Do women not like nice guys?

[Deleted]

Well theres this nice guy that pretends to be a nice guy to get sex
Theres this nice guy that is really nice, but you'll be a pushover (not attractive)
Women like small traits, like a nice smile etc, be approachable.

[Vargur]

Is the main thing that matters looks?

Nailed it. You don't know who's it for though, so keep trying.

[CthulhuFhtagn]

That's hardly ever true, we don't live in an American highschool movie.

Also Chad isn't a straight A student AND an athlete. Between his training practices and his personal life, he hardly ever finds time to study for schoolwork.

I've known several good athletes who had good grades. Not straight As, but enough to get into a good uni based on grades, not athletic prowess.

The dumb jock who acts like a jerk to his gorgeous gf who then falls for the shy nerd, that's the real American highschool movie illusion. In reality the jock isn't that dumb and isn't a jerk, he's in fact a charming, cool, good looking guy which is why he has a hot girlfriend.

As the shy nerd, it took me a long while to figure that one out on my own, but the dating world made a lot more sense when I finally did.

[Zervek]

They do. There's however a crucial difference between plainly being pleasant to interact with, and being a self labelled "nice guy" in behaviour and expectations.

People do not owe you dates and so on just cause of being polite. Workplace dating being a bad idea and all that too.

What exactly should I do so someone feels like they'd want to date me.

Going to be brutally honest here. There is a reason why you're putting people off, and the fact that you've canvassed every single female coworker is indicative of the problem - you're trying really, really hard to get into a relationship here, but for all the wrong reasons, and it shows. I feel like you're coming off as a touch needy, and that's super offputting to potential dates for all manner of reasons.

The way you've framed this is pretty much 'Here's a list of my USPs, why is nobody buying in?' It's not a cattle auction dude, and people don't exchange CVs when they're deciding whether to date one another. It's about how you make each other feel, and one factor of key importance here is trust and stability, more specifically emotional stability. Put bluntly, people want to date people who can handle their own shit and aren't relying on the relationship itself as a crutch for their personal happiness and wellbeing.

It sucks that you've not been in a relationship, I get that, but the irony is that the only way you're going to end up having a fulfilling romantic connection with a woman is if you're secure enough in yourself not to need one. If you're going out there thinking that if you can convince somebody to be with you that it's going to fix everything and put that last piece of the puzzle into place, then if you ever do find somebody, two things are likely to happen next. First off, you're going to become co-dependant because you've tied your sense of self to your relationship with this person, and that's going to mean that whenever there are bumps in the road you're going to take that stuff real personally, which is also going to affect your judgement as far as handling the situation. Secondly, you're going to find out that a healthy relationship can't survive under those conditions, stuff is going to start going south very quickly and because you're already so personally invested, the inevitable break-up is going to hurt you more than you can possibly imagine.

Work out who you are as a person, do activities, expand your social circle, find happiness on your own terms, and opportunities will come up naturally instead of you having to force them. Trust me, it'll be a much less painful journey the sooner you can get to grips with this.

But I am needy about this. You don't understand the crippling loneliness I have each day after work--coming home to no one but my damn computer. I am at the point where I silently resent people I see in relationships in public.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the women you "deem attractive" are way out of your league. Take note that women as a general rule always date up on the social ladder (because they can get away with it) so you need to go after women that are below you in terms of looks.

The virgin looser ALWAYS seem to fall in love with the prettiest girl in the room then get surprised when he gets shot down hard. The pretty girl is dating Chad, the quarterback straight A student. The workplace equivalent of Chad, ain't you.

You really just made me feel worse about this whole thing...I may not be the best looking but I think I can offer valuable things if they'd let me open my heart to them

What i'm going to say is harsh - wish I had been told it in my early 20's so hoping you view it as something to grow from (late 20's married now if interested)

What ive highlighted above - nice guys do this without an expectation of anything in return.
You're not a nice guy or at least no more than anyone else. You're the same as every other guy out there except so don't think women owe you anything. Looks, fortunately for guys, matters very little in the long run.

Looking for a 1-night stand type situation? Then badluck on the looks. Otherwise, you'll be ok.

