Am I a bad person for not wanting to date obese people?

[Radio]

I don't think we actually have that many obese people in my country (Netherlands). But I've also never seen any obese people anywhere else and I visited at least 8 countries a year for work and holiday.

I was in Leeuwarden and Amsterdam a little over a month ago and I saw obese people!

Not nearly as many as in my home country (Australia), probably thanks to the whole bike thing, but they definitely existed.

[TITAN308]

I was in Leeuwarden and Amsterdam a little over a month ago and I saw obese people!

Not nearly as many as in my home country (Australia), probably thanks to the whole bike thing, but they definitely existed.

On a funny side note this made me think of all the Barbie movies my daughter watches. Just the other day I asked, "Hey wait a minute, where are all the fat people?"

[Radio]

Isnt this like the norm for fat guys in a twist of irony?

Kind of like those nerds online who say "elbows are too pointy, would not bang"

haha

Yeah, a few years back when I was still in morbid territory (now in 'overweight' territory), I still couldn't bring myself to be attracted to a woman of my level of weight.

Thing is - if I'm not happy with my own weight, why would I be happy with someone elses equivalent weight?

What is important though, is that despite the above reasoning, I didn't feel entitled to a woman who met my standards.

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On a funny side note this made me think of all the Barbie movies my daughter watches. Just the other day I asked, "Hey wait a minute, where are all the fat people?"

In the Anglo countries! (and a few exceptions)

[chubbybunny]

Trouble with dating a skinny girl, is that banging her hard with a 9 inch wang would break her pelvis..

Need a bit of cushion when you're really pushin'

Need a big of meat on you to hammer yourself on my 9 inch nail.

*sigh* the old one are still funny!!

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

What I found odd is that so many people, like you, seek validation on these forums. Date who you want, how you want... and to hell with how people feel about it. Its your life, not theirs.

I think its pretty obvious... but with your condescending attitude maybe not. Some people feel at home here, so they seek advice from others they feel similar to in terms of hobbies, among other things... not that crazy at all. The OP feels right in not wanting to date X people, but his RL friends are tell him otherwise, so he asks here...

[Lillyth]

Date whoever you want as long as they fit your preference.

There is no point in having people talk you in to doing otherwise, you have something you prefer, end of the point.

[chubbybunny]

I think its pretty obvious... but with your condescending attitude maybe not. Some people feel at home here, so they seek advice from others they feel similar to in terms of hobbies, among other things... not that crazy at all. The OP feels right in not wanting to date X people, but his RL friends are tell him otherwise, so he asks here...

If he has to listen to what his RL friends think, then they're not friends, friends are people who don't judge, or tell him what he should or shouldn't do, If he wanted to date someone then it's his choice, a real friend will be by your side regardless of your life decisions.

[pete11]

Who is a you, so you should make stuff as you wish

[thilicen]

It's a preference, nothing wrong with that.

[Mirishka]

I think its pretty obvious... but with your condescending attitude maybe not. Some people feel at home here, so they seek advice from others they feel similar to in terms of hobbies, among other things... not that crazy at all. The OP feels right in not wanting to date X people, but his RL friends are tell him otherwise, so he asks here...

Its condescending to tell someone to live his life instead of letting others tell him how to live his life? Are you on drugs?

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If he has to listen to what his RL friends think, then they're not friends, friends are people who don't judge, or tell him what he should or shouldn't do, If he wanted to date someone then it's his choice, a real friend will be by your side regardless of your life decisions.

And here's someone who gets it.

[Faytel]

Remember beauty and youth fade. A truly beautiful person shines from the inside out. Corny I know but this is the kind of knowledge and understanding we gain with time and experience. Some of the most ugly people I've met are "beautiful" people who are rotten to the core. This and vice versa... I'm not saying this to pass judgement on anyone for their "taste" more to mirror the side they can't or choose not to see.

I knew a guy who used to say "You don't know, what ya don't know. Ya know?"

[XangXu]

Usually people are attracted to healthy mates, and not ones that have the potential of dying in the next year...

[Mirishka]

Remember beauty and youth fade. A truly beautiful person shines from the inside out. Corny I know but this is the kind of knowledge and understanding we gain with time and experience. Some of the most ugly people I've met are "beautiful" people who are rotten to the core. This and vice versa... I'm not saying this to pass judgement on anyone for their "taste" more to mirror the side they can't or choose not to see.

I knew a guy who used to say "You don't know, what ya don't know. Ya know?"

I totally agree with this... some of the most handsome guys/beautiful women I've known were absolute douchebags who could spontaneously combust without me batting an eyelash. Sadly, physical attraction is a core/genetic part of who we are... even if it sometimes leads us to people who aren't good for us.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

Its condescending to tell someone to live his life instead of letting others tell him how to live his life? Are you on drugs?

That really isn't what you said, though.

[Deleted]

A part of freedom is also to choose, who you NOT want to deal with.

[P for Pancetta]

I'm like the hitler of dating, when I used to be obese I refused to date other obese people, now that I'm slim and sexy I don't even talk to obese people anymore. If an obese people were ever to try and talk to me I'd just Moo them in their face and walk off.

