Is anybody proud of being an Incel?

[Deathknightish]

Incels are a product of our time.

They existed before, but nowhere near the rate they do today. What do we have to blame on this? Not women, but rather online dating sites and namely Tinder.

Tinder has made is insanely more difficult to date, even as an average looking person. In "the old days" people had to realise that they (probably) wouldn't score Chad/Stacy (their vocabulary, not mine), and many times they had to settle for that cute, but slightly chubby girl or man with a neckbeard.

Today, the next 10 pointer is just one Swipe again, and if things don't work out, the next 10 pointer is another swipe away.

Dating standards are absurd nowadays, and it will only get worse before it gets better. Right now you HAVE to be at the top if you want consistent results.
I'm not even ugly, a 6 or 7 according to most strangers both offline and online, and I should be happy if I manage to get like 10-15 likes after a week, and my photos are taken by a professional photographer to make the best pictures possible.

Fun social experiment: make a Tinder account where you pretend to be female, and have some photos of someone who is objectively hideous. Even she will have 200 likes after about an hour. THAT is the competition people who aren't at the absolute top has to deal with. This is known as the Juggernaut theory.

[Deathknightish]

Tinder is stupid though. The guys there just want to stick their dick in a pussy and they're happy with that.

Depends. I found my girlfriend there. But even if that were true, getting laid once often creates a spiral where it becomes infinitely easier to get laid again. So if people on Tinder were a bit more "forgiving", people like these would probably get off to a good start and it's take-off from there. You probably won't become a Don Juan, but as long as you get laid at least once you should realistically be able to get laid again at least once a year, or every two.

[Deathknightish]

Oh, so it's our fault now? Why did I even expect anything else?

Wat? Stop putting words into my mouth. It's Tinders fault for creating the problem, but we as a society have to realise that there is a problem, and that online dating has created a lot of lonely people because standards, in both directions, has skyrocketed.

[naeblis495]

am i an incel if i never tried to end my celibate even to i'm pretty sure i would fail if did try to end it ?

[Queen of Hamsters]

Funny how some who are otherwise quick to anger about people who use labels to hate
immediately hate on people whose sole crime is not being able to have sex. Based on what, a small number of assholes whom you believe define a large group? Just going to guess that most "incels" are young, innocent minded, and not Elliot Rodgersesque. Obviously the ones who are shitty about it need an attitude adjustment, and would likely discover that their sexual stock rises when they are less douchey.

I don't assume people who are unable to find a partner are proud of it, unless maybe they are proud of their discipline in waiting for something meaningful rather than take the first opportunity which comes their way.

Incels are literally a self-made hate group. They call themselves Incels, not all virgins are Incels.
People clearly don't know what defines Incels and why they're called that (by their own accord), yet get outraged all the same. How droll.

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That is not what I said. Learn to read.
I did not say feminists are incels. I said incels are feminists
The males that can't get laid, call themselves incels. The females that can't get laid call themselves feminists.

Lol.

Literally not true. Femcels exist for a reason and I've not seen a single one of them identify as a Feminist. If anything they tend to be rabidly anti-SJW, with all that entails. There's nothing Feminist about wanting The Handmaid's Tale to become reality just to ensure that they can get laid. Yes, the Femcels have that idea, as do the Incels. They don't seem to understand the irony in idolizing that world though, seeing as how sex is far more restricted in said fiction...

[Deathknightish]

You said we should be more forgiving. I'm not putting any words in your mouth. You're blaming us for their lack of success.

More forgiving, as bringing the old balance in check. As it is right now, sites like Tinder make everybody extremely entitled. Equals should find each other, but as it is right now people aren't finding their match because their match (not only in looks, but education, social status etc.) is aiming for the stars, which in the end leaves a LOT of people lonely. Both the one getting ignored, and the one not getting the attention of their star. Nowhere have I put blame on individual people, but online dating as a whole as it has created a very unnatural imbalance. Nowhere in history have we had as many single people as we do today. Part of that is because you don't "need" to be in a relationship to survive (but it's still a healthy thing to do as romantic emotions release a lot of good chemicals in your brain), but most of it is due to online dating bringing unbalance to it all.

"Lika barn leka bäst" as we say in Swedish. It's best from a societal standpoint if equals find one another, as that promotes the highest number of relations. It doesn't work for long where a guy, who's a 3 in looks, thinks he deserves Megan Fox, or super poor Linda who think she's gonna marry Bill Gates. Which Tinder and other dating sites are making people think right now, leaving a lot of people lonely and miserable.

[KaPe]

You said we should be more forgiving. I'm not putting any words in your mouth. You're blaming us for their lack of success.

