change it.

[Zeetarc]

1: No
2: -
3: -
4: -
5: I don't think so. And no, I wouldn't forgive.
6: Yes
7: I wouldn't be able to ignore it.

[Deleted]

Anyway, i understand people have problem with cheaters. But what i dont understand is that while saying "cheaters are weak" etc, and then at the same time, say that its perfectly fine/OK to be interrested in another person while in a relationship. And then its ok to break up with someone and 1h later fuck someone else, or 1hour later go on a date with someone else.
In other words, tell your partner "I.. met someone else, and she is better than you, so i want to break up, bye"
How in the world is that not worse.

Either way a person that would do that and/or cheat are asses.

But people that cheat are weak, very much so. I'd never date someone that has cheated or so much as kissed or flirted with another guy while she was with someone previously.

[Deleted]

1: Yes.
2: I slept with her.
3: No, and no. My gf didn't find out, at least while we still had a relationship.
4: I'm not sure if I'd say that I made a misstake, I was on my way out of said relationship and that wasn't going to change, but since we hadn't broken up yet I admit that it was shitty of me and I do regret it.
5: Yes, and yes. I did forgive her but long term I do think it had some part in why we broke up (or well, might just be that the reason we broke up was the same reason that she cheated in the first place, being with someone who is insecure is taxing). The purpose was primarly to make me jealous/get confirmation, and I honestly felt like I was to blame to some extent, which did make it easier to forgive.
6: It depends on the circumstances, usually it wouldn't bother me, I'd simply assume that I could do better than their previous partner^^. However if she cheated repeatedly in one relationship I would probably shy away a little, but if I thought she was amazing it wouldn't stop me from giving the relationship a shot. I find it both hilarious and sad that many of you would back away from a girl you were into purely because she happened to sleep around once before, regardless of the circumstances.
7: I wouldn't judge someone for cheating, feelings and people change.

[Taurenburger]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1: No
2: -
3: -
4: -
5: None of my (former) girlfriends have cheated on me. I wouldn't forgive them though if they had.
6: No, I wouldn't break up over that. If it was a past mistake, it's fine.
7: No, I wouldn't think one who cheats will always be a cheater and I'd surely forgive them (if they didn't cheat on me).

[Grimfrost]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? Yes
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more? More
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?I told him the day after and he broke up with him
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?Well he cheated on me first so yeah. It was a mistake and i regret it alot, never did it since
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?I have had that and no i didn't forgive them
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?I changed so why can't they?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)I know a girl who has been used more than google and whose vagina has seen more male genetalia than chatroulette so that imo is one of the lowest persons i know because she never changed, she kept on doing it and even gave an STD to a friend of mine

[Speaknoevil]

1: Nope.
2: N/A
3: N/A
4: N/A
5: They cheated, begged for forgiveness, cried, etc, etc: I tried to Forgive them, but couldn't.
6: I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who had a history of cheating, there are more variables though. How long had it been since they'd done it?
7: I think people can change to a degree, it depends.

[Deleted]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
No

2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
N/A

5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
Not that I know of. I wouldn't be able to forgive them or trust them anymore, thus ending the relationship.

6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
Depends on the person. I'd be a lot more careful though, that's for sure.

7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)
Depends if it was a one time thing or multiple times. If someone has cheated multiple times I will always think of that person as a cheater.

[The Casualty]

I've never cheated in any of my relationships, but back when I was single, I did sleep with quite a few girls who were otherwise attached.

I've been cheated on once when I was 18.

I think overall people can change. Without more information, it's a little hard to say if it would happen again - I mean a person who goes out every weekend looking outside the relationship is different than the person stuck in an abusive (emotionally or physically) relationship. Whether or not you as a person want to judge them both equally is your individual prerogative, but it would be presumptuous to assume that they are both equally likely to do it again.

[FatRastafarian]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. No one can honestly get that drunk and mistakenly sleep with someone else. If you do cheat with someone, it's mainly because you have problems with your relationship. Deal with it like a man (or woman) and confront your partner about what's wrong, don't go cheating with someone behind their back only to find out later on.

Anyone who cheats is a scumbag.