If every cop was like Cole Phelps...

[Deleted]

Well all this talk about bad cops shooting bad hombres or whatever, I thought about making a thread about my favorite fictional cop: Cole Phelps

And what it would mean to the world if every cop in real life was like Cole Phelps.


1. Police corruption would plummet to zero because every cop would be a by the book type. Gangsters, thugs and other degenerates beware as you could no longer make "deals" with cops to escape punishment. The moral fortitude of the police force however would inspire many young people to get out of the thug lifestyle and make a life for themselves. They would not only be there to protect and serve but as father figures for an increasingly desperate single mom generation.

2. Crime rates would plummet by 80% as a keen attention to detail, efficient investigative techniques and good knowledge and application of the law would ensure that no crime goes unpunished. The police would be respectful, have good social skills and help out fellow citizens even if they are victims of minor crimes. No stone will be left unturned. If you lost even one pen to a thief, it would be returned and the thief behind bars within days, awaiting his fast approaching day in court. The police will no longer spend a disproportionate effort guarding the rich and powerful.

We can finally kiss mass incarceration goodbye as well as most criminals will simply be too afraid to commit crimes in the first place.

3. Every woman in the country would be proud to have a husband who is a cop. They would rest well at night knowing that they married a man who is both manly and a gentleman. They could finally prove to incels that some nice guys do finish FIRST.

The police would be the voice of the feminist movement. The REAL feminist movement that should have been in the first place, not the toxic degeneracy fueled by massive government spending we face today.

4. There would be no more complaints of unfair or racist police shootings because even the criminals themselves getting shot will know that they got shot for a reason, not because of brutality or racism. And if they still complained, well the media would no longer take them seriously knowing that the police exercise restraint and only shoot when a suspect is both non-complaint and a danger others.

5. We can finally firmly go ahead with the death penalty for all intentional first degree murders knowing that the cops never get the wrong man in the end. Goodbye 20 years of long appeals processes, murderers would finally face not just the speedy trial they deserve but the speedy justice that comes when the jury inevitably finds them guilty due to solid proof evidence and good investigation technique.

Criminal lawyers' role would be greatly reduced as acquittal will become a rarity due to solid proof always being introduced into evidence. They would merely guide criminals to the best possible plea deal rather than help them escape justice.

6. Crooked politicians and their rich pedo friends abusing the law to get richer - beware. They are coming for you too.

7. Criminal psychologists would be out of a job as the cops alone would be proficient in it. In fact interrogations downtown would go so well that 85% of the criminals would be confessing and begging to be punished for their transgressions against the people before their lawyer even gets there.

I think it's vital to teach every cop how to be a great person as Cole Phelps was. His character should be mandatory study at the academy.

[Independent voter]

Cole Phelps from LA Noire game.

He reminds of of Jim Gordon from Gotham, former military guy trying to do the right thing.

It's good to have role models.

[Ooid]

Ah yes, Cole Phelps. The upstanding man who cheated on his wife.

[LedZeppelin]

You left-wing leaning parasite. You expect me to sit here and listen to your drivel?

[Nynax]

Ah yes, Cole Phelps. The upstanding man who cheated on his wife.

funny thing is, cheating husbands/wives is as common as it is frowned upon.

[McFuu]

funny thing is, cheating husbands/wives is as common as it is frowned upon.

That's not funny, that's fucking sad.

[Zelk]

So if every cop was dead? Nice.

[Realitytrembles]

I wish every cop was like Frank Castle.

Once, after mowing down a Russian mob family (responsible for a child prostitution ring) as they fled a burning building, this was the Punisher's thought bubble:

"If you work for the Devil, you'd better be ready to die for him."

[Cruor]

Every cop should be like Judge Dread or the Punisher.

[Deleted]

Wouldn't it be easier to just imagine a world where cops weren't necessary?

Also, I am fairly sure that Cole Phelps actually breaks several procedures in modern standards, though I could be wrong.

[Dead Moose Fandango]

Cheating is your problem with Phelps? Someone didn't pay attention to his military career..

[Super Kami Dende]

Would be pretty funny.

[Mormolyce]

Reminds me I really need to play LA Noire. Got such a backlog of old games...

[Themius]

Every cop should be like Judge Dread or the Punisher.

killing and arresting people for minor grievances with no regard for law?

[Wilfire]

Cole Phelps is just another dirty cop cracking down on ethnic minorities. If every cop was like Cole Phelps, every state would be like Mississippi "Oh blimey it's another <insert ethnic minority here>, shoot him!"

[Cruor]

killing and arresting people for minor grievances with no regard for law?

Yes. Don't do bad things. Its really quite easy.

[Machismo]

Yes. Don't do bad things. Its really quite easy.

Like owning a large magazine in California?

[Cruor]

Like owning a large magazine in California?

I don't. I think it is a retarded law but since it sadly is the law, yes. That said, if we were getting punisher/judge dread cops I doubt California liberal laws would stay in place.

[Themius]

Yes. Don't do bad things. Its really quite easy.

Bad things like not parking in the write place?

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I don't. I think it is a retarded law but since it sadly is the law, yes. That said, if we were getting punisher/judge dread cops I doubt California liberal laws would stay in place.

Are they bad laws because they're liberal?

[Cruor]

Bad things like not parking in the write place?

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Are they bad laws because they're liberal?

Yes to both. Parking in the right spot is easy. Not parking like an asshole is easy.