Acceptable age range for dating

[Itori]

If youre underage, atleast within 3yrs unless theyre over 18, over 18 anything goes, i dated a man 14yrs older than me at one time

[ellieg]

People that date someone over 10 years apart are just losers who cant find someone their own age. They arent valuable in the eyes of their peers so they have to date different age groups and rely on the novelty factor of such a huge age gap.

[shadowmouse]

@ellieg

Remind me again, why exactly would I give a damn about being "valuable in the eyes of [my] peers"? And while I'm sure you meant to type in English, what on earth do you mean by "rely on the novelty factor of such a huge age gap"? Do I get some kind of points for either?

Thanks, but I'm not into the arm candy shtick. If a person is nice and checks the right boxes, I'm dating them for those reasons. If my peers don't value the same things I will happily give them a condom and roll a doughnut down the sidewalk for them (https://www.urbandictionary.com/defi...ing%20doughnut.)

[ellieg]

@ellieg

Remind me again, why exactly would I give a damn about being "valuable in the eyes of [my] peers"? And while I'm sure you meant to type in English, what on earth do you mean by "rely on the novelty factor of such a huge age gap"? Do I get some kind of points for either?

Thanks, but I'm not into the arm candy shtick. If a person is nice and checks the right boxes, I'm dating them for those reasons. If my peers don't value the same things I will happily give them a condom and roll a doughnut down the sidewalk for them (https://www.urbandictionary.com/defi...ing%20doughnut.)

It's like being a fetish. Some ppl go for asians just because theyre Asian. Some people go for obese girls just cause they're obese. And in this situation, some ppl go for cougars or 18 year olds just because of their age. The novelty factor.

You dont have to give a damn about being valuable to your peers if you dont want to. But if you cant find someone in your age range than you just arent desirable. So you seek out other groups that you have less in common with and hope that they have some sort of fetish for dating someone with such an extreme age gap and willing to ignore your flaws that prevent you from dating ppl your own age. I mean you can justify how its "normal" all you want, but it will never be as "normal" as dating people your own age. That's why this thread exists.

[breadisfunny]

It's like being a fetish. Some ppl go for asians just because theyre Asian. Some people go for obese girls just cause they're obese. And in this situation, some ppl go for cougars or 18 year olds just because of their age. The novelty factor.

You dont have to give a damn about being valuable to your peers if you dont want to. But if you cant find someone in your age range than you just arent desirable. So you seek out other groups that you have less in common with and hope that they have some sort of fetish for dating someone with such an extreme age gap and willing to ignore your flaws that prevent you from dating ppl your own age. I mean you can justify how its "normal" all you want, but it will never be as "normal" as dating people your own age. That's why this thread exists.

OR....OR they found the person they like and they just happen to be older. shocking i know ellieg.

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it always seemed weird to me that the age of consent is geographically dependent

i know it's strange how different cultures and societies have different ages of consent......

[ellieg]

OR....OR they found the person they like and they just happen to be older. shocking i know ellieg.

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i know it's strange how different cultures and societies have different ages of consent......

What if they just happen to be a draenei?

[Zelk]

It gets looser as you get older but a teenage adult dating someone over 21-22 is fucking weird. Like I'm 23 and couldn't imagine dating someone under 21.

[lucred]

if i need to explain that than theirs no hope for you. even biology finds it to be repugnant since it produces defective offspring.

I have always found claiming biological inability to create "perfect" offspring to be an odd way to determine whether a pair should be able to date.
This should also then be applied to anyone with a high chance of passing down "defective" genes which cause mental/physical problems in the child (women over 50 have ~1/10 chance their child will have down's syndrome), women past menopause, men/women who have been exposed to certain chemicals/have had vasectomies/hysterectomies etc, and other similar conditions.
Why are you not railing against these groups then?

Now, if you ask whether I think it's a good idea, particularly when both members are still capable of having children? Probably not. The increased risk of problems for the child, while not as high for first generation incest as some assume, is still a problem (don't really care about the parents, just feel sorry for the kid if something went wrong.) The increased risk of "grooming" as the younger partner was growing up is also a concern.

However if both participants are actually willing, everyone is over the age of consent, and there is no concern about children resulting, then I believe it should ALWAYS be between the people involved.

Also for "persons known to be related by blood" you REALLY need a limiter for that, as if you trace family trees pack far enough you can find a link between a LOT of people, particularly if you are limiting potential relationships to people of a similar ethnicity.

[The Stormbringer]

Oh, alternative answer: whatever passes the Harkness Test!

[shadowmouse]

So you seek out other groups that you have less in common with and hope that they have some sort of fetish for dating someone with such an extreme age gap and willing to ignore your flaws that prevent you from dating ppl your own age.

A rather odd set of assumptions that I'm guessing may stem from your particular culture and possibly your age. I notice your examples are cougars and 18 year olds. According to the way you've laid out your case, you seem to be asserting that each should stick to their own age group and those who don't are 1) flawed, 2) unable to date within their age group, and 3) dependent on fetishism to score.

Disclaimer -- bungee is not female and hasn't been 18 for 40 years and some, I think I miss both sides of the example.

