McDonald's - D
The only things I'll reliably eat are the Sausage Egg and Cheese McGriddle, the Egg McMuffin, or the fries.
Culver's - A+
Never been disappointed. Their burgers actually taste fresh. Their onion rings are some of the best. I'm definitely an onion ring Judge and have tried onion rings at MANY places, including proper sit-down restaurants and the only place that could beat Culver's was BurgerFi. Also their fresh frozen custard is delectable. If I go I struggle to not get: Deluxe double with cheddar instead of American, onion rings, and a concrete mixer or malt.
Speaking of...
BurgerFi - A+
Also very fresh, awesome sides, great shakes.
Burger King - D-
Just not worth it. Whopper is the only thing I'll eat.
Wendy's - C-
They've gone downhill. Frosty is still good, though.
In-N-Out - F
Finally tried last year. Got the burger, fries, and a shake. Was sorely disappointed in all three. The burger was pretty mute on the flavor and the fries were like cardboard. The shake tasted very sugary in the worst ways. This place is wildly overrated. People talk about this and Whataburger but who they need to talk about is Culver's.
Whataburger - D+
Better than McD's, but not by much. Went there a couple times near Memphis and got a burger, fries, and shake (if they had it available...) and thought definitely better than In-N-Out, at least.
Taco Bell - B
Lowkey much better than it gets credit for. Crunchwrap Supreme is awesome and filling. The grilled cheese burrito is a flavor bomb. Chalupas are ol' reliable. Earlier this year they briefly had fried chicken tacos that were DELICIOUS. Really disappointed they got rid of them.
Chic-Fil-A - B-
A Chicken sandwich, cool. It's not that mindblowing though. If anything their sauce is good but unfortunately made with soybean oil. (Yes I just rated Taco Bell higher than CFA, sue me.)
Portillo's - C-
I live near one of the older locations in the northern suburbs of Chicago and it's drastically gone downhill in every way since the sale. They burn the f out of the onion rings and it just ruins them. The fries are forgettable. The burger is boring with no life.
White Castle - F
Why in the fuck does anyone want to eat a slider with a grey colored paper-thin "burger" and a whopping whole pickle slice and a tiny piece of American cheese? This place is an utter joke.
Steak'n'Shake - D
Usually would get a burger and fries because the options aren't that crazy. Last time I went, after my palette had grown up, I noted how flavorless and oversalted the fries were, cardboardy, and how the burger is just nothing to write home about at all. Plus the shakes are just sugary nonsense like In-n-Out.
Five Guys - C
Overly greasy and the fries are fine. Their burgers are just a mess.
Smashburger - C
Went there once. It was very forgettable. I got some burger and either fries or onion rings. Never been inspired to return.
Jimmy John's - A-
As a mostly former, but still very occasionally go and work there, I'm a little biased, but I will try to be honest. Our food IS very fresh, though Inspire Brands has fucked with some of that OG idea of JJ's and pushed more stuff that's precut/etc on us. I think this is taking away from the spirit of JJ's, but fine, they bought the company, they can do with it as they will. We still have some of the best quality vegetables and meats however, compared to other "fast food" places. Also, you can safely know we're almost 100% going to be healthier because there is no frying. None of that grease. Feel free to load it up on the veggies. If the location you're at is still honorable, the veggies should be less than 2 days old sliced. I personally am an 11 Country Club person but having worked there on and off for very nearly 10 years now, I hardly ever do something as it comes anymore. That new Chicken bbq wrap though is FIRE.
Chipotle - B+
It's good but the price forces me to take it down a notch or two. I like burritos and bowls and really loved the cauliflower rice while they had it. Wish they'd make it permanent. It was healthy! I like going barbacoa or steak, but chicken at least keeps the price down. Fajita veggies are nice. Too bad the guac is so damned expensive.
I could keep going but I think this is enough.
In case anyone is ever in the suburbs north of Chicago, this place is NOT a fast food restaurant, but makes some KICKASS BBQ and has a fantastic burger, called the Oklahoma Onion Burger, and is just all-around awesome. Chicago Culinary Kitchen, let me know if you go!
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