What you're probably missing is the ability to create a spark of connection between yourself and someone else. At this stage seems like you're asking EVERYONE out on a date.

Recommend 2 courses of action:
1. Go and talk to women in your family about when they fell for the other men in your family. Your mum is your best bet. Get them to explain the feeling, emotion and experience.
2. Go read some books on how the women brain works so that you can better understand how you're going to a) create a spark and b) take action on that spark

I will try reading a book about the spark. I don't really know how to form emotional connections for close friendships and relationships

[Total Crica]

Cool fat shaming bro.

Personally i think 3 out of those 4 are pretty attractive. And yes, they should all lose weight. Not because they're unattractive, but because it may cause health issues a few decades from now.

I think people should do what makes them happy (as long as they are not doing things to people that harm them!), including declining dates from men they don't find attractive due to whatever reason.

And for the record, those women should be whatever size they are happy with, regardless of your concerns about their health. Not everyone enjoys using their time to keep their bodies a certain size.

[Deleted]

What exactly should I do so someone feels like they'd want to date me.

But I am needy about this. You don't understand the crippling loneliness I have each day after work--coming home to no one but my damn computer. I am at the point where I silently resent people I see in relationships in public.

You really just made me feel worse about this whole thing...I may not be the best looking but I think I can offer valuable things if they'd let me open my heart to them

I will try reading a book about the spark. I don't really know how to form emotional connections for close friendships and relationships

show us your pic

[Total Crica]

I may not be the best looking but I think I can offer valuable things if they'd let me

Ask out women like in the pictures I posted. They are not the most attractive, but they can offer valuable things if you'd just let them.

Seriously, if you are not willing to ask out women you don't find attractive, you are doing nothing but trolling here.

You are not entitled to a personal relationship with anyone who doesn't want one with you, just as people you don't want one with are not entitled to one with you, and you know it.

[chubbybunny]

The more you look for a date, the less chance you'll get one...

Patience and the right one will just appear when you don't expect it... You could be in a supermarket and you both reach for the same piece of fruit and magic happens...

For me, i was a postman and had a parcel for my now wife, knocked her door and asked her to sign for something, and when she accidently touched my hand, we both looked at each other and we knew... After that she always seem to be either leaving the house or walking up the street as i was delivering and in the end, she asked me out for a drink.... 15 years later still going strong... and our son just turned 14 yesterday....

[Mirishka]

I'm 25. I have my own place, a good job, car, and I workout everyday. Yet, whenever I approach a woman I deem attractive, they always give me the same excuses as to why they don't want to go out with me. "I have a boyfriend", "You're a good guy but I don't feel that way toward you", etc. I've even gone to all of my female co-workers and asked if any of them would like to go on a date with me. I was rejected, by all of them.

It doesn't make any sense because work would seem like THE place to approach someone for a relationship. We both share a common interest which is some of the main advice I've received about getting into a relationship. It doesn't seem to work because even though we have a common interest, my co-workers are not attracted to me. Yet, I see them always checking out the more attractive guys I work with and talk to them a lot throughout the day.

I compliment women, hold open doors for them, treat them with respect. I don't seem to be getting anything in return here. I treat them like humans but no one wants to be with me. I have confidence but I always see jerks and those who do the complete opposite of what I do seem to get more dates than I do. What do I need to do differently to get into a relationship? Is the main thing that matters looks? I'd consider myself below average if that is the case.

You want honesty? Nothing about your post suggests that you're a 'nice guy', but rather a guy doing things that seem nice to you in order to score dates. Referring to their reasons for not being interested in you as 'excuses' says a lot more than you probably think it says. And the whole "I hold doors! I offer compliments! I have literally approached every woman in my job and asked for a date!" schtick? Are you seriously oblivious to how... creepy all of that sounds?

A couple of real life tips - first, work is NOT 'THE place' to find a relationship, in fact doing so will likely get you reprimanded or fired for harassment. Unwanted compliments are exactly that - harassment.

Second, stop being 'nice' with the expectation of a reward. Because that's what you're doing, and people can see through that, I assure you. There's nice, and then there's nice because someone is after something.