The "fault" in question here is "dating the people you find appealing", so yeah. Women are certainly guilty of that... just like everyone else.

E: Incels twist that into "girls only want to date super hot guys, while we are left with no one", so it's a non-argument to being with.

[Deathknightish]

The "fault" in question here is "dating the people you find appealing", so yeah. Women are certainly guilty of that... just like everyone else.

E: Incels twist that into "girls only want to date super hot guys, while we are left with no one", so it's a non-argument to being with.

The problem here is, yeah, that either;

A) People are lying about not finding people of their own match attractive
or
B) Online dating has brainwashed people into thinking that people ONLY like Megan Fox, Brad Pitt etc. are attractive.

As it is right now, if you online date the absolute minimum of your looks/status/whatever is way way WAY higher than they ever were before online dating made it's debut. Only seeing the absolute top as "appealing" is unnatural. Today, a 4 doesn't date another 4. A 4 tries to date a 8, or even a 9 or a 10.
In the past, people hooked up with their match, because they had no choice as there were no alternatives. Today, we have millions of alternatives which is unhealthy to the dating life, from a societal viewpoint.

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Tinder isn't making anyone do anything. Why would anyone want to date someone they think is unattractive?

Tinder is giving people delusions of grandeur. People, who in the past would've hooked up, won't anymore because either one, or both, parts think they deserve the ver best. The creme de la creme.

In the past, a model dated another model, while Ben, with a beer belly, hooked up with Susan, who's got celulites, and they were happy together. Of course people dreamed back then about dating a model as well, but because there were way fewer options, they settled, and there was a good balanace with very few singles. You are lying if you deny that there are way, way more singles today than just 20 years ago.

[Queen of Hamsters]

The problem here is, yeah, that either;

A) People are lying about not finding people of their own match attractive
or
B) Online dating has brainwashed people into thinking that people ONLY like Megan Fox, Brad Pitt etc. are attractive.

As it is right now, if you online date the absolute minimum of your looks/status/whatever is way way WAY higher than they ever were before online dating made it's debut. Only seeing the absolute top as "appealing" is unnatural. Today, a 4 doesn't date another 4. A 4 tries to date a 8, or even a 9 or a 10.
In the past, people hooked up with their match, because they had no choice as there were no alternatives. Today, we have millions of alternatives which is unhealthy to the dating life, from a societal viewpoint.

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Tinder is giving people delusions of grandeur. People, who in the past would've hooked up, won't anymore because either one, or both, parts think they deserve the ver best. The creme de la creme.

In the past, a model dated another model, while Ben, with a beer belly, hooked up with Susan, who's got celulites, and they were happy together. Of course people dreamed back then about dating a model as well, but because there were way fewer options, they settled, and there was a good balanace with very few singles.

100% agree with your assessment.
Social media and online hookup apps are a scourge on people's expectations as well as their sense of worth and confidence.

[Zaktar]

Incels are literally a self-made hate group. They call themselves Incels, not all virgins are Incels.
People clearly don't know what defines Incels and why they're called that (by their own accord), yet get outraged all the same. How droll.

I understand the history just fine, think you and others don't understand how diverse a community can be or the fact that the worst of a group != the whole group.

[Queen of Hamsters]

I understand the history just fine, think you and others don't understand how diverse a community can be or the fact that the worst of a group != the whole group.

People identifying as incels are the worst of the group known as virgins. I might have some empathy for them due to the factors they suffer from, but they're extremely hateful.

[Ubermensch]

These people have been brewing hate in their echo chambers for so long that it's become their reality. Just like how the Nazis saw themselves as heroes or just like how the Confederates thought they were fighting against an enemy that hated freedom because they didn't advocate for slavery.

It's all they can see or understand. To them, the idea of raping women, butchering them and using them is perfectly normal and acceptable because it's cathartic for them. It makes them feel better for all the perceived slights they think that have been made against them in their lives. It makes them feel like they've regained control and they don't want to ever let go of that, why would you want to go back to being weak and powerless? Power feels amazing, even if it's just an illusion, it's an incredible feeling.

Try to think how they became Incels, try to think of all the things that have happened in their lives that eventually boiled down to their depressed, self-loathing current lives. And just think, being drawn into these Incel echo-chambers definitely couldn't have helped either but they were desperate and probably felt like they had no other avenues, it doesn't matter if there WERE avenues. The mind of a person with emotional and psychological issues is never clear, it's murky, blurry and confusing along with paranoia, rational decision-making goes out the window.

