Competing with inlaws at Christmas

[Monoxide]

I bought my girlfriend a sterling silver necklace with a Sapphire for Christmas. I got it on sale, regular $175, I paid $50. Today she goes to her parents house (we don't get along at all). They bought her a necklace too (they probably spent $1000 on her this year). Her parents gave her 3 large gifts prior to Christmas. She walks in today and the first thing she says, while carrying two huge bags, is "I have too much stuff". Then she proceeds to tell me about how the necklace they bought her costed 6x as much as the one I bought her. She can't understand why I'm annoyed.

=|

[Deleted]

Well yeah, but you've taken their daughter up the wrong 'un so it's 1-1.

[Deleted]

I'm probably the wrong person to give advice as I can only think of a dozen clever yet meanspirited comebacks x_X

[EnclosedOne]

yeah that's really annoying, she should treat the gift from you as the best thing ever (IMO)...if I were you then I'd be even more annoyed if she didn't wear the necklace you got her, in that case it would be better if you took it back and got a refund and put the money to better use on something else rather than letting her stick it in her jewelry box never to been seen again

honestly she sounds like a really spoiled b*tch to me but i also only have your word to go on concerning her

[the game]

Call her dad and tell him you had sex with his daughter.

[Mistame]

Call her dad and tell him you had sex with his daughter.

Naw, give her a pearl necklace and send a picture of that to him.

[Lady Dragonheart]

Well, when it comes to jewelry with me, price isn't everything. I prefer certain designs and certain stones and metals over others, despite price in many cases. There is also presentation of the gift. Simply handing someone something is one thing, but you can also be eloquent or sophisticated about it as well... That makes the gift significantly for interesting and valuable regardless of material value...

Granted, this is me... and I'm not sure if your girlfriend has qualities like me when it comes to jewelry or other gifts.

Also, on a side note, did you tell her the value of the necklace? You really shouldn't do that... with any sort of gift. Finding out in their own way or just being good at appraisal is one thing, but I know that I hate it when I'm told the precise value of what I was given. >.<

[Damajin]

Well, when it comes to jewelry with me, price isn't everything. I prefer certain designs and certain stone and metals over others, despite price in many cases. There is also presentation of the gift. Simply handing someone something is one thing, but you can also be eloquent or sophisticated about it as well... That makes the gift significantly for interesting and valuable regardless of material value...

Granted, this is me... and I'm not sure if your girlfriend has qualities like me when it comes to jewelry or other gifts.

Also, on a side note, did you tell her the value of the necklace? You really shouldn't do that... with any sort of gift. Finding out in their own way or just being good at appraisal is one thing, but I know that I hate it when I'm told the precise value of what I was given. >.<

^^ spot on.

It's poor form to bring up or tell someone how much a gift cost/how much you spent on it. For that alone the OPs GF loses quite a few points. As I mentioned in a post in the what did you get for Xmas thread I got my stepdad a bottle of Lagavulin 16 this year, cost about 110 bucks after all was said and done. He was taken back by it and said 'you spent a lot on this didn't you?' to which all I said was 'it was at least a couple dollars, yeah' playing the coy card. He deserves it, been a constant source of support and inspiration on how one should live their life.

Once the cost of a gift is out of the bag you are either putting someone on the spot or being put on the spot depending on the situation and that's never justifiable.

I bought my GF something small, because she's in the process of getting rid of a ton of her possessions and really condensing her life down to what is really special and important. I got her a little black cat stuffed animal that resembles the real black cat I have at my house that she adores. Told her that she could keep that close at night till our situations permit her to have me and the cat under the same roof with her. It cost 8 bucks but given the situation, sentiment and background it was perfect and I have been told everyday since we exchanged gifts which was last week how much she loves it. It's a symbol of the upcoming future to her, it'll be a miracle if she doesn't hug the stuffed cats' head off.

It's amusing that the chick in this case is living out the 'you just don't get it do you?' side of the situation which if you believe cultural norms is supposed to be the guy thing.

[Endus]

I'm presuming her parents are relatively well-off. This may just be "normal family Christmas" to her.

What you need to realize is;

1> Love isn't a contest, and
2> You don't get more "points" by spending more money.