Anyways enough nonsense, Often you hear people about the beauty inside, but I see it for the ruse it is. If a person was truly beautiful inside they would care about their own health enough not to get obese. Not to mention the damage you cause and inconvenience you present for the people whom you love. I used to be obese, and it sucks donkey balls. If you're obese and have been for a while it's easy to lie to yourself and say you're happy the way you are and that you have no desire to lose weight. However once you loose the weight you begin to see how much of a fool you where for lying to yourself. Everything is easier if you ain't obese. And it's not like losing weight is hard. The only people I've ever met who had a hard time losing weight where always cheating themselves and others over their diet and exercise.

In short; You're a good person for not wanting to date obese people. Only bad people date fat people.

[Deleted]

According to a lot of people I know in meatspace, I'm wrong for not wanting to date obese people and that I should look past their weight and "give them a chance." First of all, I don't think anyone is obligated to date or be in a relationship with someone. And secondly, attraction is a significant aspect of romantic relationships and I'm just not attracted to fat people. I can't help that.

What do you think? And don't you find it odd that so many people get delusional over any weight related issues?

What's your definition of obese? Do you mean morbidly obese to the point where it affects your mobility and general health levels? Or do you mean a few extra pounds?
Personally it'll all down to personal preference - but I find it interesting to see what people categorize as "Obese" these days.
Personally I prefer girls with realistic, healthy figures. I find thigh-gaps and ribcages wholly unappealing and would far rather go for a woman who wont has something to hold as we're spooning.
Allison Tolman in Fargo Season 1 is a pretty good representation of what I'd call an attractive figure/weight.


That being said, some people like 'em skinny, some people like 'em huge. I guess I just like mine average. It's all personal preference. Generally, I'm not attracted to black girls - But that sure as hell doesn't make me racist.

[Mirishka]

That really isn't what you said, though.

After questioning the need for validation that people constantly seem to express here - which is a perfectly valid observation - I offered this opinion:

Date who you want, how you want... and to hell with how people feel about it. Its your life, not theirs.

So yeah, actually that is really what I said.

Its his life. If he wants to date fat people, skinny people, sick people, healthy people, etc... its his business and he shouldn't let 'friends' convince him otherwise. Because at the end of the day he's the one who has to be happy with the person he's with. Ergo, his opinion on the subject is the only one that matters, and coming here for validation doesn't change that fact.

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I'm like the hitler of dating, when I used to be obese I refused to date other obese people, now that I'm slim and sexy I don't even talk to obese people anymore. If an obese people were ever to try and talk to me I'd just Moo them in their face and walk off.

Anyways enough nonsense, Often you hear people about the beauty inside, but I see it for the ruse it is. If a person was truly beautiful inside they would care about their own health enough not to get obese. Not to mention the damage you cause and inconvenience you present for the people whom you love. I used to be obese, and it sucks donkey balls. If you're obese and have been for a while it's easy to lie to yourself and say you're happy the way you are and that you have no desire to lose weight. However once you loose the weight you begin to see how much of a fool you where for lying to yourself. Everything is easier if you ain't obese. And it's not like losing weight is hard. The only people I've ever met who had a hard time losing weight where always cheating themselves and others over their diet and exercise.

In short; You're a good person for not wanting to date obese people. Only bad people date fat people.

Also in short, you're an idiot. And I gladly accept the infraction/ban/whatever for telling you that.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

After questioning the need for validation that people constantly seem to express here - which is a perfectly valid observation - I offered this opinion:

Date who you want, how you want... and to hell with how people feel about it. Its your life, not theirs.

So yeah, actually that is really what I said.

Its his life. If he wants to date fat people, skinny people, sick people, healthy people, etc... its his business and he shouldn't let 'friends' convince him otherwise. Because at the end of the day he's the one who has to be happy with the person he's with. Ergo, his opinion on the subject is the only one that matters, and coming here for validation doesn't change that fact.

Again, that isn't the overall tone, though. Its ironic that you are telling him to be himself while simultaneously shaming him for doing just that. You can sit on your high horse and question his wanting of validation... but you're just shaming him for the same thing; being himself. Being himself might just include asking for the counsel of people he considers hiss peers, or enough like them to care about their opinions, at least more than random people demanding he date obese people.

I know what you wrote. And you threw in the "be yourself" part.. but your first and main point was condescension. If he wants counsel.. or validation or whatever you want to call it.. give it to him. Don't complain that he is asking for help.

[ItachiZaku]

According to a lot of people I know in meatspace, I'm wrong for not wanting to date obese people and that I should look past their weight and "give them a chance." First of all, I don't think anyone is obligated to date or be in a relationship with someone. And secondly, attraction is a significant aspect of romantic relationships and I'm just not attracted to fat people. I can't help that.

What do you think? And don't you find it odd that so many people get delusional over any weight related issues?

I think it depends on what you mean by "date" I guess. See, I have a single friend who is a burner and she has a "friend" and refuses to label him a boyfriend. So, when we go out, she'll call it a date. She wouldn't call what we do "dating" or "we've been dating for a few months" which to ME would mean she's locked down. Just meeting for drinks is a "date" and so in that example, yeah, I could "date" an obese person.

Now, if you want to classify "date" as purely in the romantic sense, no, i don't think I would.