Thirdly, you probably have a reputation at your job based on your post, if you actually have approached every female asking about a date. Believe me, that kinda thing gets around - a new hire would probably be warned about you by other women. "Beware such and such, he hits on everything that breathes."

You asked what you need to do differently? Just about everything in your post needs to be handled differently.

[fixit]

Seems like a troll thread, but if not you need to spend less time dwelling on your rejections on the internet and go to more events where you can meet people who are actually looking to date, note- not at work, don't be that creep. Ladies can smell the desperation OP, you said you were inexperienced and trying to date coworkers is one of the laziest ideas, these people are stuck with you for a good chunk of the week, do both you and them a favour and don't create an uncomfortable work atmosphere, once again- don't be that creep.

If you are "successful" at your workplace how does ownership and management feel about you asking out the ladies at work? 100% it has been reported or mentioned amongst themselves if they turned you down, especially if you are in a senior position to them and are asking out a few of them by the sound of this story. There's also the likely chance that you aren't really a nice guy but you think you are acting as one, expecting gratitude, and other people see through it.

[Deleted]

What exactly should I do so someone feels like they'd want to date me.

But I am needy about this. You don't understand the crippling loneliness I have each day after work--coming home to no one but my damn computer. I am at the point where I silently resent people I see in relationships in public.

You really just made me feel worse about this whole thing...I may not be the best looking but I think I can offer valuable things if they'd let me open my heart to them

I will try reading a book about the spark. I don't really know how to form emotional connections for close friendships and relationships

If you have to ask what to do to make people like you, you're already doing it wrong. You either have a likeable personality or you don't.

Judging by the stuff you write (like despising people in relationships because you can't get one) you don't have a likeable personality.

And if you're being to nice to women in order to get something out of that (sex, relationship, etc.) you're not really a nice guy, you're a creep.

[Deleted]

You really just made me feel worse about this whole thing...I may not be the best looking but I think I can offer valuable things if they'd let me open my heart to them

Don't. Just lower your standards. And ditch that "open your heart" stuff right away. Go on Tinder dates and shit, learn to talk to and read women. It doesn't have to be pretty women either, just anyone who wan't to give you a chance. Not like you are committing to anything.

Don't try too hard, smile, look them in the eyes but don't stare, don't suck up or try to placate them. You are your own man and don't have to like everything they do. Be funny but again, don't try too hard by forcing bad jokes or puns on them. Be interested in them and ask a lot of questions. Do NOT be self deprecating unless you can pull something like that off. (You can't).

[Gaidax]

Women like bad boys, every time I scored was when I was a bit shit. The worst I did was stealing a girl from under some polite pansy moron's nose and subsequently this ended up being the best long term relationship to the day. It took several months of courting, but it was worth it.

You need to project strong will and determination, you won't get relationship out of pity. Don't overdo it, though. You don't have to be Mr. Tough Guy beyond measure, just be assertive.

[hakujinbakasama]

Most important thing to remember, if you think you're an alpha, you're not.

- - - Updated - - -



I'm not an yank, so I'm interested what are those 4 cities, though I have a good guess about 3 of them (LA, SF, NYC).

Seattle or Portland would be tied.

[Pickynerd]

Seems like a troll thread, but if not you need to spend less time dwelling on your rejections on the internet and go to more events where you can meet people who are actually looking to date, note- not at work, don't be that creep. Ladies can smell the desperation OP, you said you were inexperienced and trying to date coworkers is one of the laziest ideas, these people are stuck with you for a good chunk of the week, do both you and them a favour and don't create an uncomfortable work atmosphere, once again- don't be that creep.

If you are "successful" at your workplace how does ownership and management feel about you asking out the ladies at work? 100% it has been reported or mentioned amongst themselves if they turned you down, especially if you are in a senior position to them and are asking out a few of them by the sound of this story. There's also the likely chance that you aren't really a nice guy but you think you are acting as one, expecting gratitude, and other people see through it.

10 bucks says it's a troll, or we are chatting with the Ted Bundy of 2017.

[Mystrome]

What exactly should I do so someone feels like they'd want to date me.