Did she say the necklace her parents got her was "6x was what spent", or did she just say how much it was? If the latter, she's just commenting, not claiming you were cheap. And if she WERE to make that kind of statement, you don't have an issue with your in-laws, you have an issue with a girlfriend who's a gold-digger, and values your relationship in terms of the money you spend on her.

So basically, either it's all in your head and you shouldn't be worrying, or you deserve better than her. Either way, this doesn't reflect badly on you.

[Malacrass]

Three things:

1) Her parents are rich, which is also amazing for you when they are no more.

2) The price tag isn't important. If she really loves you her parents can never compete, no matter how much the neckless costs.

3) Her parents are insensitive assholes. Some people are just very oblivious to their surroundings, though maybe they really do it on purpose. If the latter is the case, well I'm sure there is a bunch of equally shitty things you can do to them. You have the upper hand here, easily.

[Monoxide]

It is a "normal family Christmas" situation for her. Yet she also said her mom was rubbing it in about how much prettier and better the necklace they gave her was.

I guess from my perspective, why even tell me any of this? I could see from the moment she walked through the door that they got her a necklace, it's huge. I wouldn't even be surprised if her mom got her earrings or something around Valentine's Day just to one up me again.

[vindicatorx]

Call her dad and tell him you had sex with his daughter.

Why call? #When you can Skype live video to him.

[Rukh]

First of all, you shouldn't need to compete with them at all, that's weird.

Second of all " Then she proceeds to tell me about how the necklace they bought her costed 6x as much as the one I bought her."

Really? because unless she's completely clueless, that's really effing rude and could signal she's unhappy about other things as well.

[Endus]

It is a "normal family Christmas" situation for her. Yet she also said her mom was rubbing it in about how much prettier and better the necklace they gave her was.

If she told you how her Mom was acting, she's either mocking you for being poor, or being open with you about her parents (and is on your side). It should be pretty easy to tell the difference.

If it's the former, dump her. If the latter, it's not really your issue. The in-laws are the ones who have a problem, and they're her family.

I guess from my perspective, why even tell me any of this?

Because lying to you about it would be worse?

I could see from the moment she walked through the door that they got her a necklace, it's huge. I wouldn't even be surprised if her mom got her earrings or something around Valentine's Day just to one up me again.

Fight smarter, not harder. People don't remember the most expensive gifts, they remember the most thoughtful gifts.

And if she really is unhappy with the "cheap" necklace you got her (it wasn't), seriously, start planning your escape. Luckily, you said "girlfriend" and not "wife", so this would be much easier for you. You can't put a price tag on love, and people who try to aren't people you want to be with, long-term.

And before you say "but I love her", if the above is true, recognize that she's valuing wealth, not your emotional connection. Which suggests any of the latter you feel is one-sided. I truly hope I'm misrepresenting her here, and she really doesn't give a crap that your necklace was less expensive, because the alternative isn't an experience I'd wish on anyone. I hope I'm wrong on that, and she's totally on your side. I'm just saying that if she isn't, you'll feel less heartbreak in the long term by cutting your losses.

[Independent voter]

Family drives me nuts, especially on the holidays. But if you sit back and rationally, dispassionately examine the situation, it's pretty darn trivial. Maybe next year talk to the mother in law so you two can buy different gifts.

[Monoxide]

I'm not saying she should have lied. I just meant, why even bring up what her mom said, or how expensive it was? What was the point? I could see she received a necklace from them as a gift. Why go out of your way to tell me how her parents rubbed it in that their gift was better and more expensive?

[Deleted]

If she wears the more expensive one well......
I dunno.

Family drives me nuts, especially on the holidays. But if you sit back and rationally, dispassionately examine the situation, it's pretty darn trivial. Maybe next year talk to the mother in law so you two can buy different gifts.

This is so specific that it was probably on purpose.
The question would be how they would know in advance.

[Gorehowl]

give her the D next christmas and ask her if mommy can one up that.

[Wyrt]

Competing? What? You think she's going to run off and sleep with her parents or something?

[THE Bigzoman]

Give her a sick in a box. Parents can't up you on that.