I'm coming off of an injury that left me bedridden for about 7 months, put me through eight operations, and left my left foot looking like I got into an ass kicking contest with a pit bull and fed it my foot for breakfast instead. Romance hasn't exactly been high on my list, but I find I just got blindsided last week. We're looking at a 24-25 year difference if she isn't shaving a few years off her age (as is commonly done here) and at least a 14-15 year gap even if she is playing up a youthful appearance. Either way we're breaking your 10 year rule by a good percentage.

For my part, I have "talking dog" novelty by being familiar with Chinese culture and having at least some ability to make small talk in Chinese. I'm also the other side of the Asian fetish you mentioned, polar bears take selfies next to me to look like they have a tan. Let's roll with those things as enough to qualify me as benefiting from a fetish or two on her part.

But for your examples to work, it seems that I must also see her according to a fetish and I'm not really getting that part. I find her sweet, I find her charming, I find her more than just easy on the eyes, and she pampers me ridiculously. I'd find those good reasons to date someone of any age, but I'm just not waking up in a sweat at night thinking "woo-hoo, a 35 year old wants to date me!" Since danged near all of the women I meet in Beijing are for some odd reason Chinese, I wouldn't give her points for an Asian fetish either.

So, age then? Pretty much any KTV, and at least half the bars (I'm rather set in my preference for women) in Beijing are well stocked with women in their 20s who would be happy to land a sugar daddy and are frequently rather aggressive in their quest. That's without even taking into account the various waitresses and clerks who have come in from the countryside and are flashing the "looking for a boyfriend" signal ring. If my fetish is youth, wouldn't I be shopping the greener pastures?

However if both participants are actually willing, everyone is over the age of consent, and there is no concern about children resulting, then I believe it should ALWAYS be between the people involved.

I used to live just over the border from Kentucky, where it was joked that family trees tended not to fork. Aside from traditions associated with hereditary nobility in some areas, and simply keeping family assets within the family in others, there is the problem of geographically isolated areas. I addressed age, consent, and pedophilia in another post, but I'd say those factors are relevant to your discussion of incest. Aside from the genetic argument, which is vulnerable to challenge as you've pointed out, I'd say that accepting incest on the grounds of consent raises a corresponding risk of children being groomed by their weird uncle Albert or whoever. In the case of grooming, consent is not really informed consent and isn't valid. That creates a real risk to those who might be exposed to grooming, giving a reason for government regulation, and the burden on those impacted is minimal -- there are other fish in the sea, and not boinking a relative doesn't mean not ever getting laid.

[lucred]

"I'd say that accepting incest on the grounds of consent raises a corresponding risk of children being groomed by their weird uncle Albert or whoever."

Sorry, I guess I was a bit vague on that point. If you have been brainwashed your entire life and basically been force fed the idea that a certain person is the only person who would accept you, I would not consider that to be "Actually willing." And the problem in determining whether that has happened is the only reason I truly support the laws regarding these situations.

[shadowmouse]

@lucred I agree. Thanks for the clarification.

[Spectral]

...And in this situation, some ppl go for cougars or 18 year olds just because of their age. The novelty factor.

Young women being attractive has pretty much nothing to do with novelty.

[Freighter]

If they're adults, 10 years or so is the max for me.

[Bildur]

18+

On a personal note: My last girlfriend was half my age. Not doing that again and not just because I'm happily enganged to a woman my own age. The gap was simply too big for it to work.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Oh, alternative answer: whatever passes the Harkness Test!

Not a good idea. Sexually mature and legal are two different things, it already fails for our very own species. Being socially executed is one thing, but getting devoured by space-leviathan parents is probably a risk one should not take .

Harkness needs to add a legal clause depending on the species and place, because most of us aren't true immortal motherfuckers ^^

[The Stormbringer]

Not a good idea. Sexually mature and legal are two different things, it already fails for our very own species. Being socially executed is one thing, but getting devoured by space-leviathan parents is probably a risk one should not take .

Harkness needs to add a legal clause depending on the species and place, because most of us aren't true immortal motherfuckers ^^

...you make a good point, I hadn't considered that. Quick, someone call Jack and let him know he's making it harder on the rest of us!

[Kumorii]

Whatever is deemed legal and you and youre partner is comfortable with.

[the game]

Asking for a friend?

Whatever the people involved think is "acceptable" (...consider the law in the state, country etc where you live ofc). What are you gonna do if you fall in love with a woman 15 years older? You gonna tell her a random MMO C poster found it unacceptable?.

No asking for myself not a friend. Some people I know at work at trying to set me up with one of the nurses but she's about 8 years younger than me. Me being 36. This isn't about what people find acceptable. I just haven't dated anyone in quite a long time so I wasnt' sure if it would be an appropriate relationship or not.

[Laerrus]

Too much of an age gap and things become awkward. Generationally speaking, you both have considerably different experiences. I've found it challenging to relate to someone that thought disco music was the bees knees.

No asking for myself not a friend. Some people I know at work at trying to set me up with one of the nurses but she's about 8 years younger than me. Me being 36. This isn't about what people find acceptable. I just haven't dated anyone in quite a long time so I wasnt' sure if it would be an appropriate relationship or not.

You should be fine as long as you are comfortable with the difference.