If you have to ask this question, you won't get a date. The answer is simple: be you.

But I am needy about this. You don't understand the crippling loneliness I have each day after work--coming home to no one but my damn computer. I am at the point where I silently resent people I see in relationships in public.

And you think people don't pick up on that vibe? The more desperate you get, the harder you'll repel potential dates. It's why the dog always goes to sit next to the person most afraid of it.

You really just made me feel worse about this whole thing...I may not be the best looking but I think I can offer valuable things if they'd let me open my heart to them

Whatever he said is bullshit. I'm with my gf for 13 years now and if we're going by looks alone, she's way out of my league. But the way you've been talking about things and describing things it sounds more like you're on the extremes of the spectrum; either a mailorder bride or someone to put on a pedestal. In either case, they won't be your equal.

I will try reading a book about the spark. I don't really know how to form emotional connections for close friendships and relationships

You don't need a book. You need to turn off the lights & sirens screaming at others how desperate you are for a relationship. So basically, learn how to be you and be happy with that. Until that happens, you won't find someone to have a long-term and equal relationship with.

[Archon14]

Of course women like nice guys. But they're not going to be interested in dating just because of your manners. You need to have something to go with that, interesting personality (to them), or a great sense of humor, or just being attractive and/or skilled in flirting. Or a completely different reason, because different people are attracted to different things.

Either way, keep trying. Make it easier for people to know what you're all about. Eventually there will be a person that finds a trait of yours or an interest/passion of yours intriguing. Or even you as a whole if she knows you already, and you're lucky. You just have to notice it, find her cute and know what makes her laugh. And then you're good to go.

Don't get stuck overcomplicating and overanalyzing things.

[Trassk]

I can't speak for women, since their different creatures to gay men, despite what some people think. But for me personally, a guy being an asshole hasn't really been a draw. If there is more to him outside of being a bad guy, like a certain charm, intellect and demeanor that covers over the fact he's a baddie, then I can overlook that element.



but in general, I think women like a bad guy because its a 'project' to bring him around. I don't see the point tbh, because if the idea of reforming a bad guy into a good guy is the end goal, why not just go for the good guy in the first place? Seems shallow if thats the end goal and yet when he's there finding him boring and moving onto the next 'project'.

[Pickynerd]

I can't speak for women, since their different creatures to gay men, despite what some people think. But for me personally, a guy being an asshole hasn't really been a draw. If there is more to him outside of being a bad guy, like a certain charm, intellect and demeanor that covers over the fact he's a baddie, then I can overlook that element.

but in general, I think women like a bad guy because its a 'project' to bring him around. I don't see the point tbh, because if the idea of reforming a bad guy into a good guy is the end goal, why not just go for the good guy in the first place? Seems shallow if thats the end goal and yet when he's there finding him boring and moving onto the next 'project'.

I think this is more of a religious thing, more specifically Christians, er and nurses. God damn they love to fix people who can't be fixed, it is very predictable and neat to watch.

[XDurionX]

I'm 25. I have my own place, a good job, car, and I workout everyday. Yet, whenever I approach a woman I deem attractive, they always give me the same excuses as to why they don't want to go out with me. "I have a boyfriend", "You're a good guy but I don't feel that way toward you", etc. I've even gone to all of my female co-workers and asked if any of them would like to go on a date with me. I was rejected, by all of them.

It doesn't make any sense because work would seem like THE place to approach someone for a relationship. We both share a common interest which is some of the main advice I've received about getting into a relationship. It doesn't seem to work because even though we have a common interest, my co-workers are not attracted to me. Yet, I see them always checking out the more attractive guys I work with and talk to them a lot throughout the day.

I compliment women, hold open doors for them, treat them with respect. I don't seem to be getting anything in return here. I treat them like humans but no one wants to be with me. I have confidence but I always see jerks and those who do the complete opposite of what I do seem to get more dates than I do. What do I need to do differently to get into a relationship? Is the main thing that matters looks? I'd consider myself below average if that is the case.

Women aren't automatons you feed with favors until sex comes out. If you get rejected, it's not because your too "nice". Man up and move on.