So of course they're going to be proud of this new perceived bastion of power they've entered, it makes them feel justified, it makes them feel like there is hope after all for their lives. Any sort of rational advice such as considering women as people instead of sex objects causes them to recoil and spew venom back because it begins to threaten that perceived power. They cannot do it, they've been in this for so long that they feel like they can't go back to anything because in their minds, this is the best it can get for them. They think themselves so ugly, undesirable and disgusting that they're forced to never have sex so in the mind of a deranged person that thinks this, why would they ever want to consider rational advice like that? That means that they'd have to go back to being ugly, undesirable and disgusting, with no power and that makes them afraid.

[PACOX]

I sympathize for people who are shunned by opposite or same sex but being proud to be an incel is like saying you are proud to be starving on food.

The whole thing about Incels is that they arent necessarily shunned. They have warped mindsets when it comes to relationships in general. Usually a very shallow PoV in which they are outsiders. Their entire premise is loaded which keeps them from actually form bonds with the opposite sex. Instead they double down on their self loathing and unrealistic expectations.

[schwarzkopf]

Incel means “involuntary celibate”. You’re usually not proud of something involuntary.

Apparently I'm an Incel ... learn something new every day, not proud of it.

I had a good run until 15 years ago ... so I'm satisfied with that side of things overall. These days I miss the conversation more than anything else

[Weeps]

It's not a matter of pride. Fact is, I've never gotten laid. There have been windows of opportunity that I botched. I don't meet women very much let alone ones that may be interested in me. I'm really shy around women and it can be paralyzing. Some have suggested a prostitute, but honestly I'd be too intimidated and likely wouldn't even be able to get it up. It sucks, but thems the brakes.

Just don’t fap for like a month, you’ll pop a boner really easily. Prostitutes deal with people like you all the time, just don’t fap and let her do the work.

[Kumorii]

You truly sound very insecure when you measure social acceptance with externals such is sex.

derpkitteh said it very nice as i was about to:



If you are changing your self to get laid just to be socially accepted you actually are making first step towards depresion. You are doing something that you are not. You are starting to develop an insecure world around you because you are doing something you do not feel like doing or you are not ready for. Anyone who tells you, that because of that you are less of a human or more, depending on what you do, is just another asshole who is more insecure then you are.

The guys who are proclaimed in this thread as "incel" are basically assholes who do not have guts to first of all ask a girl on a date, secondly are also insecure in themselves and because of that they can not deal with it they start using curses and bad words if not force.

Same as Jinro is placing him/her in a position to say who should do what is also another level of insecurity and low self-esteem that just translates things into what is acceptable for him/her.

Funny how you say that it's the first step to depression...you know how you fight depression in most cases? By getting help to change an aspect of who you are.

There are programs such CBT which is literally all about changing who you are in a certain area and is often use to combat depression. The way you achieve happiness is by becoming the person you want to be. Entire life is about building up yourself to your own standards and for that you need to develop, aka, change.

I know you are probably coming from a place with good intentions but saying that people should not change is actually harmful if the reason they are depressed is because of who they are. Can prevent them from getting proper help.

[schwarzkopf]

There are programs such CBT which is literally all about changing who you are in a certain area and is often use to combat depression. The way you achieve happiness is by becoming the person you want to be.

These things frequently don't work... for me I can't afford to be the person I want to be, and happiness is a function my brain no longer supports (some chemical issues in the brain) ... I'd go for being content, but apparently I can't even afford that.

[Ubermensch]

These things frequently don't work... for me I can't afford to be the person I want to be, and happiness is a function my brain no longer supports (some chemical issues in the brain) ... I'd go for being content, but apparently I can't even afford that.

Long-time lurker here, you've always said that you've had problems with being happy but I never fully understood why. I remember a thread where you said you were wheelchair-bound, was that you?

[Kumorii]

These things frequently don't work... for me I can't afford to be the person I want to be, and happiness is a function my brain no longer supports (some chemical issues in the brain) ... I'd go for being content, but apparently I can't even afford that.

Majority of my doctors keep saying that cbt is the treatment with highest success rate when it comes to things such social anxiety and phobia. Depression is often triggered by something else and to treat it you need to treat the cause. Chemical imbalances is something that you might have for entire life, kinda like a scar. Solving what causes it is the first step to be functional again.

Speaking from my experience ofc. This differs from person to person depending on what's causing it obviously.

It's just that there are many bad advices from people with good intentions which is why I responded to him.

[schwarzkopf]

I remember a thread where you said you were wheelchair-bound, was that you?

No - not wheelchair bound, just my brain is defunct - body is still basically functional.... for now.