Do women regret chosting to stay at home?

[cface]

Vasectomy. No regrets.

The problem is ego. People want children someday but want them to be their progeny. So they don't take real steps to avoid unwanted pregnancy, because someday they may want kids.

The thing is, there's millions of kids that need homes already and you can pick the one that best suits your lifestyle. But people shy away from that because of the ego involved in, "the child must have MY DNA!!!!!". It is silly.

Same here. Vasectomy gave me so much freedom and no worries. Even with vasectomy doctors can extract your stuff straight from the balls and put it in your wife someday when you are truly ready. That way children is a very thought out decision that made you go through a bunch of procedures first.

Right now children in Norway does not mean much. We hand them over to kindergarten at the age of 1. Then they get to see us in slumber mode after work, which usually ends up with the goal of putting the child at sleep around 19-20 so we can finally have our free time a few hours before sleep, rinse and repeat. When they grow older they are signed up on a whole bunch of activites, which hopefully for the parent is within a walking distance. If it's not, you are basically a taxi driver at least 3 or 4 times a week.

Having children is such a fucked up thing right now with how busy life is at it current state. Long gone is the time where fathers took their sons out and taught them skills. It happens, but it's not normal. We now leave that to the activity trainers..

[vashe9]

Several of my developper colleagues got parental leave and no one said it was weird. It's perfectly normal here. Maybe Belgium is a bit more advanced on this.

[Thirza]

That was very long winded reply I know and it kind of spin out into a wider brain dump of the situation as I see it. But it was useful at least for me to think out the problem from my observations and life experience, So take it for what it is I guess.

You could have just said, "Don't have sexist expectations of men if you don't want sexist expectations of women."

[cface]

I ain't no cuck. I'm not raising someone else's kids lol

You probably never ever had any meaningful relationship. If you had, you would realize there is so much more than DNA binding us together. And cuck?? Rofl, you're just showing your insecurity at this point. Hopefully you won't have a child till you've grown up and gathered some wisdom.

[ellieg]

You probably never ever had any meaningful relationship. If you had, you would realize there is so much more than DNA binding us together. And cuck?? Rofl, you're just showing your insecurity at this point. Hopefully you won't have a child till you've grown up and gathered some wisdom.

I've been in ~10 relationships and I'm currently engaged to my fiance and we have lived together for 4 years.

Ya theres more than DNA, but if having my own child is an option, it beats out adoption every single time for me. We plan to start having children right after marriage.

Maybe if something happens to us, you'll be the lucky one to raise my kid lol.

[vashe9]

You probably never ever had any meaningful relationship. If you had, you would realize there is so much more than DNA binding us together. And cuck?? Rofl, you're just showing your insecurity at this point. Hopefully you won't have a child till you've grown up and gathered some wisdom.

There is nothing rational about the desire of having your own kids. It's only the society forcing that on you.... because of "the ideal family" BS

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I live in a western country and condoms aren't free, they are subsidized though.

In Belgium you can go to any "Planning Familial" and get them for free if you have money problems

[Monster Hunter]

You could have just said, "Don't have sexist expectations of men if you don't want sexist expectations of women."

Yea but I was trying to be constructive, and give a window into how I see it and why.

But if a fools errand on the Internet I know.

[zenkai]

If your condom breaks get an abortion.

not everyone is ok with killing an unborn child.

[Techno-Druid]

Seems to have worked quite well for us so far. Mostly at least. A great many people were able to achieve raising awesome adults. Enough people have failed miserably at it as well, though.

Yeah and how many people actually give birth to children that change society for the better? If they're not doing that then they're just bringing another human into the world that eats, drinks, shits and uses whatever finite resources we have left.

The fuck mate? That's like one in a billion people achievements. Are you literally implying nothing is a great achievement unless you instantly change the world with them?

What do you define as a great achievement? Because if getting fucked and raising someone who's not a murderer is such an achievement, then I guess your bar is not really set that high. I mean I took my cat to the vet when she got sick, is that a great achievement?

Get a grip on reality. Making your own and your child's life not miserable is almost more than I could expect out of anyone.

Again, that's not a real achievement, that is what is literally expected of you as a parent. That's like you getting a medal in a sport for just showing up and playing. That's literally what you are supposed to do, anything else would just make you a failure.

Like, really. 99,99% of the people living on this planet are empty sandbags.

Yes, including me, but at least I don't pat myself on the back for it.

[Thirza]

Yea but I was trying to be constructive, and give a window into how I see it and why.

But if a fools errand on the Internet I know.

Thank you for your thoughts, I wasn't trying to say you should have been more succinct.

[StayTuned]

Nah when I move cities I make new friends.

Pretty low standards to start considering someone as a friend in that case. Working 50-60 hours just doesn't allow for forming quality friendships.
I wish I could spend more time with my wife though.

That's the thing. The idea that you cannot have a social life is more true for those who work more than just your average 9-5 job.

[Weeps]

My wife is a stay-at-home mother. She loves it. She's not the Peggy Bundy type. Not even remotely close.

Our kids are 10 and 9 right now.

She organizes my doctors appointments, children's too. She handles household stuff, phone calls that need to be made to various agencies.

She also has a side-hustle that is lucrative AF.

Imagine having someone at home handling everything that needs to be done while you're working?

That kind of house wife is the best kind. I'm very lucky to have her. She makes my life so much easier. I tell her everyday that I appreciate her and what she has done.

[Monster Hunter]

I live in a western country and condoms aren't free, they are subsidized though.

In Britain there was this social, youth work company called connexions that used to give you a bag of like 100 mixed condoms for free if you were under 18. At college me and my girl friend used to compete with our coupled freinds on who could get through there bags first.

Those were very very good times.

[ellieg]

My wife is a stay-at-home mother. She loves it. She's not the Peggy Bundy type. Not even remotely close.

Our kids are 10 and 9 right now.

She organizes my doctors appointments, children's too. She handles household stuff, phone calls that need to be made to various agencies.

She also has a side-hustle that is lucrative AF.

Imagine having someone at home handling everything that needs to be done while you're working?

That kind of house wife is the best kind. I'm very lucky to have her. She makes my life so much easier. I tell her everyday that I appreciate her and what she has done.

I'm jealous. That's my goal. My fiance already takes care of most of the household stuff right now. I'm doing everything I can to make enough money so once we have kids, she can stay home.

[Mihalik]

I would not be able to be in a relationship with a stay at home partner with or without children (tho I have no intention to have any children). In my relationships I seek equals and partners and I don't feel that being "domestic" is something I can respect. I don't need my partner to make as much money or whatnot, but I need them to have goals, ambitions they are working towards and which somehow contribute to our relationship, some people might see raising kids as one of those things, I don't.

By extension, I have a hard time getting my mind around the concept of someone "finding themselves" in being stay at home parents.

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I'm jealous. That's my goal. My fiance already takes care of most of the household stuff right now. I'm doing everything I can to make enough money so once we have kids, she can stay home.

I see. So your goal is to marry your mother. Go for it.

[StayTuned]

Yeah and how many people actually give birth to children that change society for the better? If they're not doing that then they're just bringing another human into the world that eats, drinks, shits and uses whatever finite resources we have left.

So the person who built your house just eats, drinks and shits? Or the guy who assembled whatever device you're using to browse this forum? Or made your shoes? Or built the road you're walking on? Or was/is your teacher?

What do you define as a great achievement? Because if getting fucked and raising someone who's not a murderer is such an achievement, then I guess your bar is not really set that high. I mean I took my cat to the vet when she got sick, is that a great achievement?

Raise someone who is able to bring joy to other people's life, who has empathy and knowledge to share. Someone who gives a fuck about their fellows and strangers. Encourage your children to become whatever they want to be, unless they wanna be the next Hitler.

If your kid ends up being the dude who invented FTL speed traveling across the universe, it's not your damn achievement, it's theirs.

Again, that's not a real achievement, that is what is literally expected of you as a parent. That's like you getting a medal in a sport for just showing up and playing. That's literally what you are supposed to do, anything else would just make you a failure.

Naw, you could also be a shitbag mother who smokes and drinks during pregnancy or an asshole father who beats his wife and abuses his children, on top of not giving a fuck about them and their education. There's more than enough people who are like this.

[StayTuned]

not everyone is ok with killing an unborn child.

Then deal with the consequences and stick up to it.

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There are more ways than that to be a shitty parent.

This list was never meant to be complete.

[ellieg]

I would not be able to be in a relationship with a stay at home partner with or without children (tho I have no intention to have any children). In my relationships I seek equals and partners and I don't feel that being "domestic" is something I can respect. I don't need my partner to make as much money or whatnot, but I need them to have goals, ambitions they are working towards and which somehow contribute to our relationship, some people might see raising kids as one of those things, I don't.

By extension, I have a hard time getting my mind around the concept of someone "finding themselves" in being stay at home parents.

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I see. So your goal is to marry your mother. Go for it.

They say 90% of men when looking for a wife, are looking for someone to replace the role of their mom. So if you wanna look at it that way, sure.

She has told me that she wants to be the perfect 50s housewife. She does the woman jobs, I do the mans. Its worked out great for the past 4 years.

[Techno-Druid]

So the person who built your house just eats, drinks and shits? Or the guy who assembled whatever device you're using to browse this forum? Or made your shoes? Or built the road you're walking on? Or was/is your teacher?

Those certainly aren't the "greatest accomplishments" like you originally tried to argue. All of those jobs are also more accomplished than *just* shitting a baby out of your coochey and raising it to adulthood.

Raise someone who is able to bring joy to other people's life, who has empathy and knowledge to share. Someone who gives a fuck about their fellows and strangers. Encourage your children to become whatever they want to be, unless they wanna be the next Hitler.

Yeah, that's not a monumental accomplishment, that's more of an expectation.

If your kid ends up being the dude who invented FTL speed traveling across the universe, it's not your damn achievement, it's theirs.

Yes?

Naw, you could also be a shitbag mother who smokes and drinks during pregnancy or an asshole father who beats his wife and abuses his children, on top of not giving a fuck about them and their education. There's more than enough people who are like this.

Yeah and they're a failure as a parent. Even if they were good parents, that's still not a great achievement.

[vashe9]

not everyone is ok with killing an unborn child.

foetus are not unborn children, its like saying spermatozoid are unborn children

I can't get people like you... so ethics and religion are more important than the well being of these children...